What if You're really small and it's not a syndrome? [Archive]

View Full Version : What if You're really small and it's not a syndrome?

mikeb

08-07-2009, 08:44 PM

i have read through the posts and i do see many who say they are really small, it is not a syndrome to them but physical reality. I grew up being below two standard deviations of the norm, i'd say, at least in flaccid state, and probably in erect, being about 4.5" erect. I too quit sports so i wouldn't have to shower. I was good at athletics, considered one of the best looking guys at my high school, tall, smart, and funny. But i was a worn out insomniac. I didn't date. I quit sports, as i said. I have tried many many therapists. I think it has only been a problem to them in the abstract. I would like to see a therapist who really knows what it is like, having suffered small penis himself, who has learned how to stop worrying about his body, and who has given up on worrying about the time he has wasted. I am 55 and have been depressed about penis size for 41 years. I left catholicism years ago and do not seem myself believing in a God again, so I don't think religion will help. I married a woman I did not love so much as didn't worry about being rejected by her. I still feel suicidal quite often even though I'm on Lexapro.
I would like real advice here. It is easy to say I'm looking at a glass half empty but i really do think it is.

Mark

08-08-2009, 10:37 AM

Mike,

First, let me say thank you for getting us started here. It's a shock to the system to transfer a discussion from one place to another, and as you can see, the amount of activity has dropped off dramatically. So - it's nice to see a new begining to discussion, because as you are well aware, this is a really painful and serious problem for a number of men.

Your primary question here is 'what if it's not a syndrome? what if it is a reality? so I want to address that question as well as I can in the time I have this morning.

i have read through the posts and i do see many who say they are really small, it is not a syndrome to them but physical reality.Dr. Schwartz and I have been reading comments on this topic for something like two years now, and a few things have become clear to us.

1. there are some men who are on the small side of average length/width but who believe they are extremely small and are very upset about this to the point where it has affected their lives.

2. there are some men who really are extremely small and are very upset about this to the point where it has affected their lives

3. there are some men who are smaller than average (and maybe some who are extremely small - that's more debatable) who are not upset about this overly - it bothers them but they have made their way and have lives they are happy with at least as far as their sex lives go.

By pointing out these reactions, I want to say that I recognize that some people are really upset about something "real" whereas some people are upset but think things are really worse than most other people would find them. In cognitive therapy the latter reaction is called a cognitive distortion - when a perception is exaggerated in a negative direction and leads people to feel unnecessarily depressed or anxious.

This "syndrome" is not my term, and I don't personally like it much - I would prefer to call it Small Penis Shame or something like that, but we're stuck with the label as that seems to be what it is called.

There is perhaps this idea that because we are using the term "syndrome", that we are suggesting that the problem is "all in your head" - e.g., that you are a victim of an involuntary cognitive distortion that has warped your perception and that your penis really isn't small. That is not what we're trying to suggest, although we do think some men probably do fit that profile. I'm confident that there are a bunch of men out there who really do have small penises and who feel terrible about that. If you say you are one of them, I'm not going to suggest you are wrong.

The objective size of a man's penis is not what this syndrome is about, I don't think. What it is about is that for whatever reason - objective or cognitive distortion - a man starts feeling really bad about his penis and by extension his masculinity and his ability to be an effective sexual partner and by extension, his entire ability to have a relationship at all. Some of these guys have said they believe they will never have a relationship ever - I know it is that serious. The syndrome is about this feeling of intense shame, anxiety and depression and the social avoidance and the rage and intense anger that can come out of this. So I hope that helps clear up your first question - the syndrome is not about the objective size of your penis but rather how you have reacted to believing (rightly or wrongly) that you have an inadequate penis.

I think it has only been a problem to them in the abstract. I would like to see a therapist who really knows what it is likeThis second excerpt from your post is really a great observation so I'm quoting it here to highlight it. It is a really common probem in therapy to find that someone is coming in with a problem that the therapist has no personal experience of. It is the job of the therapist (at least certain kinds of therapists) to do everything he or she reasonably can do to try to understand that problem, but it is unrealistic to think that the therapist will ever really know what it is like to live in another person's skin. This is true whether the problem is a small penis, or bipolar disorder, or even alcohol abuse. Skip on over to the "beautiful and tragic thing" post in the Addictions forum and you will find a lot of people having words with me in part becuase I've written about AA without really understanding what it is like to be a member there (much less a court-ordered member). Many people figure I don't get it, and I know that I don't realy have that experience and so cannot fault them for thinking this.

