Cut Cut Cut

[BabyGirl1992]

I Can't Take It Anymore...
Nothing Is Helping Me Today As Usual..
I Did 52 Today...
It always Has To Be An Even Number:(
Dammit...
I HATE MYSELF Right Now:(

[IrmaJean]

Babygirl, are you with someone? I hope someone is there to help you. You are less than one month younger than my son. Is there something else you can try to do when you feel the urge to self-harm? A punching bag? Something?:(

[SweetSue]

Hey heather
were all here if you need to talk, are you ok?
We will listen heather, why dont you try and do some distractions, put your music on , you like music, or how about doing some work on your web site.
Take care hun
you know where we are
sue

[BabyGirl1992]

I'm So Sorry:(:(:(:(

[OnlyHuman]

Hey Heather,
I'm sorry you're feeling down tonight. :( Feel like talking about it?

[David O]

Hi Babygirl,

I'm just checking in on you, seeing how you're doing today. I just ran across this thread this morning and I can't believe I missed it last nite.

If you're able to talk about it (and I might have missed it from other threads, my apologies), can you tell us if you were feeling feeling tense, anxious, angry, or fearful prior to hurting yourself? Clearly knowing and being able to address what you're thinking and feeling before an SI can help you on the road to reducing the number of times and severity of the SI.

Does your SI signify intense suffering and survival or is it a way of managing your moods and feelings? Is it designed to stop pain or is it seen as a way to feel pain (anything to not feel). I'm trying to understand what these behaviors mean to you and for what reasons you believe you do them. If we can understand from your perspective, we may be able to walk you thru them, in the future, when you feel like hurting yourself. The important thing is to verbalize them as completely as possible-- this is why we're here, to listn and offer understanding and compassion-- by doing this, the tension will stay at a more manageable level much of the time.

I hope your OK this morning. Please write back.

David

[BabyGirl1992]

It Stops Pain Only For A Few Seconds:(
These Few Seconds Are Golden To Me
I Can't Escape... My Feelings:(
Sometimes I Do It Just To Make Sure I'm Alive
I Just Dunno Anymore:(

[SweetSue]

Hi heather,
im so very sorry your still, feeling sooo bad,
is there anything you can think of that might help ? Will you please re consider your decision about not going to your doctor, hun im realy worried about you, we all are.
Please take good care of yourself heather.
Keep in touch, when you can, hope you start to feel better soon.
Sue

[mscat]

It Stops Pain Only For A Few Seconds:(
These Few Seconds Are Golden To Me
I Can't Escape... My Feelings:(
Sometimes I Do It Just To Make Sure I'm Alive
I Just Dunno Anymore:(

Hi Heather,
I understand this well. I want you to know you are not alone. And I care for you too . If there is anything I can say to you to ease your pain I would in an instant. Maybe just knowing that people care about you and understand will help you feel better?
If you could get into counseling, have someone to talk to ,to help you work out these intense urges, and all that your going through daily. Their are some very good female counselors> I say female , because I remmembered in anther thread that the word therapist , sounded like to you>
I want the best for you, and scared for you, because I feel the amount of pain you are in, and want it to all go away for you. To feel happy and alive again. I am sooo sorry :(
Cathy

[BabyGirl1992]

Sue & Cat
Please Don't Worry About Me
I'm Alright...=/

Keep Getting Prank Calls From A Boy Who Kees Trying To get With Me I SAY NO But That Doesn't Matter Reckon:(.. Someone Gave Him My Cell In My Neighborhood I Guess...
Hes Been Telling Me (Suck My **** & Die B****) Which Scares Me Due To The Fact He's In A Gang And Killing Is His Game(Bloods)The Slang Word *7 poppin 6 Droppin*
Tonight I Got Another Call Saying He's Gunna Catch Me While I'm Alone & Rape Me & Beat Me.. I KNOW He's Known For These Things:(.. I Don't Want Stuff Like This Happening Anymore.. I've Been *HURT* More Times I Can Count On My Hands & Feet...
But Nothin To Worry About I'm FINE.. I Forgot Who Asked What Triggered Me But Heres Why

Xo BabyGirl
**Cries**

[IrmaJean]

So is it that you feel overwhelmed by painful emotions and don't know what to do with them? I know not much of anything about the motivations behind self-injury, so forgive my ignorance...but could compulsive type behaviors play a part in this perhaps? I hope you find a therapist, Babygirl. I want you to feel better. :(

[SweetSue]

How can you say dont worry about you

Heather
I would strongly urge you to go to the Police, dont worry , yeah ok. Heather nobody, nobody has NEVER got the right to threaten you, if this person is as dangerous as you say he is ( which i have no doubt he is) go to the police.
Heather this is serious, please hun.
Are you safe now ?
Damn it i dont even now what i can do to help, im in England.
This is me your talking to now Heather, you know Sue, the person who has stayed online with you many a night. FINE damn it Heather that is one of your codes.
IM YOUR FRIEND , YOUR MINE HOW CAN I POSSIBLY NOT CARE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT YOU.

