Positive Developments

[goose]

I went into the city on Saturday - challenging 3 of my 'phobias' ,(1) shopping, (2) going into the city (haven't gone there in 2 years) and (3) shopping with my daughter (she is a shopaholic and this brings my anxiety off the scale).



Anyhow we drove in, don't like public transport - an exposure for another day.
I felt ok walking around the city, not too many people around.

Going into the shops was difficult, but I did it. We spent less than 2 hours shopping but I am very pleased to have done it and feel I would be less anxious about doing it again.

In nearly 20 years of working I have only socialized with my work collegues once - always found an excuse to avoid. A lady I am very fond of is retiring next week so my friend and I suggested meeting her for lunch (in the canteen). Then my friend had the idea that we would go outside the hospital to a local pub for lunch :eek::eek::eek:. Had a very strong desire to avoid this, but knew I couldn't. In the end it went well, I actually surprised myself and enjoyed it.

All in all a good week so far.

Goose

[David O]

Way to go Goose!!!!!!!!!!:) That took some guts, you did it and now you have taken a strong step forward and added a notch to your belt.

Can you remember what self talk you had to do to maintain the courage? What were the statements and things you said and did to make this a positive development.

Again, excellent work. We rarely champion those that take a giant step, so from me-- bien echo (Well done) young Jeti!

David

[goose]

Thanks for that David,

Well in relation to the shopping I would not refuse such a request from my daughter no matter how difficult it is. I want my children to think well of me - and I am deliberatly not using the 'w##k' word cause malign will only give out to me :p.

Seriously my Therapist explained and demonstrated to me the effects of over-breathing (taking too much oxygen) and how it can make you lightheaded. So I was very aware of my breathing and tried to control it the best I could. My fear in shops is of fainting or collapsing and becoming the centre of attention. I can rationalize now that in my 46 years this has never happened to me, and if it did sure the people looking at me have enough going on in their own lives, what happens to me is no big deal to them, they will only be sympathetic and helpful.

As regards socializing I no longer believe that I can't think of things to say, but with practice I will get better at small talk.

Goose

[malign]

Ah, goosey,

That entire suite of activities that you did even though you were scared just prove my point. :-) To borrow David's Jedi reference, the Demented Bunny is strong with this one.

(And yes, if you're not a Star Wars fan, that means next to nothing, I know.)

You should be patting yourself on the back, assuming you won't break a wing in the process.

[goose]

Yeah I'm familiar with Star Wars - saw The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi years ago. My 13 year old son has the full box set - and was also fond of playing Lego Star Wars on the computer. (can't understand why the numbering has to be backward though).

One of these day I will start to believe that I am strong. :)

Goose

[malign]

Just watch your daughter: all you really need to believe is that you are, warts and all. "Hey world, this is me, whether you like it or not."

We only need strength when we believe we have weakness.

[Maybe I really should become an inspirational speaker. Or a bumper-sticker manufacturer.]

[David O]

One of these day I will start to believe that I am strong. :) Goose

Ahh young Jedi (or Demented Bunny).... one does not have to believe they are strong to be strong, one need only behave as if they were and the belief will follow! Act as if it is impossible to fail-- this was my mantra for years and the more times I succeeded, as you did yesterday, the greater your odds of coming to believe.

“For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible.”-- you're about to change the 2nd part of this axiom!

Good luck! We're pulling for you.

[OCDmom]

The Force is with you, always. :o

[David O]

The Force is with you, always. Goose--- you are your own force!!! You create, use, channel, bring back, release, loan it to others.... you are your own force and don't let anyone (even yourself) convince you otherwise. My wife has bigger testicles :eek:than I do and the reason she does is b/c she uses them (she's an attorney) daily.

Now, go out and use this "power" for good and you'll grow a pair:eek: :eek:












PS1: No animals were hurt in this post. I hope no-one was offended by my slightly sick humor.


PS2: That new avatar-- I like it. Now practice changing it every few days. Always choosing an Avatar that pushes you slightly ahead of where you are. Buene exito!

[goose]

I am very good at using the power in work. My confidence is at an all-time high there. I am particulary proud of what I did on Friday, persuading a gentleman not to abscond, he needed in-patient treatment. I strongly suspect he was an illegal immigrant, it took him a while to trust me.

Now ask me to say hello to a stranger in the street and I am a quivering mess.

Goose

[David O]

Now..... please say hello to 6 strangers today, 7 next week and 10 the following!!! Do not deviate, do not pass go and do not collect $200! If you have to, tell them a redneck joke, a Yo Momma joke, or even comment on their bad hairdo... but do say Hola Chica first.

[goose]

If nothing else I will learn some Spanish from this forum:D

The people in the village where I live are quite friendly and would be inclined to say hello as they pass you by - I just need to have the courage to add to this, something simple like "nice day" or more typically "horrible weather isn't it".

