Tell me if I am crazy!

[UnsureLifeJon]

So lately, I have been feeling rather annoyed with my friends. It seems like we arn't communicating well, and I feel it is on their part, but tell me if you think I am doing something wrong.

First one: I was real close to this kid named Will. I would almost call him my "best friend", but we have only been pretty close for about 2 years. He would was very considerate, including me in many social events such as parties, movies, and gatherings. Prom came around last weekend (totally different problem from my previous post). A about 2 months ago, he asked a girl, more or less as a joke. All of my friends, including Will himself thought she would say no. But she didnt, she said yes. At first it was great. We all had prom dates, and we were all friends. Slowly, Will started to hang out with this girl more and more. It was pretty evident that he had feelings for her, and she had feelings for him. He started to ignore his other friends, being exclusive to her. I was kinda ticked off. He basically threw us to the side while he is having this grand old time. Worst of all, he seems totally oblivious to this, he acts like everything is wrong. He will come up to me and be like "hey man how ya been?" I really want to lash out on him, but I restrain myslef.

Should I be mad that he is spending a lot of time with this girl (they are now in a "relationship"), throwing his friends to the side? Am I just being an attention whore?

2. Today, I was supposed to go to the movies with a girl that I have a pretty major crush on. To make it less awkward, I invited her best friend and another guy friend. We had decided the movie and time on Wednesday. We didnt really talk much about it on Thursday. Today, I was texting them back and forth, asking if it was still going to happen. My response from the girl was "Like sarah shelby and i havent talked about it. ill figure it out at lunch" (sarah and shelby are her friends). So I texted her an hour after lunch asking what was going on and did not get a response. I figured that the movies were off when it was 5 and I saw that they were going to a soccer game.

If they had told me, I would have felt a little better. I could have accepted it, and possibly made other plans. But I felt like they were ignoring me, trying not to hurt my feelings by canceling the movie plans with out telling me. Should I be upset with this?

This kind of situations are the ones that made me less social as a child, and I dont know how to handle them well. Have any advice?

[paula]

Hi unsurelife

I think your getting to emotionally involved here? You are seeing into things that are probably not there?

These friends of yours, probably don't want to upset your feelings by canceling the plans to the Movies! If it bothers you that much, why don't you ask them why they canceled without informing you?

At the top and bottom of it, you are judging a book by its cover IMO!

I also think that this has got a lot to do with your friend meeting this girl? You feel hurt! This friend of yours is moving on, growing up! There is going to be a time in his life where he is going to want a relationship, and this time is now! You should be happy for this friend. That time will also come to you one day! You also will want to meet a girl and start a relationship. This is all part of growing up!

You need to stop thinking what your friends are up to and start thinking of yourself. This won't be the first time this will happen to you and it probably won't be the last!

[UnsureLifeJon]

Thank you Paula, that really cleared some things up in my head!

[finding my way]

You are not crazy, UnsureLife. Relationships are very difficult at times. If you can, follow paula's advice and ask why they didn't tell you the movie was off. You deserve to be in relationships that are better with communication. Your feelings are there for a reason. You may not get the answer you want, or the relationship you want, but standing true to yourself is worth learning how to do, believe me!!! You could congratulate your friend on his new relationship and also tell him that you hope he'll still make time for you (realizing it won't be as much as the old days--let's be realistic). These are tough waters to navigate, but you can do it. The alternative is to pretend you don't have any feelings at all or go get drunk or high to numb them---not a good alternative!! You keep grappling with it, and let us know how we can help:)

[smallstar]

Hi unsure life, I don't think you're crazy at all. I think you are just hurt. Your best friend isn't paying you much attention lately due to his new girlfriend, and when you tried to date yourself it didn't work out. My guess is you are a more loyal and caring person than your friends and unfortunately that gets you hurt in life. You'd be surprised how many people out there only care about themselves

[UnsureLifeJon]

Thanks for the reassuring words Sad and Finding.

I guess I just have to be more understanding with my friends. I have to put myself in their shoes, and take a different perspective on it.

With my guy friend, I guess I would probably do things similar in his situation, paying more attention my girlfriend.

With my other friends (ones that were supposed to go to the movies), it kinda got sorted out. Hopefully we will be going tomorrow! If not, they will be other days. I probably should have been more flexible with them, offering to be willing to go whenever they were best able to.

Thanks for the advice again! I am learning to give my issues time. I still might seek a doctor to get on a medication to control my anxiety with these problems. Looking back on it, it was pointless for me to get this upset over it.

[smallstar]

I don't think it was pointless, I think you are right about your guy friend, that's just life but I understand your feelings completely on the whole situation, I am glad it got sorted out though, I hope you have a good time. Just be careful not to let people take advantage of you. You seem like a very understanding friend which is great for you, I just hope you don't get hurt by being too trusting. Anyway, good luck with everything :)

[UnsureLifeJon]

To give you an update, we went to the movies and had a blast!

More people showed up than expected which made it more fun! I got to sit next to the girl I like =). I even got to hold her hand!! AHH! Unfortunately it was only because it was a scary movie and she was really scared. She didnt even watch it, when it would get suspenseful, she would squeeze my hand so hard! lol it was fun though. Maybe that means she feels secure with me?!?

It seems like everything worked itself out!

Thanks for the support guys, I really appreciate it.


BTW, we saw The Haunting in Connecticut, and it was alright. I am not a fan of scary movies, but it made me jump a couple of times. I would recommend it if you like scary movies, it same the same plot line as any movie, but supposedly it was based on a true story?

[paula]

So things worked out for you in the end!