PLEASE GET BACK TO US WHEN YOU CAN, WE ARE ALL VERY WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
TAKE CARE
SUE

[mscat]

Sue & Cat
Please Don't Worry About Me
I'm Alright...=/

Keep Getting Prank Calls From A Boy Who Kees Trying To get With Me I SAY NO But That Doesn't Matter Reckon:(.. Someone Gave Him My Cell In My Neighborhood I Guess...
Hes Been Telling Me (Suck My **** & Die B****) Which Scares Me Due To The Fact He's In A Gang And Killing Is His Game(Bloods)The Slang Word *7 poppin 6 Droppin*
Tonight I Got Another Call Saying He's Gunna Catch Me While I'm Alone & Rape Me & Beat Me.. I KNOW He's Known For These Things:(.. I Don't Want Stuff Like This Happening Anymore.. I've Been *HURT* More Times I Can Count On My Hands & Feet...
But Nothin To Worry About I'm FINE.. I Forgot Who Asked What Triggered Me But Heres Why

Xo BabyGirl
**Cries**

This guy is a nutjob. He absolutely cannot be calling you and making threats like this!!!
You need to call the police. Because what he is doing is against the law . This is beyond harrassment. This is way more then that. PLease call the police, and make a report on him. He is threatning to do bodily harm, and attack you :mad: Please report these threats to the authorities. He sounds like a dangerous individual.
Your going to need to act on this , and protect yourself . You have done nothing wrong to deserve what he is doing . Please do not punish yourself for what he is doing> He is bad news, and it is time to let the law step in , before this guy goes on further!
cathy

[SweetSue]

please go to the police

[BabyGirl1992]

I'm Ok..
Oh No You Learned My Code?:(
I'm Fine... If I Wasn't Erm. I Wouln't Be Online.
I'll Live
How Was Your Day???
Are You Okay???
Got Plans??

Xo BabyGirl
PS>>PLEASE DNT WORY ABOUT ME I'M OKIE DOKIE

[mscat]

I'm Ok..
Oh No You Learned My Code?:(
I'm Fine... If I Wasn't Erm. I Wouln't Be Online.
I'll Live
How Was Your Day???
Are You Okay???
Got Plans??

Xo BabyGirl
PS>>PLEASE DNT WORY ABOUT ME I'M OKIE DOKIE

Seriously, you really need to allow the law handle this person! Take Sue & I word , do it, call the police , we are scared for your safety , and you need to be protected, not threatend .
Cathy

[BabyGirl1992]

What Will The Cops Do???
He Hasn't Used A Regular Number In A Few Months:(
He's Been Makin It Restricted..But I Know His Voice Too Well:'(
He'll Just Lie About It All & On Top Of Tha I Don' Need The Damn Blood Gang After Me I'll Just Deal With It My Body Is Already Screwed To Bits:( From Cutting
OK So Dont Worry

Xo , BabyGirl

[BabyGirl1992]

:( I'm Sorry
.......

[SweetSue]

You have nothing to be sorry about , heather please goo to the police.
The police will help protect you keep you safe.
Listen if your too scared to phone the police yourself, then pm me your phone number, and i will call them myself from here.
Sorry heather i care about you far too much to let anything else happen to you.
Please let us help you
please heather this is realy realy important hun

[mscat]

you have nothing to be sorry about, Heather. The cops will make a report. The guy is breaking the law, and sending you threats . Threats to your safety. It is a big deal. Your trying to cope with it by si'ing. however, it is not going to help by doing that to yourself right now. Seriously allow law inforcement to intervene.
Cathy

[SweetSue]

let us help you

[BabyGirl1992]

plz dnt worry about me im OK really!
thanks for talkin to me it really means alot!!

so how was yor day sue??
you doing alright??

xo bbygrl

[BabyGirl1992]

im sorrrrry:(

[SweetSue]

Hi heather
how are youfeeling now

[BabyGirl1992]

im FINE =/
hows yous??

xo bbygrl

[SweetSue]

heather are you still scared ?

