am I a pedophile?

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[Natalie]

Hi-
Thanks for your question. I know it must take a lot of courage to ask about this subject. I will give you the technical answer: according to the DSM (the diagnostic manual that mental health professionals use), a person would be diagnosed with pedophilia if
1) for at least 6 months, they had recurrent, intense, sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving sexual activity with a child
2) the person has acted on these urges, or these urges or fantasies cause intense distress or interpersonal problems
3) the person is at least 16 and least 5 years older than the child.

So, according to the information you provided, your feelings when you were 15/16 were not "technically" pedophilia. It is a bit of a gray area and depends on your level of maturity at the time, as well as how old the children were to whom you were attracted.

Your situation now may be a bit different. If you are having intense fantasies about having sex with children, and have been repeatedly acting upon those urges (many clinicians would say that masturbating to these images is acting upon those urges) for longer than six months, you may indeed have this diagnosis. If it is an isolated incident, then you would not have this diagnosis.

Even if it isn't repeated behavior, however, and it bothers you, I would seek out a psychotherapist that could help you deal with these issues. I would also seek help immediately if you find yourself seeking out ways to actually have sex with children as opposed to looking at images. Sexual experiences can be damaging for young children on many levels... they are not emotionally and cognitively mature enough to handle this type of experience, and they need to be protected as much as possible.

Could you provide us with some more information about yourself?

[scared]

ggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

[ASchwartz]

Hello Scared,

"Acting on these urges" means actually touching and doing things. You do not want to go there. I agree with Natalie and want to encourage you to seek help immediately.

I have no way of knowing if you have schizophrenia or not but it is clear that you really must seek help in order to get the correct diagnosis and the proper help that you need. In light of the question about schizophrenia I want to encourage you to see a Psychiatrist. A psychiatrist can do a diagnosis and if you have schizophrenia will start you on the correct medications.

Allan

[scared]

trhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[ASchwartz]

Good, but, what about getting some help for your self???

Allan:)

[scared]

trhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[ASchwartz]

Hi,

Did the psychiatrist make any recommendations about psychotherapy or some form of treatment??

Allan

[scared]

htrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[ASchwartz]

Scared,

There are some therapists who will not see a person until they are free of drug abuse. I do not agree with this policy but that is my opinion.
I know that there are other therapist, whether they are drug counselors or any other type, who will see people even if they are still using.

Please understand that I think it is essential that you stop using and stop immediately. There are detox programs, there are out patient drug programs and there is psychotherapy and there is always AA and that type of thing.

You need to do things for yourself and not wait. Find another therapist, one who will see you now and find a drug treatment program.

What drugs are you abusing?

Allan

[Natalie]

I would advise you to make sure that your psychiatrist (or the dr that prescribed the antidepressant and antipsychotic) knows that you are using/abusing substances. Sometimes the combination of different types of drugs (even ones that you have gotten a prescription for) can be seriously dangerous!!!!

[scared]

rthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[ASchwartz]

Hi Scared,

There is no question that abusing drugs makes it extremely difficult for a psychiatrist to do a correct diagnosis. In addition, the combination of drug abuse and medication can sometimes be dangerous to health. Most certainly, drug abuse negates the effectiveness of psychotropic medications.

I agree with your decision to not use drugs. Two months will give you a chance for your body to get free of drugs.

But, can you really stay free of drug abuse for two months??

Allan

[scared]

I should be allright, need a diagnosis...

[ASchwartz]

Hi Scared,

Yeah, you need a diagnosis. Keep posting here. We want to hear from you and how you are doing.

Allan

[scared]

trgsssssssssssssssssssssssssss

[paula]

Hi

Well what do I think? I'll tell you what I think shall I!

I think it's to much of the LSD your having (ACID TABS). It's messing with your feelings. It's also, mashing your head up!

I think that your just curious! Curious of not knowing how it feels to have sex with a child? Curious of not knowing what rush you'll get at the prospect of having sex with a child! Curious of how your going to feel afterward's when you've ruined that child's life, forever. And you know what curiosity did to the cat! Don't you? Well find out because I'm not telling you!

People always want, what they cannot have? I'd say, get a grip! And sort your life out before you lose it totally!

The first thing you need to do is get off the Acid! And seek Medical Help! For your own good!

Paula.:eek:

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[paula]

Hi Scared

To be honest, I don't think you know what to do? Like I said previously, Your curious of the outcome of it and in the next breath, You couldn't imagine yourself even going there? Am I right or not?

The problem is, is that your head's that mashed up at the moment, that you don't know whats real and what isn't? Is it you thinking these thoughts of having sex with a child or is it your feelings playing havoc with you. You just don't know do you?

I suspect that at the moment your head is all over the place, yeah! Well you know why that is don't you? Because you have been playing with fire!!! (mixing drugs) and you know what they say if you mess with fire!!! Then you are going to get burnt!!!!! Or rather your heading that way!!

You have got to trust your instincts on this one and walk away while you can. Otherwise your going to get in that deep that there's no getting out. Am I making myself clear. I hope it's crystal clear, the way I'm coming across.

There's only one winner in this world, and I'm afraid it's not going to be you!

Paula.:cool:

[scared]

h555555eeeeeee

[paula]

Hi Scared

Cheers for getting back!

Can I ask you something? Are these your thought's or your Dream's?

Obviously, going of your previous post's, you fantasize a lot about having sex with children. What has brought these fantast's on in the first place? There's got to be a reason that you are thinking these thought's.

I know that you said previously, That you was involved in drug's (acid). How long was you taking them? You see, that can have a massive affect on the Mental State of your Mind to begin with.

There's got to be a root to this problem surely. You've tried to tell us how you feel about this problem, but how do you feel? Really! Be Honest!

Everyone has Fantasies, but not to the extreme that you are facing!

Do you trust yourself! That is the biggest issue that you've got to face.

Only you knows what you are capable of doing, and if you think that you are capable of committing this crime, then I suggest that you seek medical help immediately. For your own good as well as that of other's!

What you've got to do is think back, to the first time that you had these thought's. When was it? was it whilst I was off my head? was it when I first started taking drug's? or was it an incident that occurred with a child, that caused me to have these thought's?

Are these thought's constantly on your mind or just re-occurring thought's.You have to think that there's got to be a pattern here to your way of thinking?

Do you only think these thought's when, let's say, High! Or maybe, tired! Upset, happy, pissed up. Your mind plays a lot of trick's on you, especially if your pissed! The Alcohol affects your brain, as you are aware of.

Are you physically attracted to someone? Someone who you know?

You definitely need to see a shrink!

If you think that these fantasies are getting out of control, you need to act, and like yesterday if you get my drift? (now)

Paula.:confused:

[scared]

h566666666666666666666

[paula]

Hi Scared

Yeh I know the administrator talks about your problem, I've been reading your post! I don't mean the administrator pin points you out for it to be your problem. I mean he talks about this in general.

You know, you go on about being a Paedophile, Is that what you want? To be a Paedophile! I've looked up Paedophile and it comes under Sexual Perversions. I am going to write a few things down for you. I hope your up for a lenghy read, as it is quite long. Here goes:

SEXUAL PERVERSIONS.

DEFINITION:

Sexual perversions are conditions in which sexual excitement or orgasm is associated with acts or imagery that are considered unusual within the culture. To avoid problems associated with the stigmatization of labels, the neutral term paraphillia, derived from greek roots meaning 'alongside of' and 'love,' is used to describe what used to be called sexual perversions. A paraphillia is a condition in which a person's sexual arousal and gratification depend on a fantasy theme of an unuaual situation or object that becomes the principal focus of sexual behaviour.

DESCRIPTION:

Paraphillias can revolve around a particular sexual object or a particular act. They are defined by DSM-IV as 'sexual impulse disorders characterized by intensely arousing, recurrant sexual fantasies, urges and behhaviours considered deviant with respect to cultural norms and that produce clinically significant distress or impairment in social occupational or other important areas of psychosocial funcioning.' The nature of a paraphillia is generally specific and unchanging, and most of the paraphillias are far more commen in men than in women.
Paraphillias differ from what some people might consider 'normal' sexual activity in that these behaviours cause significant distress or impairment in areas of life functioning. They do not refer to the normal use of sexual activity, or objects to heighten sexual excitment where there is no distress or impairment. The most common signs of sexual activity that can be classified as paraphillia include: the inabillity to resist an impulse for the sexual act, the requirment of patticipation by non-consenting or under-aged individuals, legal consequences, resulting sexual dysfunction, and interference with normal social relationships.
Paraphillias include fantasies, behaviours, and/or urges which:
The most common paraphillias are:
A paraphilliac often has more than one paraphillia. Paraphillias often result in a variety of associated problems, such as guilt, depression, shame, isolation, and impairment in the capacity for normal social and sexual relationships. A paraphillia can, and often does, become highly idiosyncratic and ritualized.

CAUSES AND SYMPYOMS

Ther is very little certainty about what causes a paraphillia. Psychoanalysts generally theorize that these conditions represent a regression to or a fixation at a earlier level of psychosexual development resulting in a repetitive pattern of sexual behaviour that is not mature in its application and expression. in other words, an individual repeats or reverts to a sexual habit arising early in life. Another psychoanalytic theory holds that these conditions are all expressions of hostility in which sexual fantasies or unusual sexual acts become a means of obtaining revenge for a childhood trauma. The persistant, repetitive nature of the paraphillia is caused by an inabilliyt to erase the underlying trauma completely. Indeed, a history of childhood sexual abuse is sometimes seen in individuals with paraphillias.
However, behaviourist suggest instead, that the paraphillia begins via a process of conditioning. Nonsexual objects can become sexually arousing if they are frequently and repeatedly associated with a pleasurable sexual activity. The development of a paraphillia is not usually a matter of conditioning alone; there must uaually be some predisposing factor, such as difficulty forming person-to-person sexual relationships or poor self esteem. The following are situations or causes that might lead someone in a paraphilliac direction:

DIAGNOSIS

Whatever the cause, paraphilliacs apparently rarely seek treatment unless they are induced into it by an arrest or discovery by a family member. This makes diagnosis before a confrontation very difficult.
Paraphilliacs may select an occupation, or develop a hobby or volunteer work, that puts them in contact with the desired erotic stimuli, for example, selling womens shoes or lingerie in fetishism, or working with children in pedophillia. Other coexistent problems may be alcohol or drug abuse. intimacy problems, and personality disturbances, especially emotional immaturity. Additionally, there mey be sexual dysfunctions. Erectile dysfunction and a n inability to ejaculate may be common in attempts at sexual activity without the paraphilliac theme.
Paraphilias may be mild, moderate, or severe. An individual with mild paraphillia is markedly distressed by the recurrent paraphilliac urges but has never acted on them. The moderate has occasionally acted on the paraphillic urge. A severe paraphilliac has repeatedly acted on the urge.

TREATMENT

The literature describing treatment is fragmentary and incomplete. traditional psychoanalysis has not been particularly effective with paraphillia and generally requires several years of treatment. Therapy with hypnosis has also had poor results. current interest focus primarily on several bahavioural techniques that include the following:

In additional to these therapies, drugs are sometimes prescribed to treat paraphiliac behaviours. drugs that drastically lower testosterone temporarily (antiandrogens) have been used for the control of repetitive deviant sexual behaviours and have been prescribed for paraphillia-related disorders as well.

There is the prognosis yet to type up but i'm afraid i'm to knackered. The time is now 03.20am.

I hope this settles your mind a bit. Will type up the prognosis tomorrow.

Paula.:rolleyes:

[scared]

jrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[paula]

Hi Scared

What do you mean, that you've read through this stuff before?

So you mean to tell me that I was wasting my time, researching and typing all this stuff for you? Well Thank you very much! I spent a lot of time typing all this stuff out for you. It's not easy when your Dyslexic you know!

Going of your post. To me it sounds as though you've been really hurt of female adults, sometime in your life? It's just that I get the impression that they've done no good by you. In other words, they've shit on you BIG TIME!

Me personally, I think that you've been shit on, good and proper! Because of the way you've been shit on, I think that now (this present time) It's your mind's way of dealing with it. You no longer trust the adult female, regarding your emotions and feelings. This is why you say that you are still attracted to the adult female but you will find that you will no longer trust them. So this will explain why, you say that you are getting feelings to wards the child
female.

Logically speaking, your body needs female attention, but the only form of female attention that your minds going to accept is the child female. This will explain why you are getting thoughts of being a paedophile! Does that make sense! Do you get what I'm getting at?

So in-fact, your body wants the female child and your mind want the adult child, because your mind knows its wrong to have a female child.

Do you understand what I mean? I had to think about it myself, when I was typing it for you. I understand what you mean now! Blimey! It is confusing isn't it?

Paula.:rolleyes:

[paula]

Hi Scared

Just read through my reply to you and realised that the second to last paragraph is supposed to say adult female and not adult child.

Silly me!

Paula

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[paula]

Hi Scared

Took you long enough to reply, didn't it! Was my last post that interesting to digest, or was you like me, confused at what I meant?

Does masturbating to Pedophilia images in your head, make you a Pedophile or not? Erm....... I wouldn't say so, but I'm not a Psychiatrist/Psychologist am I.

you know what you've got to do? Well let me tell you!

You've got to stop thinking these Horrid thoughts, yeah! Get them right out of your head for good! It's not normal! But are any of us? No, seriously! You've got to try and dismiss these thoughts as soon as they enter your head. Keep saying to yourself, this is wrong for me to have these thoughts! Say it over and over again, until your mind starts to accept that these are wrong thoughts.

It will work you know! But you've got to believe that these thoughts are wrong. If you don't believe that these thoughs are wrong, then how do you expect people like me to try and help you!

Let me ask you something yeah! Let's say, you have a daughter. Your daughter is playing in front of where you live. She's playing happily, not causing anyone, any harm. Then, all of a sudden she comes running in to you crying. Breaking her little heart out. You ask her what is wrong? She replies by saying, 'that a man has just opened his pants and asked her to touch his Penis'. Your fatherly instincts tells you to hurry outside, to find this man before he dissappears. As you are looking for this man, all you are thinking is, 'I'll kill him!

You don't stop outside your house, no! Your like a bull in a china shop. You try to run in all directions. Even stopping strangers on your way and asking them if they have seen this man? Your only problem is, you don't even know what this man looks like? Because, after what your daughter told you, you were that vexed and angry! That all you wanted to do was, to find and kill this man, for doing this to your daughter.

My point is: What you are saying, that your feeling, is not natural. Consider yourself being that child's father. What would you do? I know what I'd do! I'd castrate him! Just think!

Paula.:eek:

[scared]

78iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

[scared]

gi7uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

[paula]

Will av to stop this you know, We'll have people talking. Do you realise that there's only been me and you, to carry on this tag!

Explain to me, how kid's can get sexual gratification from a Pedophile? You've got that wrong! It's the pedophile that gets sexual gratification, not the child. The child is frightened to death!

So your telling me that you wouldn't be bothered if someone came up to your daughter and asked to be fondled in a sexual way. By means of, lets say masturbating.

There is no way on this earth that you would allow that! If you did, then there is something seriously wrong with you. Pedophile, Pervert, You want your head testing!

