sudden hit of depression

[trapped]

hello, i am new here, so i dont really know what sort of a response to expect, but i suppose the best i can do is supply you with as much info as possible starting from the beginning, then try to act up on the advise you guys give me!
im a 22 year old woman (studying at university and working).
when i was 16 years old, i was subject to a horrific gang rape, from which i overdosed on pain kills, as my family and i were being threatened (i have much younger siblings), being told that the same would happen to them if i ever told .. hence i felt the need to just escape from life.. i got put on anti depressants (Citalopram)
i moved away from home at the age of 17, to try to escape the place i lived so i didnt have a constant reminder, moving around the country and finally settled and came to university in Birmingham. i have been at university now for 2 years, failing the first year, due to the fact i had a significant death of a close family member which hit me hard.. not i am just passing through the first year that i resat.
i have moved house recently, to a much smaller, unattractive house, where there are rats in the garden and swarms of flies coming under the floor and out through the hole in the lamiate flooring where the gas pipe for the fire leads. i live with 2 other students, of which one is my good friend, although she is selfish and gets aggressive about things, the other is not such a good friend, but i get along with him, even though he is incredibly strange and irritates me often. the house was unfurnished, so alone i decorated the house and collected various pieces of furniture to make the house livable and nice for myself, to which went unappreciated by them.
the area we have moved to is very rough, and im constantly paranoid about getting broken into, or the fact that the house is dirty (because of flies and rats) i dont like to step out of the house, as it reminds me of being back with my family, the areas are very simliar, i get really scared so easily, i never used to be like this, ive always been strong and not afraid of people, i thought my life was moving on, but it seems i feel completely trapped where i am now, since i have a 6 month contract on the house, i doubt i can leave. i dont know what to do. all i feel is that im completely trapped and i cant see a way out. im at the point where i dont even want to get out of bed in the morning, ive stopped eating, due to the paranoia about the flies, im just feeling utterly terrible. :confused::(:confused::confused:

[Natalie]

Hello Trapped-
Welcome to the community. Thanks for sharing your story. You have survived a horrific experience (a gang rape) that must have been quite awful. I suspect that you might have several different issues going on. People who have been raped sometimes develop PostTraumatic Stress Disorder, which is a type of anxiety disorder that involves flashbacks, avoiding reminders of the incident, and an exaggerated startle response. People with PTSD often also have associated mental health issues, such as depression and/or other types of anxiety disorders.
Have you seen a mental health professional? Are you able to access counseling? PTSD is a disorder that is not particularly amenable to medications. It can take the edge of the anxiety symptoms, but you really need to work through your other symptoms with a trained mental health professional.

[ASchwartz]

Hello Trapped,

Welcome to our community. I will be the first to respond but I hope many others will join in with support and suggestions.

It is possible that you are experiencing depression and it is also possible that you are experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I know that the assault and rape occurred a few years ago but PTSD often takes some time to fully assert itself.

Now, this does not mean that I am dismissing your living situation. The place where you live and the environment sounds awful. I realize that you probably have a lease however, leases can be gotten out of. For example, if you can find someone who wants to take over your part of the lease you can move out. Naturally, you need to find another and better place to live. Another idea is to have your roommates take over your part of the lease or they may friends who want to move in.

Because you are a university student you can go to the student health center where I am sure there is a mental health department. You can explain your symptoms and problems. They will do an evaluation and recommend a course of action: either medication or counseling or both. I suggest you take this route as there is no charge because you are a student on the campus.

In any case, there is no feeling worse than helplessness. It seems as though that is what you are feeling. You need to take some positive steps, like those I have suggested and there are other ideas, so that you can improve the way you are living.

I look forward to your response, hope that you can tell us more about your self and I hope others will respond to your posting.

Allan :)

[trapped]

hey,
today after i read your post, i got out of my bed and went to Nando's with a friend to try to lift my spirits, then when i got home, i cleaned the flies up, filled any holes they may have been coming from and cleaned the down stairs of the house! i feel a little better for it, but i am still paranoid about the house being dirty.
I have seeked medical advice before, not that it did much good, i also saw a psychiatrist, who seemed more interested in me having family councilling than just one to one, i think i needed the one to one confidental chats with someone then, i needed to open my heart and my head and i was let down by the british NHS, now.. i am fairly pesimistic about the treatment they will be able to offer me, but i guess trying wont hurt.
if im honest, ive been thinking terrible thoughts over the last few days, ive been thinking about suicide again... i tell my boyfriend how i feel about myself and my life.. and that im so unhappy.. but it just gets him down too.. so now ive resorted to holding in my emotions, which i suppose is possibly the worst thing i could do. i know im very stressed about lots of things, but i just dont understand why i often find myself in such a paranoid panic.:confused:

[Kalima]

Dear Trapped,

I'm in the UK too and I don't much like the NHS, I'm pretty sure it works but it is slow and most of us need help fast.

You can see a private councilor for from about £40/hour and once you find one you like it's pretty good. I like to be able to expel the thoughts in my head without having to confont the causes and I'm now seeing somone who I can do that with.

From what I've read (mostly on here) CBT (cognative behavioural thepapy) is one of the sugested couses of treatment for depression & anxiety (which your symptoms could be).

Try doing an internet search for councilors/therapists in your area and see what you can find. Birmingham is a huge place I'm sure you will be able to get the help you need. Don't give up.

(Also you will likly find that activity - going to Nando's/cleaning etc - will make you feel better - something to do with umm seratoning production I think :s I might not have been paying enough attention)

All the best.

Kali x