Relationship, Trust and People Management.

[152355]

I am just 16, so I wouldn't like to commit so much as to say I'm depressed or suffering from any other illness, but I do feel there is something wrong with me, and my mental state.

I've been involved in an on/off relationship with a girl of the same age since November, and it has given me some of the best feelings in my life, but definitely some of the worst. I am not a strong person in character, mentally or physically, so when our relationship suffers, I cannot deal with it. She has said that she would like me to be stronger, but I'm not that sort of person.

I feel that it isn't normal that I can experience such highs, followed so quickly by such lows with nothing in between. It feels that each time I get close to her, she loses interest all together. She has told me that she can't live without me, and that I mean so much to her, but I don't believe her.

My second issue is trust. I have lately found it hard to trust people, and have recently found out that a friend who I trusted to tell some of my close feelings then went on to turn my words and decided to change my side of the story. This has led me to have trust issues with others. Some of my close friends appeared to me to be trying to take advantage of my situation with my girlfriend, who she is also friends with.

My third problem is people management. I often take things the wrong way, turn constructive comments into insults, and become snappy when I feel people are provoking me. This has led to many occasions where my character has been mistaken, and people get the idea that I am a bad person to be around.

I also feel that the main trigger for my extreme lows come from a paranoid feeling I often get that everyone is against me, which worries me sometimes.

I apologise if my post has reads badly, and my problem isn't as serious as other posts on this pages, but it is causing me pain and I'd like advice on how to sort everything out with both my girlfriend, and myself.

Thanks.

[Mark]

152355

I feel that it isn't normal that I can experience such highs, followed so quickly by such lows with nothing in between. It feels that each time I get close to her, she loses interest all together. She has told me that she can't live without me, and that I mean so much to her, but I don't believe her.

Hard to say what is normal and what isn't. However, in my limited experience, young love is exactly like you describe. Very intense one month (week/day) and then fairly cold the next. People you are with are experimenting and trying to figure out what they want. Some will want a more long term loving relationship, but many others view relationships like a conquest sport played for status, or for the simple new experience of each partnering. Of course the casual nature of teen partnerings can lead to trust difficulties.

[down-in-oz]

Just a quick question - are you smoking pot? If you are that can lead to paranoia as well.

It sounds like you have a really intense relationship with your gf. Sometimes it is so easy to become wrapped up in the relationship we lose sight of ourselves and it is easy to ride the emotional roller coaster.

If you can spend a week or two focused on you, away from your gf and your other friends. Not so much in introspection because then everything rolls around in your head. Instead spend that time focused on keeping busy and doing things you like to do.

When you have had a break away from it all sometimes it is easier to see things more clearly and a little perspective might be all you need.

All the best to you!

[152355]

Just a quick question - are you smoking pot? If you are that can lead to paranoia as well.

It sounds like you have a really intense relationship with your gf. Sometimes it is so easy to become wrapped up in the relationship we lose sight of ourselves and it is easy to ride the emotional roller coaster.

If you can spend a week or two focused on you, away from your gf and your other friends. Not so much in introspection because then everything rolls around in your head. Instead spend that time focused on keeping busy and doing things you like to do.

When you have had a break away from it all sometimes it is easier to see things more clearly and a little perspective might be all you need.

All the best to you!

Thanks a lot for your post, I've taken some time out from a lot of things, and just focussed on my own life. We've since split up, and thanks to the feedback I got, I'm feeling pretty good. Thanks for your help.

[Mark]

I'm happy to hear that you are feeling better.

It's a good idea to think over what was good and bad in the relationship you've just left, as themes from relationships tend to repeat themselves in future relationships. If there were flags that should have warned you that problems were ahead (now visible in hindsight), it would be nice to be able to look for those flags in the future so that you don't get committed to someone who isn't compatible with you.