cyblue
11-06-2009, 03:41 PM
Hi - this is kinda long, sorry.
After much thought and reading on the subject, i decided against letting my therapist use EMDR with me. it seems to help more with anxiety issues, which are not my major problem. She was okay with the decision.
Then i handed her a piece of paper on which i had been writing down some stuff that had been bugging me since i was younger and stuff that i've been thinking recently. she was a bit, um, bothered...no, maybe disturbed...no, i think concerned would be the best term to use here. i figured that it was time to lay it all on the line with her and let her know how i've really been feeling about life. going through the motions, not getting any enjoyment out of anything, feeling like i'm just done with being here, and not really seeing the point of my being here. She was kinda funny when she said something about 'that's suicidal thinking right there'...well duh...and 'when did you write this?' she asked. it wasn't a matter of when it was written...its the fact that i've felt this way for so very long that i have become accustomed to it.
i am having a difficult time redirecting my thoughts. i use distraction to its fullest extent - even the therapist made note of that. She told me to make a list of pros and cons for having suicide as an option and then pros and cons for NOT having it as an option. Sad to say, i can't come up with many pros why Not to have it as an option. Both leave me in control of my destiny - that's a Pro. but beyond that, i can't think of any more pros for the Not an Option section.
Anyone have any suggestions?
cy
After much thought and reading on the subject, i decided against letting my therapist use EMDR with me. it seems to help more with anxiety issues, which are not my major problem. She was okay with the decision.
Then i handed her a piece of paper on which i had been writing down some stuff that had been bugging me since i was younger and stuff that i've been thinking recently. she was a bit, um, bothered...no, maybe disturbed...no, i think concerned would be the best term to use here. i figured that it was time to lay it all on the line with her and let her know how i've really been feeling about life. going through the motions, not getting any enjoyment out of anything, feeling like i'm just done with being here, and not really seeing the point of my being here. She was kinda funny when she said something about 'that's suicidal thinking right there'...well duh...and 'when did you write this?' she asked. it wasn't a matter of when it was written...its the fact that i've felt this way for so very long that i have become accustomed to it.
i am having a difficult time redirecting my thoughts. i use distraction to its fullest extent - even the therapist made note of that. She told me to make a list of pros and cons for having suicide as an option and then pros and cons for NOT having it as an option. Sad to say, i can't come up with many pros why Not to have it as an option. Both leave me in control of my destiny - that's a Pro. but beyond that, i can't think of any more pros for the Not an Option section.
Anyone have any suggestions?
cy