[David O]

Can you call the police now!! Don't hesitate or think twice. These are direct life threats. Please do this immediately!! They can place you for the nite in a safe house or take you to a domestic violence shelter for your safety.

let me know you've done this ASAP.

[SweetSue]

hun weve already established the fact i know your codes, you need to just say whats going on im here to listen you know. thats all i can do is listen, im not going anywhere.ok.
im your friend, ive told you before friends listen to otherr friends. i have a shoulder to cry on and its available at the moment, use it heather.
you once said you wished i could be your mum, well do you know what i do when one of my children are scared i talk to them , listen to there fears, try and reasure them, anyway that i can.
im here for you heather let me help you just like i would help my children.

[SweetSue]

please call the police heather please

[BabyGirl1992]

ok i will:(

[BabyGirl1992]

yea im scared but i live in fear anyway due 2 OCD=/

[BabyGirl1992]

im alright..
do any of u have plans for 2marrow?

xo bbygrl

[David O]

If the police ignore your pleas (which can be common)... move quickly and call a crisis hotline who can refer you to a domestic violence shelter or another resource in your area. If all else fails, hop a taxi or bus and head to a hotel for the night. You need some immediate options-- time is critical.

Stay on here with us. Do you feel comfortable giving one of those on here you know and trust your number, they can call 911 if we don't get a post from you every 5-10 minutes.

[SweetSue]

Heather dont just say that , you actualy have to do it

i know your codes damn it. Heather this is serious, hun please. Look i am actualy begging you, heather please
call 911 now heather, damn it please. We all need you to be ok, i need you to be ok. Im so very very serious, i dont want anything to happen to you

[BabyGirl1992]

im ok:(
plz dont worry i'll figure something out:(
plz dont be mad at me :(
i'm alright

[SweetSue]

heather please dont be scared they will help you, it is nothing to be scared of to call 911, the alternitive is deadly.

[SweetSue]

i know ur codes, u are not fine ok or alright

heather please hun, i dont know what to do let me help you ok

[BabyGirl1992]

Im Ok ! REALLLY
I'm fine plz dont worry about me
if somthing were to happen it would've happened months ago when evrything started
im FINEEEEEEE
plz dnt worry plzzz:(

[David O]

im ok:(
plz dont worry i'll figure something out:(
plz dont be mad at me :(
i'm alright
STOP telling us to not care... it's too late for that. Let's deal with the issue NOW. There's a reason we're a "family" and family is there for each other.

When you say you're fine, can we trust this. You need to be honest with us.

[SweetSue]

Let me help you to "figure something out"
what would you do if this was me, and i was in your situation

[BabyGirl1992]

immmmmmm ok really i am

[BabyGirl1992]

maybe i'll lay down or go to the neighbors house for awhile:(
i dnt feel good:(

[SweetSue]

Dont even think about lying to me hun, im a moma i know when poeple tall porkies, you dont know your neighbours, youve lived there 6 days.
Heather im not cross with you hun, far from it.
My heart is probably over ruleing my head on this one.
Hey just stay on line ok.
We can talk code if you want, or do you want to pm ?
I think im going hyper any way, so you can help calm me down, is that ok, coz i realy need my friend right now

[David O]

The neighbor's house is good, unless it would endanger them also. At this point, I'm trusting that you're OK and things are at normal.

[BabyGirl1992]

yea only 6 days ur right=/ but i could go there anyway maybe... ugh i dunno...

i stay to helps u!!!!!!
but if i go offline the only reason is due to the computer being an over heated jackass:(

[BabyGirl1992]

thanks for worrying david... im fine though...
really am

[SweetSue]

David dont listen to that fine is code. Heather come now.
Ok its just me now
listen heather tell me in code if neccesary what is happening
if i get stuck on one of the codes i will ask is that alright

[David O]

OK... I'm trusting your word here. Given what this has been, would you feel comfortable giving your number to someone here that you truly trust... or better yet, do you have supports in your area, such as family or close friends? Can you develop 2 emergency plans with friends, neighbors or family for future events like this?

