Worried About My Boys

[Smith222]

I am 44 years and this is my story. When I was 13 I noticed I had an unusually small penis. Every day I was saying to myself don’t worry it will grow… much to my horror it never did and it consumed my thoughts every day like a very bad dream. As a teenager I was constantly comparing myself to my friends looking for someone who was the same. They were all bigger and that’s when I knew I was not normal. I quit all the sports I loved as to not have to take showers with the others and be humiliated as when it is placid it is just one inch long, 4.5 inches erect. Going to the toilet was also a problem as I always went into the vacant cubicles and if that was not possible I would just hold it in. I wore cloths to hide it and basically was severely depressed over it crying myself to sleep on many occasions asking why me. It affected my maturity as well, I was so consumed with the problem I was not aware of the other social things most teenagers think about as they grow up. My confidence was completely shattered but I managed to hide it from everyone as best as I could. I began to take drugs and started drinking heavily. I contemplated suicide but could not gather the guts to go through with it.

Girls were attracted to me as I was a very good looking which compounded the problem. I was always finding ways to avoid any chance of a sexual encounter. Then I met a girl who I liked and when the day came for sex I was a complete mess. I cried in her arms and did not tell her why so she obviously realized I was screwed up and then understood why when she saw it. She had been with a few boys before and dumped me the next day. I then met a younger girl who was 16, I was 17. She never had a sexual encounter and we fell in love and I had the same painful moment with her the first time we did it. I had to explain I was small and that hopefully she was ok with it. It was humiliating beyond words. To my horror she started to laugh. I thought ok this is the end again… but to my surprise she thought I was crazy to worry about that and we spent the next 3 years together. That was the best thing to ever happen to me as it did wonders for my confidence and self worth and my social life as a whole.

I still had friends make jokes occasionally. One time we were out partying and this guy just came out and said hey look he has a really small dick pointing at my crotch, in front of all the people in the room. I was also with some friends one time having lunch and one of the girls said, “I really feel sorry for you”, I said why?…she said you have really small hands which means you have a small penis. Another time I overheard a girl say to another friend she couldn’t understand how my girlfriend was with me as I had a small dick.

Then came the day I was expecting…my girlfriend broke up with me. I do know however that it wasn’t because of my penis but I cried for about a month. I thought I would never get over it and find another girl who did not worry about penis size. A few years passed with the same sick feeling of not being a competent sexual partner with a few more girls dumping me and then bingo! I find a great girl who doesn’t care. She loves me for who I am, a very sensitive loving caring friend with a huge heart. I ask her to marry me as soon as possible as I was not going to let her slip away. She said yes.

A few years pass and we have children. I was praying for girls as I didn’t want a boy for obvious reasons. I now have 2 boys who are 11 and 13 years. They are like me, small. So now I worry about them every day and I am scared they may not cope. I was wondering if anybody knows if there is something I can do that would maybe allow them to grow a larger penis?

[finding my way]

Smith 222, welcome to the community:). Thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you have found your path in all of this, yet are still afraid to trust it when it comes to your sons. Isn't the best thing to pass on to them the truth that they are fine just as they are?;) Maybe you have a little more healing to do before you can do that, but that would be an awesome gift from their father.

[Smith222]

Thank you for the kind words however it does not take away from the fact that growing up with a small penis is extremely distressing. men who have a normal penis simply don't understand what it's like. You would think with all the advancements in medicine someone would come up with a fix to this problem that destroys lives. I was lucky in the end but it was nothing short of a journey through hell. I desperately don't want my boys to go through what I went through.

[David O]

Good morning Smith222,

Finding my way is absolutely right!!! A discussion regarding their penis size could inadvertently set them up for developing self images around their penis that create unnecessary struggles for them. The best you can give them is to create within them a realistic, positive, strong sense of self thru the five “R’s”—respect, rules, roles, responsibilities, and realistic expectations, and about loving others and themselves! This may be what gives them the emotional resources and strength to deal with issues differently than you have had to.

As to those who like to joke about your penis size, I would smile real big, look them straight in the eye and say: "yeah... but I can lick my eyebrows!:eek:" then look away as if it was nothing. :D


Good luck!

[Smith222]

Thanks David O for your comment. You make good sense and I will take it on board. My boys are very well grounded and live in a very good home with plenty of positive good values we teach them daily including alot of love. I certainly won't be sitting them down soon and start talking about it, with different options how to go forward, that would destroy them. However you can bet that it won't be long before someone else lets them know they are not very well equipped. And it won't be long before they see that they are different to most if not all the boys around them. I find it hard to imagine how anybody can handle that situation in a positive way no matter how emotionally balanced they are. When your manlyhood stays the size of a 10 year old you quickly realise nature has delt you a cruel blow. It's really that simple. I will keep looking for a solution as I believe the best chance of fixing the problem is while they are still growing.

[David O]

Smith222,
Just one final thought-- there is no known, effective medical treatment for this. Of the the few that are available (Jelqing, clamping, stretching and hanging, inflatable implants, penis enlargement surgery), none has been found to be completely effective for most men. Some even result in loss of sensation... which in the end could be a worse fate. Of men who have had medical procedures performed, 50-70% are highly dissatisfied with the end result.

I think that rather than looking for the Holy Grail, it might be best to equip them with their "fate" by doing what you're already doing-- creating a nurturing environment that results in a strong sense of self and emotional resilience. This is their only real defense against insensitive statements made by others, or the development beliefs about themselves that interfere with rich relationship development.

You must be careful not to give them your unfinished business-- but do be available should they show signs of struggling. You must also be careful not to fix this for them, as this may serve to only highlight the issue.

[Smith222]

No offense to anyone here, you have all had some very nice comments however I believe that all the people who have posted on this subject here and all the other threads on SPS and do not have a small penis have no clue as to what it is like... and especially what it takes to feel better about it. There is nothing you can say in any way shape or form that will make a man with a small penis feel better. The ONLY thing that will help a man get over the pain is to get a larger penis. I would pay anything to get a larger penis for several reasons.

1. I could wear anything and feel confident as a man for the first time in my life. I wouldn’t need to spend a lot of time when I buy new clothing making sure it doesn’t reveal too much. Any clothing that is slightly tighter reveals I have no dick. The embarrassment of this is so profound people just don't get it. It hits at the core of what being a normally proportioned man is.

2. I could go to the beach or swim at a friend’s pool without the agonizing fear of someone noticing (actually if I am wearing a bathing suit it shows period) and saying, “hey he really has no dick whatsoever". So I never go swimming because I am completely embarrassed and I feel very uncomfortable in that situation…and I love swimming. I would love to be free and go swimming.

3. I could play the sports I love and not worry about having a shower with the guys after the game. Not having been able to being a part of that mate ship tears me apart, and has killed all my confidence. And believe me if I did decide to join the team you can bet any money I would be the subject of extremely humiliating comments. My team mates would be some of my closer friends and it would surely be a subject of conversation between them. Hey look at that my 8 year old has a bigger penis! Humiliating beyond anyone’s understanding who doesn’t have a small penis.

4. Have confidence for the first time ever. I have never felt what it’s like to walk into a room feeling confident within myself.

