mscat
08-26-2008, 05:21 PM
Hello,
Self injury has been a in my life for over half my life. I've done this to myself off and on for years. AND suffered from an eating disorder for 8 of those yrs. Which became severe as well. right now, I am heavy. I have been either way too thin or too fat. I guess eating disorders can be a form of self injury too.
I do not cut much though . I si through burning. The burns are typically that of 2nd degree . However, I've severely burned myself too. The severe burns have caused the most damage. I've had many skin graphs and Hosptializations in the burn unit, in the last couple of years. i have lost mobility in one hand and wrist area , but, was told I may have lost my right hand .
When I do that kind of Self injury i am in such a state of despair and am disconnected from myself and around me. Then I just act upon it, i want to feel real or at least something other then numbness.
It starts with stress, and builds up from there. I now try and tell myself, that I can burn to the 2nd degree on my arm, and advoid the worse type of burning.
It has become too easy to SI, and unfortunately, I can tolerate more and more pain, in order to get the same results.
IT is quite like an emotional high afterwards . Even though it is temporary, the relief is great. I do not advocate any type of SI. Most people do not hurt themselves like this. I even feel quite different from what others experience from self injury. It is not the same for everyone.
I do not feel addicted either. But, have faced terrible consequences to my behavior.
I do not know if it makes a difference, however, i have been labeled as Borderline Personality Disorder, and Clinical Depreesion. I am on Full Disability because of all these things. :(
Self injury has been a in my life for over half my life. I've done this to myself off and on for years. AND suffered from an eating disorder for 8 of those yrs. Which became severe as well. right now, I am heavy. I have been either way too thin or too fat. I guess eating disorders can be a form of self injury too.
I do not cut much though . I si through burning. The burns are typically that of 2nd degree . However, I've severely burned myself too. The severe burns have caused the most damage. I've had many skin graphs and Hosptializations in the burn unit, in the last couple of years. i have lost mobility in one hand and wrist area , but, was told I may have lost my right hand .
When I do that kind of Self injury i am in such a state of despair and am disconnected from myself and around me. Then I just act upon it, i want to feel real or at least something other then numbness.
It starts with stress, and builds up from there. I now try and tell myself, that I can burn to the 2nd degree on my arm, and advoid the worse type of burning.
It has become too easy to SI, and unfortunately, I can tolerate more and more pain, in order to get the same results.
IT is quite like an emotional high afterwards . Even though it is temporary, the relief is great. I do not advocate any type of SI. Most people do not hurt themselves like this. I even feel quite different from what others experience from self injury. It is not the same for everyone.
I do not feel addicted either. But, have faced terrible consequences to my behavior.
I do not know if it makes a difference, however, i have been labeled as Borderline Personality Disorder, and Clinical Depreesion. I am on Full Disability because of all these things. :(