more about nancy

[nancyannee]

deleted.

I am so sorry. I had a whole page written. maybe I can do it another day. I worry over expressing any little thing. so many here are helpful, but I just can't do it...

[kaudio]

Hi nancy, from your post there seems to be some fears about mental conditions and the consequences of seeking help from professionals. But, as you note, you feel you should seek out some professional help. So, why not look for some counselors or therapists without informing your family? In some cities there are community walk-in clinics where you can seek counseling and no one will ever know unless you tell them. There may also be hotlines for your area that you can call, 211 being a common one, that can direct you to social services in your area.

Also, I understand what you mean about your difficulty in asking for help from others. Communicating to others in writing is different than conversing in person. Yet, in asking for help from others, you may be able to learn some things that can help your family life, particularly your daughter, and help them live better lives. I know from your post that you already appreciate this, but I think helping yourself and your family is as good a reason as any to make a few phone calls, and to write down the names, phone numbers, and addresses of places that may put you on the right track to receive the help you so desire. There is no rush to seek out help immediately. You can do the homework first and give yourself a few days if the thought is still causing great stress.

It all begins with one step. Your family clearly cares for you dearly, but they do not need a play-by-play of whatever it is you know you need to do. It is unfortunate that they are not immediately receptive of the idea of seeking help for your mental condition, but you can share your experience with them afterwards when you feel it appropriate - a month, a year, whenever. Further, if later on your daughter appears to be in need of therapy or counseling herself, you can lead her by example.

[nancyannee]

kaudio, i so appreciate your advice. I do spend endless hours looking for therapists, writing down numbers, hoping to get the courage to go for help. I have allowed myself to become so dependent on my family, I don't drive and need their help getting anywhere....I can drive, I have just been unable to get behind the wheel in a long time due to the fact I see people jumping in front of my car as I drive. When I hear things, I am able to ask them if it was real or not. They are used to me asking if something is real or imagined. I hear my name being called all the time and people talking to me. usually it is harmless, I get really worried when the voices turn ugly and threatening.

I have to have faith that I will get the help before it is too late. I believe everyone has good in them....why not me as well. I just feel so judged and embarrassed about everything....

[nancyannee]

I told my husband today I was ready to go back to the doctor. His response....Why? you don't need it. just snap out of it. HA if only I could.

[kaudio]

When one lacks confidence it is easy to feel judged and embarassed. I certainly understand those feelings, as I am sure most people do. But, the only meaningful way to build confidence is to take action. Action does not involve anything dramatic, but merely real, physical steps that enable one to make progress towards any given goal.

Have you made any calls to offices of interest? As you are currently uncomfortable driving by yourself, perhaps you can narrow the list of calls to offices close to bus stops? Are there any locations close to your neighbourhood that you can take advantage of?

[DaveInOz]

I told my husband today I was ready to go back to the doctor. His response....Why? you don't need it. just snap out of it.

I totally understand how that comment may affect you, I've heard it too many times myself & for me it hurts.

If it's a physical injury people see it as a tangible reality. Where as a mental illness apart from actions it's not so evident.

I don't know what it's like in your country but here in Australia over the past few years the Government has introduced main stream educational programs shown on media and with web sites. Also well know TV identities and actors have come out and told their stories about battles with depression and so forth.

What I'm getting at here...as much as we need help, others need help in understanding how these things affect us. I don't know how much your husband knows about what your going through right now, but maybe asking him to look at some web site discussing things may help him understand why you just can't "snap out of it".



Cheers

Dave

[nancyannee]

Dave, my husband is the picture of denial. He knows I am not "normal" Because I have lived with this for 20+ years without help, he doesn't see the problem now. He believes in only what he can see, and since my suffering is not all physical it is easy for him to ignore....

kaudio, logically I know the steps I need to take. realistically, I am frozen. asking for help is so unreal for me. just speaking out here is foreign to me. i appreciate all the advice and hope that it will give me the courage I need to move forward without any support from my family.

time will tell:rolleyes:

[kaudio]

I see, in that case feel free to continue sharing your thoughts here with us. Perhaps your posts here can later serve to help you organize and share your thoughts to a counselor or therapist in person.

But, I do want you to consider for a moment your resistance to asking for help. From your posts I understand that you find it strange to ask another for help, but these concerns will not really be addressed unless you physically do something about them. Also, people simply do not manage their feelings very well, but they can manage what they physically do with their bodies. So, perhaps when you are feeling neither particularly courageous or fearful, you may have to just take up the Nike slogan of “Just Do It”, and seek out the professional help you want.

One idea that might be of use is to scout out a particular office that provides the services you are looking for. Perhaps you can take the bus, visit the location, check out the hours, and take in the environment. If you feel comfortable, then sign up for an appointment and come back for the appointed date; but, if not, you can call the office later to cancel. This way you can productively work your fears away while trying to achieve your goal. Should you feel too nervous before you even reach the office, you can change your plans to take a look around and pick up some information pamphlets.