It works both ways too. One of the very first clients I ever saw on my psychology internship was in the primary care medicine clinic at the VA hospital where I was stationed. This was an older man who had lost his wife suddenly after many years of satisfying marriage. I was so green and stupid that I ended up suggesting to him that his grief was overly prolonged. After a while of this he looked me in the eye and asked me if I was accusing him of being dependent - which of course I was - because I did not understand what it was like to have been married to someone and to have become dependent on them at that young time in my life and could not imagine what it would be like to lose someone you were so close to. That happened some 15 years ago and more - I get it now - but I still kick myself for being so green when I do think about that. I wish I could do it over but I can't.

So - therapist and client (or patient depending on how you like to call it) are sitting in a room, both focused on the client's problem and there is this really existential limitation at work which makes it impossible for the therapist to ever really know 100% what is going on in the mind and heart of the client but they still need to be able to work with one another. The solution is that both parties to the interaction need to be humble, and do what they can do to communicate their experience as best as they can. Therapists vary in their ability to do this well, just as do clients.

I recognize that it is a problem to feel that you have not been understood, but I want to point out that it is always the case anywhere you go that you will not be really understood 100%. I also want to point out that it is not necessary to be understood completely so long as you feel respected, and feel that you can benefit from your interaction with a therapist.

I am 55 and have been depressed about penis size for 41 years.I do appreciate the gravity of the issue, even though it is also the case that this particular self-loathing is not something I can directly relate to. That's why this forum is here - so that we can do what we can do to talk about it in a safe environment.

The previous comments (on the essays) were closed down becuase a flame war was devloping - people were expressing their rage in the form of anger towards women who they saw as tormenting and humiliating. It was starting to get into a situation where people were advocating violence. That cannot be here. If we encounter it here we will ban immediately. However, if we can talk in a civil manner about this issue - which does need very much to be talked about - then many will hopefully benefit from the discussion.

Mark

ASchwartz

08-11-2009, 07:22 AM

Hi Mikeb,

I also want to thank you for getting us started on this discussion on a very painful issue here in our forum. I hope the others will join us here where I believe everyone can feel more private and more secure about this painful issue.

Allan

finding my way

08-12-2009, 03:59 AM

My comments may not be relevant to anyone, I am a woman and no sex counselor. It just seems to me that so much of sex is in the mind along with the conditioning that experiences bring. If you take two individuals with limited ideas about themselves, and we all start out that way, you could end up perpetuating and "proving" your insecure notions, or you could open your heart and learn brave new truths. An insecure woman could potentially blame her negative thinking on a man's anatomy. The man could be blaming his negative thinking on anatomy..... does that make it true? At some point you have to face your negative thinking. At some point you have to face yourself and the person you are relating to with your heart. Anatomically, a woman can be plenty satisfied with whatever sized penis, or even without a penis. It's the mind that needs to be addressed. Cared for even :)

roamer2

08-15-2009, 02:57 AM

i dont know if actual size is the actual problem. for many years i thought 8" long and 5" round was average and wasent good enough.. just like in all aspects of my life i had to be above average to be worth half as much as average..i had to carry 2 or 3 bundles of shingles.. i had to drink a 5th in a single drink.. basicly i had to be more to equal less in my own mind.. about 6 or 7 years ago i learned the true average size is 5.5" to 6" long and 3.5" to 4" round.. even after learning this my perception dident change it was still in my eyes inadequate.. it was still not enough.. it wasent untill i had found some self acceptance that my thoughts changed.. i believe that if i had 10" i would have felt the same.. ( i dont know if this is out of line what im getting ready to type..if it is i appoligize.. ) even the fact that i had been with woman that had full satisfying orgasoms from a pinky finger which is about 2.5" long and maybe 1/2" round.. i still felt insufficient.. all the facts and true experiences were in front of me my perception of myself was and in many ways still is grossly distorted.. i know that in that state of mind my real defects, my imagined defects, even my best assets everything about me appeared to be less than worthy.. i still have that mind set about a lot of things.. i know i do but knowing something and believing something is the hard part.. i was ashamed of who i was.. to a point still am.. i dont know what it was that finnaly brought me peace over this and a few other issues.. i guess what im saying is that it dosent matter if everyone i met thought i was enough weather it be penis, bicepts, stature,hair color, income, personality, intelligence, shoe size, or litterly anything .. i couldent allow my self to be enough.. i dont know if this will hel anyone but i realized a lot and learned a lot about progress i have made.. i actualy feel like i have some self acceptance.. in many other ways than this syndrome but also see where i have none..