Apart from the nightmare of finding a lover there are many other examples which I could give you but I think you get the message. For the record I am 1 inch flaccid and 4.5 inches erect. No amount of profound analysis of social reality will make me feel better. No amount of positive thinking and being prepared with cutely arranged comeback lines will help me feel comfortable about walking into a sports change room and take my cloths off in front of other men before I take a shower. So until there is a physical cure there will never be psychological peace for those who are affected. I will never get over it and I know all those who are affected like myself will never get over it either. Gees that quote will ruffle a few feathers of the administrators… If there is anyone out there that has found peace and like some have put it “been healed” of this so called syndrome and they have my penis dimensions I would really like to know. Actually anyone could post anything so I wouldn’t believe it anyway, it’s just not possible. I just wish there was a simple successful penis enlargement operation as easily as women get breast implants…imagine… these posts would not exist and we could all move on…

[David O]

Hi Smith222,

I hear you loud and clear and I can't imagine anything like what you're going thru. You're very right, no amount of witty comebacks, fast talk, positive self statements or anything we say will give you that peace. I do know a bit about being an outsider, I have my story of Juan (a pseudonym I use), which is a condensed version of my life as an outsider. It started when we left a brutal dictatorship (most of us were raped, beaten, shot) as a teen to emigrate to the US and worked as migrants in the cotton, watermelon, grapes, onion, garlic, potato, and lettuce fields. We were poor, unlike the poverty any existing American recognizes. We lived in tents and bathed in man made canals at the foot of the fields. We were, according the "White people" the "cebolleros (onion pickers was the term for migrants)". We were black from working 14 hour days in the sun and dirty as pigs, wreaked of onions and garlic, and dressed like poor gypsies. Here is what I recall:

1) Our skin color and dress immediately identified us as different "wetbacks" so we were not allowed into stores.
2) In stores where we were allowed in, it was only one "spic" or "greaser" at a time
3) Clerks would not look us in the eye and would give us change by tossing it on the counter so they didn't have to touch us
4) We were followed around by store staff to make sure we didn't steal
5) the "White and Black kids" would periodically gang up on any of us who were not traveling in numbers... so I have my share of >100 ass whoopings b/c of my skin color and what I represented,
6) No one would hire us except as field hands
7) The police would frequently stop us b/c we were walking in town-- often to arrest us for loitering or b/c we were in the "wrong side of town"
8) In school I tested as having an IQ of 86-- that placed in classes with others having borderline intellectual functioning to those with mental retardation (we were called morons). Most of us non-English speaking people were seen as retarded and there was now the added stigma attached to being a "spic...wetback...greaser...fuckwad... moron...retard...scumbag...... etc."
9) Frequently, bands of "white" guys would travel in pick-up trucks, stopping us when we were walking from school or on our way to work, to give us our daily or weekly beating with bats and sticks.

There is so much more to add to this story... there are the countless rapes by the federal soldiers, the countless beatings, the being forced to hurt each other to survive, the severe poverty, hunger, and sicknesses b/c we had no healthcare.

I would never pretend to understand your situation b/c I know it's painful, and I would never want to diminish it and how it has affected your life. Smith222, you can debate this with me/us and tell us we don't understand and even insist that I'm completely insensitive, cruel and malicious; but, what I will say is that the issue is not your penis, just like my issues are not what was done to me/us (although I have had severe PTSD symptoms in the past), it is in how we have processed and worked thru this in our life. Your penis is your penis: my trauma is my trauma-- however, these events do not define me (although they do partially shape me) any more than your penis defines you. The focus thus becomes one of how you've chosen to live your life around it, what values and beliefs you've attached to the situation, and how you may impart this view to your children. It may also be how you've permitted/chosen penis size to be the definitive measure of your totality, and thus could also ensure that it becomes how your children define themselves. Finally, it seems that you may have allowed others views of you (thru your penis size) to supersede and even create your self definition deep into your adult years (where you are more able to differentiate what others say about you from what you decide who you really are), even after you've made a life with 2 children and have a wife who loves you for who and what you are.

Please understand that my response is not intended to be difficult and mean-spirited or insensitive. I'm trying to understand, share a small part of my experience and then challenge you as I have myself, to look at it again and again and again. I say all of this with respect for how emotionally damaging both of our lives have been.

On the lighter side, thru all of this, I have been married twice (still married to my 2nd wife)-- both times to a "White" woman. It seems I've moved passed much of my issues now and that I found 2 women who could love me for who and what I was.

Please write back and let me know your thoughts.

[Smith222]

David O

I am shocked at what you have been through. To have people treat other people in such a way, especially the cruel beatings must have been terrifying. There was obviously a serious cultural meltdown of violence and persecution that I hope is no longer present.

My penis is a physical characteristic or should I say flaw in my genetics. Do I feel like an outsider? Maybe, I don’t know. Do I feel it defines me? Yes, I think, maybe, I don’t know either. All I am trying to say is that to completely overcome this unfortunate situation…which is the idea for all who are sharing their experiences and thoughts on this website…that there needs to be a physical solution.

I don’t feel any of you have said anything mean-spirited or insensitive. Quite the contrary, you are all trying to help, that’s great. It’s just that a lot of it seems complicated… I am a guy with an abnormally small dick and I have been sad about it for many reasons which I explained. That’s all, simple. I have dealt with it, which wasn’t easy, I’m just very angry (obviously). I don’t want my boys to go through what I went through. The pain and social trauma is almost not worth living, that’s what most don’t understand. Unfortunately it looks like there will be nothing I can do about it except try to somehow nurture them with good values and beliefs. It will help yes but in the end they will no doubt be depressed and self conscious and struggle through their teenage years and beyond unless a discovery in a procedure is available.

I know most who visit this site probably have a small penis and are looking for answers. The problem is there are not many of us out there with a SP, very few actually. That is probably why a procedure has not been researched more. Also the subject is very taboo. Most with the condition will go to extreme lengths to hide it let alone talk about it with anybody.

My advice for all the guys out there who are not coping is this, and I hope this doesn’t offend anybody, I’m not a doctor and may be a little insensitive:

1. Life has dealt you a cruel blow and there is nothing you can do about it. There is no sense to keep crying as it will not make things any better. Have your cry and then get back up and carry on to the best of your abilities. It’s hard, yes I know… there are good days and bad days but there is no alternative...you need to keep marching on. Remember there are people who know you well… who love you, your family etc and you must never forget that. Even if you have no family there would be people who know you and would care alot if you were hurt.

2. Get a girlfriend. I know this is the most difficult part. There are women out there that care more about good personality and your friendship and love over the size of your penis. Even if you are 3 inches erect you can find someone, trust me I know. There are not many but they are out there. I had many disappointments before I met my wife (about 20 or so) but I kept my head up and didn’t stop because there was no way I was going to spend the rest of my life alone feeling sorry for myself. Finding a partner who accepts you as you are is the most important thing in all this to stop most of the bleeding.

And maybe one day there will be procedure we can all safely have.
Peace to all!!!

[Smith222]

KiskPioke

Hi welcome...

Obviously you are angry that you have a small dick as well.

Commiserations.

[David O]

David O
My penis is a physical characteristic or should I say flaw in my genetics. Do I feel like an outsider? Maybe, I don’t know. Do I feel it defines me? Yes, I think, maybe, I don’t know either. All I am trying to say is that to completely overcome this unfortunate situation…which is the idea for all who are sharing their experiences and thoughts on this website…that there needs to be a physical solution.

Hi Smith,

I'm hearing you offer hope to others, and understanding and compassion. I think you've been remarkably brave and strong.

