Please Help me

[DAJN05]

A great sadness and loneliness fills me.
as I cry my heart out.
My heart aches.
My body trembles.

I feel like there's no hope left.
No way to go
No way to hide
I cry.....and cry

Thunder shakes the air
Lightning illuminates the sky
Stabbing the air with daggers of steel,
rain continues to pour.
I curl myself into a ball,
as my emotions overwhelm me more.

I feel heartbroken.
I feel afraid.
I feel hopeless.

I feel trapped.
I feel helpless.
I feel all alone.

Using my hands,
I cover my ears.
In an attempt to make everything go away.

Darkness surrounds me everywhere.
I'm alone and fills with fear
Tears of sorrow roll down my face.
Laughter and joy has gone out of me.
Never to be seen again.

I feel like there's no point in living.
I feel like no one cares!
I feel alone and forgotten.
I feel hurt and betrayed.

My heart aches like never before
My dreams seem shattered and torn.
My body slowly surrenders to the darkness before me.
My mind following close behind.

I feel worthless
I feel ashamed
I feel like killing myself,
and ending the pain.

Death becomes my friend
My only friend
The answer to ending my life of misery
but also starting a new one in hell.

A life filled with torture
A life filled with fear
A life filled with complete misery.
A life I cannot bear.

The choices seem clearer now.
As I accept the situation I'm in.
A life of misery or a life in hell.
Either way, I'll end up condemned.

No way to go
No way to hide
The choices are there
It's just for me to decide.

If I kill myself now.
I'll most likely be condemned.
But if I don't,
I'll have to live a life of misery,
followed by one in hell.

I've made my choice.
I can't take any more!
I can't bear the pain.
nor the hurt.
I can't bear to continue this life,
filled with all this suffering.

No friends,
No family,
They've all abandoned me.
Leaving me alone.

Alone, to face all my worries.
Alone, to face all my fears.
Alone, .... in this life,
now meaningless to me.

I want to die.
I want all the pain to stop.
I want all the hurt and misery to end!
I don't want to feel desolate again!

Help me!
Someone please help me!
Don't leave me alone
Please don't leave me.

Don't leave me to face this all alone
deliver me out of this life
Take all the pain and hurt away.
Please . . . . Help me . . .
Before it's to late........

[Girl1983]

Take my hand and feel the warmth of my fingers holding on to yours. You are not alone. We all suffer, hold strong it can and hopefully will get better.

[nightfalls]

Feels like we suffer alone in our personal lives, feels like no one really cares imediatly around us and I know the pain feels like it will go on forever and when it continues or repeats itself hope seems extreamly far away. When you come here you see that although we are all in a individual pain, individual sadness, and individually feeling forgoten and alone we are not actually ALONE because there is so many that understand the feelings that we are dealing with and luckly there are some that have gotten through it before and know that it can get better in time. Really everything is as it is in time. We just need to let it be and alowe time to exist until we get ourselves to the better existance. Take care

[ASchwartz]

DAJN05, welcome to our community. I hope you are beginning to feel the warmth and caring of our members.

Forgeting and GIRL1983 thankyou for reaching out and giving your warmth and support.

It is my hope that, through this community, people will come to feel less alone and come to feel the warmth, acceptance and caring of the members here.

DAJN05, can you tell us more about your self and why you feel the pain you have so poignantly expressed in your poem??

Allan

[DAJN05]

DAJN05, welcome to our community. I hope you are beginning to feel the warmth and caring of our members.

Forgeting and GIRL1983 thankyou for reaching out and giving your warmth and support.

It is my hope that, through this community, people will come to feel less alone and come to feel the warmth, acceptance and caring of the members here.

DAJN05, can you tell us more about your self and why you feel the pain you have so poignantly expressed in your poem??

Allan



What exactly do u want to know??? There are different things going on in my life. And certain things related to why I feel that way. Can u please be a little specific. It may make it easier

[ASchwartz]

Why do you feel like you want to die? What is going on, at present, that feels the worst?

Allan

[DAJN05]

Suddenly...all fear leaves me.
My heart becomes cold
Colder than ice.
Colder than snow

As sorrow is replaced with anger and rage
My fists clench,
ready for a fight
ready to take down anyone who stands in my way

I become ruthless
I become enraged
I become deadlier,
than a venemous snake

I seeketh to hurt,
as I've been hurt.
I seeketh to kill,
as I've been killed.

My childhood
My dreams
My hopes and aspires,
gone....all gone
Gone foreevermore.

I love no one because I haven't been loved.
I hate,
because I've been hated.
I trust no one,
because I've been betrayed.

Darkness and evil are now my friend.
More than a friend.
More like part of me.
I care no more for anyone,
. . . . not even myself.

My sorrow,
My hurt,
My pain.
Has now been hidden,
behind anger and disdain.

My countenance is evil
My heart and mind has been corrupted.
My future seems grim like my past.
And my heart has been scarred
. . . .Forever...

[DAJN05]

Why do you feel like you want to die? What is going on, at present, that feels the worst?

Allan


I feel hopeless sometimes. Like there's no point in living. If I told u exactly what was bothering me and causing me to feel this way...I can't be certain that you'll understand. Why would I even deserve to live anyway. Most people don't know me well. So then , how can they help me. If the persons in life that are closest to me hurt me the most and are practically clueless to the pain I feel.....do u think I would trust anyone else.
I felt so depressed before that I even considered suicide. Sometimes I may get over it....sort of...of all the hurt, pain, guilt, and so on. Then later on, something triggers it all over again and I feel the depression from before as well as whatever triggered it in the first place, so I end up feeling worst than before.

[Kalima]

sometimes i think it's difficult to heal a wound that you wont examine.

i'm having a bad day, and on bad days I tend to think that giving up would be easier, less painful and a relief. And everytime I have these thoughts i argue with myself. I cant begin to explain the guilt and selfhatred I feel, but I am pretty sure i'm not alone in my own personal torture.

Why do you see a darkness in you? How are you 'evil' and 'corrupted'?

We can't understand if you don't tell us, let us try? What's bothering you?

[Mark]

If I told u exactly what was bothering me and causing me to feel this way...I can't be certain that you'll understand

There isn't any sort of certainty in this life, at least not with regard to human communication. it is almost guarenteed that you will not be understood in entirety. But, since you are a reasonably gifted writer, changes are also very good that you'll get a good deal of what is important across. Keep in mind that there is a self-selected audience here of other people who are dealing with intense depression and anxiety, and suicidal feelings. Folks here will understand as best as anyone could.

Being understood is over-rated anyway. Much more important is being cared for; being accepted.

sometimes i think it's difficult to heal a wound that you wont examine.

Exactly so. This is the case with what keeps anxiety going for years. It is also a big part of what makes it difficult to dissolve shame. The thing that is bothering you is *painful* and so you avoid it. But in avoiding it, you lose the opportunity to test it. A personal myth grows up around the thing you avoid which becomes perceived as worse than it really is. There isn't any evidence to disconfirm the myth, so you believe it. Like those mideval sailors who thought they'd fall off the end of the earth if they sailed away from land, you never challenge the myth or touch the thing that is painful and thus your life becomes a reaction to that thing which must be accomodated, often at great personal expense and opportunity cost.

The way out is often -> through. There is no going around. Not going at all is a dead end.

Mark