Been to the Psychiatrist

[Anubis]

I had my initial mental health assessment yesterday and I am still not really any closer to a diagnosis than i was a week ago. He said that he thought there was a couple of overlapping disorders of some kind and that he suggested something along the lines of a mood disorder coupled with an identity disorder such as dissasociative disorder or possibly shizoaffective but that was reluctant to label me as that that would not do me any justice and he said he felt that i deserved more than that. The way he explained it to me was that the personality can become fractured at an early age and you have different people inside your head that deal with different situations. He is writing back to my doctor to recommend that i see a psychotherapist that would be willing to treat me long term. He also said that it would require that the pyschotherapist is someone I could eventually trust as i have trust issues. Im kinda confused because i have had so many doctors tell me so many different things, i have been bipolar, borderline personality, social anxiety disorder. But i wasnt expecting this.

Funnily enough when i was explaining to my 19 year old son what the pschyiatrist said to me, he said that it made sense, that he never thought i was crazy but that were times when he says i was a different person or people and that he has never been able to put a name to it but that he has always known there was something different about his mum. That he has seen all the different people i have been.... and then my girlfriend, my closest friend who has known me since i was 11, rang me last night and she said that she could see it too, that it made sense and that i had been that way ever since we were little. Freaky...

So that is where i am at, i broke up with my bf, he does not understand and was not helping me, in fact he was making me worse but i dont even want to go there today, i think i was right in believing that he was revelling in the fact that i am mentally challenged at the moment and others around me who can think a bit more clearly than i agree from what they have seen.

Im just wondering if anyone else has any experience with this sort of disorder and what it feels like for them as i dont really know much about it apart from the little i have read, it would be interesting to see if there are similarities in experiences.

Thanks

Anubis

[mscat]

Hi Anubis,
I am glad you went to a Psychatrist .That is a very good start . What I'd like to suggest is that you try not to get to hung up on the diagnoses or labels . It is easy to do though. It is most important to be in therapy and start on a treatment plan. That is what I found out to be thae most helpful.
With what you have written down and shared with us, you have been through so much already. I understand how it feels to want clear answers and to recieve the propper direction. Espeically when professionals have told you different things in the past. That must be confusing.
I wish you the best. Keep posting here. Can you tell us more about yourself? What do you like to do for fun? Are you working?

[Proverbs31:28]

Its good that you had that eval and are being put on a path toward diagnosis and treatment. I know you feel frustrated at the moment but my encouragement to you is to keep working on things and allow the therapist and/or doctor help you. I am glad to hear an update from you and encourage you to continue posting and sharing. Hang in there, I think you have definitely started yourself on the right path.

[Anubis]

Thankyou for the words of encouragement, i do want to hang in there this time, i have been down this road so many times before and im tired of running from everything. I do get frustrated at the not knowing of so many things, why am i like this, what do i actually have etc.

The psych i spoke with on Monday was very good, unfortunately he is not the one i will see on a regular basis, he gave me the names of three pyschotherapists that i could contact that my doctor could refer me to at my choosing when i decide which one i like. He said that it would be a good idea if i could ask to meet them initially to see whether or not i could trust them. The pyschologist i have started seeing seems okay too and the pysch said that as well as pyschotherapy he wants me to keep seeing her too.

You asked me mscat about myself and what do i like to do for fun?? Well that depends on the day, month, or year, it has changed so many times. I have been a chameleon of sorts over the years, chopping and changing my life path, careers, relationships, religion, it goes on and on, I wouldnt actually be able to honestly say what i really like to do. I have no idea really. I tend to shy away from everything that requires too much social interaction as i find people hard to deal with on a regular basis.

I do like to garden and have lots of pot plants, though funnily enough i have over the years collected succulents as they are hardy and survive my periods of neglect. Then when the gardener reappears in me they are rejuvenated again. I have a couple of cats which again are hardy and happy with dried food and little attention when i am barely able to fend for myself let alone anyone else. Thats brings me to my boys, poor things, i feel bad for them sometimes as what they have had to go through. I love them more than anything else in the world. They too have become self sufficient in the art of cooking washing when mum is not mum, lol if that makes sense.

I had been seeing this guy but thats finished and i do think that is for the best, i really need to fix myself first i think. I havent been working but got offered an old job back and the pysch thinks it would be good for me to do something, but the depression and my conflict over work i really dont know if i want to do it or not. Though i do get bored when im feeling okay. I wonder sometimes what will become of me because it seems like the decisions i make are not my own, someone else comes along and changes my life direction and then i wake up one day and everything has changed again. Gets confusing trying to explain to people what is going on half the time when i dont have an explanation myself.
Anyway, im glad i found this place, i know all the answers will not come today and maybe never but maybe this time i can start to work on some of the things that have plagued me for years and its good to have a place to come to where others seem to understand aswell.

Anubis