Seriously! What you have just explained in your post is OBSCURE! You are definitely IMMEDICABLE! I just can't believe what I'm seeing here. Your not real! You can't be, to allow a complete stranger to confront your daughter in a sexual manner! Not to mention that your daughter is only five at the time, What is this!

Nah! I don't believe you? I can't believe you would even allow something like that? I'll tell you what, Your gonna come back to reality with such a bang! you won't know what's hit you! The way your carrying on! Believe me!

You don't live in the U.K by any chance! Wouldn't like to think that there's people like you roaming the streets, that's for sure!

Well you've left me gob smacked!

Paula

[Natalie]

Hi-
This is surely an interesting conversation that is going on here and I'd like to put in my 2 cents.

Scared- you seem very invested in teasing out or parsing the definition of pedophile down into a very black and white definition. You also seem very invested in using this parsed definition as the reason for claiming that you do not fit the label. Sometimes, the definitions for diagnoses don't exactly fit human beings... human beings are messy and sometimes don't mold nicely to the labels we create for them.

So, for instance, a person who is depressed might not fit the exact diagnostic criteria for major depression. However, if they are troubled and concerned about their feelings, thoughts, and actions, then that is worthy of getting help. We could have a long philosophical conversation about the labeling of mental illnesses and whether that is right or wrong. However, I think that would only create more confusing and parsing for you. What it boils down to is what is going on with you.

The fact that you spend so much time thinking about, worrying about and dealing with these thoughts is enough reason to seek out help from a therapist. This is impairing your daily life and functioning. It also seems to be causing you significant distress, so that is another reason to seek help. Also, if you have the potential to harm someone else if you lose control, especially a child, I would see that as another reason to seek help.

As far as the question "are you" or "aren't you" a pedophile.... Most people do not have these thoughts repeatedly to the point that they cause distress, worry, anxiety, and interfere with functioning. So, I think that you do indeed have a problem. The exact name of the problem is not as important as the nature of the problem (i.e., the thoughts and behaviors). If it would make it easier to admit that you have a problem, we could come up with a different label for it if that would help you. How about sexual obsessions? Obsessions are repeated thoughts about something that you cannot stop, will not go away, and are intensely disturbing.

One of the best ways to cope with disturbing thoughts and behaviors is to see a psychotherapist. Simply telling yourself not to think about something, or to think of something different is not likely to work. However, a good therapist can help you get a handle on how to change these thoughts. That being said, a therapist is NOT A MIND READER. So, you must be willing to tell him or her what those thoughts are that are bothering you before he or she can help you work on them.

I would stop spinning my wheels with the question "am I" or "am I not?" You are expending tons of energy and time going back and forth about the issue, and it's not really getting you anywhere? I would focus my energy on finding a therapist you trust, and telling him or her about these thoughts.


To Paula-
Having children myself I understand your negative visceral reaction to what Scared is discussing. However, name calling is not likely to have a motivating effect, and may actually have the reverse effect of making Scared want to further run away from confronting his problem and avoid getting help. I understand that you are trying to point out that what he is experiencing is outside the norm... but attacking him isn't likely to get us very far.

[paula]

Sorry Natalie but you can understand where I'm coming from can't you? Scared is either a Pedophile or he Isn't? He can't be both, as he is trying to suggest.

I would also recommend that he See's someone professionally, who is equipped to deal with these issues. If you don't sacred. Then your going to be facing MAJOR problems!

You've got to put an end to this problem before it starts, by seeking help. I don't mean that you saying that you will seek help. I mean by you doing and getting help!

Paula x:eek:

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[paula]

I thought you was Dyslexic. I could see the signs. Why don't you use the spell checker like I do? It's a lot easier you know!

Back to your Pediphilliac Problem. When somebody says to me "what would you do if somebody did this to your son/daughter i think it wouldnt bother me that much, and i find that disturbing because i know why its wrong but my mind just dosent want to accept it

You implied, that you don't think that it would bother you that much. So as a matter of fact, what you are saying is: that you would allow it. Am I right or am I right?

Look! Your either a Pedophile or your not? Has none of Natalie's response registered? It's no good writing various post here saying you don't know if you are a Pedophile or not? Your at the wrong place mate! I know that you post for advice about your problem, but we've given all the advice that we can, me included. Your next step is to see a Psychiatrist/Psychologist.

I'm not trying to sound rude or anything, but I'm just trying to stay clear of trouble! I've already had my hand's slapped twice(so to speak) And I'm not in the habbit of letting it happen again. Before you ask, It was my own doing. Been a naughty girl! Enough said!

Paula:(

[Natalie]

Hi Paula and Scared-
Paula, I agree wholeheartedly with you, and don't want you to think that I disagree with your ideas... just thought the way you went about saying them might not be the best approach.

Scared... you need to seek out professional help... first, to get an accurate diagnosis, and second, to get some therapy to deal with these thoughts.
I cannot diagnose you properly with the limited information that we can get from interacting online. A clinician would use some standardized tests and questions and interview you in person in order to get a better handle on what is going on.

Are you willing to go see someone?

[scared]

yuiooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[paula]

If you have seeked help like you say you have, then why havn't they done anything for you? Is it because you havn't come clean and told them everything?

Scared, you've got to be upfront with them! I understand that it might be a bit embarrassing, but you've got to get to the ROOT of the problem! It's no good letting the cat half out of the bag, honestly! It's either ALL or NOTHING!

lOOK! I'm no dab hand at this, believe me. But hey, listen, all's I can do is listen. I can do that if that will help. You seem pretty up tight! Are you alright?

Going of Natalies post. It seemed like she may be able to point you in the right direction, I don't know? It's the impression I got anyway. I must be over a Million miles away from you. Me in the U.K and you in the States, But I'll always be here to listen, even if I can't lend a shoulder to cry on! Scared, I mean what I say. I'm not trying to rub you up the wrong way. Honestly!

This thing has realy got to you hasn't it? Look, think positive! You've not done anything wrong apart from a few nasty thoughts, but that hasn't got you anywhere has it?

Paula:(

[xaq75]

Hi scared :)

Your not a freak. There is a stigma thats attached to a sexual attraction to children that no doubt motivates a lot of people to keep quiet about their feelings and not just about children but many sexual interests that are not 'mainstream'. I sometimes find girls in thier early adolecence sexually attractive. I've talked about it before with a therapist, it was completely and utterly shame wrenchingly humiliating. She told me that it's not that unusual which shocked me. Just remember, the word 'freak' needs there to be something called 'normal', which doesn't exist. I'm afraid that we have been mislead our entire lives, often by our very own brains.

If you can't approach a medical professional then try a priest or reverand, someone like that. I think you've already taken steps by posting on this site. Talking about it will help you to grow out of whatever it is thats troubling you. Keeping it to yourself would only give it life and keep you from developing into who you want to be.

You can use this concern you have to motivate you to learn about children objectively and realise just how precious, fragile and awesome they are and to see the beauty they actually have instead of the sexualised perceptions that many have of them. Of coarse, it's often confusing when talking about teenagers as they are both children and adults. I havn;t read the entire thread so I don't know if your sole interest is with children or if you have an interest in adults too. If you don't have an interst in adults then you can learn to. It's all about attitudes and perspectives IMO.

I'll read the whole thread sometime soon and perhaps make another post.

But you MUST STOP being negative about yourself.

[scared]

ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

[paula]

CALM DOWN! Get your act together! Your making the problem worst by thinking about it all the time. You need to get a life!

You've got to test yourself? Don't stay isolated! Look, if anything is going to happen, then it's going to happen? There's only you that know the answer to that.

Go out and take your mind of things for a while! If you do confront any children/adult men and you can feel any urges to your problem, then I suggest that you MOVE AWAY from them asap.

That will be the make it or break it, regarding this situation. You will know for sure whether you are a danger to children/male adults. Male adults can protect their selves but children can't.

Scared, you've got to promise me that if you do go out and come face to face with a child, whether it be male/female, and you can feel these urges, Promise me that you will not do anything to this child. Whether verbally/touch or any other forms of abuse. PROMISE ME SCARED!

Paula:eek:

[scared]

it7777777777777777777777

[paula]

I think That I'm finally getting the picture.

Scared, to me you sound very insecure! There's more to this than your letting on. I can feel it in my bones?

Your still not up for, telling me the ROOT of the problem are you!

Listen, if you want to talk confidential, You can forward your messages to me by email, via this site. What I mean is, if you want to re-direct your post to me via email, then if you click on your C.P (control panel) it will direct your sent mail to my email address.

I'd give it to you now, but I don't want to put it in a post for all sundry to see if you get my drift.

Have a think about it and let me know?

Paula:rolleyes:

[scared]

yjttttttttttttttttt

[paula]

Scared your not on your own, you know.

I'll tell you a bit of my life shall I?

To start of with, I was like you. Taking drugs I mean. I've took every drug apart from Smack! And that's because I grew up with it.

My Brother's a Smack Head. Has been for 30yrs. I remember sitting there while he injected. I was only young and knew no different! Because I was used to being around druggies, That's how I come to be one.

My brother and all his friend's would inject then go semi-conscious. Personally, I couldn't see the point of taking Smack, when all I saw was them falling asleep all the time.

I asked my brother what he gets out of falling asleep all the time? He explained, that it's the BUZZ! You get. The chilling feeling, the, I'm not arsed state.

He said to me one day, Paula don't knock it till you've tried it? I gave one look at him and thought NO THANKS! If that's how it gets you, then I'd rather not bother.

Going of the Smack though. What I can't understand is, why take a drug to make you come down (downer) I mean it's not like Whiz is it? Whiz is an upper. I was addicted to Whiz for nearly 22yrs. I loved it!

Sometimes I'd get some that was rocket fuel! Even the smell sent to on one! I used to do all my housework, and work. Because I'd been taking it for so long, I knew how much to take, so I could still eat, sleep.

To be honest, I think that is what has screwed my head up, good and proper. It affected my memory, was paranoid all the time, but I never got a come down of it. It was murder coming off it though. Felt I was doing cold turkey!

Not only that, my doctor had to keep a close eye on me. He informed me, that because I was on whiz for so long, that I could of had a stroke or my body could of shut down because of the withdraw ell symptoms and the lengh of time that I had been taken it.

Also, my heart could of stopped because it was used to the whiz and the adrenaline. By stopping it abruptly, would of caused to much of a shock to my heart.

I also loved taking ee's as well. I used to go out drinking and after downing an e, you was all loved up. with anyone! was a mellow drug.

Didn't really think much of the Chan though! Didn't get much of a buzz! Well they say it's a million air's whiz though don't they. No wonder, the price of it!

But look at me now. Straight as they come. have been for a couple of years now. I've finally come back to reality. Must admit though. I don't half miss em!

Paula:rolleyes:

[scared]

h5t4rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[paula]

Thanks Scared, I did wonder how you was?

You said that you are steering clear of the drug's, so as to get yourself clean. But then you carry on to say that you will re-use again when you get older, WHY?

Why go through the trouble of going cold turkey, when your going to use again in the future? I honestly can't see the logic in that! If your going to use in the future, then why come clean now? Because you're in College? Or because you're under a Psychologist, who will know from his experience, if you have been using?

Scared, your just defeating the object here! You either come clean and try not to use again, or you stay using and become a no hoper! Take your pick?You can't have both! To me it sound's like you want your cake and you also want to eat it. Am I right?

Apart from trying to kid yourself here, you're also wasting people's time! People's time and effort at trying to help you! If your not going to help yourself Scared, then how do you expect the help of other's? That's what you call PISS TAKING! I'm sorry Scared, but I don't agree with that!

Paula :mad:

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[Natalie]

Hi Scared-
Please continue on the track with your psychologist and don't give up because you might or might not doing something. Your work there right now should be focused on what you are or are not doing RIGHT NOW. You can worry about and plan for the future later on down the road, after you get a handle on what is going on currently.

[paula]

There you are Scared! You've got your answer! I won't bother replying again! When I do, it's not the right advice anyway? :eek:

[Aeryion]

:confused::confused:

Okkkaaay.... Right. Scared. There is nothing wrong with you stop thinking there is. Do you go around raping women because you have urges to? umm... no? well then you know you have the ability to control your urges so just chill. There is too much stigma behind 'pedophillia' and you are scared to be seen as 'subhuman' in the eyes of others. Remember not to long ago homosexuality was considered a mental disorder. It was taboo and wrong. People just couldn't understand it and people would have looked for 'treatment'. Look, I had much more pronounced 'fantasies' about 'children' than you and I am not a pedophile. The definition itself is totally illogical. An 18-year old finding a 13 year old attractive/sexually attractive is technically not pedophilia. But one or two or three years later!!! Oh boy you have big psychological problems and need help? No, no, no, no, no, nooooo. I think the world is still very behind in the times when it comes to sexual thoughts for 'children'. Now I'm not advocating actually allowing these things to go on, that's a totally different debate. I'm saying that it's not a mental disorder if a 21 year old thinks a 15 year old is attractive and has 'fantasies' about sexual encounters with them. That is, well quite frankly, ridiculous. It's ingrained into our minds to seek our fit young mates. A 15 year olds body can be very sexually attractive. But I'm 18 so that's still not pedophillia. I'm sure when I'm 30 I'll still think 15 year olds can be sexy. Even as young as 12,13,14. When I was 17 I 'made out' with a girl who was 14, she liked it, so did I, she knew what she was doing and we trusted each other so... yeh... when I'm 19 or 20 what's the real difference other than time I've spent on earth? It's just the law. And laws can be stupid.:rolleyes:.. haha well I still find some 14 year olds sexually attractive, I guess i need to be drugged up on pills and go to a shrink... oh wait no I don't. My mistake. ;)

[scared]

tyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

[benbillybobjoe]

My name is... well it's not that important I suppose.

I understand your thoughts, feelings, fears, and possible phobia.

I'm not too sure what I should and shouldn't say as this is a public web forum.

Scared, I just want to ask you something. Are you currently in a relationship with someone (man or woman doesn't matter)?

From my personal experiences the biggest thing you can have in your life to deal with this issue is a person there to talk to you every day. Pick one person, someone your own age or possibly a few years older. You could even have a formal contract with them of a privacy agreement that cannot be broken unless you actually commit or intend to commit a crime.

Get someone to talk to about this stuff. Someone you can call on day or night when/if you have these thoughts. A person whom you feel is a friend, not a paid friend (i.e. psychiatrist). I'm not advocating that you abandon your professional help, but as far as dealing with the day to day of things that go on inside your head you have to get someone there for you and support you when you are feeling the most vulnerable.

The advice, in a sense came from my lawyer but in a different way. He told me to always make sure, just to avoid any kind of situation that might be misinterperated etc. to have someone there to be a witness for me.


Pedophilia, the mental disease, is best treated by being able to have someone there that you can talk to about it. Find that person bro, do what you need to do to hold yourself accountable, think of it like being in a depressive state and needing someone there to make sure you don't jump off a bridge. Kinda the same concept and have that person there for you till you feel better. It takes time to get stronger, to master your own mind.

I battle several mental illnesses PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and a form of long-term (moderate) depression just to name two of them.

I don't take pills for my illness, I don't receive government aid for these debilitating 'diseases'. I take my time to try and master these illnesses and the best advice is to just have someone there to keep you accountable while you deal with this illness.

God bless and good luck.

I apologize for the post being so long.

