Long term relationships

[MrKanista]

Hi,

I have some questions for those in long term relationships:

Is it normal that sex becomes less interesting, like going through the motions?
How can you makeit more exciting again?
Is it normal to occasionally have minor crushes on other people?
Is it normal to occasionally fantasise about other people during sex?

Thanks for listening/reading! :)

[maxie]

hi there,i'm new to this site,u no i was thinking the same thing u are,whats up with sex is jus the mood or what

[ASchwartz]

Hi Maxi and Mr. Kanista,

First, Maxi, I am not sure about what your question is? Can you clarify?

Mr. Kanista, yes, sexuality can suffer in long term relationships unless a couple is open and honest with one another. Being open and honest means a number of things including sharing sexual fantasies with each other, being playful and sex and trying new ideas, etc.

Yes, it is normal to have thoughts and fantasies about other people but that is why it can be fun to share in that if the two of you can be truly honest, not get defensive and use it as part of your sexual play together.

Does this help?

Allan

[MrKanista]

Thanks yes it does help, although I'm not sure how my girlfriend would react if i was completely honest with her about fantasies about other people, she is very sensitive and would surely get upset....

But it's good to know that what I'm going through is quite normal as I was scared that I may lose my girlfriend eventually :)

[jennifer]

mrkanista,
I am pretty sure your girlfriend has fantasies of her own! Maybe just tell her of the ones that may include her and someone else etc. I wouldn't tell her that you have fantasy of having sex with her friend or sister. That might make her feel bad about herself. I've been with my boyfriend 9 years, and sex is not what it use to be, but that does not mean that a relationship has to end. Life holds alot of things that brings people down and sex might not be number one on the mind. A way to have intimate connections, is to emotionally connect first. Conversate, hold hands(even if it feels funny!), make her feel number one! As for a man, I do believe that most need sex to feel loved, so be open to her about what feel and think and alway's keep trying. Don't allow yourself to get bored.