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View Full Version : Greetings from Downunder - and answers I seek


DaveInOz
03-21-2009, 06:13 PM
Hi Everyone,

I was doing some personal research and I stubbled onto this site and then found the forum.

Although it would be nice to have a community like this in Australia, the one's I've found don't seem very active.

So by a twist of fate your stuck with me now :D

Why I am here now?
From the outside looking in our home was what one would consider upper middle class. My father was a director of his own company and my mother was a lady of leisure. However from the inside looking out; least from my perspective, it was a childhood and teen years that was filled with horrific physical & psychological abuse.

I also attended private schools. In those days corporal punishment was accepted. Probably because of the cr#p that was happening at home I wasn't exactly a well behaved student. Hence it was not uncommon for me to receive a caning at least once a week.

I didn't have a happy childhood, period. There was no affection or physical contact of the loving emotional kind in our household. Instead my world revolved around fear, intimidation and feelings that I was everyone's whipping boy.

As a result it has vilified, encroached and ultimately stolen and robbed people, places and experiences from my life.

Since hitting my 40's I've sought answers. I know I can't change the past & I accept this. However I can change my future but to move forward I need some closure on these events.

I also have a sister, she left to go overseas when I was 7 and only ever returned home for 3 week visits every 5 years or so. Hence our relationship has never been close. In addition she is the apple of my mothers eye. As opposed to be me being the opposite. As my sister tells me "Oh mother loves you in her own special way."

I've just recently relocated back to the State where my mother and sister live. Although my mother is in her late 80's and not well, I driven back with the hope of finding answers.

My father passed away in 87 with a three month battle of liver cancer. He knew he was st#ffed. Maybe he needed closure himself, forgiveness. Although we never discussed the events per say, he made his peace with me. Which I accepted.

However my mother and sister are a law upon themselves. Hypocritical you bet! Do as I say not as I do, yep they're both skilled at that too.

Yet this isn't about them, it's about me. About me find solace, peace and hopefully and end the nightmares and past abuse that has controlled my life longer than I care to remember.

So on that note, that's why I'm here.


Cheers

Dave

Footnote: At the age of 12 I experienced my first panic attack which also turned into a bout of agrophobia which lasted aprox 2 weeks. Since then bouts of panic attacks have become the status quo. In addition I was diagnosed with mild bipolar in 97 with a few personality disorders thrown into that mix. I also have a obsessive compulsive disorder that depending on how I'm travelling rears its head now and then too. On top of that I still have vivid nightmares of being bashed when I was a child. I also have difficulties dealing with men as any form of heightened discussions or feeling of shouting, returns me to my childhood instantly.

silentmist
03-22-2009, 07:10 AM
hey dave :D

It really sucks when your parants abuse and neglect you ... I feel for 'ya buddy.

Whats your social life like Dave ? ... I read that you find it difficult dealing with guys so I was wondering what effect that has on friendships. I too have tensions about being around highly masculine men and thier cultural styles, I'm way more comfortable around the more effeminate man and thier more domesticated styles.

Nice to have you here too ... there aren't enough people around here for my tastes, can get kinda quiet.

Later :D

nancyannee
03-22-2009, 12:30 PM
Dave, I can certainly relate to the emotional neglect. I am sorry you had to grow up like that. I have four older brothers all much older than me and I am not close to any of them. Although I long to have them accept me, I know deep down they never will. Welcome to this community. I am new here too and hope to be able to participate more!!

DaveInOz
03-23-2009, 04:41 AM
Thanks for the warm welcome!

silentmist,

Socially I've formed strong ties with females - if anything that's a plus :cool:

I don't have any guy mates.

Although tend to keep to myself a lot these days. I've got a lot of good friends in other Countries formed from my business ties being web based.

Apart from that I have a partner who pretty much has nothing to do with her parents either - I suppose you could say we understand each others situation. She's been a pillar of strength for me when I'm not travelling well & defends me with gusto.

If you ever feel like shooting the breeze I'm just a PM away :)


nancyannee,
It's a none to nice feeling is it when you realise that family wont accept you for you. But as sad as I know this to be the bright side is we know where good people and we know what their missing out on by not knowing us.

I think if you can hold that to your heart and live it then it just makes things a bit easier.


Again thanks for the nice welcome :D



Cheers

Dave

ASchwartz
03-23-2009, 05:03 AM
Hi Dave,

Welcome to our wonderful community. I see that you have already met some of our members and have been warmly welcomed.

Wow, you certainly had a "troubling" childhood. In fact, I find myself wondering why you moved back to the state where your mother lives? I know you said you want to find answers but, what questions do you have in mind?

How are you handling your Bipolar disorder. I assume you are on medication to control the symptoms, but, have you been to psychotherapy as well?

Not only are we active here but we also want to invite our new members to become fully participating members and that means to contribute on a regular basis. You will find many people here who had similar experiences to you and want to get to know you. This is a good place.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Allan :)

DaveInOz
03-23-2009, 05:31 AM
Hi Allen,

Firstly thanks for having such a forum. It's a big relief knowing that others can relate to one's own experiences & offer that support that in most parts we seek but never really get from others.

Maybe my choice to move back was in some way motived by a subconscious need to face my demons. Although I've experienced times when I feel I can't go on any further, I'm a very resilient type of guy; the type of person who pulls them self up by their boot straps if necessary.

Reiterating I can't change the past I can only alter my future. In saying that I suppose I'm tired of being scared, having nightmares and what not. Granted I could probably take more meds to stop that as well. But honestly I don't want to. I'd much rather deal with these issues face on.

In so far as my bi-polar I've chosen to take alternative methods which for me seem to be working thus far. Of course if I ever felt things were not ok or my Partner Robyn told me I was losing the grip, I'd seek more accepted medical treatment.

In addition to what I outlined in my first post, there are secondary influences that have made every day life challenging at times. For instance I can no longer get into lifts and I certainly can't fly (aeroplanes) any more either.


Right now I'm seeking a psychologist who can help me deal with these functional issues. I'd like to overcome them if possible. It would sure make life a lot easier - all these things encroach heavily on my life, freedom and enjoyment, as I'm sure you can appreciate.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to being accepted as a trusted member because helping others also ends up helping yourself too.



Cheers

:)

Dave