I don't want to be difficult and argumentative about this, I know all too well that some advice is no advice and that sometimes this "no" advice can actually become damaging advice. So I'll offer my best, all the while knowing that you are aware I speak from a life of great personal difficulties and hurdles.

Your comment: "Do I feel it defines me? Yes, I think, maybe, I don’t know either," is somewhat telling as it's less equivocal than your previous post. Also, you offer great wisdom, advice and support for others.

May I suggest you pick up and learn to use the TEA form, which others have alluded to on this forum, and carefully look at it. It may lead you to a different conclusion about self definition.

As always, good luck-- and I speak to you from a point of great respect and humility for what you've been thru.

David

[nearlydead]

I am 45, and my life has been ruined as a result of unfortunatley being born with a 4" penis.
My question to the OP is, as a man with a small penis, and knowing what that has ment to your life, why would you then go and breed? I just do not understand this level of selfishness. If people like me and you stop breeding, then the small cock and all the crap that having one brings would dissappear.

As it is you have selfishly decided to breed, probably for your own prospects of getting some happiness, and in so doing taken a chance that your offspring will have as crap a life as yourself. Shame on you.

[David O]

nearlydead,

Maybe it would be better if you rephrased your question to: "Knowing you had a small penis and that you could pass it on to your children, how did you go about making the decision to go ahead and have children?" This would lead to a real discussion and not condemnation.

nearlydead.... is there anything you can add to this discussion?

[nearlydead]

I feel that the OP must be condemed for his actions. He knowingly made the decision to pass on his faulty genetics.

I have a small penis which has ruined my entire life from the age of 13. I took the decision many years ago not to breed, in case I would pass on my genetic failings to my spawn. I also took the decision not to have any relations with women, because any woman would have a crap life being married to a loser like myself.

I am 45, have no penis, no job, no friends, no family, and will run out of money in about 6 weeks. My choice's are 1. Suicide of the Tamar bridge, or 2 sign on the dole, put myself into CBT and con myself into thinking that with 5,6,7, years hard work a miracle will happen and I can be happy with my little penis, working in a low pay/status job. Having no friends or family allows me the luxury of suicide.

However you ask the question, knowingly breeding a deformity is wrong.

[malign]

You sound very angry, nearlydead.
Who are you angry at? It doesn't really sound like it's the OP (Original Poster, I assume); he hasn't done anything to you.
Who did?

There are many things I don't understand about how you describe your situation. But hey, there are lots of things in life I don't understand. Can you help me out, by making the connections clearer? For instance, how does the size of a penis affect the job you have?

[nearlydead]

My penis size, and my reaction to it has led to depression. Depression led me to making the decission 12 years ago to stop opening my front door, stop answering the phone and give up my job. After three years I run out of money and sold my house. Since then I have stayed in rented accommodation, having no contact with anyone, living on the money from the house sale. that money has now run out. Its over.

[malign]

Okay, I think I understand your situation a bit better.

Do you think you can try to separate some of these issues?
Depression does not have to result from a penis size issue; as you said, part of it is your reaction to the situation. That's something you can work on changing, leaving the size issue itself entirely alone. Basically, you don't have to self-destruct over this, if you don't want to. No one says you have to get to the point of being happy with your penis; you just need to be able to hold a job.

On the other issue, though: it's okay if you don't want to discuss your anger. All we ask is that you not take it out on other members, please, because we all need to be able to discuss things here without worrying about being attacked.

[David O]

nearly dead,

I want to welcome you to the community. Please be patient with us, we're wanting to understand, be sensitive, compassionate and maybe even share some of our wisdom. Your anger is coming thru and I would ask that you not direct it at Smith, as Malign has suggested. Smith came here for support, encouragement and understanding, and we would like to maintain a sense of "family" here so that everyone can speak freely, openly and honestly w/o fearing that they'll be judged. I say this b/c if we followed your logic, we should also be condemning any member here who has children while they also have Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, Williams Syndrome, Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression, Panic Disorder, Willi-Prader Syndrome, or any number of conditions with a genetic marker. This would likely be >90% of our membership--- should they also be ashamed for being "selfish...for knowingly breeding a deformity... and... passing on their faulty genetics [to their] spawn (whether mental or physical)", too???

The one key point you make is that you clearly understand that it is your "reaction" that has lead to your self definition and life decisions. Am I understanding correctly? I want to preface my next question by apologizing up front if it sounds too caustic and insensitive-- this is never my intent so please be patient with me. I'm wondering if you may be using your penis size as an excuse or rationale for having made life decisions that have you at this point where nothing seems to be working in your life? Is it possible that you may be using penis size as a reason for not having created a meaningful and relevant life for yourself (this doesn't mean your life is meaningless and irrelevant, only that it has become this for you)?

Nearly Dead, again, please be patient with us and I ask you to show respect for Smith and others.

David

[nearlydead]

The rationale is, It does not matter what I do, I will always have this maggot penis, what ever I did or did not acheive, the result is has/always been the same, which is failure, and self hatred. There is no getting away from it, every time I see it, feel it, I hate it.

I did not pursue the woman I loved because of my size and impotence, I did not pursue sports because of my size, I never had any confidence in any decission I have ever taken, job I have ever done, or social situation, I have ever been in. Because when people find out you have no cock and your impotent they will laugh and talk about it, to your face or behind your back, they will talk. Add that to the hate you already have for your carcass, and you cannot get away from it. What ever I could of acheived with my life, it would always have been "but with a small cock" for me that was unacceptable, I curse the day I was born.
I was born with an undescended testicle, at 10 I had the op which left a scar, then it turns out it is small, then its impotent, then its common knowledge to the people that knew me, its small and impotent, now the foreskin is too tight. There is no way I could of ever changed how I felt about my penis. My small penis is reality, womens reactions to it were reality, my impotence is reality.

With CBT, no amount of me challenging how I think about my penis, can change what women or friends felt about my penis. Therefore useless to me. CBT is just a version of "The Emperor and his new clothes"

Using CBT I would have to think "well Ian, you have made an error of judgement about yourself and other people, which has led you to live the last 45 years in misery, resulting in erroneous decissions that have left you with no friends, career/job, wife/girlfriend kids/family, money or time. From now on, when you look at your penis, see it as a part of you that can give you lots of pleasure, and women arent bothered about size, impotence, sex etc, they like you for who you are blah blah blah" Maybe that would make me feel better for a while, then I go out, get a low pay/status job, make some friends, tell some lies to cover why I have no kids/family, wife, life, etc then meet a woman who accepts my small penis and impotence, as just another lovely part of wonderful me.......Or she could just laugh, tell my new freinds, and I go back to square one again. (CBT no thats all or nothing thinking, forecasting, labelling,discounting the positive, but possible, even probable.)

The time and effort that I would have to put into CBT inorder to gain a chance at an acceptable life, is not worth the potentail reward. I think suicide is the most certain, acceptable cure. I just have to do it.

David O. wrote: nearly dead, I removed the last piece of your post. While we all want you to feel welcome and as a member, I'm very uncomfortable having you post views that are harmful to the community. This issue was raised by earlier. I would like for you to remain as a member and continue to post and be a part-- and be respectful of other members. Please pm me if you have questions, concerns or want to discuss this.

[IrmaJean]

Because when people find out you have no cock and your impotent they will laugh and talk about it,

Not everyone would behave this way toward you and those who did would not be people that you'd want to be friends with anyway.

