Sex Addiction

[MrKanista]

How can a person tell if they are a sex addict? What are the main symptoms and behaviours involved and what are the most effective treatments?

Thanks :)

[Mark]

there isn't any formal definition of sex addiction. It's a sort of made up disorder (in the sense that it isn't in the DSM. but keep in mind that some of the disorders in the DSM are also made up - they are just sanctioned by the establishment so that gives them an artificial reality of some sort.

The basic symptoms of an addiction would be along the lines of
- compulsive acting out of sexual acts
- can't stop despite systematic efforts to do so
- tolerance and withdrawl symptoms (generally only for drugs)
- interfers with social and occupational functioning

I might add that sex addiction would be accompanied by shame feelings, but not everyone would have that happening.

Sex is more like food than gambling or drugs in that it's part of what healthy people do, and you can't really stop doing it. So it isn't reasonable to stop doing it.

I've not read up on how therapists have worked with sex addictions specifically, but probably the model I would think about using if I was called on to treat sex addiction would be the emerging drug addiction treatment models. These generally feature psychoeducation, and relapse prevention componants and also an emphasis on developing mindfulness awareness skills, often by having people practice meditation on a daily basis. These are just ideas; I'd have to think about this some more and do some reading before committing to them, but it would be where I'd start.

[meyoumeyou08]

MrKanista I am living with a sex addict. I never thought in my wildest dreams this would be happneing to me. One of the behaviours I have found in him is the constant lying. He was looking at porn for a long time and I always confronted him about it, he always told he never did it. Thing is the porn was ON the family computer. So now its really hard to believe him in anything he says. Another behaviour I have found is the constant sneaking of looking at other women. He tells me he doesnt do it but I know he does it. I dont know about a symptom but he did reveal to me earlier on in our marriage that he liked to play with himself I understood he was a guy and he was also in the military which I know im not around alot with him. He also revealed to me he seeked out porn and other stimulus things to gratify his needs. Another big behaviour is intimacy he doesnt know how to be intimate. He would only thinks of his needs and no one else's. As for a treatment, i dont know if there is any out there. He and I have literally altered our life because of this. You will have to do a lot of walking, talking, crying, feeling lonely etc .. until or if it all works out. He has made some changes with himself towards me; however its going to be a long road ahead for us and there are some days I dont know if im up to the challenge. i am no expert however I have been doing a lot of reading, observing his behaviours, his moods, and I am learning alot more then I ever have about a sex addict.

[John Rutledge]

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[ASchwartz]

Meyoumeyou08,

Have you and your husband considered marriage therapy for the sexual difficulties you posted about?

Allan

[meyoumeyou08]

Hi Allan
Yes we have seeked marriage counseling and I also have read a book regarding sexual addiciton very enlightening. It answered alot of my questions. I also asked him some things and he agreed it was him. There were some things that applied to me as well in the coaddicts section.

Regarding Johns post I never had a problem at my husband "observing" other women; or him masturbating as long as he shares it with me. I totally understand its a guy thing. However, we've had many discussions and he has agreed to me that he did waste time and energy on porn. He wouldn't look at naked pictures of women instead he would look at women who were dressed sexy and undress them in his mind. That hurt me alot because here I am a live person who did all of this and he couldnt enjoy me? Mind you he has looked at porn for a LONG time. I am aware of the fact he has never cheated on me, or done anything severe to harm his career or for me to leave him. There are two things on Mark's list that I have seen him done. He does realize what it has done to our marriage and is trying to change.