Anxiety State, Never Been As Bad. [Archive]

paula

09-01-2008, 04:00 PM

Hi

I posted a thread last week about increased dose on Medication and it's affects.

For all you who never seen this thread. I had been taken Mertazapine 30mg for the last 17 months. After seeing my Psychiatrist 3 wks ago, he decided to increase the dose to maximum strength to 45mg.

To cut a long story short. The increased dose was having affects on me, at the wrong time of the day, so I made an Appointment to see my G.P once again, to try and sort these issues.

Now I will start: I attended my doctor's appointment this morning, as arranged. I suffer with Anxiety bad and panic attacks. After working up my anxiety this morning, to go and see my doctor. Something strange happened. Something happened, that has never happened to me before, and it was quite frightening!

I walked in and sat down. By this time the sweat was literally, pouring off me. It has never been this bad before. I tried to relax, but found it impossible. Then to make it worst, I started to get a paranoia on me. Thinking that the doctor was looking at me all the time. Thinking that he was trying to read my thoughts!

I don't know what had come over me? I can't explain it. But my body started shaking. Not visibly, but I could feel it. I then started worrying, thinking all sort's of thing's.

The doctor asked, 'what the problem was'? I looked at him and couldn't answer him. He asked me again 'What do I want to see him about'? I just looked at him and tried to speak but nothing came out! I tried again, and still nothing. By this time I was feeling like the anxious state had taken over my body. I didn't know what to do? Which way to turn? I didn't want to make it look like I was drawing attention on myself. That was the last thing I needed at this present time.

Eventually, I started to take deep breaths, to try and calm the situation down. As I tried to talk, my voice just started to quiver (shake) and by the time, I pulled myself together a bit, and it was only a bit. My mind went blank. I forgot what I had gone to see him for. Which drew more attention to myself which made the situation worst still.

By this time, the sweat was pumping out of me that much that my neck, chest, face, head, and hair was dripping. Alls I wanted to do then was get out of there. I just wanted to go, so as not to cause myself any more embarrassment, than I already had.

The doctor just sat there throughout my ordeal and never said a word.

I couldn't take it any longer. I just got up, appologised, saying that I had to go! I couldn't even look at him. I practically ran out of the surgery, not even looking back, and didn't stop till I reached my car. I drove off like a lunatic. I just couldn't wait till I got away from there as far as I could.

After getting home in one piece, How? I don't know! I eventually started to relax.

The problem is: I went to see my doctor over the increase dose of my medication and the affects that I was experiencing. But never even got the chance to explain, with what had happened.

To think of it now. I don't think that I can show my face in there again after what had happened. I have NEVER, EVER, been as bad as that.

I am back to square one again! But my problem is, That I've only got enough tablets to last me till the end of the week and that is only the 30mg and not the 45mg as my Psychiatrist had prescribed me, and just don't know what to do?

I am more bothered about the harm it will do me if I don't have my Med's. The last time, I tried to commit suicide By taking an overdose. Not much of a problem me doing that again is there? Not even got the tablet's to try it with? But going of the state I was in 3wks ago, very depressed and down, even suicidal thoughts crossing my mind. That's why my Psychiatrist had increased the dose from 30mg to 45mg, and that was with the tablets.

I REALLY NEED HELP HERE AND FAST! I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO?

Please don't ask me to go back up to my doctor's, because I can't do that. Not yet! I'm panicking now! Thinking what's going to happen to me!

This whole experience has really frightened me, and I mean terrified me. I don't know what happened to me in the doctor's. Why I reacted like that? But I can tell you something, I DON'T EVER, EVER WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN! AS LONG AS I LIVE!

Paula:eek:

Mark

09-01-2008, 11:54 PM

Paula,

It's not possible to say what is causing your enhanced panic/anxiety reaction - it might be a reaction to this medication, or the intimidation factor of being in front of your doctor, or other things, or whatever. However, it is a good idea to find a way to communicate with your doctor about your anxiety as he ought to know so as to evaluate whether it could be due to the medication.

That must have been humiliating that feeling of not being able to answer and the doctor not saying anything. but maybe there is a way to communicate with the doctor - via email or through a letter you put in the mail or the telephone - so that you can let him know what is going on. I'm sure he didn't understand what you were going through. It may seem like its obvious but it isn't - and people can't read your mind even though you think you must be broadcasting your fear it's not always clear to people (and doctors are people).

Do you think you can write a letter or something like that? Avoiding this thing, though that is probably what you feel like doing, is not the best way to handle it.

Mark

nightfalls

09-02-2008, 09:39 AM

Hey Paula,

I can relate I've had some of those extream anxiety attacks, it completely is overwhelming on a extream level:eek: sorry you had to endure that, and unfortunatly not getting not anything out of the whole ordeal. I so feel for your situation.

Now pardon my forgetfulness, but where you already taking the 45 for awhile? mabe is it a bit of a withdrawl thing now if you are only taking 30?? when I lowered my dose once I felt really off. I also had the most highest attack the very first time I tryed a medication but that stopped as I guess I got used to the med. Med's are kinda freaky, sorry to say, but I know they are important, but you have to see your Dr. You don't really want to mess with the dose's or even stopping abruptly because then you are going to mabe have a worse side effect. That is why the dr. needs to see you to check for this stuff. Can you call the GP to tell the message because I don't think it is clear if you need the 30mg or the 45mg is it? you probibly need somthing and if you leave it are you going to be out of any of it? that would not be good, mood or anxiety wise. :confused:

Do you have any close people someone that could call for you, go with or for you to tell the GP what is up. I'd call for you but you know I'm about half way around the world you know...:D sorry trying to be light....mabe if they could do this for you then it would be a big help...If you don't mabe if a call won't work you could drop a letter or just hand it to him and leave again.. or what about the phamacy can they call it in for you...

hope some of this helps, and you are able to get this staighted out, please take care.;)

paula

09-02-2008, 11:32 AM

Thank you Mark & Forgeting for replying to my post. My heads been in a turmoil today, as you can imagine! I don't know if I'm coming or going? If you know what I mean? I know what I mean, I just hope you know what I mean?

There I go again, chatting garbage. Sorry! It's just the way that this whole incident has got to me! I can't even think straight!

Forgeting, you mention the dose increase. Come to think of it, This has come on since I started taking the 45mg, 3wks ago. I know I suffered bad before, but honestly, It frightened me. I have never experienced anything like this before and I don't intend experiencing it again!

I have always had MAJOR FEAR'S on attending Appointment's. No matter who these Appointment's are with? The feeling that I get. I don't know what to do for the best.

I don't want to go into one of my Manic episodes. I hate having these episodes at the best of times. Now my thought's and worries are going to be about if & when this manic Depression occurs, Which will be not to long, the way I'm carrying on. I've NEVER MISSED my Meds since being put on them. I've had them changed, but even then, I didn't go through what I have just gone through!

Mark, to be honest, I think it's a brilliant idea, to try another form of communication, but I cannot do it by telephone. To be honest, I don't know whether I can face him again after what happened? If and when I do? I will be more worried about the situation arising again. Is it me? Is it these negative thoughts I keep getting. You can be honest with me Mark. Is it just me who's an head the ball or what?

Yes! It was very humiliating for me. But the worst of it is, is trying to come to term's with what happened, and why? You do know that this thing is going to haunt me for a long time! It's something that I'm likely not to forget in a hurry! What do you say?

The thing that is on my mind now is: With this thing happening to me like it did, do you think it could have something to do with the changes in dose of the medication? The reason that I ask is: That going from 30mg, which I had been taking for 13 months to taking 45mg for 3wks to going back to 30mg for a week, continuous, without a break, will it be doing me more harm than good?