What ever I could of acheived with my life, it would always have been "but with a small cock" for me that was unacceptable, I curse the day I was born. My small penis is reality, womens reactions to it were reality, my impotence is reality.

It may very well be your perception of reality, but the size of your penis does not define you. One aspect of your appearance is not the heart and soul of who you are as a person. You've given your genital size too much power and allowed your perception of it to control your life. I'm sorry to hear that some women did not respond to you as a person, but I guarantee there are some out there who would not see your genital size as something negative...but rather as a part of you and would appreciate it as such. You haven't found the right woman for you. There are some out there who would love, respect and appreciate you for all of you, but you won't find that woman if you stop looking.

I'm sorry that you are so discouraged and in a painful place right now. I might not be able to fully understand your pain, but I do care. There are people out there who care. I hope that you will seek out help.

[Smith222]

Hi Nearlydead,
Thanks for your initial post. I feel your pain.
Here's the answer to your original question... I was not going to live the rest of my life alone!! I decided to look for a girl who was not bothered about penis size. It was humiliated along the way but I eventually found a great girl and it made me feel great... It made me feel accepted which I needed otherwise I would have gone over the edge. She loves me very much. She asked me to have children. I was not going to deny her that... I knew there was a chance that I would produce boys and it always bothered me but I also thought that maybe they would not be affected. There was a post in the main SPS thread where a man with normal genitalia had a son, 17, who had a 3 inch penis. So it could go the other way I don't know. It seems small penises are here for ever.

Instead of giving up why don't you just have a go at finding a girl. It's not too late you are still young...You would be surprised how many do not give a rats about size but alot about friendship and someone to trust and love and just to have someone to wake up beside every morning... This is priceless and you can easily achieve this goal with some determination. If I could why couldn't you?

As for my boys I will make sure I am there to discuss when the time is right... I will monitor very closely if there are signs... I know all the signs... I will be in touch with medical practitioners who are at the forefront of this problem as much as I can and if there are any advancements in the treatment I will make sure I know. If there is no solution in the end I will be there to guide them through the pain and give them the same advice I am giving you... Find a partner at all costs...

For all the guys out there with this terrible fate it is the most important thing you need to do...

[David O]

Smith,

Good morning, I'm so glad to know you're still with us. Your response to nearly dead--- I wish I had the courage, wisdom and compassion with which you dealt with this with not only him, but in your life. I don't make it a habit of holding others in high regard, but you have my deepest respect and admiration.

Thanks so very much for sharing your wisdom.

David

[nearlydead]

An excellent answer Smithy. For the first time in my life you've made me feel like I'm a huge cock.

I appollogize to yourself and Dave, I spend so much time hating everything, I do everything in a rage. I wish I had the bravery to face and overcome stuff, like you guys seem to be doing, but find it easier to avoid or go straight to anger and voilence.

I have read back through all the posts, and read the things you guys wrote and what I wrote, and I don't recognise my own writing. I don't always mean what I say, but I do feel it.

Im not as wordy or wise as you guys, but I know when Im wrong, and I appollogise.

[David O]

Smith, it may be best for the 2 of you to talk more. I can't imagine how painful or difficult this must be, but sometimes a fellow "sufferer" can make more sense than all the logic, therapy and wisdom of someone who's never been thru it.

Smith, how did you come to this point, where you began to move from your pain and frustration to where you are now?

Please keep talking to each other. I too need to understand and learn from your conversation.

Nearly Dead-- there is absolutely no need to apologize to me, I understand your frustration.

[Smith222]

Sorry for the late reply I am on holidays and do not have easy access to a computer.

First I will answer David O's question:
I found a girlfriend however it will always bother me. It's much better to have a partner though.
Thanks for your support...

Nearlydead,
Absolutely no way should you apologise. I am just as angry. Most people don't understand the trauma. It basically ruins a young man's life and we are reminded of it every day. I am currently on holidays at a resort where there is snorkelling in the reef and it still bothers me to get in the water with lots of other people around. It will never go away it's embarrassing.

We were dealt the unlucky card of genetics and unfortunately it was the most important genetic part of our anatomy to feel normal and become an active and happy young man and excited about the future in a world where everything revolves around sex and relationships. We were denied that and I am very angry. I often thought why me? Every other guy beside me looks normal why me?

Due to all this crap I am socially a little screwed. I will always be a little uncomfortable around people I meet for the first time as I avoided a lot of contact with others as a young man. I had a good group of close friends who I grew up with that kept me sane. They all knew I had a small dick and would let me know with jokes occasionally, it didn’t happen often and to them it seemed that it wasn’t a big deal, they didn’t understand how painful it was for me but they never let that define me. They never treated me differently because of this and it was definitely not a huge topic of there conversation. Of course there were some girls who I overheard once say they couldn’t understand how anyone could go out with me due to my small dick and that really hurt… there will always be someone out there that will laugh and hurt you but at the end of the day you need to get back up and just keep doing the best you can with the unfortunate situation you are in. I often try to remind myself that there are a lot of people out there that are worse off (not wanting to give you any examples here) but there are, and a lot of them get on with it and try to make the best of what they have, that takes a lot of courage.

So basically I started to think that I was stuck with this and my goal was to see if I could get a girlfriend. I went through many who dropped me and it was very humiliating when it was time for sex. But to my surprise I met a girl who really liked me and it didn’t bother her. We had great sex and the relationship lasted 3 years, I was 20 when she dumped me. She needed to see more after I was her first and I understood that but I was shattered. It took me a long time to get the courage up to start again but I did and eventually went through the same humiliating experience again and after 3 years I found another great girl who fell in love with me. She is my wife and the mother of my 2 boys.

So I am the same as you... and I found a great partner. Believe me you can do the same. You will get some days where it’s almost too hard to keep trying but you will eventually find a great girl. Surely I am not the only guy in the world to find someone with my physical flaw.

Hope this helps…
Smith222

[nykid]

This is the first time that I have "publicly" discussed having a small penis. In fact, I have been in therapy for about 6-7 years now and still have yet to come up with the courage to bring it up although I feel that so many of my problems in life stem from this problem. I stumbled upon this thread during a search about size issues with kids. I have a 3 year old son who seems to have my problem and it saddens me that he will have to go through life feeling some of the same things that I did. My father did not have this issue. I remember when my wife was pregnant that I just hoped that my son would not be afflicted. In fact had he not, I think I would probably feel a whole lot better about everything including myself, I could have put it behind me finally. I can deal with the pain, I'm happily married and past that very hard time in my life (adolescence and college) but now I have to know that it will happen again with the person I treasure the most - that is hard. I do think it is hard to discuss this with people of normal size as there is no way for them to understand. It is an entirely different ballgame.

I'm going to try and be a father that helps give my son all the encouragement and confidence I can. I think a strong foundation will perhaps take some of the sting off. I did not get that myself to add to my problems. I can;t even imagine having the small penis conversation with my son but if we need it then I will try my best.

One of the hardest things now is that more and more, male genitalia is becoming less of a taboo. Movies, books, you can see it everywhere, which will make it even more painful for the next generation that is afflicted. A constant reminder.

It is a daily struggle. One I wish on no one.

[ASchwartz]

Hi Nykid,

Does it not occur to you that the fact that you have a wife and now a child means that your penis is more than adequate? It should.

This issue of "small penis" is a male dilemma. In a way, it is the equivalent of the body image problems that women suffer. Women commonly do not like their genitals. I don't mean all women and I do not mean most women, but, I do mean many women. Well, its the same with men with regard to their penis.