Neogjoupe

10-09-2009, 03:49 AM

same engines really, Id guess it was an MH code in the mk2 if its
the hydraulic type that is if its a mech tappet engine then its
probably the same as the one your are replacing it with, the same as
the polo coupe S and Ranger etc...

ASchwartz

10-09-2009, 08:14 AM

Hi Roamer2 and Everyone,

This is from Roamer2:

it wasent untill i had found some self acceptance that my thoughts changed.. i believe that if i had 10" i would have felt the same.. ( i dont know if this is out of line what im getting ready to type..if it is i appoligize.. ) even the fact that i had been with woman that had full satisfying orgasoms from a pinky finger which is about 2.5" long and maybe 1/2" round.. i still felt insufficient.. all the facts and true experiences were in front of me my perception of myself was and in many ways still is grossly distorted..

Roamer, as the proverb goes, "You have hit the nail right on its head."
When someone has a distorted body image all the proof to the opposite makes no difference. It is just like people with Anorexia Nervosa. They look in the mirror and see fat. We look at them and see starvation. The fact? They are starving and even die if they refuse treatment.

If a man is with a woman, has sex with her and she is satisfied and the man feels sexually satisfied, that is all anyone should need. However, often, it does not work that way, does it, as Roamer has pointed out.

Thanks Roamer :)

nearlydead

10-09-2009, 08:56 AM

A 4" long penis is not a distortion, it is a reality. A 4" penis is smaller than a 6" penis, that is a reality, not distortion. Comparing those facts/realitys to someone with anoxeria is a mistake. The small penis exists both in reality and the mind of the small man, and anyone who sees's it. Where as with anorexia the fault is with the brain not seeing the physical in its true state.

If I had a 6" penis, but viewed it, and believed it to be 4" instead, then that would be a distortion.

The only common ground is that the cure comes from within the mind. Small men cannot change the reality of a small penis, they have to change how they feel about the small penis. To me, that is the same as a dwarf convincing himself he is 6 foot tall. Fine if he can do it, but the truth is, he is just a dwarf. Same with us.

malign

10-09-2009, 09:03 AM

I see your point about "reality", nearlydead, (this is probably the reason that there's such a focus on measurement) but it seems to me that your dwarf example isn't exactly analogous, either.

You said that a dwarf imagining himself to be six feet tall would still be a dwarf, and that's true. But that's not what's being suggested to you. What I think has been said is, what about a dwarf imagining that he's a good, lovable, hard-working, praiseworthy human being, just as he is?

IrmaJean

10-09-2009, 09:17 AM

I think what Allan was referring to was not a visual distortion about its actual size, but a distortion in your belief about its adequacy. A distortion in which your mind may think that the actual size has to do with your own adequacy in this respect. He might also be referring to a mindset where someone feels that they could never be "good enough". That once someone becomes so down on themselves, they won't accept themselves no matter what. That is not to say that you are necessarily feeling this way. I hope not anyway.

To me, that is the same as a dwarf convincing himself he is 6 foot tall. Fine if he can do it, but the truth is, he is just a dwarf. Same with us.

I don't think anyone is expecting you to believe that you are someone other than who you actually are. I think it's about embracing who you are and accepting yourself just as you are. Maybe first try not labeling it with an adjective and think of it as simply yours.

lifeless existence

10-09-2009, 11:17 AM

1234567890

nearlydead

10-09-2009, 11:21 AM

Ok i get what your saying about "distortion in its adequacy" My small penis may be adequate, but it is not ideal. I do not think my penis is adequate, I am so down on myself, that I cannot ever accept myself for what I now am.
To accept myself as a relaible hardworking, wonderful person with a small cock would be a con job. I cannot belive I can ever be happy in this life with this cock. Because of this cock and my attitude to it, I have no friends, family, I have not had a job in 10 years, the money is gone, I must go, or be homeless.