Sincerely,
ben

[paula]

Hi Ben and Scared

Scared, no one said you was a Pedophile. I think you did a lot of that yourself! You haven't done anything to any children have you? No! So your not a Pedophile!

I think you've worried that much on this subject, that you've convinced yourself that you are a Pedophile. Listen, it takes a lot to do what you've done. Meaning that you've admitted that you've got feelings for children. That's as far as it's goes, and I think that's good! Wouldn't want you near any of my kid's though! HA! Only kidding! But you've done the hardest thing now. You've admitted something?

The ball's in your court now? Whether you do anything about this, Is entirely up to you! You've got to push these bad thought's to the back of your head Scared! THINK! AND THINK GOOD! Are you sure your not getting mixed up with love and feelings. I mean, love, I love everybody. Feeling, well I've only got feelings for them that are close to me. But there's also different kinds of feelings?

I still say the same. I really think that someone who is in the adult world, has really hurt you somewhere along the line, and this is why you have moved your attention to children. You might have feelings for children, but that's a different sort of feelings. Like I mentioned previously. I truly think your getting mixed up with these feelings.

Your fantasizing about children because you know it's a no no! I think it's more of a Psychological problem that you're experiencing? It happens to most of us. For eg: If we are giving up smoking, we know that we cannot have a cigarette. But because we know that we cannot have a cigarette, the more we want one! Do you know what I mean?

Paula

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[paula]

You might feel that you've got a sexual preference towards children, but at the moment, that is all it is!

Scared, if your that worried and upset, about your sexual preference, then do something about it!

You came on this site to express your feeling's and your thought's on Pedophillia. You've done that, and there's plenty of us that have given our opinion and advice on this subject! The ball's in your court now! It's no good by keep saying what if! Get it sorted!

What are you waiting for? Till you actually do, do something to a child! It will be to late then! You know the script! Seek medical advice! Only you know what your capable of. Were not mind readers!

I'm sorry if this may seem a bit harsh, but you know my views on Pedophillia! If your saying that you think that your capable, of sexually abusing a child, then get intouch with the appropriet Doctor who can help you sort these issues out. I'm sorry Scared, but you've come on this site and explained the situation. We've listened and given our advice/opinion/support. That's it. you've come to the end of the road! NOW! It's up to you to do the rest! we can't do any more?

Paula

[Natalie]

Hi Scared-
Please don't start dabbling in prescription medication to help you sort out your thoughts and feelings. That will only cloud your judgment and make things worse. Are you still seeing a therapist? Have you been working on dealing with these troubling thoughts?

[JustTrying]

Fantasies are fantasies.... just please do not act on them.. even with a willing child... you will be doing that child great harm....

I do not think bad of you ... I am glad you feel saffe enough to talk about this...

Gabby

PS .. talk to a therapist.... they may help you deal with this... again... thankyou

[eastburysquare@hotmail.co]

Thread,

I'm a victim of sexual abuse and can tell you what it means and how can distroy your life. It's as bad as physical disfiguration or worst...
Try to meet people who suffred sexual abuse in their childhood and get them to speak to you about it and this may help to convince your sub-conscious that is a negatif thinking.

If you are able to control yourself, then this is not too bad. However, may be, if you're not considering professional help at this stage, try to vary your fantasies. Means, try if you can, to find something else sexy to fantasize about and this can help.

Orgasm hasen't got to be achieved only by physical relationship. You can actually create scences in your imagination and fantasize with and that can lead you to orgasm. ty to write about it or paint pictures or anything that can achieve your sexual orgasm without you needing to have sex with somebody.
Try to get help if you couldn't. This is very serious.

[p2415]

deleted post :)

[paula]

well I'm glad you love each other because if you are trying to say that theres nothing wrong with fantasizing about sexually abusing children then your wrong!

You deserve each other!

and where all this crap comes into it about loving one another for thinking like this! You want your head testing!

There's no excuse to even think about abusing little children! There's enough free sex out there to begin with, but NO! You won't be satisfied till an inocent life has been robbed of their dignity will you? You deserve everything you get!

[ASchwartz]

To everyone on this issue of "am I a pedophile?"

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-IV, to be diagnosed a pedophile you must meet the following criteria:

1. Over a period of at least 6 months, you must have repeated and intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving sexual activity with a pre-pubescent child or children. Usually, the children are 13 years old and younger. It can involve boys, girls or both.

2. These fantasies and urges or behaviors cause real impairment of social or occupational functioning as well as othere areas (home, etc.).

3. The pedophile is at least 16 years old and is interested in children at least five years younger, although this often needs to be assessed by the authorities and by mental health professionals.
__________________________________________________ ___________

One thing I want to point out is that fantasies, especially those that are repeated, can be a precursor to action. There have been cases where people have reported dreams in which they committed acts of pedophilia, then, in waking life actually did it.

It is one thing to admire an attractive child because he is handsome and bright or she is cute, adorable and bright and quite a different thing to imagine having sex with that child. Just to clarify, the imaginings are very specific and very sexually exciting to the person do the imagining or fantasizing.

In my opinion:

If you have dreams or fantasies about sex with children and those are sexually exciting to you then, before you do something terrible, go for mental help.

Also, never medicate your self. Please see a psychologist for therapy or and a psychiatrist for medication if medication will help.

Allan

[paula]

Nicely put Allan! Maybe now they'll have second thoughts about there feelings?

[incredibly confused]

I will appreciate it if I get some help here, please.

About that DSM:

- My fantasies are not extreme, and I tend to go more for Lolicon anyways. But that doesn't mean I don't watch CP. Unfortunately, I have been given this goddamn mental sickness that apparently has no cure whatsoever, not according to what I hear. I do like woman my age, I think there was a name for a person that likes both children and people their same age, but I can't remember it now.

- My fantasies cause no problems socially. In fact, I can get along with everyone (while being surprised I was never a victim of bullying. Except one or two days, which is pretty normal for everyone in highshcool).

- I turned 16 this year, and this is where I have my big question. While I look at pedofilia (and trying to get rid of this damn habit...), children in real life only called my attention sexually when I was 12 (the story about that in a while). Now I may look at pedofilia, masturbate to it, but I swear it really only happens on fantasy, and it is not that frecuent either.

--- So here's my story:

The the thing is, I have never had any actual dream with me having intercourse with a children or any other sort of act written in those lines.

My dad used to talk about sex with me all the time when I was a KID. So I started to develop interest in girls that were my age (like I was 9. Probably a bit earlier). So I started to like girls, not sexually, but everything they used to do. Today, I like to see little girls in choruses, or holding flowers, or beatiful dresses everywhere, although I am straight, the view I have for children is nice. I visit an orphanage every friday, and I get to see the children there nude sometimes, when I have to change their clothes. And thing is, I don't get any sort of sexual exitation that moment. I believe its because of the way I developed my view in nudism. I couldn't cause harm to children, not even if my life depended on it.

For God's sake, I'm one of the teenagers who gives no importance to alcohol, etc, etc, etc, and that's why I don't want to be with friends on weekends. I also came to the conclusion that I hate whores, or women that are just fake, and fake relations. I believe that may be one of the reasons I was dragged to watch CP.

I started to watch it when I was 12, for the sake of wanting to see girls my age, as the old ones never called my attention. My parents did the horrible of giving me free internet, my own TV, and everything, so I had easy access to this content. And now it is here to bite me.

I tried a few months ago to try not to look at it, lasted two weeks, and it returned to bite me.

I have no social issues. In fact, i'm interested in acting, and computers, kind off like an equilibrated mind. Never suffered excessive bullying, Im normal guy when it comes to school.

--- Long story short:

I love children, but I don't do it sexually. I look at CP sure (and again, trying to get rid of the goddamn habit), and it doesnt influence my life. I get along with my brother and with my mom, except for the occasional fights, but that's normal for my age. I hate whores and I love innocense and that might have caused me to want to look at CP. Girls my age are more than fine for me as long as they are not the common whore-type of teenager which gets drunk when she gets the chance. You see how things go.

I really want help with this. I am not even sure if I am really a pedofile.

EDIT: I really need to get cured because othewise I know that wherever I go the messed up law is going to keep me away of children, which is something I can't live with. My dream is to marry and have two girls, and then live my life like a dad; not to have my girls, and not being able to see them because of the unthinkable law.

EDIT 1: Looking at the other posts, it seems paula is good when it comes to this. Give me your word, 'cause it's certainly everything I need.

EDIT 2: And please, don't come with the "shoot yourself before you hurt a child", because a) I live for protecting children and b) I have seen a lot of people suggesting that that it is a real sickness. People that think that killing pedofiles is a solution DO need to get a mental check soon >.>.

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[scared]

ghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhho

[paula]

This isn't all about you here!

The term pedophilia or paedophilia has a range of definitions as found in psychology, law enforcement, and the popular vernacular. As a medical diagnosis, it is defined as a psychological disorder in which an adult experiences a sexual preference for prepubescent children. According to the DSM, pedophilia is specified as a form of paraphilia in which a person either has acted on intense sexual urges towards children, or experiences recurrent sexual urges towards and fantasies about children that cause distress or interpersonal difficulty. The disorder is frequently a feature of persons who commit child sexual abuse; however, some offenders do not meet the clinical diagnosis standards for pedophilia. In strictly behavioral contexts, the word "pedophilia" can also be applied to the act of child sexual abuse itself, also called "pedophilic behavior".

In law enforcement, the term "pedophile" is generally used to describe those accused or convicted of the sexual abuse of a minor (including both prepubescent children and adolescent minors younger than the local age of consent). An example of this use can be seen for example in the name of the United Kingdom police agency, the Paedophile Unit and in various forensic trainings manuals. Some researchers have described this usage as improper and suggested it can confound two separate types of offenders.

In common usage, the term refers to any adult who is sexually attracted to children or who sexually abuses a child.

The causes of pedophilia are not known; research is ongoing. Most pedophiles are men, though pedophilia occurs in women as well. In forensic psychology and law enforcement, there have been a variety of typologies suggested to categorize pedophiles according to behavior and motivations. No significant curative treatment for pedophilia has been found at this time. There are, however, certain therapies that can reduce the incidence of pedophilic behaviors that result in child sexual abuse.

If you think your a Pedophile, then do something about it! Go an see a Psychiatrist, a Doctor, SOMETHING! If it worry's you that much? Only you knows what your capable of? And there's only you that can do something about it as well!

You talk about rape. Let me tell you something, you don't know nothing about rape! So before you come on this site, shouting your mouth of about rape mate! I suggest you get your Pedophillia problem sorted first don't you!

[Kalima]

There seems to be a lot of anger on this thread and although this is clearly a very sensertive subject I don't think ranting helps so much. Anyways..

"Does Attraction To Children Make Me A Pedophile? What If Im Just As Attracted To Adults?

How Do I Know If Im More Attracted To Children Than Adults?

Shouldnt It Just Be If You Cant Be Aroused By Children And Therefore Uncapable Of Intercourse With An Adult?

Why Do You Not Have To Rape Children To Be A Pedophile???
Why Do You Not Have To Rape Children To Be A Pedophile???"

Pedophilic urges are thoughts, so finding children sexually attractive when you are at least 5 years senior (read that someone where on the official definition) would mean you are a pedophile. It's about the way you think that defines it.

Just because you think that way dosen't mean you have to carry out these kind of actions. It is possible to desire 'normal' relationships as well as pedofilic ones or have any other sexual 'fetish'.

There is therepy for people that have pedofilic urges and anyone who is concerned that they could act out should definatly see a profesional asap.

Kali

[scared]

ggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg7o

[scared]

546ywwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[paula]

And how old was she then?

[scared]

67riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

[scared]

54ywhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[paula]

Scared what you being an idiot for?

was about 5, you think thats pedophillia?

If it is then ive turned into a pedophile through fear of it, if thats possible then somethings not right.

By the way it does seem to me like you WANT me to be a pedophile.

I've sat here many a time and looked and answered many of your post! I've tried to even sympathize with you. But if you want to play that game then I won't even bother in future?

You know damn well that I've tried to help you. If this is the thanks that I'm going to get, well stuff you!

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[p2415]

deleted post :)

[p2415]

deleted post :)

[paula]

Yeah like you said it's all right to think about it, but to do something would be totally different!

As I see it Scared only thinks about these issues and hasn't done anything towards children, so to me I would not class him as being a Pedophile?

But, I can understand his worries! Like he said in a previous post, he wants what he can't have?

At least he admitted his feelings over children, and to me that is ONE BIG STEP!

[p2415]

deleted post :)

[scared]

hterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[scared]

utttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

[JustTrying]

One of you said something about Whores and your dad talking about sex to you when you were 9. BINGO!!! That is why IMHO that you are attracted to children.. the innocence. I think your Dad messed your thinking up..... to some men all women are Whores and Bad..... I think that is were your issue lies...

BUT I AGREE>>>> I may THINK of killing someone... WANT to.... but unless I do it I am not a murder.

BUT if it continues to bother you please get help. I Know some pedaphiles.... 2 people in my life have served jail time over it. I do not think they are bad people.. however... I do not think there is a cure for it.... These men now stay away from children and have no problem with it. I make sure of it. They are not the type to hurt children they meet but more like family members etc. Actually they never meant to hurt the kids .. but they did. I would never trust them around a child alone.... ever... I can't say that I forgive them but I accept them for who they are and as long as they do not do it again.. that is all I can ask.. I mean what are you suppose to do ? Burn them at the stake???

GABBY

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[Mark]

Immense guilt, however I dbout weather or not it actually harms the child (apart from direct penetration) id very much like to know exactally the damage that could be done to the child.


Sexual contact with young (pre-pubescent) children is certainly and always abusive. There are on this site people who were sexually abused as children. They have been affected in various different ways but all for the worse. There is an active thread right now where members are talking about rape fantasies and their inability to enjoy normal sex, but rather to gravitate towards rough or outright violent sex. There are other people who were sexually abused and as a result they now self-injure by cutting or burning themselves. There are other outcomes as well, including substance abuse, ect. One of the common threads is that a person who has been sexually abused starts to define themselves as more or less an object for others sexual gratification, and when that is how you see yourself, you basically start hating yourself (or at least thinking poorly of yourself) because you are invalidated as a unique person in your own right. And the other problems may come out of that.

I encourage all the people who have been sexually abused as children who feel comfortable doing so to describe the impact that that abuse has had on them in their lives, with an eye towards educating Scared as well as the others like him who will certainly be reading.

Mark

[paula]

SEXUAL PERVERSIONS.

DEFINITION:

Sexual perversions are conditions in which sexual excitement or orgasm is associated with acts or imagery that are considered unusual within the culture. To avoid problems associated with the stigmatization of labels, the neutral term paraphillia, derived from greek roots meaning 'alongside of' and 'love,' is used to describe what used to be called sexual perversions. A paraphillia is a condition in which a person's sexual arousal and gratification depend on a fantasy theme of an unuaual situation or object that becomes the principal focus of sexual behaviour.