There is lots of misinformation about the penis, misinformation that men suffer from. Sadly, people like Howard Stern, on the radio, ruthless advertisers and the pornographers, make it seem as though there really is such a thing as a small penis. The fact is that there are a miniscule number of men, I mean really rarely, who are born with a micro penis. However, this is so rare that it makes no sense to even discuss it. After that, penises vary in shape and size, but, not a lot.

How come you still struggle with this thinking even though you are married and now created a child with your wife???

Allan

[lifeless existence]

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[IrmaJean]

Spend some time researching and you'll find that while most women may not be as vocal, the majority don't want to be with men like us.

I'm sorry for your pain. I'm a woman and I could care less about the size of a man's penis. Sexual relations are an expression of love and love doesn't measure things such as this.

My point being that I think that all of us have physical attributes that we might perceive as inferior, but it's how we carry ourselves inside that make us who we are. It's always discouraging to hear that any woman would actually reject a man for something such as this. I have no doubt that there are mean and superficial people out in the world that probably have their own issues, but I also know there are plenty of caring and decent people as well. If you close your eyes to the possibilities, you won't ever see what life has to offer. Believing in yourself will attract women. Please don't give up on us. "Sarah" is Sarah. She is not me or any other woman.


As far as not wanting to have children of your own because of this...I think you're cheating yourself of one of the greatest treasures life has to offer...hope. Because that is exactly what children bring to the world. Who knows what a child of yours might accomplish? Doctor? President? Fireman? Lawyer? Mother? And what of potential grandchildren? A child's life is their own and any of your children may not feel the same as you about this. Potential can't ever be realized if it is suffocated before it even gets a chance to breathe.

Therapy to promote self-acceptance is a waste of time and money. It doesn't matter whether we accept ourselves or not, because it's the woman's opinion of our penis that will determine whether we find love or remain alone.

Self-acceptance is the key. It really is. Loving another really is about you and what you have to offer. A huge lesson that I learned in therapy! Until you feel that inside, you won't be able to offer it.

I am very sorry that you are hurting and that people have not treated you kindly. I can understand your discouragement with women. But there really are some who will love you for all of you. I hope one day you can believe that.

[lifeless existence]

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[Donna]

There are more women than you think out there that are NOT affected by size at all, im not saying this as a standard response or anything like that it genuinely is true..im a women and just like men do with their friends have had many talks with other women about sex etc and we've all agreed that size really isnt important, yes penetration is good but it really isnt the be all and end all there's more to it than that and many women dont get their main pleasure from that part of sex anyway.And to be frank, if someone leaves you simply because of it then maybe they are not the right person for you?

But i know that doesnt really make it any easier and i really can sympathise with you and understand just how much it wrecks your confidence and can affect other areas of your life,
wow this is really embarrasing what im going to say :o ive never told anyone this before

After the birth of my first child i had a problem with one of my breasts which are extremely small to begin with..basically it collapsed and had to have an implant in it, it never looked right and was always uneven and even the most supportive of bra's dont help,
over a few yrs i had more children and the same problem and now 16 yrs later there is a huge difference and the one with the implant is also very uncomfortable and painful at times but because of my mental health problems surgeons have refused to help me, i couldnt wear a leotard so i quit my favourite thing of all..gymnastics, cant wear certain style clothes, have to be careful how i lay,cuddle people etc i could never take my children swimming.
it stopped me having r/ships when i seperated with my husband (we were already together when it happened) until finally i did meet someone and although it was extremely embarrasing i was totally upfront (forgive the pun!) about it although i told him on msn to save face to face rejecton,maybe not ideal but it was a bit easier and to my surprise he didnt laugh just said that things like that wernt important to him and it's a myth that men want and expect glamour girls with 'airbrushed' bodies and amazing dolly parton type t*ts it would make THEM feel insecure and not good enough ..and it's true it works both ways...hell i wouldnt want a greek god id never feel up to standard!

of course i didnt really believe it to begin with,yes the first time was embarrasing and i wont lie im still uncomfortable after 6 yrs with him but i also have 'body issues/and body dysmorphia' anyway but i did it and i dont want to sound patronising but ive managed to accept it in my own way im sure you can too.

nobody has a perfect body we all have flaws some perhaps more noticable than others but as a rule everyone understands and accepts that, it's unlucky that you've come across the few nasty immature ones out there who arnt worth your time.
something maybe worth considering? often the one's who mock are the ones who have something of their own to hide or their own insecurities.

sorry this probably wasnt any help at all but i just wanted to say that you are really not alone and despite how it feels it isnt the end of the world and it wont stop you from having a normal loving r/ship, you'll find the right person you just need to find a bit of confidence and self-belief first.

[IrmaJean]

I certainly wouldn't ever want to say that anyone is a bad person.

To me, what makes sex important is the sharing of yourself with your partner. There is no possible way for me to ever be completely physically satisfied now and yet I still find time with my husband to be very satisfying. It's the togetherness that counts for me.

When it comes right down to it, this is only a part of your relationship with a partner. There are many other aspects that are also very important. When all of those aspects are going well, sex is frosting on the cake. Again, only my opinion. I really view differences as a wonderful thing. It's what makes us individuals who don't fit into a mold. It's part of the mystery and excitement of getting to know someone. Perceptions are individual as well. What you see, others may see differently. But in the end really, it's how you feel about yourself that counts. Perceived faults don't define who you are as a person. I don't know if any of this is helpful or not, but I do hope that you begin to feel better about yourself.

[Smith222]

Lifeless Existence,

I am not telling you lies to give you hope... I am telling you how it is. There are plenty of great women out there that care more about having YOU and not your dick as the center of your relationship. Also I must say that most if not all the women I had sex with were satisfied with their experience. Maybe that was because I was focused on making sure they were satisfied I don't know but they did have good orgasm.

I'm getting frustrated listening to the negative comments…the thing that bothers me the most about having a small penis is not the sex. I can satisfy women quite easily. I am 4.5 inches and I had great sex with plenty of women. That is not a lie. Yes I'm sure some walked away laughing and would never contemplate a relationship but I can say for sure if they were faking an orgasm they should get an academy award...Women satisfy women so think about that.

The thing that has screwed me up the most is more what the guys said about me, the humiliating team shower thing... Going to the pool etc… The feeling of not being like all the other guys... Having to wear cloths to hide it (still to this day)…growing up hoping it would grow like every one else but it didn't... that is what really hurt... AND THINKING ALL WOMEN NEEDED TO FEEL SATISFIED WITH A LARGE PENIS. I don’t wish that on anyone…That’s why I started this thread in the slight hope someone would maybe know if there was a way to fix the problem with kids and get it early while they are growing so mine wouldn’t have to go through this crap.

As for that thread you posted regarding Sarah, I bet she was somehow physically and emotionally abused by some guy with a small dick and now she wants to have some sort of revenge. Small dicks will be here for as long as we are on the planet.

I've said this before and getting tired of repeating myself. I am trying to get guys with a small dick to understand that finding a partner that actually enjoys your dick is possible. If you think otherwise…your loss…Yes it’s very hard and we are all emotionally hammered but I wish I could convince you.

I think I am done here so all the best to everyone.

I’d like to thank all the administrators for their comments especially David O, IrmaJean and Donna.