I know my heads wrecked at the mo, but I don't want to cause more problem's to add to the problem's that I've already got, in the way that I'm
taking these Med's. Am I making sense! With what has just gone on, I don't want to leave my body with not taking anything at all, because I fear what will happen if I do?

Ooh! I don't know how to handle this, honestly! The more I think about it, the more worked up and stressed I feel!

PLEASE HELP! Put yourself in my position. What would you do?

Paula :eek:

nightfalls

09-02-2008, 05:00 PM

Hey Paula,

Ok I gotta say if I was in this situation I'd have to go back to the Dr and basically bare it in the extream anxiety with the knowing that doing this in HIGH HOPES would HELP me in the long run because...

1-the dr would SEE the extream state you are in
2-you could get whatever dose is needed
3-not going would mean letting your state get worse, and risk the unknown

I think you should right a note to the DR telling this situation, and how you basically can't "talk" and basically feel like crap in these settings and you just need his help. I think I'd just pull whatever I have left, walk in the office, hand it to him, and then basically let what ever happens happen.

I know this sucks but really if you NEED medication then you I don't think have much choice other then risking a relapse big time, then that would still suck because then you might need a hospital and again that would probibly be EXTREAM ANXIETY and you might need to talk to 3-5 Dr's :eek:

I have been in a similar delema and so I am thinking of this when telling you my opinion, but this is just my thoughts and really you just need to take care and do what you can...
:)

nightfalls

09-02-2008, 05:02 PM

oops double posted it..

paula

09-03-2008, 06:39 AM

Awe Thanks Forgeting, for your concern, and you too Mark.

I have been thinking of this situation non stop since I walked out on my doctor and I understand where your coming from. Really, I do! But you try telling my brain/body that, It just chooses to get all worked up!

Thinking of all the option's that I'm faced with, I can only think of the one that will mostly agree. That one being, to make a fresh Appointment, as I'm going to need some Med's before the week is out but, to try and save myself yet more humiliation, and write a letter like you suggested, and to pass it to him on my arrival. Then alls I can do is, go from there.

I've thought this through and through and can't seem to get my head round it! What is puzzling me the most is: why did my doctor just sit there looking at me when he knows the state that I get in every time I attend one of his appointment's? Furthermore, why did he ask me twice, why, I was there? Obviously, I'm there because I have to be there. He knows what I suffer with, so why did he have to humiliate me like he did. I just can't understand the Mentality of some of these doctor's, now a day's.

Do you know, I'm sat here now on my computer, replying to your post and saying what I am and what I am not going to do, regarding to see my doctor, but it's easier said than done, isn't it?

Cheers anyway!

Paula x:rolleyes:

ASchwartz

09-04-2008, 09:45 AM

Hi Paula,

You ask the very question I have been asking since I read your posts: Why did your Doctor just sit there? I have also wondered whether or not he called you. I do not know your doctor and have no way of knowing his thinking but I am surprised and a little troubled by the fact that he started you on a new medication and, when you come in and are agitated, he says noting and does not even call you back to see how you are.

You have options:

1. Choose a new doctor
2. Call and talk to him on the telephone
3. Get a consult with a doctor to get another opinion

There are probably other options but one thing you must do is stop criticizing your self. You have Nothing to be ashamed about. Like I have reminded patients before, we go to the doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist or otherwise, because we have symptoms, not because we do not have symptoms.

Its like one patient told me a long time ago: "I will go to the psychiatrist when I feel better!!!" No, we go now, when we feel bad. I do not go then I am over a chest congestion, I go now, when I am sick.

Also, regardless of your diagnosis, medication by itself is not the answer. It is the combination of medicine with Psychotherapy that works best. You should think about entering therapy to further help yourself.

Allan

Allan:)

paula

09-04-2008, 01:21 PM

Hi Forgeting, Mark, Allan and whoever,

I just thought I'd let you know that I took a big step today.

I plucked up all my courage and telephoned my Doctor's Surgery yesterday and made an Appointment, to see a doctor today, this morning.

As I sat there this morning, after not getting a wink of sleep, Which I expected! I couldn't help but think if I had done the right thing, in making this appointment. I knew I had to, but I kept thinking that the longer I put off making this appointment, the longer I have to try and gain the confidence to go and see him. Knowing fine well that I only had till Friday anyway!

I was a bag of nerves. Very agitated, couldn't sit still, and yet again, my Anxiety getting the better of me. I kept trying to think of the sound of the sea. Why the sea, I don't know? I think it was to try and calm the state I was in.

What I did do though, was to prepare and draught up a letter to my doctor. I knew I couldn't go through the same scenario as I did on Monday. I explained in this letter:

1 - the increase in dose of my medication, and it's affects.
2 - the state that I had gotten into.
3 - why I had got in that state?
4 - the humiliation I felt in front of the doctor.
5 - why had the doctor just sat there when he knew what I was
diagnosed with?
6 - why was I always getting into this state, before any
appointment's.

Basically, what I went on Monday for.

With it being a Surgery, I'd already asked to see a different doctor which I thought, wouldn't be to bad.

Finally, I managed to get up there, with all the worrying and stress that I'd accumulated on the way. My Son had drove me there and had already explained to the receptionist my fear's. She came out to the car when it was my turn to see the doctor, which saved me further stress on waiting in the waiting area.

I was coping. Just about!

I entered his room and handed him the letter that I had previously drafted up. As I sat there waiting for him to read the letter, I could feel myself getting in a state. The time it took for him to read my letter, must of been a couple of minutes, but it felt like the longest time that I have had to wait for anything. Seriously! My Heart was pounding! I could even hear it beating very loud in my ear's! The sweat was literally dripping from me. I kept trying to move my thought's to something with a more relaxed feeling.

After reading my letter. He suggested that I transfered to a different Anti-Depressant Medication. He implied, that for him to see if the Mertazapine was doing me any good, he wanted me to come off them to see if I was any different. He told me that I couldn't just stop the Mertazapine over night because of the withdrawal symptom's that I would experience, and my body's dependency on this drug.

He asked me to have a 45mg dose every other night for a week. Then to start the 30mg dose, and do the same with that for a week. Then,for me to have no Mertazapine for a week and to call back and see him. All's I'd be taking is my other medication, Diazapam 10mg x4 times a day, and Dicloflex 50mg x3 times a day. So I wouldn't be taking any Anti-Depressants, at all!

I am very reluctant to do this, as it wasn't long ago that I was still experiencing Suicidal thought's! That was one of the reason's why my Psychiatrist had increased the dose in the first place. However, he did state that if I did have these re-occurring Suicidal thought's, then I was to go back on the full dose of Mertazapine and make an appointment to see him.

All the other point's that I had written in my letter, regarding the event's leading up to me attending these appointment's. He said that it all cohered with my Manic Depression and not to worry!

By this time I'd had enough! I just wanted to get out of there! I already felt like I'd over-stopped my welcome!

The thing is, without this medication of a night time, I know That I've got no chance of sleeping. When I went in Hospital the first time, my Psychiatrist stopped my medication completely for Five day's, because I broke out in bruising & swelling all over my leg's, and he didn't know which medication was doing this. Also, I had to have blood test and a scan on just one of my legs to test for D.V.T which came back fine.

I never slept a wink, in those five day's. I don't know why, well I do. It may sound strange, but I felt that I couldn't sleep, wouldn't sleep, didn't want to sleep, frightened to sleep, in case I didn't wake up! I really fought to keep my eye's awake! I can't explain what I felt, but I knew that I wasn't to fall asleep.

