Frustrated!!!!

[Bear809]

alrighty all, please help me out here! The situation is this. me and this girl have been going out for like all most two years. Broke up, and have been steadly seeing each other more and more again. She has clearly stated that she does not want a relationship. She would consider dating me again. I have been workin on a lot of things in my life, and happy to add things have been going well. Everything has been going great up untill this weekend. We have been spending a lot of time together, sleeping over etc. We love each other very much but there is a massive comminication problem! I need to know if im just stupid or going nuts!

We have been on this track of do what you need to do, type of additude, I have plains to hang out with my family and friends this weekend. I had a notion that something was wrong, and i wanted to invite her to the party but there were a lot of underlining issues, with my parents and her + I had already had plains with my best friend. I got back and all hell broke lose! Her question to me was " why was i not invited, with all that i have been sharing with you, and the feeling that we share, why was i not invited?"

I don't know if i am just retarded and did not see the signs, or i just really needed some time for myself. She clams that i "did not want to ripple the waters between her and my parents". It would have been awsome to have here there.. and i fell crapy that i didnt in the first place. But like i said before, i didnt know were we stood in the relationship! Are we friends, are we dating? should i feel obligated to have invite her? i already feel like a jack ass for not spending yet another holiday with her! grrrr confused! :confused:

[Mark]

Bear,

I don't have time to fully explore these issues just now, but I wanted to respond with something so for now, let me say that it's irrelevant what your dating status is - what is important is that you do not have a mutual understanding of what you are doing with each other, and that is causing pain to both of you. she seems to have expectations that you are not meeting, and is unreasonable of her to expect to read your mind. Vice versa you are clueless too :). So the answer here is going to be communication between you both. But more later when I have a moment to think on this.

Mark

[Mark]

Well - I've had a few days to think on this, and I still don't think you're retarded :D - I just think you're young and inexperienced.

Really, it's not easy to know what it is that you want for yourself or from a partner, and this is especially the case when you are young and inexperienced as you seem to be. So, don't beat yourself up. Rather, use this experience of realizing that your girlfriend/friend got hurt to help make yourself more aware of what her thought process is. Then talk to her about what you've learned and try to draw out her expectations and desires better. There isn't any substitute for talking, although you don't want to make your interaction primarily about talking because that would be too negative

Mark