Karl13
01-19-2009, 11:37 AM
Let me start with my original question. "Is it ok to talk to the opposite sex about your problems to find a solution, or is that mentally cheating?"
She gets upset when I talk to other females in chat rooms about our problems, before I found this site, and says that I am mentally cheating on her. She actually went as far as making up a name to start talking to me just to trap me. She got an ear full of what she didn't want to hear. I complained about her laziness. I complained about how I was about to knock her across the room for making her daughter cry then smacking her butt for crying. I talked about the accusations she has against me. And just to get a feel for the person where are you from, I asked how about occupation, just to get a feel of how old the female was to see if there was any experience in relationships or at least tell me how to deal with another female. Out of all the females I have ever talked to I never added them to a buddy list or got there email address to stay in contact. I'm not looking for cyber sex I just want some helpful information. But my wife calls it a mental relationship as mentally cheating. I think mentally cheating is thinking about someone else while having sex with another. But I really don't see any harm in that. If that is what helps you get through your sexuality then more power to you. But I think the real kicker was that I said that I was waiting for the right moment to leave our marriage because I am so fed up with the BS she does.
Funny thing happened the other day just out of no where I started thinking bout a saying that I heard back in high school "If you love something then set it free, if it comes back to you it is yours forever". Then a day or two after out of the blue she says that she doesn’t believe in the whole "If you love something set it free" thing. If it is hers she's not letting go. So now I know she doesn't want me to have any freedom. Let alone go any where by myself. Unless she knows I won't be gone for very long. I catch hell if it takes too long for the clothes to dry at the laundry mat. What took you so long, what were you doing, where there any cute girls there? Look I just went there to do the laundry that you didn't do and now you want to drill me about what I did while you where at home on your butt playing on the computer. Do you see why I get so angry? Then if I tell her what happened she doesn't want to believe it. She wants to hear that I did something wrong with another female. I tell her what I did, why it took so long and she wants to sit and act like I am lying through my teeth. But if I come home and tell her that I had sex with someone she would probably believe me without a doubt because that is what she is always looking for, ME DOING SOMETHING WRONG! She will believe me if I lye to her but if I tell the truth, there is no possible way of that happening.
My anger stems from the things my wife does, or doesn't do. I get home from work and she wants me to do dishes, clean the cat litter for the cat that she wanted, feed the cat that she wanted but then she got her daughter a cat for Christmas (we got a month and a half before) and now her daughter feeds the cats. But why am I still taking care of a cat that she wanted that I opposed, because for some odd reason I knew this very thing was going to happen. She sits around the apartment for most of the day and says she is tired from driving me to work and her daughter to school and then pick us up afterwards. I used to deliver pizza and drive around for almost 8 hours a day and you want to say that you are tired from driving a total of at most 35 minutes at a time. Are you serious?! Sure sometimes she straightens up the apartment while I'm at work but it is all her and her daughters trash. Three pairs of socks at the computer desk, 2 glasses of Pepsi or tea still half full (another thing I can't stand, wastefulness), chips and candy wrappers by the bed, clothes all over the bedroom, a dish towel on the floor next to the couch from something she heated up in the microwave, the plate of whatever she heated up, a pile of clothes and coats on the rocking chair next to the door as you walk in the door, 3-4 pairs of shoes next to the door, newspapers thrown on the floor that only she reads, spills of coffee on the counter from the mourning not wiped up until I do it. Do you see where I am going with this? It drives me nuts!! When you're done with something put it back PLEASE!! And the day she does clean it up she wants to sit there and say how she is so tired from cleaning all day. On one of the days I was off of work for Christmas I got so fed up I cleaned up after her and it only took me an hour and a half. I also have to do the 6-7 loads of laundry on the weekend after I work 50 hours Mon - Sat. Sure she has a job but only works 13-15 hours a week as a shot waitress for a bar and grill on Thursday and Saturday sometimes Friday 3-5 hours a night. I can see being tired the day after but nap during the day the rest of the week and tell me you are tired. That pisses me off!!
