Best Friend Problems

[Ob1one]

Hi everyone, I haven't posted here in awhile and it would a funny thing to say I'm glad to be back to a therapy sight:) So hi again.

Now I have trouble with a friend I've know since kindergarten in the children ministry of my church so probably about 7 years together. We used to be so close, everyday he would be at my house and we'd play soccer watch T.V. and fight over the remote:) I remember I even accidentally kicked his subway sandwich out of his hand because he was laughing that my dog took mine when I wasn't looking.

He started getting into sports and stuff so he came less frequently because normally he would be playing sports with friends of which I didn't know because I didn't want to know lol. Now we are in the same high school but he's popular and I'm not. I only say hi to him now while he hangs out with his friends because I'm not that popular and don't care. My friend is a much much more social person then I am so he cares about having a lot of friends and getting out a lot messing around with them while I only care about having close friends who accept me for who I am. I'm pretty much one of those rock misfits, just without the drugs smocking and alcohol and stuff like that.

So I stay out of his way because I don't want him to have guys on his back about "Hey you hang out with the long haired weird acting guy." Heh I could be popular, I'm not a nerd I'm just very different and don't relate to teenagers of which I am very well. I'm good with adults though.

So without any more side notes here, how do I approach this. Do I continue just letting him be and let a 7 year relationship turn into nothing which it almost is know or do I talk to him once in awhile see if I can restore the relationship to some degree because I am truly at a loss.



Sincerely, Ob1one

[paula]

Hi Oblone, nice to see your back!

So without any more side notes here, how do I approach this. Do I continue just letting him be and let a 7 year relationship turn into nothing which it almost is know or do I talk to him once in awhile see if I can restore the relationship to some degree because I am truly at a loss.

If this friend thought as much of your friendship as you do, then this wouldn't of happened in the first place!

I would leave it up to him to make the first move. I would try and move on, try and find another friend. If he wants your friendship then he will ask for it. It looks to me like he's made his choice already!

[malign]

See, I have the opposite idea from Paula. You say you stay out of your friend's way to save him from something that you don't even know would happen, and that you don't even know if he wants to be saved from!

I know that teenagers are like pack animals, but it sounds to me like you've already decided that your friend wouldn't want to keep the friendship, without even asking him.

Maybe you'll find he misses talking to someone different, someone who's known him longer and possibly on a less superficial level. Plus, reaching out to someone is free. If he says no, you've learned that he really has changed, and if he says yes, you've kept a friend. Neither answer has to mean rejection, or anything bad about you.

[Ob1one]

Thank you malign and Paula.

I think I'll go with Malign because I truly love him as a brother and since he used to be over my house almost every day he pretty much was my brother. I love him to much to just let him go because I was too lazy or too restricted by fear to ask him simply something like hey would you want to come over some time, or even just hang out with him at school every once in awhile.

Paula, normally I would have gone with your advice but I know my friend well and your thoughts apply to some maybe most teenage boys but like be he's different though you need to get to know him to understand how hes different and how he thinks. Your advice was wise but for this particular person I would think I would be better off with Maligns idea.

Besides right now I'll at least be able to tell whether or not he still loves me as a brother(I say as a brother because people normally think gay). I'll at least have a peace of mind knowing that it is over.

Wish me luck!

[malign]

Luck!
It wants 10 characters, so I'll add the no doubt annoying "May the Force be with you."

[paula]

Yeah "GOOD LUCK!"

Please keep us posted on how things went, it would be interesting to know?

[Ob1one]

Heh you'll have to be patient I only see him at church and sometimes I get a fly by high from him at school. Might take a little bit to corner him. I'll tell you what happened whether it happens tomorrow or next month lol.

[paula]

Yeah I understand that. Keep us posted!

[kaudio]

I agree with malign that reaching out to others is free. It's best to keep an open mind when it comes to friendship.

Also, Bel Canto, by Ann Patchett, is a wonderful book about friendship and human relations. I was very impressed by the story and I strongly recommend it.