DESCRIPTION:

Paraphillias can revolve around a particular sexual object or a particular act. They are defined by DSM-IV as 'sexual impulse disorders characterized by intensely arousing, recurrant sexual fantasies, urges and behhaviours considered deviant with respect to cultural norms and that produce clinically significant distress or impairment in social occupational or other important areas of psychosocial funcioning.' The nature of a paraphillia is generally specific and unchanging, and most of the paraphillias are far more commen in men than in women.
Paraphillias differ from what some people might consider 'normal' sexual activity in that these behaviours cause significant distress or impairment in areas of life functioning. They do not refer to the normal use of sexual activity, or objects to heighten sexual excitment where there is no distress or impairment. The most common signs of sexual activity that can be classified as paraphillia include: the inabillity to resist an impulse for the sexual act, the requirment of patticipation by non-consenting or under-aged individuals, legal consequences, resulting sexual dysfunction, and interference with normal social relationships.
Paraphillias include fantasies, behaviours, and/or urges which:
The most common paraphillias are:
A paraphilliac often has more than one paraphillia. Paraphillias often result in a variety of associated problems, such as guilt, depression, shame, isolation, and impairment in the capacity for normal social and sexual relationships. A paraphillia can, and often does, become highly idiosyncratic and ritualized.

CAUSES AND SYMPYOMS

Ther is very little certainty about what causes a paraphillia. Psychoanalysts generally theorize that these conditions represent a regression to or a fixation at a earlier level of psychosexual development resulting in a repetitive pattern of sexual behaviour that is not mature in its application and expression. in other words, an individual repeats or reverts to a sexual habit arising early in life. Another psychoanalytic theory holds that these conditions are all expressions of hostility in which sexual fantasies or unusual sexual acts become a means of obtaining revenge for a childhood trauma. The persistant, repetitive nature of the paraphillia is caused by an inabilliyt to erase the underlying trauma completely. Indeed, a history of childhood sexual abuse is sometimes seen in individuals with paraphillias.
However, behaviourist suggest instead, that the paraphillia begins via a process of conditioning. Nonsexual objects can become sexually arousing if they are frequently and repeatedly associated with a pleasurable sexual activity. The development of a paraphillia is not usually a matter of conditioning alone; there must uaually be some predisposing factor, such as difficulty forming person-to-person sexual relationships or poor self esteem. The following are situations or causes that might lead someone in a paraphilliac direction:

DIAGNOSIS

Whatever the cause, paraphilliacs apparently rarely seek treatment unless they are induced into it by an arrest or discovery by a family member. This makes diagnosis before a confrontation very difficult.
Paraphilliacs may select an occupation, or develop a hobby or volunteer work, that puts them in contact with the desired erotic stimuli, for example, selling womens shoes or lingerie in fetishism, or working with children in pedophillia. Other coexistent problems may be alcohol or drug abuse. intimacy problems, and personality disturbances, especially emotional immaturity. Additionally, there mey be sexual dysfunctions. Erectile dysfunction and a n inability to ejaculate may be common in attempts at sexual activity without the paraphilliac theme.
Paraphilias may be mild, moderate, or severe. An individual with mild paraphillia is markedly distressed by the recurrent paraphilliac urges but has never acted on them. The moderate has occasionally acted on the paraphillic urge. A severe paraphilliac has repeatedly acted on the urge.

TREATMENT

The literature describing treatment is fragmentary and incomplete. traditional psychoanalysis has not been particularly effective with paraphillia and generally requires several years of treatment. Therapy with hypnosis has also had poor results. current interest focus primarily on several bahavioural techniques that include the following:

In additional to these therapies, drugs are sometimes prescribed to treat paraphiliac behaviours. drugs that drastically lower testosterone temporarily (antiandrogens) have been used for the control of repetitive deviant sexual behaviours and have been prescribed for paraphillia-related disorders as well.

[scared]

5u6yrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[scared]

htrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[paula]

Scared how much more do you want?

Listen if it bothers you that much then see your Psychiatrist! I think your just milking all this!

[scared]

truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

[JustTrying]

Scared... I do not know what to tell you,.... But sexual abuse on a child does hurt that child... maybe not physically.. but mentally for the rest of their lives. And I have not seen one person that was abused as a child that does not have problems.... when you go from playing with dolls to BAM one day you are being treated as a woman... it cannot help but alter your life. Your whole life changes course. And I can't speak for the boys , but I would imagine that is worse.

I still say your dad has an influence on how you think... and I do not think he was thinking right. Not ALL women are bad and not ALL men are bad. He may have been treated bad by a woman at one time... but to pass that kind of narrow minded thinking on to a child is just wrong... perhaps you should discuss that with your therapist......

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make all those feelings go away for you... But I can't, you have to deal with it.

Gabby

[Pseudonym]

First of all, let me tell all those who are worried about this, you are probably alright... I understand how embarrassing this is to many people. Look at me, for instance, I have gone on to this forum with the handle "Pseudonym," Greek for "False Name." I understand how hard it is to admit this problem, and how embarrassing it is to have it.

I have, for that past couple years, had an issue with looking at pornographic material that my peers in this forum have so cordially referred to as "CP." I hold none of typically Psychological profiles of a Pedophile (Small stature, inability form social relationships with people outside this age ground ect ect ect.), however I find these images arousing.

Understand that they are not the only things I find arousing, and that in real life, I have never once had an issue with this around real children. I have a friend with four children, for the sake of Anonymity I will refer to him as Joe. I visit Joe every time I am able, and his children, who are young are always around, and I have never had any of these urges around them, even when they are being kids, I do not notice, nor pay special attention to them. I am no danger to society, nor am I a danger to the children around me.

For those of you that find themselves in similar situations, please remember that you are not alone, and these urges are difficult, if not impossible, to handle. The fact that you feel guilty enough to look on forums is a good indication that you are not any danger. Pedophiles typically do not feel remorse for their transgressions.

And for those of you who damn anybody for doing this, understand that these people have fantasies, and please understand that they can no more control this than a homosexual can control sexual urges towards those of the same sex. (not to implicate that these two are in any way correlated.) These people are not "sick," these people are not evil. These people are simply that: people. People who have fantasies that they cannot control. And many wish that they could.

I urge you, not to blame yourself for this. If you feel that this has become a problem, speak to somebody who you know will accept you for who you are. And not damn you like some of the people in this forum. Many times, I know that much of my urges are caused by stress in my life, and I turn to these urges much like a drug to relieve myself. It is in many ways cathartic to speak to somebody, trust me. Again, remember who this is coming from.

Again, I would like to reiterate, you are probably alright. You probably just have secret urges for one reason or another, and that is OK. Our sexual mind is not that of mores or ethics, just that of primal, uncontrollable instinct. But I do implore you, if you feel that these urges taking huge parts of your life, if they are no longer secluded to your bedroom and take effect on the outside world, or you find yourself fantasizing about children that are in your life, and take action (like masturbating while their not looking, or taking pictures when they don't know you're there) than PLEASE seek help in anyway possible. If not, that just understand it for what it is: a fantasy and nothing more.

- Anonymous

[paula]

And for those of you who damn anybody for doing this, understand that these people have fantasies, and please understand that they can no more control this than a homosexual can control sexual urges towards those of the same sex. (not to implicate that these two are in any way correlated.) These people are not "sick," these people are not evil. These people are simply that: people. People who have fantasies that they cannot control. And many wish that they could.

In my opinion and I dare say plenty of other's, these people are sick. God did not put us on this earth to sexually abuse children!

These children cannot defend theirselves. Have you ever thought of the damage, that is caused to a child when they are sexually abused! Well let me tell you, I know the damage that's caused! All for what? 5minutes of pleasure for the abuser, because a male adult has got urges/fantasies of sex, so they feel that they have to relieve these urges/fantasies with a child. They want casterating!

For these people to even think about sexually abusing a child, clearly indicates that they need help!

I will go no further on this subject at the moment!

[JustTrying]

Let's see I am 39... and have never liked younger people.. or people my age .. I like 50 - 60 yr olds... But just recently.. when I see a cute little 19 -20 something boy... I am attracted to them.... What does that make me??? Maybe in mid life crisis??? I seriously doubt I will ever act on it... but the thought crosses my mind... NO I am not attracted to YOUNG boys... To me they are awkward looking... not fully developed.... Remind me of the boys I raised... and I think they are ugly ( I would never tell them that though)

Gabs

[Kalima]

This is a touchy subject for so many people and clearly it can be hard if not impossible for many people to understand where someone who has paedophilic thoughts is coming from.

I agree with some of what you say Pseudonym. Like being homosexual or heterosexual someone who feels sexual attraction for children cannot help this. Our thoughts are our own and so far there has yet to be any kind or retribution for thinking 'bad' things.

However I disagree with some of your comments. To me, anyone who feels sexual attraction to a child (unless they are a child themselves) is a paedophile. This does not mean I expect these people to act on their attraction, as the previous paragraph says (basically) it's a kind of sexual orientation, or sexual fetish. The person who has this attraction cannot help it.

But they can make sure they do not act on these thoughts. Any responsible person who feels this way should be able to rely on their morals to not act on their attraction. In the past homosexuality was illegal, people tried to cure it. It was not possible. You cannot change your sexual orientation (least not yet). You cannot cure a paedophile, his or thoughts are their own. Thoughts are not criminal actions.

I would say as others have that watching CP, although not engaging in the act yourself is encouraging other people to do so to make the CP. This is unacceptable and illegal.

To act on paedophilic thoughts in any way is wrong. To see what it does to a child in the long term all you have to do is look at some of the posts on this site. It ruins lives.

[laedladd]

Very well said Kalima. Thoughts may make you a paedophile - but actions make you a child abuser, and I don't think anyone could try to defend that.

[JustTrying]

So.... If I think of killing someone that makes me a murder???

Gabs

[laedladd]

So.... If I think of killing someone that makes me a murder???

Gabs

No - If you think something it's not a crime. If you were to act on those thoughts then that is crime.

[John Rutledge]

deleted ...

[laedladd]

Just wanted to clarify something - I in no way defend or condone any form of child abuse - including CP. I was coming at this from purely a semantic point of view - which is probably a stupid thing to do with such an emotive issue. I hope I didn't sound glib.

[JustTrying]

I too think hurting a child is unforgivable.... but this person came here and talked about his "feelings" to fee or think something ...may not be normal but it is ok....

I repeat... DO NOT act on those impulses... you hurt a child in ways that you will never understand.... I WAS ONE OF THOSE KIDS... so no I am not condoning.... Just as long as they are thoughts .. OK>>> now on line CP... Yep can send you to jail....

Gabby

[Pseudonym]

First of all, Understand that people who post these atrocities (and yes, though I have looked at them, I do consider them just that, atrocities), do not do it for endorsement. They do not care whether or not you look at them to pleasure yourself. This is a narcissistic means of presenting it to the world. A way of saying "Look what I did!"

Secondly, if I could stop, I would. I do not mind it as a fantasy, but going the steps I do, I seriously jeopardize a lot. I want to become an FBI agent, a criminal profiler. Because of my addiction, I have seriously jeopardized that future. If I could, in some way constrict file sharing (which is the method in which most pedophiles use to display and look at their CP), and thus preventing even people on the lowest end of this spectrum, such as myself, to finding this, I would. However I cannot do either. Seeking help would be difficult because I have to admit it to my therapist, a step I am not ready to do. And preventing it from being online is impossible, because narcissists never stop grasping for attention.

Thirdly, I do not endorse, by any means what these people do... To sexually abuse a child in any way is absolutely wrong. Children do not have the physical or legal ability to fight their accusers, nor the emotional or mental capacity to formulate consent. Child Molestation and Abuse is WRONG. And I will admit that. And anything that would bring these offenders behind bars and ensure that they never perform these acts again is fine by me. But do not punish those who something happened to them, or they have been caught into an addiction that they cannot control.

Lastly, To those of you who still thinks that we are sick, ask yourself if you had this kind of addiction (and don't say "Well I wouldn't") if you could bring yourself to get help, if YOU could do what so many people have failed to do, and cure sexual disorders. We are not amoral. Those who have come to this place and asked for help are anything but. I personally feel a lot of regret for what I do, and I wish I could stop, and if it came it came to a point in which I felt I was a danger to my community, I would make all the necessary steps to insure I would not do that. But at this point, it is a fantasy. And the best way to get better is to accept that this is just a fantasy, I do my self no service in saying I am sick.

So before judging us, and saying we are sick, remember that scared and several other people who came here, are seeking help. And to call them sick Is the worst excuse for help I have ever seen. Help them like you would help your family, help them because they are scared that they are something they feel is amoral. Tell them they are alright. And for those of you who want to bring God in this. Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged.

P.S. Remember that all you're feeling is a fantasy. And unless you feel it may become an action, take it as that.

- Anonymous

[paula]

Thirdly, I do not endorse, by any means what these people do... To sexually abuse a child in any way is absolutely wrong. Children do not have the physical or legal ability to fight their accusers, nor the emotional or mental capacity to formulate consent. Child Molestation and Abuse is WRONG. And I will admit that. And anything that would bring these offenders behind bars and ensure that they never perform these acts again is fine by me. But do not punish those who something happened to them, or they have been caught into an addiction that they cannot control.

Have you heard yourself? You sound like an Hypercryte! One minute your giving excuses for this sort of behaviour, and the next minute, your saying how wrong it is, make ur mind up?

If Adult's, get a feeling/fantazise/urge to abuse a child and I state, "ABUSE" a child, then they clearly need help before it's to late?

Think of this child, the parent's. How would you like a pervert harrassing your child hey! That child wouldn't have a clue what was going on? But it would be something that she's/he's unlikely to forget either!

It is "NOT NORMAL!" Surely you can see that? Even if they do not abuse a child it is there! It is on their mind and they are having thoughts of what it would be like to have sex with a child? Face it! At the end of the day, there not bothered what happens to the child? How it has wrecked up the childs head? How that child is going to have trouble trying to deal with this for the rest of their life! I have heard of children being abused and after growing to adults have tried, but cannot deal with the situation of being abused when they was a kid! And do you know what they have done? They have commited Suicide! All because they have thought it to be their own fault!

If they're frustrated, then they should use their hand, not take the innocense of a child! There are enough Prostitutes out there or do they want a freeby? Well nothing in this world comes free!

So don't you come on this site trying to tell me to accept these perverts for their wrong doing! THEY ARE SICK!

[Pseudonym]

Paula... you seem like a very morally driven person. You might be surprised to find out that I and many people who seek help for this are as well. I personally feel a immense amount of guilt for things that I have watched, even though I did not participate in it. I personally feel that any wrong doing to a child is WRONG. By all means it is wrong. I do not justify what I watched, and am currently seeking help to stop it. However I cannot control my fantasies, I cannot control my sexual mind. But I can control my actions. That is the difference between a fantasizor and a pedophile.

I do not endorse pedophilia. As I sit here now in my clear state of mind, I find it repugnant. However the people who came here are looking for help. I suggest to you that possibly you should give it to us, rather than damning us to hell. If you feel you cannot help us, do nothing, for that is better than pushing us back into the dark.

I say again any attempt to physically, sexually, emotionally, and mentally abuse a child is inexcusable. That much is clear. However people cannot control what we are attracted to, or what gets our jollys off. Trust me, if we could, most likely we would all wank it to pictures of Jenna Jameson. Unfortunately we cannot. So the rest of use are forced to seek help in stopping our actions, and accepting what we fantasize about. There IS no cure for this disorder. There IS NO effective treatment. So if you are really scared that people are going to act on these thoughs than PLEASE help us.