[BabyGirl1992]

im fine
just feel like FINE crapola


so how do i help with ur hyper-ness??
uhm u wanna be buggs bunny again??
i wanna be a bird so i can fly

[BabyGirl1992]

david..
im fineeeeeee
i'll make a plan or somethng 2marrow
when i have a normal head on my shoulders
but TRUST ME
im ok

[David O]

OK... I'll check in with you in in the morning. Use your head, set up a plan for tonite in case things go south quickly. Tomorrow I'll hassle you about developing that plan.

G'nite.

[BabyGirl1992]

nigh nigh
sleep well
xxx

[SweetSue]

HEY BABY GIRL HYPER MEEEEEEE IS BACK
WWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE E
IF YOUR GIVIN DAVID YOUR NUMBER CAN I HAVE IT TOOOOOOOOO
PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
IM IN HOSPITAL, I DONT GET VISITORS , DONT KNOW ANYONE I CAN PHONE IT WOULD BE A RIGHT LAUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
OH HOW COOL ID GET TO HEAR YOUR BRILL ACCENT, AND YOU CAN LAUGH AT MY COCKNEY ACCENT wwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEE EEEE

[BabyGirl1992]

no one visits you?
that saddens me to bits:(
i am so sorry
no offense but i'd never give my number to a male..
even if one does seem to be nice...
the let u have phone calls???
my accent is horrible
you wouldn't wanna hear it..
if u have heard of donald duck you've pretty much heard me =/

[SweetSue]

Giiiiiiiiiiiivvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeee just me your number oh go on it will be a right giggle, you can help me take the piss out the staff, its compulsary its kinda all patients only source of entertainment.
Come on heather i will give you mine pm me ok
we can trade

[BabyGirl1992]

they actually let u use the phone whenever u want?
my number is no goods:(

[BabyGirl1992]

im pissed off
people should bloody visit u :(
i would if i was in england :(

[SweetSue]

I have my trusted friend my mobile, god knows what for however coz i dont know any one i can ring, infact the only time it does ring its usualy the wrong number

[BabyGirl1992]

im sorry:(

[SweetSue]

If i gave you my number would you ring it sometime

[BabyGirl1992]

yea if u want me to i will

[SweetSue]

CHEERS HUN THAT WILL BE
ggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAA AAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT
:):p:D;)

[BabyGirl1992]

:o................

[BabyGirl1992]

=/ =/..............

[SweetSue]

Heather,
when you next log in can you please , please just leave a message somewhere to one of us or in this thread, to let us know you are ok.
I am very concerned , we all are
hope that you are o.k
please take care
sue

[David O]

Heather,
Good morning. I'm checking in on you. It's 6:30AM and I'm conerned. Write back ASAP to just let us know how you are.
David

[SweetSue]

Heather its 11.50am british time i havnt heard from you for nearly 7 hours. To be quite honest ive passed the point of concern ive even tried you on your web page , hun call me ok you got my cell, reverse charges if need be. You got to let someone know your ok.
Its realy important hun ok.
Sue

[IrmaJean]

I wanted to check in here to see if you are okay, Babygirl. I hadn't seen your post when I posted my post...

Everyone cares about you. Please let us know that you're doing all right.

[BabyGirl1992]

im ok =/..............

[SweetSue]

Thankgod, ive been realy worried
i stayed ion line all day just to hear from you
shit hun , i could hugg you
sue

[BabyGirl1992]

plz do hugg me:(

[SweetSue]

very very very big massive huggs are coming your way hun
ive been very worried
can you tell ne whays happened please heather
your ffriend
one very happy to see you
sue

[BabyGirl1992]

dnt worrries
me is fine
are u okies?

xx bbygrl

[SweetSue]

I feel much better now i know your ok

so what u been up to hun,
coz i know you have not been on here !!!!
Sue

[BabyGirl1992]

:( nothin worth knowing about
what you been ups to?
im sorry

x

[SweetSue]

Heather ive missed you,
everything is worth knowing about.
I tell you what you want to help me right
well i diffinatly want to help you
what say we help each other on this one hun
it cant hurt to give it a go can it ?
P l e a s e
your friend,
sue

[SweetSue]

See know your picking up my bad habits
thats what i always say

[BabyGirl1992]

what habit am i picken ups?
what u needs help with?
me no goods



xx bbygrl

[BabyGirl1992]

me dnt feel so great:(

[SweetSue]

Whats wrong hun in what way dont you feel great

[BabyGirl1992]

i dunnos ...:(
how was ur day??

xx
bbygrl

[SweetSue]

