Fantasies [Rape|Rough Sex|Forceful Sex]

[WinterSky]

please delete....

[JustTrying]

Well, I have not found the right therapist... but before I was molested (raped0 at the age of 8) I had fantasies of being tied up in my underware too. NOT about sex at that time because I did not know anything about sex.

I grew up in a home ( foster care) where I know they "loved" me but hey I was just another number.... I could be taken away at any time. When the "neighbor" started molesting me.. he would stand in his kitchen ( my bedroom window went that way) and show himself.... well I had never seen one of those before.. I use to play with his kids and he treated me nicer than he did his wife...

This SOB messed up my whole damn life... he took me from childhood to who knows what... at the time I liked it.... but now I hate him... he had 3 daughters... I wonder... and I know he had sex with another girl in the neighborhood.... I hope he dies a slow painfull death... I had everything going for me and he took it away.

But I do not know where the violent fantasies came from... was it because I was spanked... or because I thought maybe someone would love me???



Sorry I should not talk about this...

Gabby

[Celeste]

Gabby, I think that you should absolutely write about, and/or talk to people you can trust, about all of that. I tend to lock anything that elicits strong emotions deep inside. Although I know it may not be anything like this for you, talking about it upsets me badly for quite some time... but it usually helps in the long run. My best days occur about a week after a complete breakdown... I do know that if you were prompted to compose the previous post, you probably really do want to reach out to someone for support - and we are here for you, so if you need to talk about it, you've got open ears and shoulders.

[JustTrying]

Well... I had just wrote my therapist a letter .. telling him about some of this stuff.... then I made him mad??? I told him about a co- worker of his that offered me $100.00 to give him a lap dance.... My therapist has not called since. I was not trying to get this guy fired or I would have made a formal complaint.

SOOOO I guess I need to find a new therapist...

Since I have quit drinking . or working on it... all this BS from my childhood has come back...




I found out recently that a lady I know ... has just about lived mylife... she is older and healed now.. but she understands... I can tell her anything.

Gabby