The effort required by my miserable carcass just to get to the point of an employd miserable git is not worth the potentail reward of 5 years from now kidding myself that having a small penis is ok. I cannot imagine myself with any kind of life worth living. I've probably read more on this subject than most, its consumed my entire life which has led me to now. Ive known for years that I have to accept that Im adequate, I am what I am etc. I have not , I cannot. The only cure for people who think like me, and are in my situation is kill. Five minutes of hardship, followed by a definate outcome and oblivion, V's graft in a low pay/status job, going through the humilation of impotence, the unattainable goal of "self hippy acceptance" finding a women who is stupid enough to accept adequate. From my expeirence of myself and life, the potentail outcome of all that effort is not a valid enough reason to live.

IrmaJean

10-09-2009, 11:08 PM

Ive known for years that I have to accept that Im adequate, I am what I am etc. I have not , I cannot.

What is it, do you think, that prevents you from self-acceptance? Would you feel negatively about a peer who had a similar physical appearance? Why such a standard on yourself?

Do you have any motivation to feel better about yourself? I truly hope so. I hope that you will seek out help.

Three years ago, a therapist told me that I had reached that point to such a degree that I won't see myself as acceptable until someone else accepts me.

Perhaps there is something in that. Have you ever felt totally accepted by another? Maybe you could try therapy again?

It's something I am completely sure of. And not just because of my penis. There are lots of other things about me that aren't good enough either, but being small is definitely the main contributor.

Are the other things anything that you can work on?

:(

Mscomments

10-09-2009, 11:17 PM

HI,
Just came across this forum because my boyfriend thinks he has a small penis and spends time worrying about it.

Ive been with a few guys and he is small-er than the other guys, but I enjoy sex with him the most because:
a) hes very attractive
b) hes very smart
c) When a penis goes more than 4 inches into a women it starts to push into the back of the vagina which can be uncomfortable.

We have really hot sex because he can enter me fully and fuck me hard and it doesnt hurt one bit!

I think for a while the world got a bit distorted on what a normal penis size is but now if you look on yourporn or other sites with amateur sex you will see that there are many men with smaller penis' starting to be in videos and i think in time you will see even men with very small penis' on the site.

I find it interesting that society doesnt laugh and ridicule a woman with small breasts, and there are many many women with very small breasts in the porn industry.....perhaps it has something to do with women being forced to show their hand so to speak where as men are able to and tend to hide their small sexual organ.

Hope my opinion is of some help to some people...

Interested Observer

10-10-2009, 12:32 AM

Post deleted by subscriber.

lifeless existence

10-10-2009, 01:21 AM

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Donna

10-10-2009, 01:51 AM

And now it's been six years since I last had any contact with a woman at all. That in itself makes me even more unacceptable. How am I supposed to explain that? Talk about a red flag. Women will run like hell when they hear that..
why would this make you unacceptable? and why would a 'woman run a mile' ?
i doubt somebody interested in you would walk away simply because you've not been in a r/ship for 6 years, and do you really have to tell them in the first place?
a lot of women get jealous and insecure knowing about their partners past and shy away from asking too much..if the question did get asked maybe you could just say your past r/ships(s) didnt work out, after all thats the truth :)

i hope you dont decide to check out!

IrmaJean

10-10-2009, 12:04 PM

I've felt accepted to some degree, but never totally. But even though I may have felt at least somewhat accepted, I've obviously never actually been accepted at all, because I've been rejected every time. I've never been good enough for any woman. Every single one of them has ultimately rejected me. And now it's been six years since I last had any contact with a woman at all. That in itself makes me even more unacceptable. How am I supposed to explain that? Talk about a red flag. Women will run like hell when they hear that. I'm so trapped. Maybe today will be the day I'm in that fatal accident I've been hoping for.

I would never want you to be hurt, Lifeless Existence.

