What kind of love is this?

[torjan]

Love or in Love?
What’s the difference? How can you tell which is which? How can you tell When loving/ being in love is unhealthy? How do you stop loving some one?….Why can’t we control who and how we love?

What’s your opinion? What kind of love is this….

She is almost always the first person I think about when I wake up, she is always who I am thinking about as I fall asleep.
My mood ridiculously hinges on hers, when she is happy my heart feels lighter, when she is sad I feel desperate to help her, and when she is angry I again have an overwhelming need to try and make things right for her.
She can make may or break my day with a smile or a scowl.
I relish every second of direct eye contact.
When she laughs I laugh.
When we are sitting quietly listening to music, she will sometimes sing along quietly and although she does not have the greatest singing voice…I find so much comfort in sitting quietly listening to her sing.
I see her each any every day for several hours a day- broken up throughout the day. Yet I wish we had more time together. There is no one in the world I would rather spend time with. I never feel the need to have time without her -ever-
Her smell sometimes has an overwhelming sexual affect on me- I would give anything to kiss her.
My mind wonders daily to thoughts of being sexually intimate with her. It has become a passionate desire.
When she touches me on the shoulder it feels as though she is touching my soul. It warms my whole body inside and out.
On the occasions that we have had arguments I feel as though I can’t breathe. I have an actual dull ache in my chest when we are at odds.
I love to watch her dance- she loves to dance…and she is extremely good at it, when she dance others around her try to copy her moves. Dancing makes her happy, And I could watch her dance all night just to be able to see the facial expressions she makes and to see her that released that much lighter in her soul.
I would do anything —ANYTHING — for her.
I miss her when I’m not with her, Sometimes even after she’s only been away from me for an hour.
I respect and admire her.
I think she is the most beautiful human being I have ever seen. Inside and out.

I know it’s hard to believe with all that I have said above but I do not hold her on a pedestal, I am completely able to see her faults and I usually address her faults openly to her, as she does the same for me. I think that’s a part of why I respect her so much…She is always willing to hear things about her self -good or bad- and has the courage to tell me things about myself as well.

She is my best friend; I would give anything not to have some of the thoughts I have about her. She knows that I love her, and I know without question that she loves me too. But she does not know how deeply I love her.
She knows that I have a sexual attraction to her….our friendship is a very honest one….and although there was a time in the past that she had casually thought about being sexual with me(at that time I had no interest)… those thoughts have passed as our friendship grew closer. She is too afraid that being in a sexual relationship will risk losing or jeopardizing the indescribable bond that we have. I feel that our love for one another is so deep and so powerful that nothing and no one could shake it….but what do I know? I don’t even come close to understanding what it is I feel for her…Do I just have an unusually strong bond with this friend or am I in love with this friend?

One last thing… as you probably have already guessed I am also a woman

We are both heterosexuals with some limited lesbian experience in our younger years- we are now both in our 40’s.
Although we are both very sexual woman who are very open to having different types of experiences. Just not together….
She is my best friend and I think I may be in love with her, but its killing me inside….what is the point in wanting something you can never have?
I don’t know what to do….
Help? Advice? Thoughts? Insights? Please share…..

[malign]

Well, looking at this logically, not because I think it has a logical solution, but just for organization's sake, I see three separate issues here. In no particular order, there's a relationship fidelity issue, because you're apparently married; a lesbian/straight issue, because you say you're heterosexual despite your sexual feelings for your friend, and a wanting-her-more-than-she-wants-you issue, which could happen regardless of the genders of the people. When I say "issue", I'm certainly not implying that there's a right or a wrong for any of them, only that each one will have to be dealt with in any "solution" of your "problem".

Basically, it's hard to address whether this "love is unhealthy" without knowing why you think it is. Personally, I define 'love' in such a way that if it's unhealthy, it's not love, so that's no help here, unless you can tell me whether this is unhealthy for you. It seems to me that in some ways, you're better off than many: you have someone you love, and you get to spend time with her every day.

Moreover, if you did decide to change something, at least two of the three issues are completely under your control. If you want to change relationships or sexual identities, you're free to; they're yours to change.

But, and I think you recognize this when you say "what is the point in wanting something you can never have", you can't control how she feels. In any relationship, there's a chance of wanting someone more than they want you. And in that case, you have to ask yourself, what's the loving thing to do? Because disregarding her wishes would be selfish, and that's another thing that doesn't fit very well with my definition of 'love'.

[silentmist]

This isnt love it's desire.