I'm new, just venting my feelings...

[illusive]

Hello everyone,

I'm here because I feel that I need some help because my life and I are just not working at the moment. I find it very difficult talking about myself and my feelings so I think the internet was a good place to start.

It is hard to say how or when it all began, but I guess I started to feel different a few years ago. I'm 19 so whether it is just a 'teenage' thing I do not know.

Basically, I have a pretty big fear of people. I make up excuses and lies all the time so that I dont have to go out socially, not that that happens much because I dont have any friends. I get very nervous when around large groups of people, it feels like everybody can see me and I paranoid with what they may be thinking of me. I can't even go outside my backyard without feeling the neighbours are watching me.

I currently have no life. I have absolutley no motivation and this prevents me from doing anything productive, in turn, making me feel very dpressed and worthless. I feel like an ugly, horrible person, my attitude towards food and health has changed, I have trouble sleeping, and I have very long in-depth conversations with myself.

Anyway, sorry if this is long, I'm not sure what I should do about these things, whether they are problems or not. It's been getting worse and I'm sick of putting on a smile and pretending everything is fine. Because it is not.

[ASchwartz]

Hi Illusive,

Welcome to our website. Yes, you have come to the right place. Yes, you have serious problems and you need to know that so you can start to get help.

Of course, it would help if we could know more about you, in general, you must remain anonymous. But, if you could tell us about growing up, good or bad, brothers and sisters, problems in the family, relationship to parents, what it was like in school, etc, just to give us a picture. Are you working, going to school and how do you use your time?

My recommendation: You do have some serious problems. I suggest very strongly, that you enter psychotherapy. Seems to me, from what you write, that you could be depressed and that is why you are not sleeping. You are clearly very anxious, have low self esteem and believe people think that you are ugly.

I recommend find a clinical psychologist who does Cognitive Behavioral Therapy so that you can begin retraining your thinking to be more realistic and so that you begin to learn the social skills necessary to socialize.

I have no way of knowing if it is a high level of anxiety that you feel or if it goes all the way to paranoia. The psychologist can tell you that. My educated guess is that you have a very high level of anxiety but not paranoia.

Please keep writing to us here because this is a good starting place and people will give you great advice. It is also a safe way for you to begin to relate to people without being there, if you know what I mean.

You are very young and, therefore, have every reason to believe that you will reduce these fears and depression and be able to work and socialize.

What do others think??

Allan :)

[nancyannee]

I think you give very good advice A.

The earlier you seek help the better your life will be. I waited 20 years to go back to the doctor after my first diagnosis. I hurt for anyone who has to spend a lifetime hurting when there is help out there for you.

illusive, I hope you find the courage you need to seek the help you deserve. good luck and hang in there....

nancy:)