It must be very painful to you to have never felt accepted for the person that you are. All of us deserve to be loved and accepted just as we are. And you are worthy of that love and acceptance just the same as any of us. Feeling rejected can be extremely painful. I remember how badly I felt when boys used to do things such as bark at me. I remember wishing that my appearance were different at times. But you know what helped me? When I began realizing that even the people that I'd perceived as "babes"
were human. Everyone has their own quirks, insecurities and doubts. And likely everyone has some part of themselves that they wish were different in some way. But, at the end of the day, maybe we all want the very same thing...whether we are perceived as attractive or less attractive by some others...we all want to feel loved and accepted just the way we are. You deserve that and you deserve to feel it from within yourself.

There are many reasons, aside from what you have perceived as your inadequacy, that any relationship might not work out. Maybe some of her doubts or her unwillingness to commit to a relationship played a part. And again maybe these particular women were simply not the best match for you. That is not a reflection on you, but of the situation.

I certainly wouldn't run from any man who hadn't been in a relationship for a while. If he was hurting, I would want to know why and what I could do to help. There are good, caring women out there, Lifeless Existence. There are understanding women who will listen. And there are women out there who will love you just as you are. Maybe try to find a place in your mind where you can practice letting go of your engrained beliefs about your self-worth. Even if just a little...try to let the gray through the black and white and believe. Maybe a little bit at a time.

Sure, there's a couple things I could work on. Too bad they're waaaaaaay overshadowed by the things that can't be changed.

Maybe then try to work on what you can change and accept and embrace what you cannot.

lifeless existence

10-14-2009, 01:04 PM

1234567890

Recluse

10-14-2009, 07:30 PM

not relevant

lifeless existence

10-14-2009, 08:55 PM

1234567890

Recluse

10-14-2009, 09:20 PM

4674623y867867

Recluse

10-14-2009, 09:23 PM

239854785785

IrmaJean

10-15-2009, 03:11 AM

If I want to have a relationship with a woman, then she would have to accept those things too. I am fully aware that that's just not going to happen. Years of loneliness and no hope for the future have me in an agony I hope none of you ever have to feel. This world is a very cold and dark place for those who aren't good enough for love and acceptance.

I'm sorry that you are in such pain. You are worthy of love and acceptance. What is it that makes you think you are not worthy of this?

I'll tell you one thing, whoever said "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" was completely full of shit. Once you've experienced affection from another, knowing you'll never have it again is the most severe torture imaginable. I can handle physical pain, but the mental anguish has me literally praying for death.

I think that when you love someone that you come to realize a lot of the positive things within yourself that you have to offer.

So you are fearing the pain of loss? I can definitely relate to that. You can have that special emotional bond with a woman again, but you have to give yourself the chance. It feels safer for you to avoid women, but living in a protective shell isn't the solution either. It may very well keep you from experiencing the potential pain of rejection and loss, but it also keeps you from experiencing the potential joy of love...which is what you have been desiring...

What I want is a fulfilling, rewarding relationship (including sex) and a strong emotional bond with a caring woman.

That's so good to hear. The potential for that is out there, but it also involves taking risks. I hope that you will try once again.

robyn

11-07-2009, 01:33 AM

After managing to effectively keep the HBO series Hung from my brothers attention we both ended up watching our fave show Have I got News for You last night which I thought was safe. The attractive blonde presenter made highly derogatory comments about small penises half way through the show. This immediately ended 2 weeks of relatively good moods for my brother. He later left the house at 4am and I have just filed a police report (which they wont act on for at least 8am Sunday morning here in the UK). Anybody advise what I say to him on his return?

nearlydead

11-07-2009, 04:33 AM

I saw the same show. just another typical off the cuff remark deriding small cocks. I hope your brother is found safe and well. I too caught a couple of episodes of Hung, just a load of hyped crap.
I understand from your othe posts, that your brother has MP. All YOU can do is be there for him, I dont know what you can possibibly say to him. It's his own hell. You have probably had a 1001 conversations with him trying to reassure him etc. But I tell you it will not help him.
With my own depression, there is an element of masochism, in that I sometimes think I actually like being this miserable in some way. In 30 years I have only discussed my size with two people, and I made thier lives miserable just because I could. Once you indulge them/me with sympathy you open a pandora's box. Could it be time for some tough love?

