What is normal?

[Kalima]

I feel a bit guilty writing here now because my own pain has eased. I still feel persistently sad or empty but perhaps thats my normal state. I still jump when I hear people banging doors or walking up stairs but I figure I'll learn to relax eventually.

I don't think I'm 'fixed' yet but I don't know if I'll be able to tell when I am. All my life all I've ever wanted to be in normal, but what is normal? what is normality?

I don't like telling 'real' people (people I meet face to face, flesh and blood) how I feel. I'm ashamed of myself in many ways. But I want to be better, I want to be able to trust people.

I did see a councilor, 3 sessions, 1 every 2 weeks, I barely sold her anything and afterwards she told me I prolly had low selfestime and I shouldn't avoid my parents as I said I wanted to. I can't see how she can understand anything and give me guidence when she doesnt know more than a handful of facts and thoughts.

Mostly I feel in a state of numbness with occasional feelings of happiness or sadness. I try to distract myself when I get sad because I know I'm quite caperble of making myself feel 100 times worse.

I've considered some sort of talking therapy, but I'm not so good at talking. I'm stagnating.

[Mark]

I feel a bit guilty writing here now because my own pain has eased. I still feel persistently sad or empty but perhaps thats my normal state. I still jump when I hear people banging doors or walking up stairs but I figure I'll learn to relax eventually.

I don't think I'm 'fixed' yet but I don't know if I'll be able to tell when I am. All my life all I've ever wanted to be in normal, but what is normal? what is normality?

There isn't any reason to feel guilty on our account :o you don't need to be in screaming pain to post here. Just to be interested in the human experience in general and mental health/illness issues in specific.


Normal is the most slippery concept there is. It is a statistical concept actually - it suggests the "average" experience, but there is no person who is truly average so that doesn't exist except in fantasy. There is instead a range of normal experience. How wide that goes depends on who you talk to.

To me, a normal emotional life is not one that is free of emotional pain, but rather one that is not disabled by that pain.

Numbness is still a variety of pain - it's just pain you can't feel. Not feeling is itself a sort of contraction of the desired state which is to be receptive and responsive to what life has to offer (provided it isn't toxic or unsafe!).