Smith222

[ASchwartz]

To All the Men and to IrmaJean,

Irma, thank you so very much for writing that comment. Too many of these men are convinced that women care about one thing: penis size. When I point out the untruth of this distorted belief, it is rejected in the form of: 1. I am telling lies, 2. I don't know what it's like, 3. Their experiences convince then they are right, etc.

This is a mental health web site and we are here to help and not to tell lies or to distort.

Unfortunately, there are some women who are nasty, cruel and rejecting. There are men like that, too. However, most human beings are not like that. My point being that there are many warm and caring women just like IrmaJean.

Sadly, radio programs like Howard Stern, the Porno industry, the commercial producers of bogus penis size enhancer products, all create this fake atmosphere that convinces vulnerable and self doubting people that their is something wrong with them.

Real people want warm and caring relationships. And I agree with IrmaJean that if you want marriage and children it is very attainable.

Allan

[lifeless existence]

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[nykid]

Dr. Schwartz,
While I do feel good in that I am married and have a child, it does not erase the struggles that I had growing up. Scared to take showers with other males, scared to date for fear of being humiliated - gossip during those teenage years are awful. Now that I see that my son will go through many if not all these issues that I went through it brings it all back. I read some of these other posts and they all sound all too familiar. All teenage boys want to date and experiment and I didn't feel confident enough to do that. It is a part of life that I will never have and that to me is sad. There are times now when I d o not think about it for weeks, perhaps months but every once in a while I get a painful reminder and it haunts me for a while. I just wanted a normal physical and mental existence for my son. That is the toughest part of my situation now.

[ASchwartz]

Nykid,

I hear you and, believe it or not, I fully understand. Please do not for one moment believe that notions of penis size are the only reason why some teens do not date. The variety of fears, distortions and pain are so varied that it could fill up a textbook to list them.

However, you are now in a happy marriage and have a son. None of us can change the past. That is impossible. But, we can change today by enjoying what we have Now, and living to the Fullest now.

I am saying this not only as a therapist but as an older man who has learned a lot from his own life.

Allan

[nearlydead]

Donna and Jean, thankyou for your sensitive and reassuring replys they are very much appreciated, however as women you cannot hope to understand where the deformed like us are coming from. I wonder if either of you have expierence of a 4" penis.

Statements, or even the reality of there being women out there who do not care about size make no difference to people like me. There are two men here who have met and married women who do not care about size, who are still fighting with self doubt, even breeding has not stopped thier self doubts.


I last had sex in 1999, I had to go through the humiliation of her knowing I was deformed, then the humiliation of impotence, then the humiliation of her telling her best friend in confidence before telling everyone I knew. That was when I completely withdrew from life. Up until that time I had slept with roughly 50 women, 7 or 8 made comments about my size, some told their friends and made it common knowledge, requaring me to cut all ties and make completely new social circles with both men and women yet again. I did this twice and still I got found out, I have not made a third new social circle, preferring solitude to humiliation for the last 10 years. As for the "keep going, things will work out, you'll find THE one, love sets you free" breeding more losers is one of lifes wonders, blah blah, just sounds like hippy bull to me.

Dr Shwartz, talking about "adequate" and "it does the job" is completely missing the point. I know I can give and recieve pleasure with my maggot, but I also know that I am the smallest penis every woman I have splept with has seen, or likely to see. I know that every woman I have ever slept with will have had better sex, than she has had with me.(cognitive distortion, or not).

I have probably read and understood more information about male and female phsyiology, and psycology of attraction than most. 85% women happy with husbands, 65% of men between 5.5" and 6.8". However I am in the bottom 4% of the size range. People will always go "Ahhhhh!" or laugh or be nasty, some keep thier thought and feelings to themselves, but everybody will have a reaction to a small penis as it is an extreme, in the same way that a very large penis is an extreme and will attract reactions.

The only cure for me if I had time would be to change my mental outlook. By adopting the mindset, I dont care that I have a small penis, I dont care if I am good at sex, I dont care what any woman thinks or says about my penis, I dont care if the women tells everyone that I have a small penis,I dont care what any freinds/colleagues/family say or about my penis. Im wrinting this shit and I know I have to kill myself to get this shit to stop do not breed i curse the day i was born

[robyn]

I was a little surprised at some of the editor comments. This is my 1st ever post and came here from the main forum section. I like this site, I especially like the free advice given without the ever present need to absorb 'funds'. Its truly altruistic and I salute the people behind it. I think advice is more valuable if its not charged at a set rate per hour!!

With this in mind I do hope you do not think I am over critical. One of the editors recently said that very small size is so rare it needent be considered. As I am part of a family that has been touched by micropenis and similar developmental issues you will understand I felt those closest to me and suffering a great deal had been casually dismissed.

Allow we to explain further. 'MP' is present in 0.6 % of the population. So in the USA alone 2 million males either have, or will grow up to have, a size less than 3.5 inches erect.

That is a lot of people to dismiss. Whilst some of these undergo gender conversion, most do not, as in the case with my family. There are few serious sites that offer proper support so please dont close the door. Sufferers have enough doors slammed in their faces during their lifetime as it is.

[IrmaJean]

I can't understand what you've been through in a specific sense (and I wouldn't pretend to), but I most certainly can and do relate to having feelings of inadequacy and of being "broken". These feelings are very painful. I don't like seeing anyone in pain. So while I don't fully understand, I certainly empathize.

Also, I've only been with one man. We've been married close to 20 years now. I'm being 100% truthful when I tell you that I have absolutely no idea what size his penis is. I had never really even thought about it, to tell you the truth. It's part of him...and I love him...so I love it. That's just assumed to me.

You mentioned fearing women all having had better sex with others than they had with you. I wonder, why the competition about this? What defines good sex anyway? Everyone likely has a different view on this. Good sex to me would be sharing myself with someone whom I love and trust. No scorecards. Just me and my partner. Sometimes you have to trust that. Also, maybe try not to focus on "winning someone over" but just being yourself.

There are so many complexities in human beings. Maybe these feelings that you have, Nearlydead, are about more than just your genital size. When you meet a woman who loves you for ALL of you, I promise this woman will not measure her love by the size of your penis. Perhaps you feel as if you are not worthy of this type of acceptance. What of your other gifts, Nearlydead? What things do you like about yourself? What positive traits do you have? I bet there are many.

I'm so sorry that others have treated you poorly. I'm sorry that you are hurting. To me, getting to the bottom of the self-doubt would be the key. I can't remember, did you say you had a therapist?

I hope nothing I've written here is upsetting to you. I hear your pain and I care.

[lifeless existence]

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[IrmaJean]

Well, to me, size is irrelevant. It would have no bearing on whether I chose to be with a partner or not. It would also have no bearing on whether I stayed with a partner or not. It would have no bearing on my feelings for a person. It would not influence me in one way or the other. That is what I meant.

I suppose I indentify with this in some way not only because of my current physical problem, but also because I was completely rejected by boys during my school years.

I hope that everyone feels better.

[IrmaJean]

Then you're not qualified to comment as to whether size matters or not.

I hope no one minds my coming back here to comment on this. I realize that we have strayed from the original post, but I just wanted to add some thoughts. The above statement bothered me for some reason, though it took me several days to understand why.

I think sometimes that we, as humans, have certain views of the world and then mistakenly believe that others feel the same way as we do. I've done the very same thing myself. It can be a very difficult thing to shake, but it can be done if you open your mind to other possibilities.