Let's see why I am angry today, oh yes because my wife didn't let me fall asleep when I wanted too last night. I crawled into bed about 10pm and she came in jumping on the bed and tickling me about 10:30 right when I was almost asleep. You ask why does that make me so angry, I haven’t been able to fall asleep before 1am all week, once not until 3am and I have to get up by 5:45am to get ready for work and pack my lunch and her daughters. You know damn well that if I woke her up when she was sleeping I would have caught all holy hell for doing it. But you know to her it's ok if she does it to someone else, but if someone does it to her they are a$$holes. I complained I haven't been able to fall asleep till after 1am and she says it's because I fall asleep on the lazyboy for 2-3 hours. I argued back that she sleeps for a couple hours during the day but she says that’s all she gets during the day is 2-3 hours, but she still sleeps from 11pm till 6:45am which is still more sleep then I get. But she doesn't see it that way.
Then she wants to complain to me that I never talk to her. Well lets see there have been a couple of incidents that I was talking to her and she totally blew me off as if I wasn't even there like last year we were at the pool and I was sitting about 3 feet away talking to her and she looks past me at the lady 2 tables down and starts talking to her. Later that day she asked why I was in a bad mood and I told her what happened and she said she never new I was talking to her. THE NEXT PERSON WAS 2 TABLES AWAY YOU KNOW LIKE THE LADY YOU STARTED TALKING TO!!!! I was at home in the living room talking to her, she looked at me when I started talking to her, then as I continued I asked her a question? Then got her attention again and asked her and she said what was that I was blocking you out. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! And you wonder why I don't try talking to her anymore. Let alone when I do try to talk to her she hears what she wants not what I actually say. Example, her friend and her friend's boyfriend came over to watch a movie, my wife walked into the kitchen to get something, I said something to her friend and she came back around the corner complaining about what I said and she wasn't even close to what I said and I told her "Why don't you hear what I say instead of what you want to hear." I can understand that she was in the kitchen and misunderstood what I said but later when I was in my lazyboy and she was on the couch within 3 feet of me I said something else and she heard something completely different and her friend stepped in this time and said "why don't you listen to what he says instead of what you want to hear," and I know that had to make her a little upset that her friend called her out on it too. But she has no problem hearing what other people say because she can carry a conversation with them. Does she not want to hear me? I know I don't talk that soft. I was in the Army and did construction afterwards so my hearing is pretty bad from loud noises. When we argue I can pretty much shake the apartment when I get loud, which I know isn't good for her daughter to hear us yell when we argue. Lately we have been trying to not yell when her daughter is there or not, but tempers flair. (go to part 2)
She gets upset when I talk to other females in chat rooms about our problems, before I found this site, and says that I am mentally cheating on her. She actually went as far as making up a name to start talking to me just to trap me. She got an ear full of what she didn't want to hear. I complained about her laziness. I complained about how I was about to knock her across the room for making her daughter cry then smacking her butt for crying. I talked about the accusations she has against me. And just to get a feel for the person where are you from, I asked how about occupation, just to get a feel of how old the female was to see if there was any experience in relationships or at least tell me how to deal with another female. Out of all the females I have ever talked to I never added them to a buddy list or got there email address to stay in contact. I'm not looking for cyber sex I just want some helpful information. But my wife calls it a mental relationship as mentally cheating. I think mentally cheating is thinking about someone else while having sex with another. But I really don't see any harm in that. If that is what helps you get through your sexuality then more power to you. But I think the real kicker was that I said that I was waiting for the right moment to leave our marriage because I am so fed up with the BS she does.
Funny thing happened the other day just out of no where I started thinking bout a saying that I heard back in high school "If you love something then set it free, if it comes back to you it is yours forever". Then a day or two after out of the blue she says that she doesn’t believe in the whole "If you love something set it free" thing. If it is hers she's not letting go. So now I know she doesn't want me to have any freedom. Let alone go any where by myself. Unless she knows I won't be gone for very long. I catch hell if it takes too long for the clothes to dry at the laundry mat. What took you so long, what were you doing, where there any cute girls there? Look I just went there to do the laundry that you didn't do and now you want to drill me about what I did while you where at home on your butt playing on the computer. Do you see why I get so angry? Then if I tell her what happened she doesn't want to believe it. She wants to hear that I did something wrong with another female. I tell her what I did, why it took so long and she wants to sit and act like I am lying through my teeth. But if I come home and tell her that I had sex with someone she would probably believe me without a doubt because that is what she is always looking for, ME DOING SOMETHING WRONG! She will believe me if I lye to her but if I tell the truth, there is no possible way of that happening.