An other thing that worry's me is: It's alright the doctor saying, for me to come off my anti-depressants so he can see if they have done me any good or not, but what about me in all this? What about the way I feel? isn't he supposed to communicate with my Psychiatrist first, by way of means in a phone call?

I am frightened to death that I'm going to fall into that Suicidal mode again. Which I've got a strong feeling that I will. I know I'm not myself to begin with, and the stress and worry doesn't help my depressive state, only making matter's worst!

I really don't know what to do for the best now? I honestly don't know if my body is up to this or not? Not to mention my mind! Could you please advise me or give me any suggestion's? A.S.A.P. it would be very much appreciated.

Thank you.

Paula x:eek:

Natalie

09-05-2008, 08:18 AM

Hi Paula-
I am trying to sort out all of the info here, so bear with me.
I am not sure what you mean when you use the term "surgery" as you did in your post, so that may be part of the problem.

If I understand correctly, you went back and saw a different primary care doc as opposed to seeing your usual psychiatrist (per your request).
This primary care doc that you met with wants to take you off your antidepressant to see if it is causing a problem (extreme anxiety).
You are very worried about being completely off any antidepressant meds.

Okay, so, first, if you are uncomfortable with this new doctor's recommendation, you could get a second opinion from yet another doctor. Or, you could ask whether your typical psychiatrist agrees with this approach. Neither of these options is likely to be easy for you, since you have a lot of stress/anxiety caused by going to the doctor. I wonder if any of this could be accomplished by a phone call/email message?

Or, another choice is to recognize that this might indeed be stressful (decreasing and stopping the med), but that you are willing to give it a shot because the alternative (having these extreme anxiety spells) is worse. There is absolutely no reason why, if you start to feel out of control or suicidal, that you need to get all the way to the complete absence of the medication before asking for more help. In other words, if you start feeling really bad as you are going down on the dose, you could call the dr then, rather than waiting until the end of a week on no antidepressant.

In my opinion, in theory, this does make sense. It is difficult to tell whether a med is helping or harming without decreasing it and/or getting rid of it. However, I can COMPLETELY understand why you would be worried.

To help you cope with this period, could you make some visits to a psychotherapist? He or she could help you come up with a plan to deal with your changing moods, thoughts, etc. during this time period.

paula

09-05-2008, 01:52 PM

Hi Natalie

Cheers for getting back to me. You don't know how much of a relief it was when I saw your post?

First: What I meant by surgery was, A doctor's practice. At my doctor's surgery, there are six doctor's that all practice under the same roof. So it is sometimes called a Medical practice (doctor's surgery).

When you phone to make an appointment, you are allocated one of these doctor's, unless you specifically ask to see a certain doctor. Then you could be waiting week's to see the doctor of your choice. The only way you can get to see doctor, within the day's that you require, is by accepting to see any doctor and not having any preference. Am I making sense?

After what happened on my first visit, I had to pluck up enough courage, to phone my doctor's surgery (medical practice) to re-arrange a fresh appointment. Only, because I knew that the medication that I had left was not going to last me, otherwise I wouldn't of bothered! Because I needed to see a doctor urgently, the Receptionist booked me in to see a different doctor. Otherwise I could of been waiting over a week to get in to see the same doctor that I seen on my first visit. Not that I wanted to see him anyway! Do you understand where I'm coming from now?

I don't know whether you are aware but in the UK, where ever you live, there will be one of these medical practice's, run by the NHS (national health service). Unless you go private! The doctor's that practice in these medical practice's, are primary care doctor's. Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Psychotherapist etc, are known as specialist doctor's, and for you to see one of these specialist doctor's, you have to be referred from the primary care doctor's first, so there is a long waiting list to see them. Also, these primary care doctor's, only refer you if they think there is no other option at getting you back on the road to recovery. So basically, they will not refer you if they don't think that you need the treatment. No matter how much pain you are in. So if you are under a Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Psychotherapist, or are waiting to see, then take it that you are in need of urgent help, because that is the only way you are going to get to see one of these specialist doctor's.

Take me for instance. Even though I was suffering with depression, and I felt that I was at rock bottom, and my doctor knew that. I tried to commit suicide, because of the way that I was feeling, that ended up me being taken by ambulance to a medical emergency unit for three day's. I didn't even know that three day's had been and gone, because I was out of it (unconscious). When I woke up, they had me transferred to a Psychiatric ward for two weeks, where I cried my eye's out to go home for them full two week's, and they wouldn't let me. They never sectioned me but said that I was unstable to go home, in them two week's, and wanted to carry out further test.

It was only when I came home that after having the Crisis Resolution Team, come and visit me AM & PM for two week's, following my discharge from hospital, that they allocated me a Psychiatrist. I had to attend appointment's with him, twice a week for the first six week of being discharged, then once a week for a further six week, then every month. and now I see him every couple of month's. I did ask to be discharged from my Psychiatrist for good, but they wouldn't do that as they said that even though I am better of late, I am not stable enough to give them reason to discharge me. Also, because I am still on medication for my symptom's, until I come off the medication for good, which they have informed me, will not be for a long time if any, then I will carry on seeing my Psychiatrist until then. so you have to be on death's door before you are referred to see a specialist doctor.

So it was my primary care doctor who has decided to wean me of my medication, and not my Psychiatrist! This is why I ask that are they allowed to make these decision's without my Psychiatrist even having knowledge of what this doctor is doing. The problem is that the patient, does not get a contact number to get in touch with the Psychiatrist direct, it is all done through the medical practice and their doctor's. My appointment to see my Psychiatrist next is 29 November 2008, 12 week's away. I only seen him the other week and why it's that long is that he will be away for a month on holiday.

You mention a Psychotherapist. Natalie could you please explain what you mean by a Psychotherapist. My understanding of a Psychotherapist is, someone who helps you back to recovery after you have suffered a trauma to your muscles, bones, ligament's, hamstring's etc. Believe it or not, I am actually under a Physiotherapist for my back after being involved in a RTA. Or is that different? I don't know?

I am waiting to see a Psychologist that my Psychiatrist has referred me to, but haven't got the appointment through yet! and I've been waiting nearly two month's up to now. Could you please explain why my Psychiatrist has referred me to see a Psychologist, as well as keep seeing him? Will it have anything to do with the fact that my memory has deteriorated very badly since suffering with this manic depression. I even had a MRI Scan but the doctor's just said that the result from that was fine, end off!

I have kept on taking my medication up to now and have not missed any as the doctor advised me too. I have just been taking the 30mg and not the 45mg, as I was finding that the 45mg was monging me out throughout the day. I was walking around like a Zombie! If you think of it, I would be won't I if I'm still taking Diazapam 10mg 4x times a day and Dicloflex 50mg 3x times a day.

I'm still back to square one! What should I do? I feel like I've jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire! meaning that I went to see my doctor and the un-mentionable happened! So then after getting myself all worked up to see a different doctor, he want's to take me off them all together (anti-depressants). So I don't know which is worst!

PLEASE! PLEASE! Try and advise of what to do? I'm at a very low here, racking my brains out at what to do? I feel more humiliated now than I did before, because I thought that by seeing a different doctor, I would be seeing someone who might consider my needs for a change, but it looks like this was not meant to be!

Paula :confused:

paula

09-06-2008, 06:53 AM

Can anyone please advise on the previous post. Desperately waiting on reply!

Paula:(

Kay_J

09-06-2008, 12:02 PM

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paula

09-06-2008, 01:36 PM

Hi Kay

Thank you very much for your reply. I'm glad someone did? I've just about bit through all my skin on my thumb's, and am just going through to the flesh! It's a filthy habit that I've accumulated over the year's, that really seems to bother me when I'm worried and stressed out! Which I am.

