I need to know am i pedophile?? scared and at wits end

[anna86]

hello everyone, i have posted couple of different threads on the anxiety forum but it doesnt seem like many ppl there have the same thoughts as i do i am mortally terrified that i may be a pedophile or become one becouse now i am fixated on it to point i cant sleep eat or even work i feel like im going to lose everything! i will tell how this all started here sorry if it sounds like im babbling i just need somekind of answers.I never worried about child molesting until i had my last anxiety spell i have anxiety my whole life and sometimes it aweful!!! anyway i remember having flashing thoughts about one of my neices or nephews but always have dismissed them but one i was having really anxiety really bad so i went over to my sister house and was looking through some pictures she had and saw on of my neice in a bathing suit and had a bad image pop into my head and it scared the hell out of i kept thinking did you enjoy that image back and fourth i became fixated i the possability that i may a pedophile which of is very scary to me, so it got so bad i moved 2 states away back with my parents of they new everything i told them everythoughts feeling and urge and when i say urge i mean like when your standing on top of a really high roof and look down and get the sensation that you might jump almost like a pulling feeling and it scares you that kinda urge scary not satisfying i have always been attracted to guys evan most of time older,anyway when i move here i got on meds and they told me i had anxiety and panic attacks so after awhile i got over the initiall fear but it still lingered i began avoiging situations where i would be alone with children and would no longer change there diapers for fear that i may get some plessure out it. so avoided most all situations involving kids but i still enjoyed hanging out with them with my husband or one of there parents its just that uneasy feeling that my fear would return and it did i found out i would pregnant about 4 months ago now and immediatley started fearing well what if you start having those thoughts and feelings again and of course i did but it has just gottin worse becouse i keep looking up pedophiles and im scared i mights be and i couldnt live with myself if i was the i look them up the more i feel like i could be or turn into one like they say that pedophiles have choice they are dirty nasty ppl and think about well what if i dont have a choice and these thoughts are result of being a pedophile and what if start to enjoy them or something im so scared and i dont want to be this way but what if its like cancer or some other disease it just happins to ppl and theres nothing anybody can do about it? i would never hurt a child i dont evan want to bearound children anymore becouse of this.i also think back to all the strange thoughts and fantasys i have had feel like in some is a result of me being this way i have never looked up child porn beforei dont evan think i've thought of but i have looked up young girls having sex with oldermen somehow that does arouse me and i dont know why and i also us to fantasise about being raped and of course i wouldnt ever want to be i guess its just a fantasy but does all this mean that i am a pedophile or become becouse i worry i will??? i know this long and prob miss spelled im just trying to get everthing out! so if anybody has any feed back i greatly appretiate it!

[scared]

Now I'm no expert but I know There is a big difference between an urge and anxiety.



"when I say urge I mean like when your standing on top of a really high roof and look down and get the sensation that you might jump almost like a pulling feeling and it scares you".

I dont think thats an urge because youre not taking pleasure in it, plus, anxiety and arousal can not occupy the same space.



"I went over to my sister house and was looking through some pictures she had and saw on of my neice in a bathing suit and had a bad image pop into my head and it scared the hell out of me".

This stuffs very common in ocd, its happening because you've got this subject on your mind. Its just like when you buy a new car and all of a sudden you start to notice cars of the same brand of yours all over the place, If you can stop thinking about it this stuff stops happening.



You also said that you stopped changing nappies, with stuff like this you just have to get on with it, just do it. Anyway changing nappies is horrible they are full of shit, right?

Try mindfullnes its a form of meditation, say youre sat there worrying about something. instead of worrying just think "im sat in this chair", and also at the same time, think about whatever youve got to do in the day, and what youve already done in the day. This way you will actually start getting bored but thats better than being anxious.

Didnt they give you something so you can sleep? because lying in bed is bound to make it worse.

:rolleyes:

[anna86]

thanks for your reply scared i was just wondering i saw some of your post im just curious have you been diagnosed with anything? i saw that you had started therapy and i was just wondering has it helped you? i am going on the 30th and im alittle scared.

[paula]

I think you'll find that Scared did go for Therapy and he's come out the other side a new man! Go Scared! This boy can tell you how its done!

Thats my boy!