I need help

[kevin]

I had a great life up untill last year, after fractureing my spinal cord in a snowboard crash my life took a turn for the worst. People told me how lucky I am to be able to walk again.I started my recovery on a positive note, since then I maxed out my credit cards,haven't worked, my boss will not hire me back after working for him for 20 years,my wife left me (god I miss her)soon I will lose my house. I can't do a desk job, its taking forever just to type this.I used to be a positive person, now I am depressed.When I was with my wife I felt I could accomplish anything. Now I have a hard time concentrating on anything.Why did god want this to happen to me.I'm 41 years old and in a lot of pain.I've been a lot of places and done a lot of things,what is so wrong about checking out early?

[tourdelove]

I had a great life up untill last year, after fractureing my spinal cord in a snowboard crash my life took a turn for the worst. People told me how lucky I am to be able to walk again.I started my recovery on a positive note, since then I maxed out my credit cards,haven't worked, my boss will not hire me back after working for him for 20 years,my wife left me (god I miss her)soon I will lose my house. I can't do a desk job, its taking forever just to type this.I used to be a positive person, now I am depressed.When I was with my wife I felt I could accomplish anything. Now I have a hard time concentrating on anything.Why did god want this to happen to me.I'm 41 years old and in a lot of pain.I've been a lot of places and done a lot of things,what is so wrong about checking out early?

Hey Kevin,
The first thing is, well, welcome here!
Second thing is I know this sucks bad, but you will pull through. I am not sure why God allowed this to happen. Perhaps God as nothing to do with it as no one deserves to be suffering like this. It is not your fault and so it is not a punishment. As per your wife leaving, well I am sorry to hear this as well. When times are hard, it is not uncommon that people around cannot deal althought I don't know what cause your wife to leave. Was this something that you could have foreseen or cause by the situation you are in at the moment?

Regardless, the main thing is to find support and this is what you are doing so this is a good thing. Continue looking for support in you community. Are there people you can talk to there too? Organization that can help you on a personal basis at least, to focus on what you can do, and think? I know it must be extremely difficult to find something positive right now, but you may need to renew with you positive self again, just a step at the time.

Keep on posting so we'll be able to help more
s

[kaudio]

Hi Kevin, I agree with tourdelove to look for all the support that is available to you. Most regions have a 211 number you can call that serves as a social services directory. The directory is intended to enable people to access and become aware of community, social, health, and government services available to them. From there, you may be able to begin finding some support for your employment and financial circumstances.

While things may be unbearable at this time, your recovery has just begun. You may continue to heal and become more able to do some of your activities before the injury. Regarding your job with a previous employer, it is unfortunate that he could not accommodate you. But, there are other jobs out there, and you may be able to begin looking for one through the 211 directory. If there are support groups for you to join, perhaps these groups will be able to give you some support as well.

Should you continue to have thoughts of suicide, you should consider sharing them with your doctor. Perhaps you are taking some medications that have some bad side-effects? Please feel free to continue posting with us.

Welcome to the community.

[kevin]

Thank you for replying,you are good people,with good advice.It is easy for me to talk about my problem over the internet,however I probly wont call any one about it because of embarrasment.I feel like my wife made a fool of me.I haven't been ansewering my phone or talking to my friends.I would rather people remember me for the person I was ,insted of the person I've become.Seems like the only time I'm at piece is when I'm sleeping.I know it seems like a shame.Good people die in accidents every day, and someone like me can not appricate life.I would gladly switch places with somebody.Just for the record I am drug free.

[tourdelove]

Hi again Kevin,
I am sorry you feel so down!

Regarding how you feel about your separation. Well, I mean, how did she made a fool out of you? You don't give much details so, it's pretty hard to help with that.

On the other hand, one thing that will help is to get yourself some concrete psych help right now. Also, get yourself out of the house if you can [depending on your mobility] and see or call people. You don't have to tell them about all your problems if you don't want to, but just hanging out with people helps, even if it's like a burden at first.

Embarrassment, ya sure, but embarrassment is a discomfort, it can't do much more then that to you. It's just a fear that is not based on actual facts. If you feel like you SHOULD never be in a place of need, ever, you need to challenge that belief as it is a fantasy. You need help now, temporarily, and because you are injured, not always and for everything. There are things you can't control: like your wife leaving, your accident. On the other hand you can do something about your outlook, your mood, which in turn, will help you find solutions to the other problems.

On being a different person: well, everybody changes. If you don't change, you can't adapt. When you weight train at the gym, you break down a little bit of muscle tissue, and it makes it stronger over time. Another fact we tend to forget sometimes is everybody has set backs right? We just see the outside and think wow, he/she is soooo stronnnnng. Well, maybe they had to go through some tough sh*t before getting there. Maybe their problems are not over (are they ever?). Sometimes it goes better, sometimes not so much. It's life. Point is, no one is invulnerable. You can get over this, and when you will have, you will realize you are even stronger then you were before. If one would never had any difficulties in life, they'd be a pansy. :p You surely had other stuff that happen to you before and you found solutions. This time, it might be something you might not had to deal with before, but that's why you look for different solutions, different resources.

Regarding help, well, psychological help is confidential. No one will find out about it unless you willingly talk about it! I live in a small town, and I was so concerned about that, but no one ever found out. Next thing I knew, one of my guy friends talked to me about how he went to therapy for several things that were not so hot in his life. I was surprise cus he's one of the toughest guys I know. But this put a whole new paint job on the way I see him now, not only he's strong, but he's strong enough to get past his insecurities and move forward.

So don't give up!
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