Cheers for the info regarding the difference between a Psychotherapist and a Psysiotherapist.

To be honest, I think I understand you but it's all this hearing about different form of therapy's and what they can do to help you. I haven't got a clue, what one therapy involves to another. No one has ever explained this to me so when they go on about various therapies and their meaning and understanding's, I'm still clueless?

Even though I've been through what I have. No doctor, Psychiatrist or anyone else, has ever mentioned any of these therapies and their benefit's. Forgive me but, I think I was last in the Que, when they was handing out the Brain's.

I'm still no better off at what to do? But your information has been brilliant! Thanks again. If you come across anything else that you might think would benefit me, please don't hesitate to pass on.

Paula x :confused:

Kay_J

09-07-2008, 01:26 PM

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paula

09-07-2008, 01:33 PM

Hi Kay

Ha! I know my location's brill, isn't it just!

Forgot to mention with my location, I was born in a strawberry field also Ha!

You've lost me on your last post? Sorry! But I don't understand where your coming from? Hope it's not in the same strawberry field that I originated from Ha!

Paula x :D

ASchwartz

09-08-2008, 06:53 AM

Hi Paula,

To clarify, a psychotherapist is a clinical social worker, or clinical psychologist or psychiatrist who allows people to talk about their problems while listening carefully. How does this help?

Well, the psychotherapist can give advice or make recommendations. On the other hand, there are types of psychotherapy that a psychotherapist can use to help a patient learn to control their emotions and their ways of thinking.

I like Natalie's suggestion that, in addition to seeing a psychiatrist, you see a psychotherapist who can help you deal with your emotions. By the way, most psychiatrists today do not use psychotherapy and only use medications.

This is just an opinion and I do not know if I am corrrect or not but it seems to me that you have too many doctors involved with your case. It is always important to have a psychiatrist you can trust and relate to. The one psychiatrist you have talked about you did not feel comfortable with. You need one you can feel good about. The other medical doctors should not be involved with your psychiatric treatment.

So, my opinion comes down to: 1. A psychiatrist you feel good about and 2. A clinical psychologist or clinical social worker who can help you understand and learn to control your emotions.

Allan

paula

09-08-2008, 08:38 AM

Hi Allan

Thank you very much for getting back to me.

I fully agree with what your saying regarding, there being to many doctor's involved.

I have a doctor at my medical practice, who would be known to you as a Physician. A Psychiatrist, A Psysiotherapist and I have been referred to see a Psychologist, which I havn't met yet! I'm still waiting for the appointment to arrive.

It's the Physician who is trying to wean me off my Anti-depressant's, to see if they are doing me any good or not?

It's my Psychiatrist who has put me on the Anti-depressant's in the first place, and is unaware that my Physician is trying to wean me of my Anti-depressant's.

It's my Psysiotherapist that I see on a weekly basis. He has nothing to do with my Mental Health problem's. I recieve acopuncture on my back, following a RTA that I was involved in, in May of this year 2008.

It's the Psychologist that I'm waiting to get an Appointment to go and see, that my Physician has arranged.

Does this make sense! Do you understand what I mean? I can understand why your confused?

You are right by what your saying regarding my Psychiatrist. I get treated by medication's like you say!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but where the Psychologist comes in, are you saying that he will deal with my emotion's? My way of thinking? So in other word's, he will deal with my mood swing's, what's on my mind, why these thought's are on my mind, what can be done to try and prevent these thought's from re-occuring on my mind. Have I got that right?

You mention that I was not able to feel comfortable with my Psychiatrist. No! I did not feel comfortable with my Physician. I could agree with the Psychiatrist as well. I get the same feeling's with all of them really. I see my Psychiatrist the least among any of them.

Regarding way's to deal with my emotion's, I have never had anyone, try and explain about various way's of dealing with these issues. I have been seeing my Physician all my life. A Psychiatrist that I have been seeing since June/July 2007. A Psyiotherapist since June of this Year 2008, and am yet to meet my Psychologist.

This is why I am so frustrated when you mention al these different kind's of therapies. I don't know there meaning's.

Paula. :confused:

paula

09-09-2008, 01:34 PM

Do you know what really pisses me off about this site! When you go through the trouble to write a post, asking for advice, and the administrator's & moderator answer your post with a view to carry on...... You read what they have advised, and answer their post with either a follow up or needing more advice...... You then look forward to their reply, only to be waiting in LIMBO!!!!

I had written a post at the end of last week which took me a lot of time and effort, asking for advice. Not to mention PRIDE! And what do you get, but an open reply..... Or that's what it looks like to me? What I mean by an open reply is: someone who has answered your post, however, mean to carry on when you have replied!

They think by answering your first post, then they've done their bit? But if they was to take the time to follow up what you have answered, then they would see that we are, more often than not, relying on a further reply and advice, on what our next step's are to be?

A lot of us on this site look up to these people..... They are professional's when all's said and done...... We ask their advice, or opinion because we feel that we need their advice or opinion on some of these Taboo subject's......

The moderator and administrator's are supposed to give a good example!!! Well if this is how you encourage people, by leaving them in chicken limbo..... I'm sorry I bothered!

This is a MENTAL HELP SITE! You ask for help and advice, and what do you get? IGNORED!!!!

We all know that you are all busy, but if your not going to follow on with what you started..... then I'd rather none of you..... answered any of my post in future!

FROM A WELL AND TRULY PISSED OFF WOMAN!!!!

Paula. :mad:

Mark

09-10-2008, 12:15 AM

Paula,

Honest, we're not trying to torture you. There are other things happening in our lives which make it such that we cannot check in on these boards all the time. This is not a therapy or medical situation where there is an appointment in a book somewhere that you can expect someone to keep. We get to this as we are able, and most of the time, we are able but some of the time we are not. Please consider this when you are feeling a little calmer.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but where the Psychologist comes in, are you saying that he will deal with my emotion's? My way of thinking? So in other word's, he will deal with my mood swing's, what's on my mind, why these thought's are on my mind, what can be done to try and prevent these thought's from re-occuring on my mind. Have I got that right?

This is more or less right. All of these doctors are trying to help you manage your mood swings. The psychologist will do so without using medications, however. Instead of medications, he or she will be helping you by talking with you. What you talk about depends very much on the type of therapy that the psychologist will offer. There are a few different kinds, unfortunately, and I don't know what sort you are going to be offered. Cognitive therapy, for example, is designed to help you become more aware of waht you are thinking, and to look at those thoughts and the beliefs that drive them in a critical, careful way so that you don't just believe them just because, but instead, look for the evidence that suggests that those beliefs are true. If you can get rid of a few beliefs that aren't true that you thought were true, that can take some of the pressure off you and you'll tend to feel less anxious. This is a crappy explaination of the process, but trust me that it can work.

What might be a better sort of anxiety treatment for you is called exposure therapy, and there are a few different kinds of that. the basic idea is that when you are afraid of stuff, you avoid it, and by avoiding stuff, you don't get to learn when those things you think are dangerous really aren't. So exposure therapy helps you not avoid the things you are fearful and anxious about, but does so in a manner that is safe.

Hope this helps you.

paula

09-10-2008, 02:43 AM

Hi Mark

Thank you for getting back to me so prompt!

I understand that your busy and I mentioned that, in my previous post. But you of all people, should also understand the position that we are in?

We come on this site for an opinion, and a bit of advice on the problem's that we are facing, not to be ignored! I also understand what you are saying, that this site doesn't work on an Appointment system. But like I mentioned previously, it has took a lot of pride to come out and share our problem's with you. The least you could do is acknowledge that you and your administrators, have at least looked at our post and will get back to us, as and when able?

