DaveInOz
03-21-2009, 06:13 PM
Hi Everyone,
I was doing some personal research and I stubbled onto this site and then found the forum.
Although it would be nice to have a community like this in Australia, the one's I've found don't seem very active.
So by a twist of fate your stuck with me now :D
Why I am here now?
From the outside looking in our home was what one would consider upper middle class. My father was a director of his own company and my mother was a lady of leisure. However from the inside looking out; least from my perspective, it was a childhood and teen years that was filled with horrific physical & psychological abuse.
I also attended private schools. In those days corporal punishment was accepted. Probably because of the cr#p that was happening at home I wasn't exactly a well behaved student. Hence it was not uncommon for me to receive a caning at least once a week.
I didn't have a happy childhood, period. There was no affection or physical contact of the loving emotional kind in our household. Instead my world revolved around fear, intimidation and feelings that I was everyone's whipping boy.
As a result it has vilified, encroached and ultimately stolen and robbed people, places and experiences from my life.
Since hitting my 40's I've sought answers. I know I can't change the past & I accept this. However I can change my future but to move forward I need some closure on these events.
I also have a sister, she left to go overseas when I was 7 and only ever returned home for 3 week visits every 5 years or so. Hence our relationship has never been close. In addition she is the apple of my mothers eye. As opposed to be me being the opposite. As my sister tells me "Oh mother loves you in her own special way."
I've just recently relocated back to the State where my mother and sister live. Although my mother is in her late 80's and not well, I driven back with the hope of finding answers.
My father passed away in 87 with a three month battle of liver cancer. He knew he was st#ffed. Maybe he needed closure himself, forgiveness. Although we never discussed the events per say, he made his peace with me. Which I accepted.
However my mother and sister are a law upon themselves. Hypocritical you bet! Do as I say not as I do, yep they're both skilled at that too.
Yet this isn't about them, it's about me. About me find solace, peace and hopefully and end the nightmares and past abuse that has controlled my life longer than I care to remember.
So on that note, that's why I'm here.
Cheers
Dave
Footnote: At the age of 12 I experienced my first panic attack which also turned into a bout of agrophobia which lasted aprox 2 weeks. Since then bouts of panic attacks have become the status quo. In addition I was diagnosed with mild bipolar in 97 with a few personality disorders thrown into that mix. I also have a obsessive compulsive disorder that depending on how I'm travelling rears its head now and then too. On top of that I still have vivid nightmares of being bashed when I was a child. I also have difficulties dealing with men as any form of heightened discussions or feeling of shouting, returns me to my childhood instantly.
I was doing some personal research and I stubbled onto this site and then found the forum.
Although it would be nice to have a community like this in Australia, the one's I've found don't seem very active.
So by a twist of fate your stuck with me now :D
Why I am here now?
From the outside looking in our home was what one would consider upper middle class. My father was a director of his own company and my mother was a lady of leisure. However from the inside looking out; least from my perspective, it was a childhood and teen years that was filled with horrific physical & psychological abuse.
I also attended private schools. In those days corporal punishment was accepted. Probably because of the cr#p that was happening at home I wasn't exactly a well behaved student. Hence it was not uncommon for me to receive a caning at least once a week.
I didn't have a happy childhood, period. There was no affection or physical contact of the loving emotional kind in our household. Instead my world revolved around fear, intimidation and feelings that I was everyone's whipping boy.
As a result it has vilified, encroached and ultimately stolen and robbed people, places and experiences from my life.
Since hitting my 40's I've sought answers. I know I can't change the past & I accept this. However I can change my future but to move forward I need some closure on these events.
I also have a sister, she left to go overseas when I was 7 and only ever returned home for 3 week visits every 5 years or so. Hence our relationship has never been close. In addition she is the apple of my mothers eye. As opposed to be me being the opposite. As my sister tells me "Oh mother loves you in her own special way."
I've just recently relocated back to the State where my mother and sister live. Although my mother is in her late 80's and not well, I driven back with the hope of finding answers.
My father passed away in 87 with a three month battle of liver cancer. He knew he was st#ffed. Maybe he needed closure himself, forgiveness. Although we never discussed the events per say, he made his peace with me. Which I accepted.
However my mother and sister are a law upon themselves. Hypocritical you bet! Do as I say not as I do, yep they're both skilled at that too.
Yet this isn't about them, it's about me. About me find solace, peace and hopefully and end the nightmares and past abuse that has controlled my life longer than I care to remember.
So on that note, that's why I'm here.
Cheers
Dave
Footnote: At the age of 12 I experienced my first panic attack which also turned into a bout of agrophobia which lasted aprox 2 weeks. Since then bouts of panic attacks have become the status quo. In addition I was diagnosed with mild bipolar in 97 with a few personality disorders thrown into that mix. I also have a obsessive compulsive disorder that depending on how I'm travelling rears its head now and then too. On top of that I still have vivid nightmares of being bashed when I was a child. I also have difficulties dealing with men as any form of heightened discussions or feeling of shouting, returns me to my childhood instantly.