My anger stems from the things my wife does, or doesn't do. I get home from work and she wants me to do dishes, clean the cat litter for the cat that she wanted, feed the cat that she wanted but then she got her daughter a cat for Christmas (we got a month and a half before) and now her daughter feeds the cats. But why am I still taking care of a cat that she wanted that I opposed, because for some odd reason I knew this very thing was going to happen. She sits around the apartment for most of the day and says she is tired from driving me to work and her daughter to school and then pick us up afterwards. I used to deliver pizza and drive around for almost 8 hours a day and you want to say that you are tired from driving a total of at most 35 minutes at a time. Are you serious?! Sure sometimes she straightens up the apartment while I'm at work but it is all her and her daughters trash. Three pairs of socks at the computer desk, 2 glasses of Pepsi or tea still half full (another thing I can't stand, wastefulness), chips and candy wrappers by the bed, clothes all over the bedroom, a dish towel on the floor next to the couch from something she heated up in the microwave, the plate of whatever she heated up, a pile of clothes and coats on the rocking chair next to the door as you walk in the door, 3-4 pairs of shoes next to the door, newspapers thrown on the floor that only she reads, spills of coffee on the counter from the mourning not wiped up until I do it. Do you see where I am going with this? It drives me nuts!! When you're done with something put it back PLEASE!! And the day she does clean it up she wants to sit there and say how she is so tired from cleaning all day. On one of the days I was off of work for Christmas I got so fed up I cleaned up after her and it only took me an hour and a half. I also have to do the 6-7 loads of laundry on the weekend after I work 50 hours Mon - Sat. Sure she has a job but only works 13-15 hours a week as a shot waitress for a bar and grill on Thursday and Saturday sometimes Friday 3-5 hours a night. I can see being tired the day after but nap during the day the rest of the week and tell me you are tired. That pisses me off!!
Let's see why I am angry today, oh yes because my wife didn't let me fall asleep when I wanted too last night. I crawled into bed about 10pm and she came in jumping on the bed and tickling me about 10:30 right when I was almost asleep. You ask why does that make me so angry, I haven’t been able to fall asleep before 1am all week, once not until 3am and I have to get up by 5:45am to get ready for work and pack my lunch and her daughters. You know damn well that if I woke her up when she was sleeping I would have caught all holy hell for doing it. But you know to her it's ok if she does it to someone else, but if someone does it to her they are a$$holes. I complained I haven't been able to fall asleep till after 1am and she says it's because I fall asleep on the lazyboy for 2-3 hours. I argued back that she sleeps for a couple hours during the day but she says that’s all she gets during the day is 2-3 hours, but she still sleeps from 11pm till 6:45am which is still more sleep then I get. But she doesn't see it that way.
Then she wants to complain to me that I never talk to her. Well lets see there have been a couple of incidents that I was talking to her and she totally blew me off as if I wasn't even there like last year we were at the pool and I was sitting about 3 feet away talking to her and she looks past me at the lady 2 tables down and starts talking to her. Later that day she asked why I was in a bad mood and I told her what happened and she said she never new I was talking to her. THE NEXT PERSON WAS 2 TABLES AWAY YOU KNOW LIKE THE LADY YOU STARTED TALKING TO!!!! I was at home in the living room talking to her, she looked at me when I started talking to her, then as I continued I asked her a question? Then got her attention again and asked her and she said what was that I was blocking you out. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! And you wonder why I don't try talking to her anymore. Let alone when I do try to talk to her she hears what she wants not what I actually say. Example, her friend and her friend's boyfriend came over to watch a movie, my wife walked into the kitchen to get something, I said something to her friend and she came back around the corner complaining about what I said and she wasn't even close to what I said and I told her "Why don't you hear what I say instead of what you want to hear." I can understand that she was in the kitchen and misunderstood what I said but later when I was in my lazyboy and she was on the couch within 3 feet of me I said something else and she heard something completely different and her friend stepped in this time and said "why don't you listen to what he says instead of what you want to hear," and I know that had to make her a little upset that her friend called her out on it too. But she has no problem hearing what other people say because she can carry a conversation with them. Does she not want to hear me? I know I don't talk that soft. I was in the Army and did construction afterwards so my hearing is pretty bad from loud noises. When we argue I can pretty much shake the apartment when I get loud, which I know isn't good for her daughter to hear us yell when we argue. Lately we have been trying to not yell when her daughter is there or not, but tempers flair. (go to part 2)