Recluse

11-07-2009, 07:55 AM

3495785785

IrmaJean

11-07-2009, 08:45 AM

Robyn, I'm sorry to hear about your brother and I hope that you find him soon. I would recommend, as ND suggested, being there for him, as well as supporting him and showing him that he is loved and accepted. It's unfortunate when television programs make the point of saying hurtful things such as this.

lifeless existence

11-07-2009, 10:00 AM

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Recluse

11-07-2009, 11:24 AM

73248585734

lifeless existence

11-07-2009, 12:15 PM

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Recluse

11-07-2009, 12:25 PM

245723895785

IrmaJean

11-07-2009, 02:29 PM

I can't even begin to tell you how many forums and threads like that I've found over the past few years. It's a staggering number. The women on those forums aren't deliberately trying to hurt us. They're just being honest.

They're being insensitive. I know there have to be many more women out there like me, who honestly really do not care about this one way or the other.

It might also be that these particular women have bought into the bad messages that television shows such as this give out.

Recluse, if I were dating someone who had any concerns about their size, I certainly would never be talking to friends about such a personal and sensitive thing. That type of behavior speaks to her insensitivity and her lack of respect for your dignity and privacy. Not good traits in my opinion. And if any particular woman is berating such a personal thing about you, I would look for a different woman to date.

They don't say those things to be hurtful. They don't even see them as being hurtful.

Again, very insensitive. Deriding anyone about something they might take personally is very hurtful. If they can't see that, then it speaks to their issues and not yours.

nearlydead

11-07-2009, 04:19 PM

They're being insensitive. I know there have to be many more women out there like me, who honestly really do not care about this one way or the other.

It might also be that these particular women have bought into the bad messages that television shows such as this give out.

Recluse, if I were dating someone who had any concerns about their size, I certainly would never be talking to friends about such a personal and sensitive thing. That type of behavior speaks to her insensitivity and her lack of respect for your dignity and privacy. Not good traits in my opinion. And if any particular woman is berating such a personal thing about you, I would look for a different woman to date.

Again, very insensitive. Deriding anyone about something they might take personally is very hurtful. If they can't see that, then it speaks to their issues and not yours.

Irma, you are right, the women who guys like us date, who then go on to tell our friends, their friends and anybody else who will listen about our size, are generally nasty people with thier own issues. But knowing that, makes absolutely no difference to us. Because once they tell everyone, the damage is done. So once we overcome our own fears, we then have to suffer knowing that every woman we do sleep with has the power to ruin our lives further. Dating for us, is russian roulette.

Unlike LL and Recluse, I have had some positive expierences with women sexually, and I know that thier size issues matter more to them, than matters to most women. But nothiing I can say will make those two think any different because it is outside their expeirence, which is backed up by internet chat, facts, etc. My expeirence is contrary to the facts, I can make women happy sexually. But what none of us can ever do, average guys or large guys or small guys is be sure that a woman will keep her mouth shut.

Recluse

11-07-2009, 04:52 PM

34857578543

lifeless existence

11-07-2009, 05:20 PM

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Recluse

11-07-2009, 05:36 PM

234239847823947.

Mark

11-07-2009, 09:13 PM

robyn

11-08-2009, 12:32 AM

Dear All, Thank you for your kind messages. Hes back home. He appears safe and sound. He is sleeping so I dont know what he did. I suspect he scored drugs. We shall see. I have half a mind to complain to the bbc and then the police for their dismissive attitude.

lifeless existence

11-08-2009, 01:12 AM

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nearlydead

11-08-2009, 02:43 AM

I'm sure this has been pointed out before, but if so it bears repeating.

All these millions of chats and forums you've all found and shared with the women in them that complain are a self-selected group: the group of women who have a dislike of small penises and want to talk about it for whatever reason (and other women who don't feel so strongly but say bad stuff anyway out of peer pressure). The women who don't care so much have no bee in their bonnet to discuss the issue, so they don't, and they are therefore invisible. In other words it's not a good idea to generalize from the forums to the population of women at large. the ratio of people who care about the issue vs. don't is not going to be the same.

Separately, another key issue here has to do with the generalized need to be acceptable socially. It's not possible to be accepted by everyone in the world. So - under the circumstances, how many women would have to accept you before you felt adequate? And how would you trust that they were not faking their acceptance?

Many people have a great deal of difficult with the concept of "enough". They think they will be happy if they can just get enough acceptance or enough wealth or enough sex or enough something, but then, when push comes to shove, it's never enough and they are always left craving more and feeling empty. That particular issue is best dealt with via contemplative interventions and practices such as psychotherapy and meditation.