- Anonymous

[paula]

I do not endorse pedophilia. As I sit here now in my clear state of mind, I find it repugnant. However the people who came here are looking for help. I suggest to you that possibly you should give it to us, rather than damning us to hell. If you feel you cannot help us, do nothing, for that is better than pushing us back into the dark.

Can you tell me why do you have these fantasies/urges? You wasn't born with them! You yourself as a child did not get these fantasies/urges, so why now? When was the first time you started feeling these urges? How was you brought up, if you don't mind me asking? There is a reason for asking this question! Was you brought up in a loving family, was you brought up not knowing the meaning of the word love?

The reason I ask these question's is that, this can have a big affect on the way you are now!

[Pseudonym]

Unfortunately I was introduced to sex at a very young age... 6 or 7. This is when I discovered, by trailing my brother what "humping" is. This was not his idea, by the way, I just attended one of his truth or dare sessions and one of the dares one of his friends gave to the others was "Humping." I was curious so I dared it again so I can see it. They showed me, (with much disapproval of my brother, however seeing he was not around for this particular game, he could not protest). I found out a little later that this was done with your clothes off. So me and my childhood girlfriend tried it. No penetration was involved, but it was enough to stimulate my mind.

Later on that year a young black boy had moved into my area and I befriended him. He was more experienced in sex than I was and he suggested that we "practiced". So we did... To this day I know that he knew what he was doing, and I did not. I was very young at the time. This time penetration on me was attained.

Later on that year the older brother of my childhood girlfriend caught wind of this and suggested that we perform oral sex on one another. Again, not knowing what this was I tried it. Oddly enough I arose heterosexual, however deeply scarred, and with an unhealthy appetite for sex.

When I discovered the internet I found porn. While looking at that as a twelve year old boy I began looking for porn of people my age... I gave up this search early, but the want to see it grew over the next several years. I instead looked at Hentai, which had numerous pictures of younger girls in it. I did not understand that looking at these pictures was wrong... Until a friend pointed it out to me...

I promptly stopped looking at these pictures but the idea festered in my head. Because of my diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder I am Predisposed to finding things that are against social mores and against rules are the most exiting. So I looked at porn... At this time the excitement of looking at porn was great, I loved it because I knew I was disobeying my mother, the only way dared to. But when I turned eighteen the excitement died... regular porn wasn't bad enough...

But still having an overactive sex drive, and no one to use it on I still wanted to achieve that feeling. So I looked in my past and thought of the one thing that I never seen... CP. I looked it up and became excited to what I could find. This was the bad I was looking for, a bad in which there was no age limit. Actually the excitement got better as I got older.

I started thinking myself as sick. Reasoning that once I really had adult sex that I could put this behind me. And when I did have real sex I thought I was cured... but low and behold I fell back to my same old pattern. So then I thought a relationship could help me, but then I entered a relationship in which sex was no issue, I got it when I wanted it. Because she had a thirst for it as well. But the other thirst beckoned to me. I fell back into the same old pattern. When I finally admitted my perversion to my Girlfriend, she said it's OK, she kind of liked that too and told me I wasn't alone. Instead of helping me, it just increased my thirst...

My thirst has only struck me in times of great stress, some people do drugs, I did this... And I felt for a while I could do it without guilt... I was wrong, when I started looking at my actions I started thinking about who was hurt for me to get my jollys? Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I searched the internet to find help, and that's when I found this place.

So you see, even I'm a perpetrator, I am as well a victim, a person who has been hurt, who has been scorned. And a person who got an addiction that he so much wished was gone. I hate myself sometimes because. I feel I need this thirst, this dark passenger of mine. But I wonder is this all the truth? Can I trust it? Or are these lies he keeps telling me? I want help... I need help. Maybe somebody here can give me it.

- Anonymous.

[Kalima]

Pseudonym, you have been very frank and not risen to some of the jibes, congrats.

What is 'normal'? I think what we need to do is accept ourselves as who we are. I also don't think that feeling guilty about sexual attraction to children is a bad thing. Guilt is one of the things which helps keep us in check. Makes us less likely to act on our thoughts or feelings.

If we didn't feel guilt or remorse we might end up doing all kinds of things.

Personally I have some very twisted thoughts, some which do at times make me feel guilty, because they are not 'normal', they are thoughts which other people would generally find offensive or wrong. Some of my thoughts I believe are caused by my childhood.

I also do not think that everyone has to experience some kind of trauma to have paedophilic thought's. I have a friend who I have discussed this at length with, he has these kind of thoughts and did undergo therapy for it. His childhood was typically idealic and yet he feels sexual attraction for women and female children. Does this make him sick?

Personally I don't think so, because he chooses not to act on this attraction. He went and had professional counselling, where he was basically told he could not be ‘cured’ but he could make sure he did not act on these kinds of thoughts. Fortunately, his nature is not to hurt anyone and he is aware of the harm acting on these kinds of thoughts can do, having friends who have suffered at the hands of individuals who did not care if their actions lead to another’s pain.

[John Rutledge]

deleted .....

[paula]

Nicely put John!

You explained what I was trying to get at! Thank you!

[Pseudonym]

I don't know if you notice how I speak in this forum, but I speak with the knowledge and wisdom of a person who has been in therapy for a very long time. Actually my entire life... I seek professional help once a week, to help deal with my problems... My stress levels, and to help master my fears. No one can help this part of me, Those urges will follow me for the rest of my life, it is up to me to keep them in check.

I realize I've gone pretty far, and it is my short tenure in this has made me realize a lot of things about myself. I came here to help and be helped, and the self realization that It had grown to be more than a fantasy is what made me step back, and realize what I am. And that maybe I need more help. I gave a deep detailed description of my sexual past because maybe that has a clue that I'm not seeing, however all you speak of is doublespeak and hypocracy.

Yes I go one way and the other, zig and zag across the moral line with such a girth that you could probably fit a city in the space. Maybe that's because In this I have a problem distinguishing right from wrong... Or maybe, just maybe, I'm so confused on how a good person can feel such evil thoughts, and do such evil things.

I think you would do yourself some good by realizing that there is good and evil in all of us. NO ONE is completely good, and NO ONE is completely evil. And in realizing you much make room for a person that holds such extreme that it tears him apart. A person who makes the people in his life that much better because he is there (I have personally talked down one of my friends from hurting himself because he lives a stressful life), a person who cares for all living beings, and helps people, despite his negative opinion of him. A morally upright, taxpaying, helpful citizen, who underneath it all lies a dark passenger. A passenger that tells him bad things, and tells him how dark he really is. And that behind it all he can never make up for it. He should just succumb.

I want to stop... I even mark on my calendar all the days I don't look at that stuff, and hoping that my determination and my reminders are enough... I know I am no danger in real life, but what I do is despicable, and beyond reprieve. I have dreams of being a profiler because that is what I know I would be happy doing. But I know before I even stand a snowballs chance in hell, I have to fix this one big problem, my actions...

Again, you can stand on your high horse, and look down at the rest of us. You can say that we are just despicable, and we are just sick. Well speaking as a peasant, I may be sick, but I am trying to help myself, and help others. So if you want to help me, I'm glad to hear it. But if you want to just give me the same advice that I know does not work, from experience, than just say nothing. Your move, you can do one of two things, help a person who is asking for it and obviously needs it, or push him back in the dark to let his passenger take him over.

- Anonymous

[JustTrying]

One thing to think about.... BY looking at those pictures... you are hurting a child.... If there was no demand for such things there would be no supply.... Yes.. just you stopping looking at them will not make the demand go down, But what if 100 or 200 people saw this and stopped?

I am addicted top alcohol.. so I know a little about addiction... you sometimes keep doing something that you know is bad and hurtful and yes... may hurt someone else .. but while you are dong it you do not care.

I do applaud you for not ACTING on these impulses.And from what I understand there is no cure.... but I do think that those that have done it and have been caught should be castrated. And I do not say that in a mean way. I have 2 pedophiles in my family... I love them dearly, they are good men, BUT>>>> they have destroyed lives and they have no right to. Other than that they are good people. I for one make SURE they never have that opportunity, and I know they do not want to do it again, but given the right circumstance would they be able to help themselves?

That is like me being an alcoholic... let's say I was sober for a while and then I found myself having to be at bars or parties for some odd reason.. Alcohol everywhere... would I be able to not drink? I do not know.. I guess it would depend.. but I could not say for sure I would not drink.. knowing the damage that it may cause.

I too hope this thread is not a joke.. because that would be a shame.

From the way you talk.... anonymous.. I sense a lot of confusion. I too may be scared to tell a therapist because I do not know if they have to report such as that. If it is only thoughts I would think not.

I also do not know how much TROUBLE you would get in if you get caught with LOOKING at CP.... But I am sure it is not legal... goes back to demand and supply.

Are you on any type of medication?? I know they have had me on meds before that the last thing I thought about was sex....That is an option.... another is to get rid of your computer......

Hope I made some sense....

Gabby

[Pseudonym]

First, I would like to thank you for your Candor. It seems since I started this thread, you are one of the very first people to say I wasn't sick. And tell me I had strength. I am confused about this, and what person who was typically reasonable and morally upright wouldn't be? I deduce things into their parts, and I know that this part does not fit. I am confused. Not as a whole, I think that I understand myself for the most part. However I wonder why this puzzle piece does not fit, and if it doesn't fit, why is it there?

This IS not joke, unfortunately. As sick as it would be to joke about this stuff, it is worse because everything I say here is true. I have no reason to lie. I use the name Pseudonym, and Sign with Anonymous for a reason, so I can be completely honest and know even if people judge me, they are judging a False Name and Any Man. (Actually Any Name) I want help. I know I shouldn't feel bad about fantasies, those cannot be helped, and cannot be cured. However There are things I have DONE, such as look at CP that could be helped, and could be eliminated. I may not be in control of my thoughts, however my actions... there is a different story.

As for eliminating my sex drive... I exist in a healthy relationship with a woman who is of the consenting age, and not too much younger than me (about three years.) Sex is one of the few things that helps me relieve stress. And stress as I had mentioned before is one of the reasons why I do this... I am sexually attracted to more age appropriate people. I find healthy sex gratifying, and I am able to keep up with it. Sex is also very important to me, it makes me feel attractive, it gives me confidence, and it makes me feel like I'm not as bad as I think I am.

Thank you for your Candor, that helps a lot. And I really mean that. You do not have to tell me that what I do is alright. But it showed a lot that you were able to swallow your personal feelings for what I do, and show me enough respect to be honest.

- Anonymous

[JustTrying]

Anonymous.. I did not come to this site to be judged.... I understand sometimes my feelings and beliefs may upset other people... but this site.. and I go to many... I feel I can talk .. know what I am saying???

As far as your issue... I too would be anonymous.. because there are people out there that would like to hang you. I may not understand you and I may not agree with you... but as far as I am concerned... you are NOT acting on it... you are trying to figure it out and control it.

It does however concern me that you watch ( spend time with) kids.... Kudos for being honest... but think about it is that a SAFE thing to do?

I compared this to alcoholism.. because that is my addiction... but there is a diffrence.

The pedophiles in my life... say they did nothing wrong... I think they know better... they to this day deny it... but I KNOW it happend... ( One has watched me have nightmares from this happening in my childhood... so yeah he knows the effects)

GEE... I cannot get into too much detail.... but I have seen the effect they had on those girls... now young people... in their 20's... one is 25 been married 5 times... she has soooo much anger.. she needs therapy.. I know what is wrong but she does not.. she still calls this man an endering name.. still thinks she is important to him.... She is not... she is too old now.. he wishes she would go away. She mistoke sexual desire for real love and she cannot find "real Love" anywhere.

As far as being "sick" I could call myself "sick" and I am to many peoples standards. I have a lot of issues.. some from childhood etc... but I do not think a site like this is intended for that.. Now you post on another site??? GOOD LUCK!!! ( I have been called sick on other sites... crazy... etc .. you name it)

I do not condone your looking at CP or even havng those thoughts... but you are you and until you hurt a child... you are ok with me... THANKYOU for talking about it and trying to work it out....

I wish you LUCK AND PEACE.

Gabby

[Pseudonym]

Thank you for your kind words. It is nice to hear that I can be accepted, though not condoned. I do not even condone my thoughts and my actions... So I can understand why you cannot. I would be more than mildly disturbed If I found people on this site who do. Afterall this is where people go to talk about their problems, not get endorsed for them.

As for watching my friends children. Understand I have NEVER ONCE fantasized about these children, or thought about them in that way. My feelings never go passed the privacy of my home. In the real world, I am a regular, if not highly intelligent person. If did start my fantasies whether in my home, or outside about these children. I would be concerned enough not only to ensure that I never spend alone time with them, but to consult therapy heavily. So I do feel that it is safe. And until the time comes in which I look at them like that, I will continue to be around them. I am their favorite friends of their fathers afterall. (And no, I am not a special friend, or a funny friend.) I care for these children, some of them are my Godchildren. And I understand by doing anything with them would hurt them, unlike any active paedophiles, who do care for children, however do not believe they are hurting them. (odd thing to believe I know.)

Secondly, I am not aroused by children, unlike an alcoholics who craves alcohol when he is sober. The thought comes to mind when I am ALREADY aroused. Which does not happen around my friends. And does not happen, at least so far, when I am around children.

Now I understand that sounds like doublespeak... Or me covering up, but that's the truth. THe very fact it comes to mind When I am ALREADY aroused is actually pretty big cause for concern for me. I do not crave this, but when my mind is in that position, I want it... It's odd, however true.

Again, thank you for that little bit of acceptance. I do need that because the more I think that I am less evil allows me to work on the parts that make me more evil. So thank you for your kindness and you Candor.

- Anonymous.

[FlowFreak]

I encourage all the people who have been sexually abused as children who feel comfortable doing so to describe the impact that that abuse has had on them in their lives, with an eye towards educating Scared as well as the others like him who will certainly be reading.

Mark
__________________
Mark Dombeck, Ph.D.





Mark you don't have to encourage me! On the pros/cons of "scared" having sex with a child.

I knew I was to reply before I even read your "encouragement!"

So that comes to the reasoning i might have to have sex with children, well ill list the pros and cons.


pros
Id get sexual gratification from it, definatley and adrenalin rush, could get that from lots of things though.
I cant think of any other pros, dont want to ither..

cons
Loosing attraction to women
Evereybody hating me
Possibly going to prison
Social retardation (id probally never get over it and go crazy)
Immense guilt, however I dbout weather or not it actually harms the child (apart from direct penetration) id very much like to know exactally the damage that could be done to the child.