Hey heather its ok you can talkk im not going to make you do anything you dont want to ok. Im your friend
i will listen
for me to be able to do that
u need 2 talk

[BabyGirl1992]

im alright
just cut cut cut just like my thread says:(
me dunno anymore
but it dont matters
r u ok??

xx bbygrl

[SweetSue]

Ok you need cheering up
check out my entry in the lounge ok
it will make you smile i promise
fav song ok

[BabyGirl1992]

no such thing as *smiling*
i get one more call im gunna freak out and flush my damn phone down the EFFIn toilet..
SON OF A MONKEY blah:(:(

[SweetSue]

Is it that person again hun

[SweetSue]

What has the person said to you heather, lets talk about this ok

[SweetSue]

Hey heather dont flush the phone down the lav, you may need it.
Just swithch it off for now hun ok

[SweetSue]

heather

please pm me when you get back on line i need to know your ok, please,

[BabyGirl1992]

:'(
stuff didn't wanna hear
grrrrrs:'( :(

[SweetSue]

Heather whats going on there, you keep going off line on me.
Are you safe ,
is any one with you ?

[BabyGirl1992]

me heres:(

[BabyGirl1992]

home alone
i hate it!!
yea i old enough to be alone
but i dont wanna be
i wanna be unborn again..
or to the age where i cant flippen walk:'(

[SweetSue]

Why?
Why?
Why?

[SweetSue]

Heather,
you need to stop avoiding my question,
r u safe hun

[BabyGirl1992]

me is fine...=/
so how was ur day?

[SweetSue]

Ok heather, im absolutly exhausted hun, seriously havnt sleept in ages, days too many days now ,
so please if you want to help me, can you please just tell me if your safe.
I know youur code babygirl,
fine
so please answer this straight, direct , to the point question

heather are you safe ?

sue

[BabyGirl1992]

me is fin
me is *safe*
i guess.. i dunno anymore about aything
u shold gets some sleep
i took mesome NO DOZ
no sleepin for me n no no no no no..
maybe i can flyy

[SweetSue]

Sorry heather realy feeling unwell goin logg off o,k
look if you get scared pm david o
or malign or smallstar or blossom they usualy log om and off through out the night , or check on the whos on line and pm them ok, even if you dont know them they will be only to happy tu help thats what this family does ok.
Better still heather please reconsider and go to the police . They will keep you safe hun ok.
Take good care of yourself pleade
tour friend
sue
:):D:cool:;)

[SweetSue]

Heather

when you get this message, please , please, hun, you so need to go to the police. Please dont put it off any longer. This person needs to be stopped. You should never put up with being treated in this way. You deserve to be safe. Please heather, call 911 and get the police involved.

Ive just logged back on and seen your poem, hun i do so very much hope you wasnt using code.heather this is very, very serious

heather go to the police, please do it now

please hun, take care of yourself.i do hope that you are ok.
Im so very sorry i had to go off line last night.

Take care
sue

[malign]

Heather, here's a suggestion, if you won't go to the police:
Change your cellphone number.
They can do that, and then at least you won't hear from this guy again.

[ASchwartz]

Dear Heather,

Please, please, please, go to the police or go to the hospital. It seems to me that you are in deep emotional trouble, not to mention your other problems. You are not responding to any of us in sensible ways.

Allan:(

[BabyGirl1992]

im ok xx..........

[BabyGirl1992]

Sue...
im ok trust me and you have nothin to be sorry for
xo

[SweetSue]

Heather,
ive just been reading your threads, in the other forums. My heart goes out to you, hun, it realy does.
You know i had to realy think about what i was going to write before i replied to you in this thread.
Do you want us to try to help support you heather, because if you do then well you need to start being open, with me, with all of us. Because unless you are prepared to do that, i dont see how we can help.
You have had a lot of people worried for you, for your health, for your safety.
I have just read your most recent comment in general support, telling us not to worry and that your sort something out.
Can you tell us how your going to sort it out. Are you going to go to the doctors ? You cant carry on like this heather.
Were all here to help support you any way we can. But you have to want our help. Other wise what is the point ?
Im sorry heather i just dont know what else to say hun.
You know where i am if you need me
your friend sue

[BabyGirl1992]

no not goin to the docs until april
the only thing can do is call the
po po's although really really don't want
to cuz hes in a gang..:( sigh
ANYWAAAYY


enough about that how are you

[Mark]

All,

JessicaJane and Dr. Schwartz pointed this thread out to me this evening, and I want to comment, as there are clearly a lot of tense emotions happening here. What I have to say is "Meta", meaning I'm commenting on the entire conversation that is occuring, not just on the presenting situation. I may seem cold to some of you but that is not my intention. My hope is that I can help everyone have some perspective on this sort of situation, BabyGirl1992 included.