You don't even have to write your acknowledgment reply in a follow up post, you could always send us a private message/e-mail and then we would at least know that were not getting ignored! Also, then we will understand!

I'm sorry if I was extremely robust, but you can see where I'm coming from? The post in mention, you will find that I was having a difficult time with, and was so looking forward to a reply. You can't begin to imagine, what stressful, anxious state, I had gotten myself into, not to mention the thought's that was going through my head at this time! Everything had built up with the past event's of that week, and I felt that I had no where to turn in these desperate times. This is where I came to the site for help!

I just had to get everything off my chest once and for all, and it's just unfortunate that you copped for it! SORRY!

Paula :o

ASchwartz

09-10-2008, 04:15 AM

Paula,

Your anger is OK and no need to apologize, at least not to me. I can see where you have been extremely frustrated especially by the inability of the professionals to get you some well deserved relief from symptoms. I hope Mark has clarified for you and that it makes more sense.

Please let us know how you continue to fare and do not shy away from expressing your frustrations to us. We have big shoulders.

Allan

Natalie

09-10-2008, 10:17 AM

Hi Paula-

I assume your post was directed at me not responding to you more quickly, since I was the one who had asked you some questions. So, I sincerely apologize for not getting back to you faster.

As Mark said, this community is but one component of our jobs, and we try as best as humanly possible to get back to members. However, other duties do creep in, and we do not profess to be "on call" all of the time. Sometimes there will be a delay between when you post and when we comment. Please also understand that there are time differences for all of us that may make it seem like we are ignoring you when we really aren't.

Early this week, I had some intermittent Internet problems from construction on our street such that my computer kept losing the connection. Unfortunately, when that happens and I get logged out of the community, it's easy to overlook new posts that need responded to. If I overlooked your post in the process, I am very sorry. I was certainly not intending to downplay your anxiety, importance, or anything of the sort.

So, several people have responded to your question, and here seems to be the summary:

You need to communicate with the psychiatrist to fix the med situation.
You need to work with a psychologist to help deal with your thoughts and feelings.
You also need someone to coordinate all of these professionals that are involved in your care.

Does that make sense?

Mark

09-10-2008, 11:31 AM

Actually, we are not "on call" at all. we offer this community as a public service, but we are not representing what we're doing here as therapy. It's support. We try to help people understand what is happening for them, from an educational point of view, and we encourage them to get local professional help. There is no professional relationship between people who are writing on this board in the sense that such a relationship exists between a therapist or doctor and a patient. I can appreciate that you feel entitled to moderator attention, because you are feeling needy, but no such actual entitlement exists. You'd like it to be the case, I can completely appreciate, but I'm sorry to report that it isn't the case.

There is such a thing as Online Psychotherapy. It is offered in a variety of places on the web, and probably not hard to find if you look for it. An online psychotherapist is someone who will enter into a therapist-patient relationship with you and take on some of the accountability you are looking for. However, they will also charge you for the time you spend with them. What we're doing here is different. We do not charge you for our time or attention, but neither do we grant you the right to expect to have our time and attention at any given moment you need it. Like the other non-professional participants of this community, we are here when we can be here and not here when we can't.

I discourage the use of private messages for purposes that are not strictly administrative. Any communication that is private ends up contributing to the illusion that there is some special or professional relationship between the one party and the other. That is not the case at least in this example. Private messages are useful for talking about stuff like the problems we are having configuring the board for animated gifs in signatures (which communication could also be done in the feedback sections of this community), but they aren't good for any sort of support; at least not between moderators and non-moderators.

I'm sorry to have to clarify in this manner, which may seem uncaring or even possibly aggressive and/or mean. I don't mean to be uncaring at all. If I was uncaring, I wouldn't be doing this work. Neither do I mean to be aggressive. I certainly do not mean to be mean. I'd like to be helpful to you, as I am able. However, I do need to set the limit for what you can expect from myself and from other moderators, and I need to do that as clearly as possible so that we understand one another and can get on with the activity of supporting one another.

paula

09-10-2008, 01:10 PM

Hi All

I will begin by saying THANKYOU to the Moderator and the Administrator's for their reply's,

First of all I would like to state that there was never any mention at all, through any part of my post, about any one of you, being on call!

I am aware that all you are doing is offering 'SUPPORT'! and I quote 'SUPPORT'! Also, I would like to point out that you have misjudged the whole purpose of the situation here!

I originally written a post on THE GROUND'S OF IGNORANCE!!!!!!

I didn't mention Therapy! On-call! Professional relationship's! Not even Moderator Attention! That has all originated from YOU! I had written my thought's on the subject, and if you clearly want to add to these thought's? Then you do so, but not at my expense!

It is you! Who have clearly indicated that there are other issues to be resolved here not me!

You've got this strange idea that I am asking for 'individual attention'. By no means am I asking, or have I ever considered in asking for individual attention! Your doing a good job of that yourself!

You say that your sorry to have to clarify in this manner, which may seem uncaring or possibly aggressive and/or mean. Why the mention of these abusive word's to begin with? Why Mark? I thought we was two grown up adult's, trying to sort, a difference of an opinion out? By what you have written here Mark, clearly indicates to me, that infact, it is totally the opposite! Instead of trying to sort our differences, you have took it in your toll to add abusive/threatening word's, clearly indicating where I stand here!!!!

ALL'S I ASKED FOR, WAS ADVICE OR AN OPINION/SUPPORT, TO MY POST THAT I HAD PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN? That's not to hard is it!

I didn't need the third degree! Or even a novel! If this is what it's going to relate to in the future, well don't bother even to reply to any of my post in the future, and I won't tread on your toe's either! I'm sorry I even opened my mouth!!!!

FROM A THOURGHLY, DOWN AND OUT, WELL AND TRULY, PISSED OFF WOMAN. CHEERS MARK, YOU'VE JUST MADE MY DAY! GRRRRR!!!!!! :mad:

I'm sorry to have to clarify in this manner, which may seem uncaring or even possibly aggressive and/or mean. I don't mean to be uncaring at all. If I was uncaring, I wouldn't be doing this work. Neither do I mean to be aggressive. I certainly do not mean to be mean. I'd like to be helpful to you, as I am able. However, I do need to set the limit for what you can expect from myself and from other moderators, and I need to do that as clearly as possible so that we understand one another and can get on with the activity of supporting one another

Mark

09-10-2008, 07:55 PM

Paula,

Well - sorry about making your day then :(. If I'm responding to stuff that you haven't asked for, it is either in part stuff that other people have asked for (e.g., individual attention), and/or phrases that were used in the other moderator responses. I didn't mean to be upsetting, and was only trying to think of how someone who was already upset might take hearing about the limit setting. Communication is not easy sometimes!

Anyway - some good news. You should be able to upload your signature images now. Please give that a whirl and let me know how it is working.

Mark

paula

09-11-2008, 02:51 AM

Hi Mark

I'm not getting into yesterday's argument, can do without it at this present time! Sorry to dissapoint you!

I have uploaded my signature picture, what do you think!

Paula :D

paula

09-11-2008, 08:45 AM

My picture seem's very appropriet for this site. What do you think Mark?

That is exactely how I feel (like banging my head against a brick wall)!

Paula

Mark

09-11-2008, 01:51 PM

I personally think it is a little graphic - all the suggestion of blood.. I'm not sure it is so graphic that we should censor it, though. We don't have a norm yet for this sort of on-the-line sort of self-expression. What do others think? Is this signature image of Paula's too disturbing or does it work okay for you? Since this is potentially something that people might not want to go on public record about, feel free to private message me if that makes your response more comfortable for you.