Scared you say you'd like to know WELL LET ME TELL YOU. I'M 38 YEARS OLD, AND MY LIFE COULD HAVE BEEN LIVED SO MUCH DIFFERENTLY IF IT HAD NOT BEEN SO FUCKED UP BY PEDOPHILES AND RAPIST! I WOULD NOT HAVE HAD TO STRUGGLE AND GO THROUGH ALL THE THINGS I HAVE HAD TO GO THROUGH THAT HAS NOT ONLY EFFECTED ME, BUT EVERYONE CLOSE TO ME. I HAVE HAD TO UNLEARN EVERYTHING THAT WAS PUT INTO ME INTO THOSE DISGUSTING, TERRYFYING, POWERLESS, CONFUSING, HORRIBLE, RIPPED, BLOOD SOAKED, FILTHY, MOMENT OF MY HATED TO THE CORE PERPETRATORS penetrations, WHICH I CALL RAPES AND SELFISH DISGUSTING ONES AT THAT. AT THE EXPENSE OF THEIR SELFISH GRATIFICATION THEY TOOK MY INNOCENCE AND THEY STOLE MY LIFE FROM ME THAT I HAD YET LIVED. MY LIFE WAS LOST AND IT HAS BEEN AN EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE, EMOTIONAL JOURNEY IN FINDING IT AGAIN THAT HAS NOT ONLY EFFECTED ME, BUT EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE. 2 ALMOST COMPLETE OVERDOSES THAT LANDED ME WAKING UP IN THE CCU DEPARTMENT OF THE HOSPITAL ONE TIME ON CHRISTMAS MORNING. DEALING WITH A SEXUAL ADDICTION IN MY TEEN YRS THROUGH MY EARLY 20'S, WHICH WAS A RESULT OF TRYING TO FIND THIS ENDLESS STRONG NEED FOR "LOVE" THAT WAS NEVER FOUND. ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS. LACK OF BOUNDARIES IN RELATIONSHIPS. NOT KNOWING WHEN TO PROTECT MYSELF AND WHEN TO NOT. SELF MUTILATION. LOW SELF ESTEEM. NO CONFIDENCE IN ABILITIES. MARITAL DIFFICULTIES. SEXUAL/INTIMACY PROBLEMS. PARENTING PROBLEMS EITHER OVERPROTECTIVE OR FEEL LIKE I'M NOT DOING GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY CHILDREN-CONSTANTLY TRYING TO FEEL THIS VOID. THE LIST COULD GO ON AND ON FROM JUST ONLY ONE penetration WHAT I CALL RAPE. THE RAPES/SEXUAL ABUSE DESTROYED MY TRUST IN PEOPLE, RELATIONSHIPS, IN MYSELF, AND THE WORLD AROUND ME. INSIDE EXTREME FEAR/ANXIETY WHO YA GONNA TURN TO? ALL ALONE DUE TO FEARS OF TRUSTING, AND THAT'S ONLY JUST ONE OF MANY, MANY OF NEEDING SOMETHING SO, SO, SO BAD, AND YET BEING SO, SO TERRIFIED TO REACH OUT FOR IT AND THEN WHEN YOU DO YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO CULTIVATE IT/FIND/KNOW FROM INSIDE YOURSELF THAT ALONE, HATED, BAD PART THAT'S SO DAMAGED FROM THE penetrations WHAT I CALL RAPES. THOSE RAPES JUST AREN'T PHYSICAL ONES. THOSE PEDOPHILES RAPED MY SOUL. IT'S BEEN A LOT OF TIME, INPATIENT HOSPITALIZATIONS AWAY FROM MY CHILDREN, WHICH MADE IT DIFFICULT ON THEM AND ME, HARD, HARD WORK EMOTIONALLY AND SPIRITUALLY, EXPENSIVE, AGONIZING, SLOW, ONE STEP FORWARD 6 STEPS BACK, IT'S A PART OF MY LIFE FOREVER, BUT IT HAS MADE ME MORE STRONGER, MORE DETERMINED TO TAKE BACK EVERYTHING THAT WAS TAKEN FROM ME, BUT I HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO FORGIVE MY ABUSERS THAT'S FOR GOD TO DO NOT ME, I DON'T FOCUS ON THEM I FOCUS ON ME AND WHAT'S IMPORTANT IN MY LIFE. IT'S NOT THEM OR WHAT THEY DID TO ME ANYMORE, AND IT'S NOT IN MY POWER TO FORGIVE THEM I DON'T HOLD THEIR SALVATION ONLY MINE. I'M NOT DOING IT FOR THEM. SO, WHEN I SEE THESE PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF STRUGGLING WITH THESE ISSUES BE SERIOUS ABOUT AND QUIT TALKING ABOUT AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT SURELY ISN'T SOMETHING TO SIT AROUND AND DISCUSS AND MAKE EXCUSES FOR, WONDER IF YOU ARE OR NOT OR TRY AND JUSTIFY OR COMPARE TO A CARROT TO A CARROT PEELER-NONE OF THESE DO NOT MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL. YOU HAVE THE THOUGHTS, YOU HAD THE COURAGE TO PUT THEM OUT THERE WONDERING IF IT MAKES YOU A PEDOPHILE OR NOT-THAT'S NOT THE DAMNED ISSUE. THE ISSUE IS YOU HAVE THE THOUGHTS AND YOU MASTURBATE TO THEM, AND YOU ARE SCARED THAT IT'S POSSIBLE YOU COULD ACT ON THOSE THOUGHTS, AND THERE'S THE SUBSTANCE ABUSE ISSUE. THE ONLY THING I CAN COMMEND YOU AND THE OTHERS WHO ARE HAVING THESE SAME THOUGHTS ON IS HAVING THE COURAGE TO BE OPEN ABOUT THEM TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THEM, YOU HAVEN'T ACTED UPON THEM, AND I HOPE THERE'S SOME WAY OR SOME THING OR PERSON THAT IMPACTS YOU ENOUGH TO ERASE THESE THOUGHTS OR AT LEAST TO THE POINT WHERE THEY WILL NEVER, EVER BE ACTED UPON I SO SINCERELY HOPE AND THAT'S IT. IF YOU ACT ON THEM I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL IF THERE'S A HELL OR HOPEFULLY YOU GET CAUGHT AND GO TO THE BIGHOUSE AND LET THE BIG BOYS SHOW YOU WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE THEN YOU WILL KNOW THAT THERE'S SO MUCH MORE WITH IT THAN WHAT YOU THINK THERE IS! BUT I SINCERELY HOPE THAT NONE OF THAT HAPPENS FOR A CHILD/CHILDREN OR ANY OF YOU STRUGGLING WITH THESE THOUGHTS BECAUSE I ABSOLUTELY KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH NOW IS NOTHING AND I MEAN NOTHING COMPARED TO THE DAMAGE INFLICTED WHEN A CHILD HAS BEEN RAPED OR SEXUALLY ABUSED LIKE MANY PROBABLY HAVE HERE IN THIS COMMUNITY INCLUDING ME. AS FAR AS ONES VIEWING CP FOR ALL I KNOW SOME OF THOSE YOU LOOK AT COULD BE ME BECAUSE MY OWN THE MOTHER TOOK PHOTOS OF ME THAT I HAVE TRIED SO HARD TO FIND, MY ABUSERS TOOK PHOTOS OF ME THAT I AM SO ASHAMED OF. IT'S DIFFICULT TO KNOW THERE ARE PHOTOS/VIDEOS OF ME IN SHAMEFUL, DEGRADING, HUMILIATING, ABUSIVE SEX ACTS FLOATING AROUND SOMEWHERE AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THEY ARE, SO IT'S LIKE AN EMOTIONAL, MENTAL RAPE IN MY 38 YR OLD MIND, WHICH TAKES ME BACK TO THE TERROR OF BRIGHT FLASHES GOING OFF IN MY MIND. EXPOSED. HIDDEN, BUT NOT REALLY. EVER. BUT COURAGE ALWAYS. AND FOREVER AND EVER. FIND YOUR COURAGE, USE IT, AND KEEP IT, DON'T EVER, EVER LET IT GO BECAUSE YOU NEED IT MORE THAN I DO.

[scared]

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[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[scared]

hetrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[scared]

htttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

[scared]

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[scared]

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[FlowFreak]

I agree that they pose a threat, however I think people should treat people with these fantasies with respect and not upset them because that only makes things much much worse.

I would disagree that anybody who feels attraction to children is a pedophile, to be a pedophile is a ruined life, social rejection is highly upsetting.

These people shouldnt be made to be upset, upsetting somebody about pedophillia is very bad, it leads to more mental health problems, it totally makes things so much worse, when somebody is upset about pedophillia they loose their sex drive (towards adults) and have to spend the rest of their lives on medication, speaking from personal experience.

to me it should only be if you do it.

scared,

You said you would "very much like to know exactly the damage that could be done to a child." It seems to me that you don't even care from the responses I have seen thus far from you, which is just like a pedophile-they do not care. I guess you really didn't want to know.

I DO agree thoughts of sexual attraction to children make one a pedophile due to the thought content whether the thoughts have been acted out or not.

Survivors of child sexual abuse/rape deserve respect too, and these people should not be made to be upset either! Upsetting someone about being sexually abused and raped as a child is very bad also. Extremely. I have had to take all the blame, guilt, hatred, anger/RAGE, dirtiness, filth, some I'm still having to work on! and place it back where it rightfully belongs on the pedophiles! I will not let you sit here and say in this community what you have said in the above quote, and place the blame where it does not belong! (i.e) By upsetting you, you lose your sex drive (toward adults.)

And to you a "ruined life is to be a pedophile," NO! A RUINED LIFE IS TO BE SEXUALLY ABUSE/RAPED BY A PEDOPHILE-THAT'S A RUINED LIFE!!! THAT IS MUCH MORE TO IT AND MUCH MORE EXTREMELY UPSETTING THAN TWO WORDS OF JUST "SOCIAL REJECTION!" I SO WISH I CAME OUT OF THAT HELL BEING UPSET ONLY BY THOSE 2 WORDS BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE SO EASY TO DEAL WITH COMPARED TO WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH AND HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH!!! DO YOU NOT REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING???!!!! I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW WHAT BEING HIGHLY UPSET REALLY MEANS! Poor children that are around you! I so hope you don't act, but if you do like I said before I so hope you get caught and while in prison you will OWN the feeling of highly upset!

The only statement I think you've said that's been true on here is "Nobody can defend being a pedophile ither.." And the other true statement is Thoughts may make you a paedophile - but actions make you a child abuser, and I don't think anyone could try to defend that. You have your answer now, so get the hell out of here!

[Kalima]

I have to say I agree with FlowFreak. It seems scared that despite the generally constructive posts which people have made in reference to this subject you ahve decided you disagee.

That in it's self is okay, but your justification seems ludicus to me.

Quote: "I would disagree that anybody who feels attraction to children is a pedophile, to be a pedophile is a ruined life, social rejection is highly upsetting.

These people shouldnt be made to be upset, upsetting somebody about pedophillia is very bad, it leads to more mental health problems, it totally makes things so much worse, when somebody is upset about pedophillia they loose their sex drive (towards adults) and have to spend the rest of their lives on medication, speaking from personal experience.

to me it should only be if you do it. "

You explained that you disagree that sexual attraction alone should not equall being a peadophile, justifying it as this would mean your life was ruined.

A few points. No one would ever know of your sexual attraction to children unless you publicised it or were caught acting on these kinds of feelings. If no one knows about it then there is no stigma.

You want people to say that these kind of thoughts are accaptable, that these kinds of fantasies and desires are 'normal'. Well, they arnt. They are not 'normal', but you cannot fully control your thoughts. I cannot honestly blame you for having them. You must know in your own mind that sexual attraction to children is wrong, why else did you ask?

I am glad you are aware this is an issue for you. Now you have the advantage of knowing that this could cause a problem for you, you ensure you do not act on these thoughts. I WANT you to feel guilt for these thoughts, guilt means you know they are wrong. Guilt means you have the opertunity to consider your actions.

I hope this is clear.

[FlowFreak]

Kalima-Thanks for your support, and also I have edited my post since your post supporting mine.

[scared]

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[scared]

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[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[paula]

I'm afraid the help and support that you require from this site Scared, is no longer available!

We have done all we can to try and help/advise/support you as best we can! Its down to you now?

You need professional help. You need to mention these issues to your Psychiatrist. He is there and can give you the help/advise/support that you need. He is qualified for this issue!

This also goes out to anyone else who is frustrated with this issue. I don't know who you people think we are? Most of us suffer from Mental Health issues our selves. We are not Doctors or Medical Advisers, that are qualified to deal with these issues! A lot of us will advise on our own experiences, and there isn't many that have these issues? So I'm afraid its like pissing against the wind as far as I can see, regarding further information.

You could do us all a favor and seek the professional advice that you are looking for, else where!

[scared]

yofiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyyyyyyyyyyy

[paula]

What I am getting at here is: That most of us have suffered some sort of Mental Health problem, but not Pedophilliac urges!

We work as a community and try the best we can, even though the best is not good enough some times? We can only go of our past experiences!

When someone comes on this site asking for support on Pedophillia, then we can only advise/support on research done by ourselves on this issue? But you have to remember that by keep going on about these issues can be very upsetting for some people, inc myself!

I know that Mark suggest we head these post but this post was started so long ago.

We try our best and don't want these post to get out of hand by the information that is given, but sometimes, this is exactly what happens and people get angry and upset and end up saying things that they might not mean?

We are all here to get along with one another, me included. I know that I haven't been the best of people to get along with and I apologise to anyone that I have offended, it wasn't intentual!

This is a very good site if used well, and think of the moderators & administrators who have worked very hard to get this site up & running. The last thing they need is people pecking at each other's head's, me included!

So why don't we all try and get along together, life is to short!

[Mark]

This is such a difficult thread, because the stuff being discussed here is so raw for everyone. I commend everyone here including scared for what they have contributed.

I'm very proud of Flowfreak for being able to say what she said. that is painful stuff she has shared, and if there is anger in it, who on earth could blame her. Paula's contribution is similar and I am proud of her too.

I think that Flowfreak's analysis about Scared not wanting to be challenged to know the impact of what sexual abuse of young children can do to a child is correct. I don't blame scared for not wanting to know (but also wanting to know at the same time), and I commend him for listening even though it is painful to do so. Maybe a little backpeddling is inevitable given the anger coming his way. Kalima's analysis (guilt means you can be aware) is just great too.

Scared, you are a pedophile if you are attracted to children. That is the definition of pedophilia. You are not a child molester, however, until you have committed the abusive act. Though many here are furious at all pedophiles, and through them, furious at you, I think all can also agree that no one wants you to cross the line between being a pedophile and molesting a child. It is so very difficult to support someone whos impulses are monsterous, but if it is possible to do, I hope we can find a way to do that. Helping you to feel very guilty about your impulses in this case is both an angry act but also a loving act (that sounds twisted, I know, but hear me out, please) because it may - if you take the testimony to heart - help you become more acutely aware of the danger you pose to children because of your desires. Guilt in this case is one way to have some of the awareness that you need to protect yourself and the children you might otherwise harm.

Now, the trick here is to feel guilty about the desires, but not to beat yourself up at the same time. You are a human being who is also suffering, and you need support and reassurance that you are not a monster (or at least have the choice to not become a monster by acting like one). It may be too much to ask a group of people who have suffered the victim's end of pedophilia acted out to offer you that support, but some here have tried to offer it to you (gabby is one) and I hope you can hear that thread mixed in as it is with the intense anger for all pedophiles that is blasting your way.

Mark

[FlowFreak]

scared,

I just typed this long post and hit the wrong button and erased it!

There's no way I can re-type all of it now, but I do want to say I appreciate you finally responding to the impact of what happened to me, and the respect for my feelings you have shown. To be truthful I have displaced some of my anger onto you that should be on the ones who abused me, but I do have anger at your thoughts to children, although I'm encouraged that you have not acted on them.