Slán go foill;)

Goose

[malign]

Meanwhile, I'll be learning Gaelic (with my trusty pal Google).

Sláinte.

[goose]

Two languages at once Malign, surely thats just showing off :p.

Sláinte is both Scotish Gaelic and Irish Gailge surely?

I think you are setting the bar a little too high David, 6 people in one day:eek:, I'm pleading for leniency here :).

Goose

[malign]

You could find six people in one bar, goosey. ;-)

I long ago gave up on Scots Gaelic (I do know what a 'ceilidh' is); I was trying to find words in Gailige. Do you speak it at home? I understand that's fairly rare, these days.

[goose]

Can't believe I spelt Gaeilge wrong. That is an indication of how bad I am, no we don't speak it at home. I do have to help my 13 year old with his Irish homework, he struggles with it. He would dearly love an exemption from Irish, he would be entitled as he is dyslexic, but his pleas are falling on deaf ears at the moment (mine in particular - cause he is not really that bad).

Maybe the 'Demented Bunnies' should have a Ceile, and all come dressed in green or tartan.:)

Goose

[Blossom]

have you ever been to the gaeltacht goose?

[goose]

No Blossom I've never been, my parents couldn't afford it, I have 9 brothers and sisters. Have you been, is it really true that they send you home if you speak a word of English?

Goose

[Blossom]

you're lucky you didn't go... :) it's horrible.... i got sent there 3 summers ago and it was torture!!! yeah, it's really really strict. i think ya get about 3 warnings and then you're sent home. i was really hopeless at speaking irish so i stayed silent and i couldn't talk to anyone for the whole 3 weeks. it was awful. some people really like it though. just not me:p

[John Rutledge]

deleted ....

[goose]

Tá an ceart agat, Is mise Eireannach (You are right I am Irish).

Nil fhois agam an focal 'oirid' cad é? (I'm not familiar with the word 'oirid' what is it?)

I live very far from W.B. Yeats country - but the poem makes it sound beautiful.:)

Goose

[goose]

Ok I'm struggling with this. No chance of meeting strangers if I won't leave the house:(. I need a better reason to go for my walks other than the fact that my T (and David) will be disappointed in me if I don't.

I've gone to work and done my 'mom taxi' duties. The walk is always the first thing that falls by the wayside when I get low.

Goose

[malign]

Goosey, that's because it's the first thing that's just for you.

You deserve better, not because anyone will get mad at you, but just because you do.

[goose]

You know, you are dead right. I was reading the hobbies thread and I felt I couldn't contribute because I do very little for myself.

Any way tomorrow is another day, I will try tomorrow.

Goose

[malign]

Okay, try the walk tomorrow.

But is there one smaller thing you can do for yourself, in what's left of today?
Just to show yourself you mean it.

[goose]

Sorry for running out in the middle of a discussion earlier on - other people were demanding my attention.

I do spend time reading before I go to bed and I enjoy that. My T wants me to join a book club at my local library, to improve my social skills and to give me a new hobby - I'm not sure at all about this though.

Goose

[malign]

Hey, that's a good idea. I learned to play a game called 'Go' almost 20 years ago now. It's an Asian strategy game that's older than chess, and much more satisfying, to me. I learned to play against a computer program, which tells you where my social skills were, at the time. :-) The thing is, even though I wanted to play against real people, I didn't know where the clubs were or how to contact them.

But I made an effort and located a tournament in a nearby city. So the first time I played a human was in a tournament. But the point is, because I kept trying, I found a place to play locally, and I became a fixture at the club.

The trick is to use things you enjoy and that you share with other people, to help you break the ice. With a club, you're all there for the same reason, and in all likelihood, at least some of the other people are just as scared of meeting new people as you are.

And of course, real life takes precedence over an online conversation. That's why our words are still here tomorrow. ;-)

[goose]

I had to choose between lying out on the sofa or going for my walk. I chose to take my walk in the lashing rain. I like the rain, it is refreshing. I didn't meet anyone however I made a point of talking to the lady in the shop - a shop I had been avoiding - so two exposures for the price of one.

Yesterday I went to the biggest store in the country - a major major exposure for me. I had been told it might take me up to two hours to get around it all :eek:. It took me less than an hour, ok I didn't buy anything or look too closely at anything other than the exit sign, the anxiety made me feel physically sick at times but I survived. My daughter wants to come with me the next time - don't think I could survive that one.

I investigated the book club at the local library - the book they are reading at the moment seems too intellectual for me :(. But I did see some events coming up on family history that I would be interested in (exhibitions and lectures). These are quite solitary activities and won't help my socialising I know, but I will enjoy them.


Goose