Thank you and an update

[Proverbs31:28]

Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and encouraging as I have been struggling with some serious anxiety and depression issues over the past few weeks. I have been in a very very dark place and I have done and thought things I am not proud of. But many of you, despite having no replationship with me and not knowing much about me, have offered sincere support and encouragement. I honestly feel your words and sentiments kept me afloat some days.

This past Tuesday, I made my way into a new therapist's office and had my first visit with her. I have not been in therapy in almost 2 years. Not because I didn't need to be but because I couldn't afford it and then I was too buried in depression and anxiety to make the appt. But, with your encouragement, I did make an appointment and I did go. The first visit was extremely difficult for me. I think she will be a good fit for me but, even so, I felt vulnerable and as though I were in a judgment seat. She was genuinely concerned about my current state of mind (with good reason) but is willing to work with me in avoiding hospitalization, which I am extremely grateful for.

[nightfalls]

Hi Lifeless

It is really good that you were able to take that step and go for help. It is really scary to start therapy I know but it is really important especially when you are at a low point even though that is when it is the hardest time to actually seek the help. I hope it all go's well for you and that she is able to help you lots. Thank you for the update it is good to know that you are getting some help with things. Take good care:)

[kaudio]

Hello Lifeless, that's great news. Along with your therapist, we're here to help out so keep in touch and take care of yourself!

[Natalie]

Good for you lifeless!!
Also keep us posted on the techniques and tips that you find useful. Many of them will likely benefit others in our community.

[Mark]

Lifeless,

Good news from you, and something to be proud of, given that you are so paralyzed with anxiety - to have made it through the setting up of an appointment and the getting there and the actual appointment itself despite the fear, that is a great and non trivial thing.

that feeling of judgment - that is something you live with all the time, isn't it? I'm not surprised that it is heightened while in your first session with a new therapist, but it is a background constant and part and parcel of how self-judgmental you can be too. So just keep that in mind that that feeling is something that you are bringing to the party wherever you go, and maybe it is easier to tolerate a little bit for being "expected".

Any new therapist will be examining you for a while - that is a normal part of the process of trying to become helpful. S/he needs to understand what the problem is. But it is a benign judgment, more about trying to understand what is happening and not interested in condeming you for anything. So keep that in mind too, please. This is a person who has made a career out of trying to be helpful to others. S/he is not going to reject you, I expect.

Can I ask what some of the judgmental feelings and thoughts were that you experienced? Sometimes they are less upsetting when you write them down and look at them from the outside.

Mark