anne33333
01-27-2009, 10:35 PM
I feel better when I see her weaknesses. It's absolutely awful. I don't know why I am doing this, and only just realized that I do this. Why? It makes me so unhappy.
When she does things that I want to do, especially when she doesn't invite me, I feel threatened. I feel mad. Like they are MY activities and MY passions, and I don't want her to share them, because they are where I can have my own identity, rather than one that exists in relation to hers.
It's an issue of security and humility. I feel insecure around her. I worry that my ideas will sound stupid. I feel that she sees me as melodramatic and dumb. I feel that she can see through me. It's about humility because clearly I am defensive of my ego, my identity, and want to be "better" than her. She is my rival, and I want to feel more successful.
It's to the point where I don't enjoy spending time with her, and feel angry every time someone says something nice about her. Maybe it's about jealousy too.
I need to let this go, and move on, and ideally enjoy her presence as a person with whom I have a lot in common, but it's a struggle and has been for a year. I have been much happier when I have been away from her.
Help! Any advice would be welcome. I don't want to feel this way.
When she does things that I want to do, especially when she doesn't invite me, I feel threatened. I feel mad. Like they are MY activities and MY passions, and I don't want her to share them, because they are where I can have my own identity, rather than one that exists in relation to hers.
It's an issue of security and humility. I feel insecure around her. I worry that my ideas will sound stupid. I feel that she sees me as melodramatic and dumb. I feel that she can see through me. It's about humility because clearly I am defensive of my ego, my identity, and want to be "better" than her. She is my rival, and I want to feel more successful.
It's to the point where I don't enjoy spending time with her, and feel angry every time someone says something nice about her. Maybe it's about jealousy too.
I need to let this go, and move on, and ideally enjoy her presence as a person with whom I have a lot in common, but it's a struggle and has been for a year. I have been much happier when I have been away from her.
Help! Any advice would be welcome. I don't want to feel this way.