Hi Mark, Thanks for your post.

I agree with your 1st point you make. Of the women who do express a negative reaction, many will be younger women responding to peer pressure, media influences etc with out actually having any real world expeirences. Some of those women will just be nasty and have thier own reasons etc.
There are women out there who have had expeirence of small men, who do express a genuine dislike for the smaller man. My conclussion is, some care, some dont. A small penis is a bigger problem for us, than it is to women. So therefore we small men have a problem of perspective.

Your 2nd point I feel is to generalised. It is not about how many women need to accept us socially, but the fact that it only requires one to exspose us to our social circle as small men. How do you suggest that once exposed to our peer groups as small impotent men we deal with the resulting riducule and humilliation?
The stock answer of "those people are not really your freinds" and "they're the ones with issues of thier own" etc are worthless statements. As separating ourselves from that circle and creating a new life is only a tempory solution, because as soon as you sleep with a women in the new circle you are back to square one again. I have rebuilt my life twice, each time pointless.

Robin, Glad to hear your bro's ok. Do not complain, because the reason for him absconding maybe uncoverd by the filth or BBC. Leading to further humilliation for your brother. Have you tried to get him to post on here?

maverick

11-08-2009, 07:00 AM

Donna

11-08-2009, 07:33 AM

nearlydead

11-08-2009, 08:06 AM

OK, it seems that whatever fact or opinion of any womans opinion posted on the internet is true, untrue, wrong, right, not really thier opinion, or is truly what they think. If they state size matters to them they are lying, if they size dont matter to them, they are lying.

Now, I do not care what women want/dont want, say/dont say, think/dont think, if they like big, small, short, fat, or whether they actually like cock at all. Thier opinions cannot be trusted, because they spend most of thier time thinking about what is important to them i.e. Shoe's, Handbags, and Chocolate. Most are stupid, cannot drive, and have an attack of the "MENTALS" on a monthly basis, which is why they can do nothing better than men.

Now that after 74 posts you lot have now turned me gay, please tell me how having got my new gay lover into bed, I then stop him/her/it from then telling all my friends that I am deformed, thereby stopping the ridicule and humilliation.?

maverick

11-08-2009, 10:15 AM

yep, and they're probably the same women who claim they are 18 yr old swedish models sending nude sexy pictures of 'themselves' and 'masturbating' behind the monitor..in between writing the shopping list and cooking husbands dinner for when he gets home from work of course ..or getting ready to go hang out with their mates in the park ;) and some may even be men..the internet attracts some peculiar people.

Yes the comments are nasty, very hurtful and they are spiteful and damaging but i wouldnt take things too seriously from sites and people such as them even if they are being genuine,how many members are there on that site and how many people are on the internet? and what kind of a site is it! not a very mature one or one of any actual relevance to anything obviously.

i mentioned in a prevous post i had a problem with one of my breasts and had to have an op (not size related) as a result it does not look attractive at all! and has made me very insecure and caused me various types of problems..i came across a site where men had posted pictures of women with the same type of disfurgement and there were literally hundreds of pics and hundreds of posts deriding these women and comments about how they would never f**k them they want putting down ther freaks etc and at first i was really hurt, but the more i read the more i realised they just wernt worth it, no my problem will never go away and yes i will always suffer because of it but no way was i going to let such pathetic people as that get to me..they're not worth my time...and those people arnt worth yours either, dont let such people add to your distress.

Of course you're right. There are trolls, some of them are probably men having a laugh at others less fortunate, and there are women who may be bitter towards men because they've been treated badly. I recall reading on a comment from a woman saying " Yeah of course size matters, If women are being scrutinized for their breasts or weight then why shouldn't men on their dick size? Anything less then 7 is small". Now I could tell, this was probably from a women who'd been treated badly and wants to have ago at men, and less then 7 equates for about 80% of the male population.

