I can't seem to get any enjoyment out of the "fun" things in life

[avioletf1uid]

Hey all!

I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at 12, and I have been managing it fairly successfully. I have been on one antidepressant or another consistently since I was diagnosed, and have only been seeing a psychiatrist a couple times a year. I'm a junior in college, and doing really well in school, but I am having a really hard time socially. I have some good friends, and a boyfriend of over a year who I am really dependent on.
It seems like everyone around me likes to hang out with friends and to go out and party, but I would really rather be alone, or maybe have a few friends over to watch a movie. I feel really awkward in unstructured social situations, like parties. I stand there with nothing to say; it's like everyone but me has been wired to know how to act in those situations. I feel pressured to be social and have conversations, which in turn causes anxiety, and can lead to panic attacks, which I usually have once or twice a month. I feel like a failure, and like I'm keeping my boyfriend from having fun. I actually dread the weekends!
I can't even really remember the last time I had fun. Any advice on learning to enjoy social situations despite depression? Thanks!

[silentmist]

partys are only one form of social situation. perhaps they just aren't for you. that doesn't mean theres anything wrong with you it's just your personality and they'll be lots of other people who feel just as inept as you in those situations.

you say you enjoy haing a few friends over, perhaps to watch a movie ... sounds like a great evening to me, being around a few people rather than lots provides more intimacy and that is what relationships is about IMO.

enjoying company begins with being comfortable with yourself. hmm, that was simplistic of me but i'm sure therers some truth in that.

zach xx

[kaudio]

Hi avioletf1uid, welcome to the community. It's great that you are doing well at school, and managing your depression. But, I agree with silentmist, feeling uncomfortable in social settings does not even come close to making you a failure. People have preferences to particular social settings, and it is not unusual to feel awkward when you find yourself in settings you have little experience with.

Perhaps you can build your confidence in such settings by joining your boyfriend and just focus on observing the ambience of your surroundings. When you feel the obligation to talk or be social, try shifting your focus from speaking to listening to someone else. You can shift the course of a conversation to those you are talking to by asking how their week was, what their interests are, what plans they have for the following week, etc. So, rather than framing hanging out with your friends as a loose social setting, try to see it as an opportunity to update yourself with the latest news your friends have to report. Sometimes there may be nothing to report at all, but just the plan of physically being with one another is an opportunity to explore new things.

If you share the same field of study as some of your friends, you can talk about essays or research topics.