starbright
03-15-2009, 02:39 PM
Hi,
I don’t usually post on forums, but I am trying to get my head round something that came up in a therapy session recently and could do with some feedback I hope you can help.
When I was younger I used to go to a youth club, I had been there for a couple of years. I was pretty withdrawn and kept myself to myself a lot, but enjoyed going. I was still going when I was 17 and one night the leader of the group (in 50's I think) dropped everyone else off home first, I was the last one on the minibus, this was not that uncommon, but we pulled up and he came into the back of the bus and we started talking. I had lost my mother a few years before, relationship with my father and brother was not good. He offered me a shoulder to cry on. I opened up to him, was the first person I had 'talked' to. I got upset and he comforted me, and then started to kiss me. At this point I freaked out, ran off the bus towards home. He followed me for a short time saying he was sorry etc. the following week I went back to the club. I had said nothing about what had happened to anyone, I wanted, needed someone to care. Again I was last off the bus, but this time I didn’t run. I can’t remember when the first time we had sex was, it went on for months, after club, or I would go round to his, he was my first. It felt good, someone cared about me, but he said I couldn’t tell anyone or he would lose his job, they wouldn’t understand. Then he called me and said that it was over, he was back with his gf, I was distraught. Started drinking, self harmed, got thrown out of college and was suicidal. I found out later on that he had tried it on with a friend of mine (was also over 16) but she turned him down.
There has only ever been one person that I ever told about this before my therapist, I guess I was keeping it quiet like I was meant to. But for some time it has plagued me. He was accused of something with another member, years later. I was asked to write a character reference to defend him, but I couldn’t do it. Even though I was over the age of consent, and did consent, something now doesn’t sit right in my mind. I don’t know if it is the anger and hurt of trusting someone and being dumped or if this is something that shouldn’t have happened. Am I making a drama out of nothing? Should I chalk it up to experience and just move on?
Sorry it is a bit long, any thoughts or comments would be appreciated. :)
I don’t usually post on forums, but I am trying to get my head round something that came up in a therapy session recently and could do with some feedback I hope you can help.
When I was younger I used to go to a youth club, I had been there for a couple of years. I was pretty withdrawn and kept myself to myself a lot, but enjoyed going. I was still going when I was 17 and one night the leader of the group (in 50's I think) dropped everyone else off home first, I was the last one on the minibus, this was not that uncommon, but we pulled up and he came into the back of the bus and we started talking. I had lost my mother a few years before, relationship with my father and brother was not good. He offered me a shoulder to cry on. I opened up to him, was the first person I had 'talked' to. I got upset and he comforted me, and then started to kiss me. At this point I freaked out, ran off the bus towards home. He followed me for a short time saying he was sorry etc. the following week I went back to the club. I had said nothing about what had happened to anyone, I wanted, needed someone to care. Again I was last off the bus, but this time I didn’t run. I can’t remember when the first time we had sex was, it went on for months, after club, or I would go round to his, he was my first. It felt good, someone cared about me, but he said I couldn’t tell anyone or he would lose his job, they wouldn’t understand. Then he called me and said that it was over, he was back with his gf, I was distraught. Started drinking, self harmed, got thrown out of college and was suicidal. I found out later on that he had tried it on with a friend of mine (was also over 16) but she turned him down.
There has only ever been one person that I ever told about this before my therapist, I guess I was keeping it quiet like I was meant to. But for some time it has plagued me. He was accused of something with another member, years later. I was asked to write a character reference to defend him, but I couldn’t do it. Even though I was over the age of consent, and did consent, something now doesn’t sit right in my mind. I don’t know if it is the anger and hurt of trusting someone and being dumped or if this is something that shouldn’t have happened. Am I making a drama out of nothing? Should I chalk it up to experience and just move on?
Sorry it is a bit long, any thoughts or comments would be appreciated. :)