From a personal viewpoint I don't have much to worry about because I'm above 6 inches, but I found it pretty disgusting the other day when I discovered a vid on youtube where a girl (she looked about 18) was mocking a guy for having a small penis, and this was a guy she was seeing at the time apparently.

lifeless existence

11-08-2009, 01:32 PM

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IrmaJean

11-08-2009, 02:23 PM

Now, I do not care what women want/dont want, say/dont say, think/dont think, if they like big, small, short, fat, or whether they actually like cock at all. Thier opinions cannot be trusted, because they spend most of thier time thinking about what is important to them i.e. Shoe's, Handbags, and Chocolate. Most are stupid, cannot drive, and have an attack of the "MENTALS" on a monthly basis, which is why they can do nothing better than men.

Now that after 74 posts you lot have now turned me gay, please tell me how having got my new gay lover into bed, I then stop him/her/it from then telling all my friends that I am deformed, thereby stopping the ridicule and humilliation.?

Hmm...

Still here.

Never have carried a handbag or cared about shoes. I do, however, really like chocolate. :D

Anyhow...

ND, you cannot control the actions of others. But the opinions of others don't define you. Once you believe in yourself, their words won't seem as meaningful or pronounced. In the end, it's your beliefs that count.

I will say again that anyone who ridicules you is likely insecure themselves. They beat you down as a means of keeping their own fears at a distance. Or they might do it to get a rise out of you. The point being their motivation in this is not based on actual fact, but on finding some way to serve their own needs. Their behavior is about them and not you.

maverick

11-08-2009, 04:21 PM

I'm quite certain that's exactly what these women were doing. And the UCLA study backs up what we're seeing on these forums. These are not vile women with issues. They're simply expressing a preference.....one that appears to be shared by the majority.

Really though, why is anybody surprised? Especially nowdays with all the porn around. Teenage girls are growing up thinking a guy with an 8 inch cock is the norm. Also us guys are no different really, if we could, we'd all try and get a date with a centrefold girl or somebody who resembles one, so I imagine women are no different. They're probably attracted to a guy with muscles, a 6 pack and a giant dick. The reality is, most of us settle for average or a little above average.

Then why are you here?

If you read one of my threads on another part of this site, I like to make myself perfect. Although I'm average in terms of penis size, I'd like to be above average.

Recluse

11-08-2009, 05:35 PM

234723894789234

Recluse

11-08-2009, 05:45 PM

345734985895

lifeless existence

11-09-2009, 09:49 AM

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Recluse

11-09-2009, 10:11 AM

2778923478923

lifeless existence

11-09-2009, 10:30 AM

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malign

11-09-2009, 10:34 AM

LE, that's just depression talking. I would bet that you eat, breathe, pee, and so on, right along with the rest of us.

Why is there such a huge vested interest in being "too different"?
I don't much believe in "normal", myself.

Recluse

11-09-2009, 10:41 AM

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malign

11-09-2009, 10:46 AM

Well, I managed to be far outside of "normal human socialization" with just depression, for most of my life. All I'm saying is not to build it up even further. So what if your neighbors don't know you well enough to know whether you're a bogeyman or not? All that takes is to talk to them a couple of times. I'm not saying that's easy; just that it's not more difficult because you've waited.

IrmaJean

11-09-2009, 10:48 AM

I've been feeling worse than ever over the past week or so. Today I've been struggling to fight the urge to just stay in bed all day. I got into that pattern once before after I was dumped by the woman I was engaged to and thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I stayed in bed almost all the time for over a month. It nearly ended badly. I came close to swallowing a whole bottle of pills. The hopelessness of my situation makes me nauseous and that combined with the grinding heartache I feel all the time makes me just want to try and sleep my life away so I can escape.

I'm so sorry that you've been feeling this way, LE. :( I wish I knew of some way to help. Is talking helpful in any way?

Recluse

11-09-2009, 10:50 AM

7585734843

lifeless existence

11-09-2009, 11:23 AM

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lifeless existence

11-09-2009, 11:30 AM

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Recluse

11-09-2009, 11:34 AM

45734578434

ASchwartz

11-10-2009, 07:59 AM

Hi Recluse,

I have a question that I want to put very respectfully: Instead of having "women," what about having "one woman," that one special person?

Allan

Recluse

11-10-2009, 02:45 PM

2347847238954324

lifeless existence

11-10-2009, 05:50 PM

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IrmaJean

11-11-2009, 03:33 AM

A committed relationship with that one special person is all I've ever asked for.

That one special person could be out there waiting to meet you as well. You won't find her unless you try, LE. Take that risk and give life a chance.