I must be schizo

[JustTrying]

all my life.... I cannot remember one time feeling good about about myself except for maybe a few minutes and then someone tells me no big deal.... I am not special. well maybe not but what would have been wrong with letting me feel that way??????

I have done this and that... accomplished plenty... but it was never enough. so now that I do not care????? I do not care if I live. I cuss God everyday I wake up... Only thing that scares me is hurting someone else....

I have these "dreams" " halucinations" I do not know ... all I know is that it did not happen but I thought it did..... \


That "work" program... I am over qualified... too smart... They let me go thought I was playing them... they looked up my work record.... like I said I started and ran businesses.... (sp) ... what is really funny is today I cannot goto the store and buy dog food without having to sit in the van and cry before I leave.... who will help me no one... I am tooo "smart" tooo educated... maybe I need to play dumb???? I thought most bipolars and alcoholics where smart>?>???????

This is BS.... Please do not let me wake up in the AM!!!!!!


JT

[paula]

Gabby don't mock your own intelligence!

Just because today is a terrible day, doesn't mean tomorrow might not be the best day of your entire life... You just have to wake up and get there...

Gabby, you are too positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful, and too determined to be defeated!!!

[Mark]

JT,

You feel frustrated, to put it mildly. It seems to be worse because you expect more of yourself (or other people do?). It's harder when you know you are a capable person other that for whatever issues you are dealing with. There is no cause for shame feelings even though they are common enough. Whatever your diagnoses are, they are real things and from what we've seen, difficult to work around. They are not something you wanted to deal with, or something you could avoid if you were less "lazy". They are real things that make it harder for you to cope with your life. Based on your correspondence here, we know you to be a really great person - interesting, witty, fun, dedicated. We like you in spite of the issues you face. I know I'm not alone in this opinion. Sometimes knowing this helps to turn some of the sense of defeat around for a while. I hope it helps you to feel better now.

Mark