If you are never able to overcome your thoughts to children I hope that you are able to take full responsibility for them, and seek whatever support you need to keep them in check. If it's returning here to read what people are still going through into their adulthood from the agony of the abuse suffered in childhood, or if there's any places like that in the real world you could go to to see the suffering as a type of aversive therapy, therapy for yourself or group therapy with others struggling emotionally like yourself, or whatever just anything to be more comfortable with who you are, and not act out your thoughts.

To ackowledge we both have suffered because of pedophiles (I will) I think all of us here are hurting and experiencing some powerful emotions, and I can't tell you how many times I have wished I was only dreaming and I could just rub my eyes and make it all go away, or I wish a magic wand could be waved and make all the bad go away. But if that were the case there would be no courage, or strength, or growth, or determination or preserverance in life or very little, if at all. We all struggle with something. I went and visited Alan's (not Schwartz) Alcoholism-A Life Sentence-you should visit and see what this man has fought and has to fight with everyday of his life!! He posted a thread on here a few days ago asking for participation on his blog. www.alcoholism-alifesentence.blogspot.com When I visited and read some of his post I was able to "own" what that must be like for him from his writings about it-truly amazing! For me I am a sex addict. I just admitted to myself recently, although this happened through my teens to early 20's really bad. The last time I actually acted on my addiction was my late 20's realizing during the actual act I was in my thoughts with "THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT!" getting up, grabbing my clothes, and gettin out as fast as I could. My sex addiction isn't about sex-it's about an insatiable need for love that was never gotten, which produced an endless cycle in those yrs of getting sex for my "love fix" leaving me feeling used and worthless seeking the fix again and again. It's still there-it will always be there, but it does get better more controllable. This past yr I made a phone call, but that's as far as it went. Why? Anger. Healthy/Constructive Anger, which I haven't ever experienced before. Anger because that's the only way I knew how to get love, and I wasn't going to let that happen to myself anymore-to be used, and feel abandoned, used, and worhless after my fix. I wasn't going to tear down what I had already went through emotionally to get to where I was that day, either! That was an incredible turning point for me in this Hell of my life, and it felt so damn good! So, we can take these insurmountable obstacles, and turn them around and make them work for us instead of against us. It is possible. It gives me hope in other areas I have to face that seem insurmountable to me. To have courage is a must, and one of the most difficult ones for me, especially in the beginnings of anything, so this has been very difficult for me to open up about, and will be for days and days to come.
I hope there is some understanding between us-Good luck to you scared!

Maybe something like Confucius could also help you-they do me...www.thinkexist.com

Confucius says it well: When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.

[FlowFreak]

Mark,

Thanks for your support(means much), not only for me, but for all of us, and for all of us trying to do the same.

[Pseudonym]

I agree with mark. And remember who this is coming from. I have been made into a monster as well because of this. Guilt is a good thing. It allows room to get better. It allows you to understand how monstrous the act is. However remember it is the act that is monstrous, not the thought. The thought is dark, and hard to deal with. But understanding and refusing to act on it makes you human, and not a monster.

This cannot be cured. I am in a stable relationship and many active pedophiles are as well. Most of the time that I get sexual excitement is with my age appropriate consensual partner, but that does not deter me from my thoughts. I cannot deter those thoughts. However I CAN prevent the action. And guilt will help me do that. These people are trying to help. Some of them are overzealous, and that is because they do not understand it quite as well as we do, and moreover, they want to believe that you are a monster. Fitting people like us into that catagory makes it easier.

You are not a monster. You are a person who has urges they cannot control. I understand that. However you can control your actions. You can control what you look at, and what you do about it. Ignore the rest of these people, the ones who will sooner damn you than help you. But take into consideration what they want you to, feel guilt. It is that guilt that will prevent you from acting on those urges, it is that guilt that makes you human instead of the monster that they would depict you as, and it is that guilt that may free you.

- Anonymous

[JustTrying]

After reading FlowFreaks post the other day... I have to let this thread go. I knew that since I have been trying to quit drinking a lot of past issues that I thought I had dealt with have been coming back up. But Flows post was just to vivid for me.

I thank you for posting it though. And I am sorry that so many of us have gone through these type of things in childhood. Perhaps that is a partial reason for the mental issues we have??? I wonder.

I have to deal with peodphiles in my life. Well I do not guess I have to but, I choose to keep them in my life and although I abhore what they did and also the people that did those things to me. The ones that are in my life are otherwise people that I want in my life. I may get condemded for that .. but so be it. They are no longer around children. And yes they are in my family.

I just CAN'T let the anger get to me. I have to take care of myself right now...

I wish you all luck and will see you elsewhere on the boards.....

[FlowFreak]

Pseud,

I do understand that these thoughts cannot be controlled or cured, but I was willing to give scared that possibility in reading the content of all his responses, especially where he said he had the thoughts prepubescent, and then he didn't have them anymore when he had a girlfriend, so I thought maybe it was just from being prepubescent-from what I remember reading? I, however I do not view you or scared as monsters, but I do view my abusers as monsters because the acts terrified me through my childhood eyes/body, so much so weird things happened!

I hope I haven't made you feel "damned," because you know I'm not perfect either, but if you may have been referring to my post telling scared to get the hell out well yes I did damn him. That's another part of the damage inflicted after the abuse. I was left alone with nothing, but everything they had done to me. At first he ignored what he wanted to know, and that was a terrible, terrible feeling for me to have put that all out there, and it to be left alone with someone who has those types of thoughts who responded to others comments at first, but not mine. I hope understand or can try to.

[FlowFreak]

Gabby,

I totally understand everything you've said, especially about having them in your life because you choose too. I know there's much more in that than the words in that sentence-you don't have to tell me I know. My mother is the closest to me, and it's very difficult and confusing to say the least!

It's all about doing what you need to do to feel and be safe, and take care of yourself.

You are a sweet and giving person.

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[FlowFreak]

I understand scared-it's difficult deal with and face. I agree it was a massive post because of the trauma inflicted, and that's only touching a small part of it. I appreciate you wanting to be in a better position to focus on what I wrote about what it did to me, but I do wish you could have at least acknowledged that you had a hangover and you would respond later.

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[Pseudonym]

Actually, Flow, I have not felt damned by your presence. You spoke with frankness, and honesty not just you your experience, but your feelings. I can certainly understand them, and I do not mind your anger. I was not referring to you when I was referring to those who would sooner damn than help. For sake of not alienating anyone I will not mention names, but they know who they are.

Flow, you responded to a question with compassion and candor. For that I have the utmost respect for you. Thank you for your imput, even though it was rough, it wasn't uncalled for. And it was very brave.

I think I'm beginning to agree with Gabby though. This thread is becoming too much. It is showing an amount of conflict and hatred that I do not feel comfortable with for a help sight. I will continue to help, who better than a person seeking help with this illness than to help others? But I think that it maybe best for everybody to abandon this particular thread. I think we've hurt each other enough.

- Anonymous

[FlowFreak]

Thanks Pseud. I really appreciate your thoughts/words/understanding. I have respect for you as well, for your courage to put yourself out here, and be respectful to.

I'm speaking for me in these next words because it's where I am today from yesterdays, and we are all in different areas for all the right reasons where ever those might be. For me I had to face/accept/own up to behaviors I did do I felt very bad about, ashamed of, and I hated. I hated myself for the things I had done. It was so painful, scary, and difficult to do-"What was this person (therapist) going to think of me?" but I HAD to do it because I hated it so much in myself-the misery and pain it had caused me and others. By doing so it helped me to let go of my "wanting to be perfect" and expecting others to be perfect for me, and I realized it's ok to be imperfect because nothing is perfect. So, it helps me to try and understand where another is relating from even with my emotions I may or may not have.

I think that this post that scared started has shown that even with the deep pains and struggles expressed/endured in this thread by all, middle ground can be found by communication, expression, and through the imperfections of being human. To me that's where understanding of ourselves and for others can arise once we get over our own initial emotions -to try and see where that other person is relating from because it's not going to be all about you or them-there's too much complexity involved. I think each person here has tried in some way, and done that (unless I missed something) in the best way they can from where ever they are relating from. That's hard to do when strong emotions are expressed, everyone has their own way of expressing/relating, and when strong emotions are felt for the writer and the reader, but it has been done by all of us it seems to me.

If this thread is over I think this is something that each of us can take from here, because I've never seen this happen before in such a way.

My Best to you Pseud in your struggles, and in finding the support you need,
Flow

[paula]

Pseudonym why don't you just come out and mention my name? Yes it was me who damed YOU no-one else but you! And I still damn you!

Stop trying to shit stir! Because that's all your doing! You are trying to give Scared the bullets to fire? Be a man and take it!

You think you know it all, you know FUCK ALL!

[John Rutledge]

deleted ....

[Mark]

Paula, I know you are upset; this is upsetting stuff to talk about, but please be civil. Mark

[Pseudonym]

I can certainly understand how emotional this subject is. It is hard enough for me to speak about it, I cannot comprehend how hard it is for people who do not have this problem, or even worse the people who unfortunately have been on the other end of the problem. This is an emotional subject for all who participate.

That said, PLEASE understand that I came here because I recognized that I need help. And in that understand that it is not by any means kind to attack me for pleading for that help. I understand that I have come off as defensive. It would be to my understanding most people would. It is hard to accept ones demons, and even harder to vanquish them. But since the beginning of my posts I have changed tunes quite considerable, from saying that it is alright, to saying that maybe it is not as alright as I put it before. That maybe I needed to control myself. Maybe I needed help.

I CAME here because I needed help, and I ask you, how would you feel if I had attacked you for your respective problems? Probably not very good, and probably pretty upset, just like I am now. However, even though I was upset, I chose not to drop names for sake of not alienating anyone, you were the one chose to alienate yourself. Do not drop this one on me.

I am positive that you are good, and morally driven, however this IS a place where people visit to GET HELP. And in that we have a duty if we wish to help to stay objective, even though we may not be. So I ask you, do you think that you are doing a service in this particular thread? Because from the person who need help, I feel in this subject you have done a great disservice. You not only REFUSED to help me, but you alienated me and told me to seek professional help with the worst of tenors. And when I chose NOT to return the favor, you attack me. For that I am attacking back.

You say I think I know everything. You know I get that a lot. I come off like that. But really I don't even try to pretend to know everything, but I speak from experience, my own understandings, and occasionally in defense. Socrates said it best. "I know that I am wise, for I know that I know nothing." And the more try, the more I think that I understand enough, in which I can say I know nothing. Am I always there? No. But I do NOT believe that I know everything either. Please do not try to judge a person whom you do not know.

This thread has helped me, but it has also hurt me, for that, I need to wash my hands of this thread. And hope that whatever is said here, STAYS HERE. I know I will be doing my best efforts to ensure that on my part.

- Anonymous

[paula]

Pseudonym, You want to practice what you preach!

I was not referring to you when I was referring to those who would sooner damn than help. For sake of not alienating anyone I will not mention names, but they know who they are.

You would of seen that I tried putting all what was said in past post, behind us and tried to make a fresh start! Even apologising to whome ever I had offended. But I take that back now! You don't deserve it! You Clearly indicated that remark was meant for me!

You want to grow up and get a life! You HI-JACKED this post in the first place! Don't come all this mr inocent guy, because that is something you are not!

Dear Paula.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can certainly understand how emotional this subject is. It is hard enough for me to speak about it, I cannot comprehend how hard it is for people who do not have this problem, or even worse the people who unfortunately have been on the other end of the problem. This is an emotional subject for all who participate.

I am positive that you are good, and morally driven, however this IS a place where people visit to GET HELP. And in that we have a duty if we wish to help to stay objective, even though we may not be. So I ask you, do you think that you are doing a service in this particular thread? Because from the person who need help, I feel in this subject you have done a great disservice.

Don't talk a LOAD OF CRAP! I can see what your trying to do? Your trying to turn all this around, well it just won't work! This thread was doing allright till you poked your nose in, shit stirring!

You say I think I know everything. You know I get that a lot. I come off like that. But really I don't even try to pretend to know everything, but I speak from experience, my own understandings, and occasionally in defense. Socrates said it best. "I know that I am wise, for I know that I know nothing." And the more try, the more I think that I understand enough, in which I can say I know nothing. Am I always there? No. But I do NOT believe that I know everything either. Please do not try to judge a person whom you do not know.

Your right there "you know nothing" so stop coming across as if you do, then maybe people won't judge you? You have answered your own question there!

This thread has helped me, but it has also hurt me, for that, I need to wash my hands of this thread. And hope that whatever is said here, STAYS HERE. I know I will be doing my best efforts to ensure that on my part.

Lets just hope that you do!

Paula, I know you are upset; this is upsetting stuff to talk about, but please be civil. Mark

Mark I tried to be civil previously, but as you can see it was a waste of time! I am only defending what I believe to be my rights!


John Rutledge To be fair, Paula ...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
... I don't think he likes me very much, either. Don't leave me out !

Don't let it worry you John! I certainly won't! Mr NO IT ALL! WHO KNOWS ****ALL!

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[Pseudonym]

It is interesting that when I wrote that post that you immediately thought of yourself, and conveniently forgot you were just one a plethora of people who decided to be offensive when it came to this subject. It is funny because the people who have been victimized by people who have my affliction are the ones who have shown me the MOST acceptance. The ones who have worded carefully enough as not to offend. THESE are the people who HAVE THE RIGHT to be angry, and have THE RIGHT to offend me. Instead they have decided to forgive and help. And for that I am grateful. They have shown me compassion and have treated me like a human. It almost brings back my faith in humanity.

However YOU a person who has not experience first hand either side of this weigh the greatest opinion. YOU a person who DOES NOT have the RIGHT to be angry, is the angriest. If you had been hurt by an adult, I would take it, I understand the anger people have towards me. But since DAY ONE of when I joined to be helped and help, you have gone on a crusade against me and every other person seeking help for this. YOU have hurt and offended the people WHO NEED help. And you call yourself a helper. You are nothing but a judgmental sad excuse of a helpful person.

And by the way. YOU HAVE NEVER apologized. You have shown a moment of compassion, and that was very good for you. But in almost the same breath you rode the ebonflow into the same judgmental attitude that had offended me in the first place, and that makes me sad. You asked me to open up, and when I did, you attacked again when I was vulnerable. THIS is why I don't talk to therapists about this, THIS is why I use the handle Pseudonym. THIS is why I sign EVERY POST with Anonymous. Because of people like YOU who will sooner judge than help.

I'm not being nice here, I am certainly not following what I preach. I am being angry, and I am being hurtful. It is not right, and I will never pretend that it is. However you have pushed me and pushed me. And I AM SICK OF IT! I tried to be civil, I didn't even mention your name before, even though you have been the one who had given the most egregious offenses to me. My original message was to help another who has my problem, and I NO WAY was I meaning to start anything like this. BUT AM SICK OF IT.

If you don't like me FINE. I get that one a lot too. I'm snobbish and opinionated, and I'm ok with that. But I'm here to stay, and to help. And so far I've done a good job of the latter. So get used to it, and for GODS SAKE don't defend yourself by telling us that you are defending rights. Because I have rights too, I have the right to be helped, and you are doing NOTHING to aid in the endeavor. So next time you feel like speaking up angrily against a person who is asking for help, and sending him to the ninth layer of hell before you even give them a chance. Just stand back and shut up, because we don't need that, check that, we don't deserve it.