First, advice for BabyGirl: You've explained a situation here which involves yourself at great risk for rape and violent treatment. No one can compel you to do anything in particular here, but if you are truly at risk for being raped and assaulted, I suggest, as have many others, that you call the police and tell them about the threat, and ask their advice on how best to handle the situation. You would be wise to be writing down all the things this gang member has been saying to you, so that should some harm happen to you, there is a good record of the threats which could be useful in prosecuting him. If you are in danger, do what you need to do to get yourself out of danger. Recognize that people here are trying their best to support you, and that when you are not able to provide them with clear feedback that you've listened to what they have to say, that they are feeling panicked for you. Please try to take their feelings into account, even while you attend to your own overwhelming feelings.

Now - some perspective on the larger conversation. BabyGirl comes in here several days ago and explains that she is in danger of being raped and assaulted. She makes it known that she has cut on herself; a very sensitive topic around here which easily triggers people. There's nothing wrong in talking about cutting - that 's one of the purposes of this community, and BabyGirl is too new here to be held fully accountable for knowing all the guidelines (such as it is good form to mark any posts about cutting with a *TRIGGER* note in the title). In short, she has made herself a very sympathetic character and rallied people to her aide. People proceed, very generously, to get upset on her behalf and provide advice. Some people get so upset that they scream their advice (in huge letters). BabyGirl then withdraws a bit and doesn't provide clear updates to her status (minimizes the danger she may be in) so that people responding here feel the need to try to get her to check in again and again and to take action against this gang member. That's the rest of the thread as I see it from my detached perspective: BabyGirl presents herself in trouble, gets a lot of people upset about the trouble. Those people freak out and try to help, and she withdraws and minimzes, which only pushes people towards wanting more information. Drama ensues.

I want to suggest to all the kind and concerned people who want to help BabyGirl that you have done what you can do and are doing what you can do on an ongoing basis - and that at a certain point you have no control over what BabyGirl chooses to do with herself and you are best served by taking a breath, holding it for a moment and then exhaling slowly, calming down, and taking care of yourself for a bit too. It doesn't actually help BabyGirl if everyone here gets worked up beyond a certain point, and it may really end up hurting everyone here besides BabyGirl by increasing their own stress levels beyond what is helpful. BabyGirl has been advised as to what she can do to protect herself; she has had multiple expressions of concern. She now has to do the rest herself.

This is a very difficult and painful situation - to watch someone who is pulling for caregiving so strongly and to not be in a position to control the situation so that it has a good outcome. But the situation is exactly that we do not control the outcome here. Only BabyGirl can control the outcome, and then only so much. We can support but we cannot compel. She has to do her part, and we need some luck to happen too. Drama, though emotionally compelling, doesn't generally help heal anyone. Compassion and concern does; good carefully thought out rational advice can help, but drama does not help.

I hope I'm not sounding heartless here. I'm the only one here so far pointing out that this level of drama is not helpful, and that BabyGirl is not helpless, and by pointing this out, I suppose I run the risk of coming off sounding heartless. But I don't think this drama is helpful or empowering for BabyGirl, and I do not think that this drama is helpful for anyone else here.

Edit: correction: JessicaJane is also pointing out that this level of drama is not helpful (in her last post) but she is not using the same wording, so it took me two reads to catch on to it. I wanted to acknowledge that more than just myself is going in that direction.

Mark

[IrmaJean]

I think in essence, Babygirl, what Mark is saying is that at some point in time you will have to take a look at your situation and be proactive instead of reactive. Ultimately, your getting well has to be something that you want for yourself. I know you're under 18, but are you in school? Is there a counselor at the school who can help?

[mscat]

All,

JessicaJane and Dr. Schwartz pointed this thread out to me this evening, and I want to comment, as there are clearly a lot of tense emotions happening here. What I have to say is "Meta", meaning I'm commenting on the entire conversation that is occuring, not just on the presenting situation. I may seem cold to some of you but that is not my intention. My hope is that I can help everyone have some perspective on this sort of situation, BabyGirl1992 included.