Mark

paula

09-12-2008, 04:00 AM

Mark, I have sent you a private message regarding my animated gif.

John Rutledge

09-12-2008, 09:06 AM

deleted .....

paula

09-12-2008, 11:02 AM

Hi John

I don't understand what your saying? I admit that I've got problem's, but hasn't everyone?

Mine might be a bit more complexed than other's, but I'm trying, really I am!

I have tried really hard to confront my psychiatrist and explain my problem's in detail, but every time I see him, I just feel humiliated! He alway's ask's me, what can I do for you? Are you fine? I wouldn't be there if I was fine, would I.

I get all frustrated & Anxious, then I start to sweat bucket full's. I know this is a problem that need's tackling head on but I can't do it at the moment.

I have apologised to Natalie, Allan & Mark for my behaviour and if I could do anything else to ease the trouble that I've caused, I would do it. Anything.

I have kicked myself a thousand times, over & over again!

Paula

paula

09-12-2008, 05:07 PM

Due to the administrative comment on my animated GIF i have removed it to see no public complaints on my behalf. I recently discovered 'MentalHelp.net' has a high google ranking and a number of search tags show this post. It indicates that i am in someway insulting the site's meaning by posting something that was meant as non-harmful and humor and taken as disturbing and somewhat controversial.

JustTrying

09-12-2008, 07:44 PM

Paula ..... BREATHE!!!!!

I see what you were implying earlier in a post to me now.... Ok I understand...

I too was a little miffed that I did not get a reply to my fantsticaly(sp) nutty 1st post from Mark... .Mark is the reason I joined in the first place... However you and Allen responded and that was appreciated..... at least I got some responses and Allen is a I forget ( Therapist??) And he did not tell me what to do or what I need to take he just made suggestions.... good deal!!!

In one of my posts.. I said something to the effect that I could not at first believe a REAL PH.D would take their time to run a FREE site.... so I checked this place out and Mark out.... LOL!!! I know my Docs listen to stuff like this all day... do ya really think they want to do it in their free time?? although I can call mine 24/7....

I do appreciate this site... from reading other posts I have learned alot... I have seen people like me and it makes me feel better that I am not alone in this world... so many other sites I go to people are afraid to talk truthfully about their mental issues because they don't want to get nasty PM's.... I have had people try to run me off sites because I told what I was really feeling.... I stay just to piss them off!!! LOL ! But that is me!!!:)

No this site will not be MY ONLY source.... but I can get advice and talk to my therapist... like I talked to him about CBT after seeing it on the web... he thought that was a good idea....

But anyway... PM me anytime .. or I will give ya my email.... I do not want to gossip though .. but we can talk about day to day life if you like...

I feel we have alot in common...

BUT BREATHE!!!!!!!!! Hugs, Gabby:D

JustTrying

09-12-2008, 07:57 PM

P.S. Let me add... It helps me to write a outline or even a letter of what is bothering me and what I need to talk about to my doc... Cause If he asks me if I am ok... I say why sure!!! LOL!!! ( programed response!!!)

I am in the process of writing out my symptoms and what I would like to see happen to take to my appointment Thursday.. because when I get to the doctors office I will forget everything.. I too get nervous.. but if you write it down the doctor can then ask you questions about what you wrote.....

Am I making sense????

Gabs

paula

09-13-2008, 07:07 AM

Hi Gabs

Yeh course you are!

I'm glad you can see thing's on my behalf. Just wish other's could?

Yeh you could do with posting your email address in my private messages, because to be honest, I can't see me staying on this site too long? Can do without all the hastle!

No I won't be chatting shit as I put it. I've said what I wanted to say and I've got it off my chest. End off! But when you suffer with Bipolar, you'd think that these people of all people would understand your mood swings. I mean there pro Psychologist, Therapist and it's their support you need, not their criticism. Just goes to show that you should never trust anyone! not even the pro's.

Going to get off, so I can simmer down! Just can't seem to shake all this off! It's affected me more than I thought!

Speak to you later, take care!

Paula x

JustTrying

09-14-2008, 01:28 PM

I will say it again!!!! BREATHE!!!!!

If you need to take a break... perhaps you will feel diffrent in a few days??? A week???

To clarify.. I did not read this whole thread from the start .. I sorta skimmed it. But what I was agreeing with was your FEELINGS.... not saying they were justified or not... cause like I said I didn't spend 2 days reading this thread!!!

I was just saying I understand your feelings...

I will PM you ... but like I said I do not want to talk about the other people on this site.... we can talk about anything else.... just normal talk??? OK???? To be honest I am going to give you my email but if this "friendship" turns out to be too stressful for me please do not take it personal... I must work on myself right now!~

Gabs:)

paula

09-14-2008, 02:59 PM

I'm trying to breath! Just finding it a bit difficult at the moment! SHIT HAPPEN'S! who cares! End of!

Wot you been up to today?

I've done rock all?Didn't rise till 9am. That's late for me, but mind you, I was still on the net at 5.30am. Having problems sleeping!

I did what I had to in the house and my son started his moaning again, 'you've got a serious problem you mum! why can't you just chill for a while and let the dust settle before you clean it!'

That's all I get off him. 'why can't you be like other mum's & relax,' Because I don't want to be like other mum's, just sitting there on their arses, doing rock all. I like everywhere to be clean!

Kid's hey! But I wouldn't be without him. He runs a community forum under lazy records. He's a moderator his self. He works as a D.J in his spare time. Very good at it as well! He's just come back from working in Majorca for two years. Magaluf!

He has met a few top D.J's. Judge Jules, Pete Tongue, Boy George, ohhh! & a few other's, I don't know the names of em? He has even got their personal email address's, He's even sent some of his work to them and had good feedback on it.

That's his ambition. To become a pro D.J. You want to see the gear he's got! His bedroom is like a recording studio. Thousand's of pounds that he's spent on equiptment. I havn't a clue how you turn the thing's of & on?

He's very, very good on the computer also. He's even got his own website. You'll have to have a look at it. It's under Top Floor D.J's. His name's Brad Ashton.

Anyway, will love you and leave you! Speak to you soon.

Paula x

ASchwartz

09-15-2008, 04:38 AM

Hi Paula and Gabby,

Yes, I am a therapist, now retired and that gives me some time to be involved in the community. As you probably know, I also write for the web site and have done some recordings on various topics.

There is always a problem with E. Mail communication and that is that all of us can very easilty misunterstand what is said. In addition, it is easy and frustrating to post something and find that the posting is misunderstood. This is not anyone's fault, it is just that communication is always hard and when it's through this method, it is even more difficult.

During my years in practice, as well as now, I always encourage people to let me know when they are angry and frustrated and the reasons why. It is so important to clarify what is being said. We cannot always "fix it" when there are hurt feelings, but we can acknowledge that everyone has a right to anger and hurt feelings. None of us, here at Mental Help Net, are mean people, nor do we wish to cause any harm. Let us know when something has happened so that we can try harder. Of course, it will never be perfect because none of us are perfect.

Hope this helps.

Allan:)

paula

09-15-2008, 05:07 AM

Thanks Allan

This has got nothing to do with Gabby. She was just being friendly on my behalf. Please don't take this the wrong way but I'd rather you kept Gabby out of this.

I understand what your saying about the communication method and your right in what your saying.

I know it's all down to me and the way I'm feeling. This has all got out of hand through my feeling's of anger. It is my own fault and the way that I've miss-understood the reply's to my post. In other word's, I have made a mountain out of a mole hill, and blew everything out of pro-portion.

I have asked for all that I've got!

Paula

Mark

09-15-2008, 04:30 PM

I have made a mountain out of a mole hill, and blew everything out of pro-portion.

