tracey.f
06-02-2009, 11:23 AM
Hi,
I'm so sorry i haven't been in to see how you all are but i am not in a good place at the mo and well..
I just don't think i have anymore fight left in me, all i have done is fight for 1 thing or another!
Trying to get the Appointments for my 2 sons at children mental health services sorted, funding for the hospital in london! Theres more but i wont go on!
My new Pdoc has no idea what she's doing, has admitted this to me. She is just trying to get me through untill she can get me to the hospital in london!( The board doesn't meet until 25th june!) She has stopped all but 1 of my meds, says i've tried everything she can think of to treat me! Theres nothing left for her to try, Nothing like taking what little hope you tried to have left, pulled from under you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I seem to go from complete despair, tears, heartache, being aggitated, angry, impatient to total humour at the situation. Laughing at times, spending money at others (luckily, i don't do credit cards, or bank cards when cycling so high so quick.( Sick, Not Stupid ) Oh What a cycle i'm on and not headig in a good direction but i can't seem to get off the train!!!!!
I have been trying to get through each day anyway i can. Been listening to alot of music, trying to lose myself in it if i'm honest! it sometimes helps to calm my mind a little! ( not working so well at the mo but still trying!)
I've just had enough,(you know?), i'm done, i have to find a reason at least a dozen times a day on why i have to carry on and the reasons are getting harder to find.It also getting harder to convince myself that they are the right ones too! I can't always keep fighting like this, I don't think i even know myself anymore, let alone recognise who looks back at me in the mirror anymore!
Hope everyone is holding in there, try to catch up with you real soon!
Wish me luck, I need it.
I'm so sorry i haven't been in to see how you all are but i am not in a good place at the mo and well..
I just don't think i have anymore fight left in me, all i have done is fight for 1 thing or another!
Trying to get the Appointments for my 2 sons at children mental health services sorted, funding for the hospital in london! Theres more but i wont go on!
My new Pdoc has no idea what she's doing, has admitted this to me. She is just trying to get me through untill she can get me to the hospital in london!( The board doesn't meet until 25th june!) She has stopped all but 1 of my meds, says i've tried everything she can think of to treat me! Theres nothing left for her to try, Nothing like taking what little hope you tried to have left, pulled from under you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I seem to go from complete despair, tears, heartache, being aggitated, angry, impatient to total humour at the situation. Laughing at times, spending money at others (luckily, i don't do credit cards, or bank cards when cycling so high so quick.( Sick, Not Stupid ) Oh What a cycle i'm on and not headig in a good direction but i can't seem to get off the train!!!!!
I have been trying to get through each day anyway i can. Been listening to alot of music, trying to lose myself in it if i'm honest! it sometimes helps to calm my mind a little! ( not working so well at the mo but still trying!)
I've just had enough,(you know?), i'm done, i have to find a reason at least a dozen times a day on why i have to carry on and the reasons are getting harder to find.It also getting harder to convince myself that they are the right ones too! I can't always keep fighting like this, I don't think i even know myself anymore, let alone recognise who looks back at me in the mirror anymore!
Hope everyone is holding in there, try to catch up with you real soon!
Wish me luck, I need it.