First, advice for BabyGirl: You've explained a situation here which involves yourself at great risk for rape and violent treatment. No one can compel you to do anything in particular here, but if you are truly at risk for being raped and assaulted, I suggest, as have many others, that you call the police and tell them about the threat, and ask their advice on how best to handle the situation. You would be wise to be writing down all the things this gang member has been saying to you, so that should some harm happen to you, there is a good record of the threats which could be useful in prosecuting him. If you are in danger, do what you need to do to get yourself out of danger. Recognize that people here are trying their best to support you, and that when you are not able to provide them with clear feedback that you've listened to what they have to say, that they are feeling panicked for you. Please try to take their feelings into account, even while you attend to your own overwhelming feelings.

Now - some perspective on the larger conversation. BabyGirl comes in here several days ago and explains that she is in danger of being raped and assaulted. She makes it known that she has cut on herself; a very sensitive topic around here which easily triggers people. There's nothing wrong in talking about cutting - that 's one of the purposes of this community, and BabyGirl is too new here to be held fully accountable for knowing all the guidelines (such as it is good form to mark any posts about cutting with a *TRIGGER* note in the title). In short, she has made herself a very sympathetic character and rallied people to her aide. People proceed, very generously, to get upset on her behalf and provide advice. Some people get so upset that they scream their advice (in huge letters). BabyGirl then withdraws a bit and doesn't provide clear updates to her status (minimizes the danger she may be in) so that people responding here feel the need to try to get her to check in again and again and to take action against this gang member. That's the rest of the thread as I see it from my detached perspective: BabyGirl presents herself in trouble, gets a lot of people upset about the trouble. Those people freak out and try to help, and she withdraws and minimzes, which only pushes people towards wanting more information. Drama ensues.

I want to suggest to all the kind and concerned people who want to help BabyGirl that you have done what you can do and are doing what you can do on an ongoing basis - and that at a certain point you have no control over what BabyGirl chooses to do with herself and you are best served by taking a breath, holding it for a moment and then exhaling slowly, calming down, and taking care of yourself for a bit too. It doesn't actually help BabyGirl if everyone here gets worked up beyond a certain point, and it may really end up hurting everyone here besides BabyGirl by increasing their own stress levels beyond what is helpful. BabyGirl has been advised as to what she can do to protect herself; she has had multiple expressions of concern. She now has to do the rest herself.

This is a very difficult and painful situation - to watch someone who is pulling for caregiving so strongly and to not be in a position to control the situation so that it has a good outcome. But the situation is exactly that we do not control the outcome here. Only BabyGirl can control the outcome, and then only so much. We can support but we cannot compel. She has to do her part, and we need some luck to happen too. Drama, though emotionally compelling, doesn't generally help heal anyone. Compassion and concern does; good carefully thought out rational advice can help, but drama does not help.

I hope I'm not sounding heartless here. I'm the only one here so far pointing out that this level of drama is not helpful, and that BabyGirl is not helpless, and by pointing this out, I suppose I run the risk of coming off sounding heartless. But I don't think this drama is helpful or empowering for BabyGirl, and I do not think that this drama is helpful for anyone else here.

Edit: correction: JessicaJane is also pointing out that this level of drama is not helpful (in her last post) but she is not using the same wording, so it took me two reads to catch on to it. I wanted to acknowledge that more than just myself is going in that direction.

Mark

Thank you Mark, I did not think you were being heartless ! I pulled back on this thread because of the issue you have just pointed out. We can only do so much, then it is Babygirls decision to do what she needs to do in her own life to stay safe, and get the professional help. I've posted in one of her other threads regarding this very issue.
IMHO, I believe this thread ought to be closed down. WE have all said what we can in hopes to help Heather, now it is time to move on. Start over, and hope that Heather AKA Babygirl1992 will get the help she needs.
mscat

[I_Am_Me]

I would just like to say to you, babygirl, and anyone else self harming, before this thread gets shut down - I know some really great techniques to avoid cutting - my faveourite is squeezing ice - the release lasts much longer, and it is without the dirty depressed feeling afterwards and all the cleaning up. I get a bag of peas, or 2 ice cubes, put them in my palms and squeeze so tight!!! It hurts, boy it hurts, but it's a great alternative to actually harming. Message me if you want to know more, thinking of you.

This post is not given in the view of helping anybody harm, merely a suggestion on how to avoid actual harm, anyone who hasn't cut yet please don't do it, there are so many other ways and it's a long road back once you start. Please post or message someone before you really think about doing it.