I'm married but I made out with someone else

[reallyconfused]

I feel really awful and need someone to talk to. My husband and I went on a cruise for our 6th anniversary and while onboard I met another guy I will call "Bob" (certainly not his real name nor a pet name for his name). For the first couple of days I showed up at the same activities as him and had pleasent conversation. On the third day I felt really sad for some reason. I just felt so out of place with the other people aboard. I started drinking and got quite intoxicated. My husband and I ran into "Bob" at a bar. The three of us talked for quite a long time and I was apparently the only one drinking. The three of us left to go to our rooms and realized that we were only a few cabins down from one another. I went back out and caught "Bob's" attention. I told my husband that "Bob" and I were going to get a bite to eat and I left with him. My husband trusted me. I have never given him a reason in the past 8 1/2 years to mistrust me, but for some reason I was so attracted to "Bob". Once we got out on deck he kissed me and then it turned into a total makeout session involving heavy petting. I think it probably would have went further but I asked if he had a condom and he didn't so we stopped. I felt so awful afterwards but I am still totally attracted to this guy. I ended up telling my husband two days later but all I told him was we kissed and he felt my breast. My husband was totally livid, but not with me but with "Bob". The rest of the cruise my husband kept tabs on me but I was able to talk with "Bob" on two occasions. The first we had a conversation and I felt that we would at least stay in contact which I know would be a huge mistake even though we live in different countries. Then yesterday I drank again and wrote "Bob" this really sappy letter and gave him my e-mail address and cell number. Then later last night my husband ran into him and they exchanged some words. Apparently "Bob" told my husband he had no control over me. I was not aware of this and later last night when I ran into him he told me he got my letter and he would email me. I told him that I don't expect one, but he insisted that he would. I know he won't, I am not naive, but today (this morning after we left the cruise) my husband told me what he said. I feel completly stupid. My husband is hurt but he says it is just a bump in the road, but I want closure with "Bob". I just feel that he was left with the final word and now I look like the idiot. I don't know what to do.

[tourdelove]

Hey reallyconfused, First welcome!
Then, well, I take it from what you wrote that you aren't into your husband anymore, am I right? If you still are still in love with him then, I was wondering if you could tell us a little bit more as too why do you think this happened. So that we can help better.

I know when I started looking at other guys when I was still with my long time boyfriend that there was something deteriorating, now it doesn't mean that it can't be worked out but it may be some kind of a sign right? a "note to self".

Regarding closure, well, I mean sure this Bob dude kind of chickened out and left you in a difficult position with your husband, but what he said doesn't make any sense. Seriously, your husband can't control you or what you do right? You decide. You are in control of yourself. Right now, what matters is to understand what this means to you. Closure is when you find out what something means to you, forget about buddy, he can't give you closure, if you were to call him up, he would probably say something charming to keep this going, but it would not mean it would go anywhere necessarily. Attraction is a big thing for me, so I can understand that, especially after being only somewhat attracted to my ex. But, do you know anything else about this guy? Do you want to jump to another relationship right now?

I am not saying good or bad, I am just saying, what does this mean to you? Do you want to keep your marriage? You know, this is the real issue. If you don't, I am sure there'll be other guys.

One thing that happened just before I stepped out of my long relationship is, when I checked the messages at home one time and a girl left a 'hi, was nice hanging out with you today M__..." message for my ex, I understood that both him and I were done. I mean, I should have left long before this. So I didn't try and fix things anymore, but I know I could have if I had wanted to as even thought he did this, I knew he was just not happy but he still loved me...

Anyway, good luck and keep on posting
Love
s

[JustTrying]

aparently you are not married.... JT

[JustTrying]

married people dont act that way... at least not in publuc.......

[reallyconfused]

Yes, I am still married and yes I am still very much attracteded to my husband and we get along great. I guess I just met this guy and we had so much in common and he was very attractive and after a few drinks I forgot about everything but what I wanted at that time. I have started seeing a therapist on Wednesday so I will be hashing out these feelings with him. I have "Bob"'s business card but I am not about to start anything. I am not leaving my husband over some 30 minute fling, that is just way too much. Besides this guy lives like 1212 miles north of me. I am not moving to another country to be with someone that I spent all of a total of 5 hours with.

[tourdelove]

well, there you go reallyconfused, that's awesome! I am sure this will help get some things cleared up. :) I am glad for you

cheers
s

[JustTrying]

Sorry for the short replies. I was talking to the other person but still it was not a good thing to say. I tend to get mean sometimes.

I am glad you are seeking help .. to perhaps help U understand why you would do that and all. try to seek the underlying reasons and DO NOT stay in contact with the other person although he is many miles away. to me the emotional cheating is worse than the physical. ( i know U just made out! good for U!)

Not by any means claiming to be a saint. However .... when my husband cheats it is the talking and sharing they do that bothers me more. When she washes his clothes etc .. that just burns me.. That is my PLACE! I know I am weird!!! LOL:)

Just my thoughts... but no you are not a bad person.. sometimes good people make not so good choices...

JT

[JustTrying]

OH! and PS whatever you do... DO NOT tell your husband.. you will only hurt him to ease your guilt and you may loose his trust....If U feel guilty just do not do it again ....

Just my opinion.....

JT

[tourdelove]

Sorry for the short replies. I was talking to the other person but still it was not a good thing to say. I tend to get mean sometimes.


JustTrying,
Just so I know what's going on, am I the 'other person' you were talking too? And if so, I don't understand your note or why you directed this at me. Perhaps you didn't read my note correctly. I have never cheated on anyone. In my life. But anyway, I am sorry you had to experience cheating in your marriage.

[reallyconfused]

OH! and PS whatever you do... DO NOT tell your husband.. you will only hurt him to ease your guilt and you may loose his trust....If U feel guilty just do not do it again ....

Just my opinion.....

JT


I have already told my husband that we kissed but I did not tell him we made out. I just felt so guilty about it I couldn't even look at my husband without crying and feeling sick to my stomach. After I told him I felt better and he knew something happened. He isn't blind.

[JustTrying]

Some marriages are strong enough to make it through anything. good luck. Perhaps by talking to him, you both can figure out the problem?

Good luck...


Tourdelove... I reread your post and I must have misunderstood seomthing the other day.. again I apoligize.

JT

[catsirish]

the thrill of the hunt, yikes