I believe what you have done here is taken your own beliefs and how you view the world and then attached those beliefs to me. It's an assumption that everyone has the same drives, needs and motivations in life...and they don't. Again, I think this is a very natural thing to do without even thinking much about it and is totally understandable. But I think it would be advantageous for you to try to keep in mind that some women might not fit into the "mold" of what society seems to portray.

The only person who can be qualified enough to know what I want, need and desire from any relationship that I might have with a man is me. My lack of experience has little to do with it. It is my understanding of myself and knowing what is important to me...things such as shared intimacy and closeness. Kindness, caring nature, honesty, sense of humor ...

I guess my point being is not to be argumentative in any way with you, but in hoping that you understand what I'm trying to express here and won't close yourself off to any opportunities of having a meaningful relationship with a woman by assuming that you already know what she wants. Everyone is different. I hope this makes sense and I hope that you will not give up on finding a partner.

Take care everyone.

[lifeless existence]

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[IrmaJean]

The point that I was trying to make is that since you haven't actually experienced different sizes, you can't definitively say that size makes no difference to you.

I completely understand your point, but you didn't understand mine. I'm not saying with certainty that it wouldn't feel different. I'm saying that... even if it did... that isn't what matters to me. That isn't where I get satisfaction. It's in the intimacy. It's in the closeness. The rest is gravy...

Part of growing to love someone is about having that person unfold in front of you. Once you accept and love someone for the person that they are, anything they trust you with and share with you is a gift and should be treasured as such. It isn't about what they show you, it's about the revelation of it. It isn't about what it is... it's about familiarity. It's about knowing and recognizing someone for who they are. If I loved a man and he loved me back I would feel honored that he would share such an intimate part of himself with me. The gift and satisfaction is in the sharing...not in what the gift is, but what it means.

Those are my personal feelings, but I'm sure there must be others who share the same thoughts as well.

[Donna]

The point that I was trying to make is that since you haven't actually experienced different sizes, you can't definitively say that size makes no difference to you.

ok im putting myself out on a limb here and am definately going to make no friends but while you say IrmaJean cant definitively say size makes no difference to her, perhaps i can?
i worked in the ''porn industry'' that ASchwartz mentioned and you know what? the so called average 6 inch...(actors are unusual btw and generally there are a lot of tricks, as well as airbrushing and edits you'd be very surprised)..it's a myth i can assure you, all these men you see in locker rooms etc well just know this many men do not change much either in shape length or girth when they become erect and i can assure you i have met many men who cannot even or ever have been able to physically manage penetration at all due to size.
did you know that men who are ''well endowed'' are more often than not the ones who have problems? you'd be surprised at the problems it causes them.

as for anyone worrying about passing genetics on to their children, firstly the liklihood is actually pretty low and secondly they are likely to be looking for something that perhaps isnt there? children/adolescents grow at different rates in all parts of their bodys and what may seem 'unusual' at 10 may not be at 18.
i used to worry a little because my oldest son always seemed quite 'small' however he is now a father at 16 (im not saying thats ideal!) and has never ever been short of girls in fact he's been a constant source of worry in that department for a long long time!

im not trying to patronise or take away how painful or embarrasing it feels im just trying to say it is nowhere near as unusual or as severe as it feels to you, ever wondered why people laugh at the locker jokes or girls scorn them? because they are just not true.
i really really hope one day that men and boys can see that for themselves.

btw, nearlydead yes i do have experience of 4 inch dicks..quite a few actually ;) and ive never found anything wrong with them..if you mean do I have a 4 inch dick then naturally my answer is no...but do you have experience of breasts that are so bad that you cant disguise enough to be able to take your children swimming? or perhaps you have experience of a woman with horrible breasts that put you off her? because surprisingly women are just as sensitive about their breasts as men are of their penises which is why i gave my example/experience in my previous post.

[nearlydead]

Donna, so your ok with a 4" penis, and have worked in the porn industry, tell me your blond, own a gastro pub, and your farthers an oil billionaire, and I may be about to propose marriage.:)

Irma, again thankyou for your reassuring posts, you're obviously a very caring and loving woman, your husband is a very lucky man.

There are lots of examples all over the net of women saying "size is not important to them" far more women seem to express this opinion that those who do say "size is important", some state girth is more important, some say lenght, some say they like to feel full, some say they like the aesthetics of a large penis. But most, it would appear say that size doe's not matter "its the whole you, and not just your penis that they want or love. In my expeirence, most of the derogortory comments have come from younger immature women.

The promblem is, us men are not women, we dont love in the same way as women do, "I love her but I wish her arse wasn't as big as it is" I do not think men love as unconditionaly as women can do. I certainly never have.
Also us men when not in competition with other men, are in competition with ourselves. For the most part men with small penis's regard themselves at a disadvantage to other males, we look at the mechanicals of how things work, and to us 6" is always going to do the job better than 4", regardless of what the doctors or women tell us.

No woman can truly understand what this size thing means to a man. The closest I can imagine a woman understanding is those who have lost breasts to cancer and the like. (I know from personal expierence that men can and do love women who have found themselves in this position)

The experts, doctors and women are constantly telling us that size does not matter and that its our perceptions that are wrong. Which from the amount of evidence I have read, and my own expeirence's of 50 women or so, I would agree is correct, with maybe a few exceptions.

So I agree, the problems that having a small penis causes us are, probably mostly in our heads. Except that our small penis's are physical, and dragging us down everyday. No matter how logically I look at my penis, it is still PHYSICALLY a SMALL penis, and I HATE it. A disadvantage which has ruined my life.

How do men with a small penis move from "its small, no woman, hate, shame, fear, loathing, disbeleif" etc to "its small, it makes no difference, I dont care"?
And once we get to this point, actually believe it, even when a small penis is a small penis.

[Recluse]

Donna, my personal problem is a lack of girth, my length is average range but my girth is below average, have you ever seen anyone in that situation before?

[lifeless existence]

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[nearlydead]

I'm really tired of the breast size comparison. Yes, they may be the cause of similar emotional upset (and I sympathize with you) but that's where the similarities end in terms of this discussion. Breasts provide no physical stimulation to the penis during intercourse. Their size, shape, or appearance has no bearing whatsoever on the amount of stimulation the man's penis receives from penetration. But penis size is just the opposite. It has everything to do with how much stimulation the woman receives from penetration.

Typical male thinking. We automatically think about the mechanics of sex, our cocks are small and cannot shift as much tissue or mass, as a larger penis might. We cannot stretch or penetrate a woman like a real man.

The facts are a womans vagina in an aroused state is only 3 to 4" long, with the majority of nerve endings on the inner and outter lips, clitorious, etc and the magical g-spot is only 1 to 2cm inside the vagina.
A womens vagina is capable of getting a baby through it. Most babies are far bigger than even the biggest cocks.
Maybe check out some extreme porn, fisting, baseball bats, and all sorts of impossibly large objects can be fitted in there. When you see this stuff, it is hard to see how 1 or 2" can make as much difference as we think it can.
If you watch porn you will see that the majority of the time, the bigs guys rarely put their entire lenght into the women, this is because 7"+ and youre hitting thier cervix, which is the female equivalent of being kicked in the nuts. Google female anatomy and arousal, get the facts, it does help kill some parts of this "my cocks not big enough to satisfy, or bigger is better" thinking. Also try to think of the advantages of a small cock, easier for a ladie to deepthroat, easier for the back door, you can bang her 3 or 4 times, and she wont get thrush, cycstytus, or any pain.

