Pg

[pgacincy]

Hi. I am the mother of a 32 year old daughter that has not only bi-polar but she has other addictions to go with it. She was in a horrible car accident Feb 2008 and almost died.(She actually did die but they were able to bring her back). She was drunk and hit a semi truck head on and then slide underneath it. I was hoping that since she lived through this ordeal that she could or at least try to get her life together. She is now living with me after going through 3 months of rehab. She seemed to be doing very well while in rehab, taking meds the way she was to and was actually talking about a future which included trying to get her life together so her 8 year old son could be in her life. She lost custody of him 3 years ago due to her drinking. She is back to making bad decisions and not focusing on what is important. I am so frustrated and I am not sure what to do. I am fully supporting her and I am trying not to be an enabler. She really doesn't have anywhere else to go and I am at me wits end. She is a grown women and I can't make her life better, I know that, but she is my child and it hurts so bad not to be able to fix it. Please help with any advice.

[tourdelove]

Hi pg,
I just read your post about your daughter, well, I don't have a specific way to help, just wish I did! It must be extremely difficult to have to support someone you love but wish they would fly with their own wing and be able to make the right decisions.

Is she seeing a psychotherapist? It might help if someone who has an outside perspective. Someone who could work along with you in the sense that she wouldn't have to rely on you for everything.

At any rate, I send you love
s

[Dia4Dios]

Dear pg,

I empathize with both you and your daughter; suffered from a terrible accident [fall] when I was intoxicated. The insanity of alcohol fixation or addiction is legendary. I was only 20, lucky to be alive, and even luckier to be out of a coma. STILL, I can vividly remember being impatient to be off or released from taking anti-seizure medication, so I could drink with my college chums again!!!.

I had the extra reason of head/brain injury, so my life choices that immediately followed were based on quick fixes and emotion. It would help to know just a bit about your daughter's injuries, but I respect your privacy. :)It was only after a few years of navigating the real world that I began to see that decisions based on long term goals and thought out ideas had the greatest potential for success.

I went through over 9 months of rehab for physical, speech, cognitive, occupational and simply forgetting issues. Every word that could be put in front of 'therapy', I had. I hate to say this, but I was covered by my Dad's military insurance, the university's health care obtained when registering, and even some SSI.

I write this because it sounds like your daughter needs some "life therapy". I did post in the thread about AA being cultish, but it's connection to people with similar issues IS helpful. Like your daughter I was the "cause" of my injury through drinking. I actually went through great amounts of guilt when I thought of the people that came to my help, and I felt unworthy. Went to Head Injury meeetings, and felt guiltier that I was walking and talking with no immediately visibles signs of my struggle, while others in wheelchairs and cruthces and/or scars were suffering from a traumas not caused by their decisions. It's hard to live with, and I'm not suggesting that your daughter's issue is guilt. Maybe she just needs life-decision-making rehabilitation, or more? The first step of solving a problem is not hovering over the symptoms, but addressing the cause(s).

Perhaps getting her to talk to an objective 3rd party, whether mental healthcare, an AA sponsor, or even a friend from any other affiliation would be a good start. There has to be a trsuting relationship, professional or not, to find the source of her poor decisions.

I got in 3 automobile accidents in 2007, all my driving decision fault. It was only through therapy and religious conviction that I discovered retroactively that I was attempting "suicide by car" so that I could have the insurance kick in for my children. Bad decision. My car insurance rates are atrocious, and my kids don't give a rodent's posterior of the pain they helped generate which led to that decision.

Anyway, this is not about me. Your daughter needs help, and you are appropriately detached. Act as a resource facilitator and find that 3rd party from whom she'd be most likely to take suggestions. I wish you the best, and if you need to hear more from me, please feel free to message.

The thousand mile journey begins with one step. -Chinese proverb

-Craig