Hi! Interested in finding advice, learning, and support here

[Brighteyes03]

I'm Brighteyes. I’m American, and I live in Texas, near Dallas. I have several interests, ranging from drawing to cryptozoology.

In my childhood, I had constant problems with bullies, and wanted to converse with those who have gone through the same thing, as well as get and give advice and support. I never thought that being bullied would affect my life as much as it has, but after really thinking about it, I realized that many of my issues -- a fear of getting close to others, often avoiding social interaction with others, passiveness, and getting easily offended if I think I’m being insulted somehow -- are most likely related to bullying. I also have had difficulty getting and keeping a job, and often believe that others view me as strange and pathetic.

I have decided to take up martial arts once I get the opportunity to, as well as read some spiritual and self-help books in order to help boost my confidence and feel better about myself. I really get tired of hearing people act like those who have been bullied are just weak and "need to over it", so I'm hoping to meet more empathic and open-minded people here.

Thanks for listening.

[mscat]

Hi Brighteyes03,
Welcome to our Community. you really have a handle on what is bothering you . That is great! I am sorry that being bullied has affected you so much . I still remember to this day some of the incidences in my childhood of bullies being so cruel. I hope that you can find support here, and get the feedback that will help you! .

[Brighteyes03]

Thank you for the kind words, Mscat! It is tough to deal with, but I guess you just have to tackle it one day at a time.

I actually started wondering was there something wrong with me because I can still remeber a lot of the bullying so vividly, but hearing about others' experiencing the same thing has reassured me that I was not unbalanced or something.

[mscat]

your definately not unbalanced. At the oddest times the memories come back to as well. I have a teenaged son who has a form of autism with cognitive delays. He is in High School and in a SDC class. That is a severely handicapp class. Sometimes he is the target of bullies because he is chunky. I help him through it. than the memories seep in of my own childhood experiences as well. (sigh) I honestly feel that they do stay with you you entire life. those terrible experinces of feeling so helpless, while anther person verbally attacks you with upsetting insults . It is so humiliating and dehumanizing. Yes, Ive been there. And Yes, it had happened more then once in my childhood.
then to have to see it happen to my own child is the most painful of all . :( to me is even worse then to have to have had to experienced it myself.

[Brighteyes03]

I'm so sorry to hear that about your own childhood, as well as your son's similar situation. :-/ It's terrific that he clearly has such a supportive and loving parent tho. Hopefully, high school will fly by quickly for him. Have you tried speaking with his teachers and principle about the problem, or do they just give you the usual brush-off that so many tend to do?

I know that childrens' brains aren't fully developed, but I still will never understand what kind of a person could possibly derive pleasure out of basically torturing another human being for some pretty petty reasons (I'm really gettng tired of the whole "But that's what kids DO!" excuse). And those who never grow out of that phase... yikes!

I think that the memories stay with you forever too, and they are terrible, but I have noticed that talking about it more openly seems to be helping. I wish that there were support groups out there for folks like us.

[mscat]

you are so right! They just get bigger, and we call them by different names. Thugs, gangster, someone like that. At least that has been my experience. however, thankfully people do grow out of it too.

[Brighteyes03]

Yes some do, fortunately.

[UnsureLifeJon]

Hey Brighteyes!

I am new here as well. Being 18, my days of bulling aren't over. In fact today, a kid was making fun of me calling me gay. Over the years of middle school and high school, I was teased about being tall and skinny (I am 6'4" and 150lbs, an easy target to be made fun of) and also gay (I am not gay). It hurts the same as it did when it first started, only I can deal with it much better.

In the case of today, the kid who was calling me gay is an outsider with a "thug" attitude and appearance. He was calling me "faggot boy" and other derogatory terms. It bothered me, made me want to knock him right in the jaw. In most cases, the person who is a bully, is very insecure. In the 6th grade, we went to a camp where you would climb out of your comfort zone. We went through the ropes course (you walk across a rope at a high altitude). The only people that seemed to be scared were the kids who were bullies. Ironic huh? The kids that act so tough can't handle walking across a rope at 30 - 50 ft! What wimps. Today, when the kid who was calling gay, I thought of this story. I then realized that he had a deeper issue. I started to think about it, and I came to the conclusion that he isn't that popular, and probably doesn't have many friends. Making fun of my boosted how he felt about himself.

Knowing this, I was able to brush it off. Bullies like to push others down to make them feel better. I have learned not to take these things as personal. This took me a very long time to learn; I became an outcast, not going to any social event like you. I have trouble getting close to girls because I do not want to hurt them, or them hurt me. I know go to many social events, but still have issues to overcome. Bullying has effected my life greatly, some of the better and some for the worse.

Hope this helps =)

-Jon (UnsureLife)