I have been thinking now for a long time that this size thing is MUCH more important to US, than it actually is to women. I know thinking mechanically the above facts must be right, but in my heart of hearts, I dont BELIEVE it. Which rationaly means my size issues are in my head, even though I am confronted by my little cock everyday.

Now I am actively planning my suicide, I am thinking that I maybe could of had a better life than I had.

[lifeless existence]

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[nearlydead]

I was not arguing with you, just trying to get across a few (seemingly wrong) facts. I may of got those points wrong, Im no expert except that,like you I am small. But I am right in that the vagina can expand big enough for babies, bats, fists etc. Which leads ME to believe that me being 1 or 2" of average cannot make as much difference as I think it does.

The only real fact that has any relevance here is this. Both you or I cannot change the phsyical reality of our penis size. We cannot change what anyone else thinks about our cocks. The only thing we can change is how we think of our cocks. Fact.

[Interested Observer]

Post deleted by subscriber.

[Donna]

Hi Donna
It seems you are in a good position to shed some light on the subject. Excuse my ignorance but I did not fully understand your statement above. It seemed to me that you were saying that the "average 6 inches penis" is not average at all but I wasn't clear whether you were saying that the average is, in fact, higher or lower. Could you please give your opinion as to what the realistic average is? Thanks.


hi, im not medically knowledgeable and dont want to give the wrong impression nor do i read statistics and if i come across as a know all im sorry im really not intending to be.
i meant and this might sound pretty crude to some of you sorry, i have know many many men and although i didnt go around measuring the majority lol i know personally the varying shapes and sizes lengths and girths, many actually like to share those details too.
The average from what ive personally found tends to actually be less than 6 inches, as i said i didnt get out my ruler but im a pretty good 'guestimator' and i would say/think? 4-5 is more like it.

And apart from the odd one or two who were to small for penetration i found it was actually the rare larger men who were upset and complained about the difficultys they often had and the insults and jokes they faced in locker rooms.
somebody mentioned on another thread that some women insert large objects fisting etc yes they can but it takes a bit of practice and stretching over time to do that and even then at other times they can still usually get pleasure from smaller objects such as penises or sex toys...it was also mentioned that in movies the larger guys dont tend to insert fully and that is true.

But im not an expert and im not saying im always right..not by a long shot!

it's sad that we live in a world where people somehow seem to judge their ability or manhood by size, and it's even sadder that many men acknowledge they have a happy sex life and that their partners are more than happy yet still are in turmoil over it.
i hope one day that people will come to accept that manhood as it was phrased elsewhere is absolutely nothing to do with size experience etc but the person you are.

people on these threads have said that it's all very well women say size doesnt matter and that sex is just as good regardless (and are perhaps sick of hearing it) but they dont understand how it feels yet also go on to say they worry about their size because it wont satisfy women, maybe if they did listen and take it seriously when women say size doesnt matter that it would help alliviate some of the anxiety..after all isnt that what some men are saying they are concerned about?
i really dont want to be ignorant here and perhaps ive totally misunderstood everything in which case im sorry im not a man therefore i cant fully recognise the feelings involved, but i am a woman and as any woman i can understand that size really does play no part and like other women i wish men could understand and at least accept that to a degree.

i really hope ive said nothing to offend or insult anyone im a little apprehensive now about posting this.

nearlydead no i dont own a pub and im not an oil billionairess..*sighs* if only lol

[Interested Observer]

Post deleted by subscriber.

[robyn]

Nobody here has considered the option of celibacy I notice. There is a blinkered preoccupation that you must be part of a couple to be worth anything. Thats a societal construct that can be broken down. People can have lonely and sexless and relationships!!! Its whats in your mind that is most important.

For the guy considering suicide... remember you are a long time dead. You may as well enjoy your breif time on Earth while you can. Your time of departure will come quickly enough without any helping hand from you.

[ASchwartz]

Hello Nearlydead,

You reported that you are planning your suicide. That is very radical. Wouldn't going to a urologist be a lot easier and raise the possibility of answers, solutions and hope for your life?

Where there is life there is hope. I know that, have seen that and am convinced of that.

Go for help, Please!

Allan

[IrmaJean]

No woman can truly understand what this size thing means to a man.


Maybe take a look at this and how it applies to you. What does the "size thing" mean to you? What are your feelings and where are they coming from? One of the biggest things I learned from therapy is that just about every strong emotion has a significantly deeper meaning than meets the eye.



No matter how logically I look at my penis, it is still PHYSICALLY a SMALL penis, and I HATE it.
Would you really be a different person inside if it were different? Or would the difference be in how you felt about yourself? The latter is attainable if you come to accept yourself as you are.

Not everything has simply one dimension. Sexual relations are about so much more than simply performance. Maybe try and focus on the loving act itself, your enjoyment of it and the person you are with.


I am thinking that I maybe could of had a better life than I had. I think that all of us inevitably have regrets at times...but you can be proactive in making your life better from here on out. I hope this is a choice you decide to make for yourself. A therapist could help if you are willing to try.

Also, IrmaJean, your responses are insightful and extremely erudite. If you are not a mental health professional, you should consider going into the field! I have felt a pretty strong "calling" to go into the field ever since I had my own therapy experience. Unfortunately, H and I don't really have the means to send me back to school. But thanks very much for the compliment.

[robyn]

Oh great.

Recently a well known UK dancer/singer called Alisha Dixon told a tabloid newspaper that 'size mattered' and tried to 'escape' when presented with a tiny member.

This has sent a member of my family into complete turmoil as he had a crush on her and he has MP.

I have spent 2 weeks placating him. Now, I see from TV ads, that the HBO drama 'Hung' is going to be broadcast over here in the UK. I await the resulting distress with dread.

Why must they broadcast this? Dont they realise the damage these things cause? I am sick of having my hard work undone for the sake of TV ratings.

[nearlydead]

Robyn, How old is the boy with MP, I believe that it is treatable upto 5-7 yrs even after puberty.

[robyn]

Hes 24.

But theres not much that can be done anyway even if you dismiss the surgery risk. Hormonal treatment wont change final size, it can only be used for prognosis purposes. Trust me on this, my family have become tombs of knowledge on this.

[maverick]

Nykid,

I hear you and, believe it or not, I fully understand. Please do not for one moment believe that notions of penis size are the only reason why some teens do not date. The variety of fears, distortions and pain are so varied that it could fill up a textbook to list them.


Allan

I know this is quite an old comment but this is very true. To be honest, I share a lot of similarities with these guys with small penis syndrome. I isolated myself during my teenage years, I've never dated and I'm in my late 20's and this was to avoid ridicule. It had nothing to do with the size of my penis funny enough. I was one of the few teens who never measured when I was younger either, and I'm average sized (little over 6) as it so happens. I never dated because I never liked my face and only used protitutes, I used to view myself as really ugly looking and I never liked my ears, I used to think they stuck out too much. And since a lot of girls look at the face first and foremost, I used to think I never stood a chance.

Now I look back at those wasted years and realise I'm actually not bad looking, and my ears don't stick out that much either. The biggest problem I have now is that women will think I'm some sort of weirdo for never having a GF or dating and not being far off 30. So that's why I avoid dating now, in case they gossip behind my back about being weird for this.

I also have started jelquing to make my penis larger then average. I know it's average but I want to make it bigger, to make up for my average looks and loner personality.