And by the way, next time you demean me about my intelligence or my knowlege. Use Spell check or get a proof reader.

- Anonymous.

[paula]

However YOU a person who has not experience first hand either side of this weigh the greatest opinion. YOU a person who DOES NOT have the RIGHT to be angry, is the angriest. If you had been hurt by an adult, I would take it, I understand the anger people have towards me. But since DAY ONE of when I joined to be helped and help, you have gone on a crusade against me and every other person seeking help for this. YOU have hurt and offended the people WHO NEED help. And you call yourself a helper. You are nothing but a judgmental sad excuse of a helpful person.

GET A GRIP YOU SAD SICK GET!

How can you talk of whether I had been hurt by an adult or not? I'm afraid you have gone to far, YOU PERVERT! I have only hurt and offended one person here and that is YOU! You are an HYPORCRIT! You try soft talking people to like you! YOU ARE SAD!

However YOU a person who has not experience first hand either side of this weigh the greatest opinion. YOU a person who DOES NOT have the RIGHT to be angry, is the angriest. If you had been hurt by an adult, I would take it,

DON'T YOU EVER TELL ME WHETHER I HAVE EXPERIENCED IT FIRST HAND OR NOT? LIKE I MENTIONED PREVIOUSLY, YOU KNOW FUCK ALL! I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY SO DON'T GO PREACHING TO ME DICK HEAD! you have no idea what has gone on in my life, and you will never know?

And by the way. YOU HAVE NEVER apologized. You have shown a moment of compassion, and that was very good for you. But in almost the same breath you rode the ebonflow into the same judgmental attitude that had offended me in the first place, and that makes me sad. You asked me to open up, and when I did, you attacked again when I was vulnerable. THIS is why I don't talk to therapists about this, THIS is why I use the handle Pseudonym. THIS is why I sign EVERY POST with Anonymous. Because of people like YOU who will sooner judge than help.

HOW CAN YOU TYPE THAT I HAVE NEVER APOLOGISED! IF YOU CARE TO LOOK AT PREVIOUS POST THEN YOU WILL SEE! CORRECTION, I HAVE NEVER ASKED YOU TO OPEN UP TO ME! I DON'T EVER WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU, YOU ARE EVIL! YOU ARE THE DEVIL IN DISGUISE! I ONLY JUDGE PERVERTS LIKE YOURSELF! SICK PERVERTS!

And I AM SICK OF IT! I tried to be civil, I didn't even mention your name before, even though you have been the one who had given the most egregious offenses to me.

YOU ARE SICK OF IT, YOU ARE SICK! WE WANT TO PLAY GAMES DO WE, THEN I WILL PLAY!

YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING BUT RIDICULE PEOPLE! THE ONLY ONE THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM HERE WITH IS YOU! AND YOU TELL ME TO GET A SPELL CHECKER, WELL FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I AM DYSLEXIC OR HAD YOU NOT GATHERED THAT? AND DON'T TRY AND TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

DO US ALL A FAVIOUR AND SLING YOUR HOOK! I CAN GIVE AS MUCH AS I TAKE SO "BRING IT ON BOY!"

[John Rutledge]

deleted .....

[ASchwartz]

Paula and everyone,

Paula, you have a lot of passion and I think that is a good thing. However, sometimes, after any person has made their point, it is better to remain calm so that the point gets across. In other words, I fear that your message, a message that many agree with, is getting lost because of the amount of anger you are expressing. Again, sometimes people hear better when a voice is lowered.

To everyone else,

I have reviewed many of the postings on this issue in this forum, going back to the first. There was a point where at least one individual tried to make the case that sex with children will become acceptable some day, just as homosexuality became acceptalbe, or legal. That was a turning point in the discussion, so far as I can see. In my opinion, adults having sex with children will never be legal or acceptable, either morally, religiously, spiritually or in any way at all.

Since then, a lot of energy has been spent, in this forum, on having fantasies of sex with children with some making the case that such fantasies are ok so long as they are not acted upon.

I want to refer everyone back to my posting about the Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders from the American Psychiatric Association and contributed to , very heavily, from the American Psychological Association and from the National Association of Social Workers. The manual is very clear: if fantasies are accompanied by strong sexual arousal, then, you are dealing with Pedophilia. Why?

The answer: It is nearly impossible to resist Strong Sexual Urges. In fact, we do not want people to resist strong sexual urges if they have them towards an adult who is consenting to be their partner. Children simply do not have the judgment, maturity, power or ability to consent. That is why children need supervision from parents until they are grown. It is why it is in the best interests of children that their parents make executive decisions for their children until they are old enough to do so for themselves.

If you are a person, and evidently a few of you are, who has strong sexual fantasies involving children, go for help. There is potential for you causing harm even if you are convinced that could never happen. Again, the adult sexual urge is powerful and that is the way it is supposed to be: But: not towards children. Go For Help. Please.

Allan :(

[paula]

Thank you John for your kind words they are well appreciated as I have had a death in the family today. An Unexpected one!

Well enuf said!

[ASchwartz]

Paula,

I am so very sorry that there has been a death in your family. My thoughts and and support are with you through this difficult time.

Allan:(

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[Mark]

Paula, Pseudonym,

You are bating each other and causing each other unnecessary distress. I don't like it, and it needs to stop.

The simple solution is for you two to ignore one another for a while. You can set the community to help you do that. I want you both to please go to your individual "User CP" links and find the "Edit Ignore" link, and then please enter each other's username there, so that you do not see each others posts. Please maintain this for, let's say, a couple weeks - until December.

If you cannot do this voluntarily, I willl need to do something more drastic, such as a temporary (week long) ban from the community for you both - call it an enforced cooling off period. I really don't want to do that, so please do not put me in a position where I will need to do that (e.g., by communicating angrily with one another).

Paula, I'm sorry for your loss. Your loss is not an excuse for bad behavior, however.

Mark

[JustTrying]

Mark exactly what I was talking about.... in the other post where you asked for volunteers..... I think you are doing the right thing....

Sometimes emotions run high and a cooling off period can help....

Other than that I have said all I can in this thread.... I do not know what will become of these young men.. but I tried to talk to them,.. the are human beings and they did reach out....

I think Flows.. post was the strongest... she made good points... I just pray these young men understand and if need be get help...

I do not damn or condemn anyone for what they think... and yes I am one that has been hurt... as a child... but I try to respect they came here to talk about it and maybe get some insite...

I think Paula is in alot of pain and for that I am sorry.. and I am sorry about your loss...

JT

[Pseudonym]

Again I am sorry. I have violated the spirit of this site, and if you wish to make an example out of me, I understand that. I have done as you have suggested and placed her on to the ignore list. I am very sorry, I have caused much upset, and if you wish me to leave and not return I would respect that. There is no excuse for my words. Though well worded they were still directed and harmful, and I am to blame just as much as paula. Because I am the Junior member, I would understand if you wished to terminate my s/n, and my tenure here.

I again apologize, this subject was already emotional. I have made it worse because of my problems and my conjecture.

I would like it to be known that because of this site I have not had one fantasy since I joined, and my stress level has been down. Thank you for this site, and trust me, what has happened won't happen again.

- Anonymous

[Mark]

Nobody needs to leave - we just need a cooling off period here.

[kaudio]

Pseudonym and Paula, I too do not wish for either of you to leave. Disagreements are a part of human life, but it is important to understand where the boundaries are and to take steps to stop when one has crossed them. In this case, everyone has done precisely that. Please do not criticize yourselves or each other too harshly over this thread.

[FlowFreak]

when things were safe again to say, I'm sorry that I ran far away when emotions began to rise because I did want to and try to squeeze myself in there somewhere, but I just couldn't do it, and I am so sorry I wasn't able to do nothing, but feel afraid and helpless, and then run away from that.

I'm new here in this community, and there is/was already too much of me in this thread to put more of me in there, but I wish I could have moved out of my comfort zone and said or done something!

So, I will just say Just be :cool:, and for sure don't beat yourselves up about it because we've for sure had enough or have enough of that @!%&@ in our lives already! That's what I'm trying to tell myself for my lack of doing nothing! but run away! And don't move to another community!;) You need us, and we need you.

Gabby I agree I think Paula is in a lot of pain as well-I think often of you Paula and sorry for your loss.

(Edit)More so from just my thoughts while trying to keep my emotions in check.. I also think me telling scared what he wanted to know, and then feeling ignored, and my subsequent anger all of these combined triggered more painful emotions for Paula that were already churning she was trying to handle, and I can't get the rest out right now....

[John Rutledge]

Dear Paula,

Please accept my deepest sympathy on your sad loss.

With very best wishes,

[Dunii]

Sorry if I missed something since I didn't bother to read all 17 pages lol, however I recently had similar "am I becoming a pedophile" fears just like this guy, I actually have a post on this forum about it. However I have since learned from multiple sources that I am NOT a pedophile and never have been, my fears merely stemmed from OCD. From what I have read of "scared"'s posts it seems to me, again based on what I have learned about OCD, that he is actually far more likely to be suffering from OCD than pedophilia, just my two cents.

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[Dunii]

@scared: Wooee! Are you gonna want to read this. Apparently I'm not the only one who thinks you are less pedophile and more OCD. Did you know someone wrote an article about this very thread, and you? He talks about how the way you talk and act points towards OCD and not pedophilia. Check it out here: http://robertlindsay.blogspot.com/2008/09/pocd-versus-pedophilia-differential.html

You should prolly talk to a doctor (most likely one with a psychology background) and confirm that you have OCD, then get on some medication for it. I just started on Prozac to manage my Depression/Anxiety/OCD today. Here's hoping things look up for you, good luck.

[scared]

iopnhjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

[paula]

Scared, there has been a lot of people who has supported you on this site including myself. Is that the way to thank us all by saying F*CK YOU!

You might say that, that is not what your saying, especially to all that have supported you, but this is a community and no one's qualified enough to give you the advice that you wanted?

We all tried our best, but thats not the way to show gratitude is it? Were not all perfect! not far off but hey thats me (ha!) No seriously! You asked people for advice and we gave it the best we could. Are you not happy that your not a Pedophile?

It doesn't mean that you have to stop coming on the site. I would of thought you had met some nice friends on here, including myself!

[scared]

uouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuouh

[paula]

Awe Cheers Scared, I wondered where you'd gone too? I have missed you, you know! Get your arse back on here and give me some of your gip!

[scared]

Ill sureley be doing that. =)

[paula]

Nice one Scared! Thats mi boy!

[Mark]

You've done just great here Paula. I thought you handled Scared's anger just perfectly, communicating your affection to him while also setting him straight.

Good for you Scared. I'm very glad that you are in therapy and that you are feeling relieved and have a better understanding of your true issues. If it is OCD rather than pedophilia, that is still a difficult issue to deal with, but there are far better treatments for managing that sort of thing than there are for pedophila.

I don't think anyone here has taken any pleasure in your fear that you might be a pedophile. We do take it all very seriously and of course we want to do what we can to protect potential victims, but hopefully without demonizing people in the process. It is very painful I imagine to be the target of that sort of angry scrutiny and I understand why you might be angry in response. I only hope that you also understand why people might jump to judgment based on how you presented yourself here, saying that you feared you are a pedophile. the people who are angry at pedophiles for abusing children are neither nazis nor feminists; they are by and large, people who are fearful of their children being preyed upon, or people who have themselves been preyed upon.

[scared]

ugbiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

[paula]

Scared, it's not pleasure, believe me, it's called security!

I think there is a general opinion floating about which is that if you think you are one then you are one, when this is obviousley not the case, its not fair that a person who thinks they might be one cannot say it because they will be publicly scrutinised and humiliated, forcing them to introvertidley obsess to the point of mental breakdown.

Everyone is innocent until proven guilty! Everyone deserves a chance to prove their innocence scared, and that's what we gave you, a chance to prove yourself, and you did!

Scared, you came on this site asking for help, which we gave. Granted, not at first and I apologize for that, and I'm sure other's will, given the chance? I hold my hands up and say I'm sorry! But I gave you the benefit of the doubt! You did what others say they'll do but never do it? YOU SEEKED HELP! I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU SCARED! THAT MUST OF BEEN THE HARDEST THING THAT YOU HAVE HAD TO DO IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE! IT TAKES GUTS AND COURAGE TO DO WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELF!

I realise that the people on the hunt for the pedophiles are mostly people doing it for good, evereybodys got their own axe to grind, mine is that They need to realise that they are demonizing innocent people in the process and take measures to prevent this.

Precisely, I agree with you! They are demonizing innocent people, but them innocent people are chastising the fact that they are Pedophiles to begin with! So what can you expect?

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[paula]

Hi Scared

Nice of you to get back to me, took you long enough Ha! Only joking mate!

People with ocd cant help but chastising about it because they just find themselves thinking about it, Its not their fault, POCD wouldnt even exist if it was that you was only a pedophile if you actually molested a child, who's in charge of that decision anyway?

Well think about it Scared, would you like your child molested by someone! You mentioned previously in a post that you wouldn't be bothered, but I think you will? Blood is thicker than water Scared, when it comes to the crunch, people see things in a different light!

[scared]

uykffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

[paula]

Hang on a minute Scared, you've soon changed your tune haven't you?

I definetally would be furious at some sick fuck molesting my child, but id also be furious if my child had to go through what im going through. would you be happy for your children to go through what im going through?
This would all be so much easyer if those pedophiles stopped being so selfish and stopped molesting children wouldnt it ^^

Correction Scared, been through and you brought a lot of that on yourself! There were people here trying to support you but you were having none of it! You had it etched in your head that you were a Pedophile, no matter what?

And for pedophiles to stop molesting children, would in fact make them not a pedophile!

Sorry Scared if you think I have spoken out of order, but you get what you see with me and that includes being straight forward! Don't get me wrong, I am chuffed that your not a Pedophile, but I think you need to look over some of your past post and remember what you've stated in the past?

[scared]

yiliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

[finding my way]

Hey scared, do you have any hobbies? Maybe this thing is taking up way too much of your life! It's not good for anyone to have sex as their one main preoccupation. That'd make anyone feel crazed! What do you like to do to have fun?

[scared]

i6rukykkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

[paula]

Scared, your head were so mashed up, did you tell your therapist that! She had no right to say anything like that to you?

You did the man thing about it and admitted your problem and seeked professional help. Gawd! What does she want BLOOD!

You have been told of her that you are not a Pedophile, so why should you be disgusted? Well if that were me, I'd tell her to go and eat shit, because that's all that seems to be coming out of her mouth lately?

Why don't you kindly remind her that it's people like yourself that pay's her wages, or has she forgotten that? It doesn't give her the right to express her feeling about the situation!

You want to put a complaint in to the Board! I would!

[scared]

I have removed my posts in this thread because there are dangerous psychologically damaging things in here and nothing should be read by anybody who isn't a trained mental health professional. Sorry to all this has affected.

[paula]

Awe sorry Scared! I thought she was taking the piss! Misunderstood you sorry! Story of my life misunderstanding people!

[p2415]

deleted post :)