This is very easy to do, Paula (misunderstand things). I think everyone can relate. I know I certainly do. You're a well meaning person, it is clear. Shit happens. One measure of mental health is how willing people are to brush it of themselves and move on to the next thing life presents you with.

paula

09-16-2008, 01:30 PM

Hi Mark

I went and paid a visit to my doctor today, concerning my behaviour and unnecessary outburst! After physically, getting myself all Anxious & panicking at every aspect of the thought of seeing my doctor, I finally got there. Late mind you! But better late than never!

He implied that I was going deeper in my depressive state. He has suggested that I also try another Anti-depressant called Dosulepin, along with my Mertazapine, Diazapam and Dicloflex. I have Mertazapine 45mg, Diazapam 10mg x4 times a day, Dosulepin 150mg and Dicloflex 50mg x3 times a day.

Do you think he's trying to tell me something? I think he's implying that I get down of my high horse, don't you. I'm sure he's trying to drug me up or something? Well if I don't sleep after that lot, I dread to think what he has in store for me next time? He wants to see me again on the 6 October.

I'm just hoping that this will help me to cope with some of the problems that I'm facing. For all I know, there may be no problems at all, It all could be Psycilogical, who know's?

Thank you Mark and the rest of you for understanding.

Paula

Ob1one

09-16-2008, 07:35 PM

You don't need to worry... bad choice of words THOUGH when I went into a higher dosage it had affects on me like more anxiety and diarrhea. It's most likely just your body is adjusting to the higher dosage and its having temporary affect on you

Its nothing to concern you anymore though. You can go to the doctor to give you a piece of mind I know that feeling too. It was doctor was the cure though I knew he couldn't do anything for me but his knowledge was comforting to me when I went through this.

So yeah I'd suggest seeing the doctor if only for a peace of mind.

Mark

09-16-2008, 08:31 PM

Paula,

Not being a psychiatrist or any sort of medical doctor, I'm simply not qualified to judge what is a reasonable anti-depressive medicine treatment cocktail and what is not. I don't think you necessarily need to read anything into what the doctor is suggesting beyond that you seem to him to be more upset/depressive/aggitated. And that may be simply becuase you've been worked up about various things and not having to do with your overall depressive or anxious state, you know what I mean? I would say, see how the new meds work for you and if you feel that they are not helping or making things worse rather than better, make the next avaialble appointment to see the doctor again and get them readjusted. That is what doctors are for.

Mark

paula

09-17-2008, 02:35 PM

Cheers Mark for that!

And yes I know what you mean? About getting all worked up!

Well I tried them for the first time last night and will repeat tonight. Can honestly say, up to now, no different.

Will I have to still wait & give time to get into my system, even though I am already on other antidepressants + Vallium?

I would of thought that they would enter my system straight away, with already having a booster with the other antidepressants + Vallium. I am on the maximum dose for all 3x medications. Mertazapine, Dosulepin and Vallium. Don't know about the Dicloflex.

I won't be on the maximum dose all the time with these meds will I?

Like I've mentioned in previous post. I am waiting for an Appointment to see a Psychologist. I was just wondering, where do I go from here?

Like you also mentioned previously. To many Chief's and not enough Indian's. Regarding the amount of people that I am seeing at one time. Which will be: Physician, Psychiatrist, Pysiotherapist and Psychologist. Phew!!!!

You know what they say Mark? No rest for the wicked! And the good don't want none!

By the way! What do you think of my new Gif?

Paula

Natalie

09-18-2008, 06:36 AM

Hi Paula-
Remember that it takes some antidepressant medications a full two weeks to achieve any noticeable affects. So, even if you are taking other meds, it may take a while before you can honestly judge whether the new one is helping or not.

paula

09-18-2008, 09:58 AM

Cheers for that Natalie.

I just don't understand that if I am taking varied Anti-Depressant's at the same time, how will they know which Antidepressant is doing me any good and which isn't? Or will they keep me on both?

Why have they got me on Vallium 10mg x4 a day for as well? Will that be to deal with my Anxiety problem's that I'm faced with? Are there no Medication's that can deal with Manic Depression as well as Anxiety. What I mean is: Could I not just have the one med's that would deal with all my issues, instead of having the amount of medication that I am having?

It would make life, so much more simply wouldn't it? I can't help but wonder, whether these drugs are doing you more harm than good if you know what I mean? Some of the meds that I'm taking, could be doing my Depression and Anxiety some good but they could be doing my liver/kidney's harm. Do you know where I'm coming from? What's good for one thing, doesn't necessarily mean it's good for another thing, does it?

Paula

nightfalls

09-18-2008, 10:15 AM

Hey Paula,

I think that all the different meds target different things and that the combo you take is personal to you. I think that all your questions are good ones that a phyciatrist should answer for you if you can wait to chat with one or I suppose your MD who purscribed them all. I think vallium is a calming med and different then the others :confused: but I really don't know for sure. There probibly is not a one pill sinareio as nice as that would be because you are being treated for different things Bipolar, anxiety. I think you need some more info on your conditions and the meds you are using to treat them. And as for long term stuff relating to side effects ??? I think it is a weighing the risks again, If you can function better on the meds and they will give you a better quality of life? then is that better? Again who really knows?
My Dad is on some heavy meds and I worry about the long term effects but the meds gave me back my father, stable and present in my life and without them he was in a hospital, detatched and phycotic sooooo I would for sure say meds are helping his overall quality of life.

Anyways try and be patient for the meds to work for you and the Dr to work the meds right for you- if that makes sence...lol:rolleyes:
take care

paula

09-18-2008, 02:21 PM

Thanks Forgeting

I understand what your saying!

It's so complex though! I often wonder to myself and think. I often think, why can't I be normal like everyone else? What have I done soooo BAD, to deserve this. I do try you know. REALLY HARD!

What I'd like to know is: why is there only a selected few that suffer with Bipolar, Manic depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, schizophrenia and all the other illnesses related to mental health?

What I mean by the select few is, why doesn't everyone suffer what we are suffering? What brings this illness on in the first place! I know it's a chemical imbalance but why do other's not have a chemical imbalance? I know I might sound like I want to know the In's & outs but why shouldn't I.

I have only suffered these illnesses since something erupted in my life. But does that mean that anyone, who has a mis fortunate incident in their life, can also go through these symptom's. Or, is it the way you deal with these issues, that can have a considerable amount of affect on the way you deal with your mental health? Am I making sense?

The top and bottom of it is. How long am I going to have to rely on this medication, to keep my life stabilized enough to live a normal life? Or as near as can be achieved to living a normal life. I know the answer is going to be well that depends on me, myself. In one sense I can see the reality in what is going on. But in another sense, I can't!

No one likes to have a split personality, or mood swings, and I just can't believe how it can take over your life. Again, I know that you'd say, it will only take over your life if you let it! But under some circumstances, you are left with no option! You get so frustrated and confused!

What I am asking is: will I have to take tablet's for the rest of my life? I'm not a great medicine lover to begin with, and up until all this occurred, I didn't even have a tablet in my house! I've always be healthy, and never been a sickly person. I have never had a Headache, Cold, Toothache, I have always been resilient to pick up any of these ailments. I suppose I was considered one of the lucky one's there!

Paula

ASchwartz

09-19-2008, 05:42 AM

Hi Paula,

I hope you do not mind my responding to your posting. I couldn't help think to myself when I read what you wrote: "What makes you think the rest of us are normal?" :)

Of course, I do know what you mean and there are no ready answers. Some have these disorders and others do not and it's never fair. Try to comfort yourself with this idea: Even those who do not have one of these disorders experience highs and lows in their lives and they also experience tragedies. In those tragedies they wonder "why me?" I do not mean to imply that if you have a psychiatric disorder you do not experience tragedies. No one is immune from those. It's just that it seems that some people are not spared, whether it's one type of hard luck or another.

Am I making sense?

What do you think?

Allan

paula

09-19-2008, 07:40 AM

Hi Allan

I don't mind you answering any of my post. Your advice is always good advice anyway!

By being normal I mean someone that doesn't suffer with any long term ailment's/symptoms.

You made me laugh though, when you mentioned that no one's normal. I like your sense of humor! Really!

You mentioned that some people are not spared the misfortunate of bad luck! I understand where your coming from there? Bad luck alway's seem's to hunt me down. I never go looking for it, it comes looking for me. You can never hide from bad luck! Well I can't anyway! I'm sure it's my middle name, unlucky!

Would just love to have a good day. That's not asking for much is it? Can't remember the last time I had a good day. Happy day! My doctor seems to think that I am in urgent need of a holiday. The last holiday I had was 10yrs ago. I asked him if he was going to pay for a holiday for me. As I am unemployed with a mortgage. He just laughed! I think that is 75% of my problem is needing a holiday. Would love to just board a plane for a 2x weeks hol some where. Away from the U.K. for 2x weeks. wouldnt that be great!

Oh well, I can dream can't I.... It's the nearest I'm gonna get to any holiday.

Paula

Kay_J

09-20-2008, 06:22 AM

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paula

09-20-2008, 02:44 PM

Hi Kay

What you say is right in one respect but not another?

A happy day is only happy if you let it! I've forgotten what one is? I know I should thank the lord up above just for being here, and I do! I just wish I didn't have to go through life feeling the way I do. I Truly appreciate the good thing's in life, but them good thing's never seem to last do they?

I would be happy just to get one happy day. I wouldn't be greedy! Just some form of happiness to help lift this dreary feeling!

It's been that long since I experienced the feeling of happiness, that if and when I finally do get a shot at it, I probably wouldn't know how to handle it. I'd be frightened to death. That's all I need isn't it? Given the chance to be happy for just one day and I go and pop mi clogs. Just my luck! Me and luck don't get along anyway! So there's no chance of that. enuf said!

Paula

nightfalls

09-20-2008, 10:48 PM

Hi paula

As I was reading these posts I was thinking that I heard someone one time telling me that it was sometimes my perspective. When depressed I normally see all the crappy things in my life and not take notice to the good, it was there I just couldn't see it. It was like it vanished to me everything felt crappy looked crappy. When I look back I agree that it kinda was a crappy point in my life anyway with alot of bad things going wrong but there was still some beauty around me if only I could have seen it. It was not until now that I can look back and separate the real crap from the depressed see nothing else crappy feeling I had and now see some good that was there hidden behind me.
I was struck one time with tears as I watched one of those 3rd world tv show's for sponsership I was watching this family living in a small type hut with leaves for a cealing and dirt floors, no furnature, no beds, no blankets, no food, nothing, the woman on the show was smiling sweeping her floors, playing with her kids doing her best with what she has and I thought to myself what am I so troubled for? anyways it sort of stuck in my head to be more thankful for what I have and look closer at how I feel. Take care.

JustTrying

09-22-2008, 12:16 AM

Wow!!! What ya miss when ya take a few days off!!!! Let's see how much I can remember!!!!

Allen I believe... I was not upset with anyone .. I was just understanding Paula's feelings... and see I was right .. a few days later she is thinking better!!! She Breathed!!!:)

Actually we have not emailed much.... and just talked about "normal" stuff....

I agree .. tell someone if you are upset.. BUT I have been dealing with this on another site.. I will say something.. a young lady will take it wrong.. tell me about it ( That is good) I will try to explain what I meant and she gets madder and madder... yes I do understand she is dealing with some issues right now ,,,, and at another time I may be able to deal with this... but I suggested to her that we quit talking for a while.. because well it was upsetting me.... we do answer each others posts some but we do not communicate otherwise right now... she is alot younger than me to....

Paula.. I THINK... I am just sorta still in the beginnings of my MI ( mental Illness) I thought I was Bipolar ... but they put me on meds for Schizo.... but Paul my therapist says he trys not to label.... A lot of times I feel like I can control my symptoms to a degree... but then again sometimes I think I am, and am not.. Make sense??? ( actually I have been sorta like this since I was 12) I am not making sense...... WHY???

They started me out on one med.. this time .. I use to be on 3 or 4... INVEGA... was told I should see an improvement in 3 days?? today is day 4/...3 am still awake??? I was told this pill was short of a wonder pill!!! Would make me sleep, not angry, not depressed , not manic, ( sorry just a tad manic right now) , not hallucinate, or hear voices..... OK I KNOW give it more time....

Also .. fighting the drinking.... so far so good .... but man I sure do want one right now... course I do not think I have ever drank just one...

Got another apointment in about 4 wks... we shall see... but I was getting pretty bad.. exspecially when I was drinking.. ok.. enough about me!!!

But Glad you seem to be in a better mood... and I cannot remember the rest of the posts.....

Talk to you all later !! Gabs

Stupid TIVO keeps changing the channell!!!ARGH!!! Ok I am OK!! I need to sleep.. if I do not this may not turn out good...

I have soooo much to do this week.. I do not have time for a drunk..... plus the meds willnot work on alcohol and I soooo want them to work.. OK I said enough about me! Sorry

paula

09-22-2008, 08:27 AM

Hi Gabby, long time no see/hear Ha!

Well I've took my deep breath, now you take your's. BREATH!

I see you've been busy? Nice to hear!

Things have settled down here on the home front, and am I glad to see they have.

My G.P has put me on another Anti-Depressant as well as Mertazapine, Diazapam & Dicloflex. So I am taking two antidepressants now? What a fat lot of good they will do me!

I'll tell you what though! On Saturday night, I didn't take any. Couldn't be arsed to tell you the truth. Pissed off with taking drug's for this and drug's for that. Just thought I would see how I coped!

Well..... I eventually got to sleep, about 5.30 A.M. I woke about 8.30 A.M. I felt as rough as toast, honest. I couldn't believe it? I thought if anything, I would be feeling better with not having any drugs in me, but nooooo.

I couldn't even take any antidepressants then and there as there night time one's. They have a sedative in them. So....... I had to hack the day with this dreaded feeling! I'll tell you what, I won't be doing that again in a hurry!

I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but I was glad when night fall came. Just to have my med's. I felt a lot better this morning I can tell you!

Paula

Natalie

09-22-2008, 12:10 PM

Hi Paula-
I'll try to answer some of your questions.

First, you are absolutely correct about the medications. Usually if someone has several different issues, there is no one magic bullet that will fix everything. BOO.

Sometimes, even if someone has one disorder, they still may need multiple meds to fix it. To use depression as an example... often depression can be helped by tinkering with someone's neurotransmitters (basically chemicals in the brain that help the cells function and send messages to each other). The problem is that there isn't just one neurotransmitter that can get out of whack when someone is depressed. We have several different neurotransmitters working in different parts of our brains. So, the person may need more than one drug to hit the neurotransmitters.

Also, there is no way to tell (right now) if (and which) neurotransmitters are out of whack... so, that's why the medication process is experimenting and trial and error. Frustrating and draining, I know.

You also raise another point... sometimes the meds used for psychiatric conditions cause other issues. All medications have some side effects-it's just the pros/cons that you have to weigh when you take them. It's an individual decision about whether you can tolerate the side effects that come with the drug.

I'll write more another time about why people develop disorders.