rr1010
10-28-2008, 04:52 AM
I have a boyfriend and we’ve been seeing each other for 4 months. We’re having long distance relationship since the beginning since we live in different countries. I’m 28 and he’s 30. We argue quite often, maybe because we’re both headstrong. When we fight, he often bring up my past relationships in our arguments. When I complain about some thing, he would say “O yeah! I know! Because that’s what you’re used to when you were with your ex, right!! And you expect me to be like that too!” with a rised & cynical tone. This kind of thing has happened several times, usually when we’re arguing & he feels I’m being too demanding and not being understanding enough. I admit I could be quite demanding & clingy, but I’m trying to work on it.
What’s bothering me is the last time we had a fight, the same thing happened, only his language & behavior got worse. He bring up this one ex of mine, I was with him for 6 years (he and I have different religions). My boyfriend said “I know your ex was just trying to convert you! That’s what he was doing spending 6 years with you! What else do you think his reason was? He was a bastard, low life!”. When I said “I don’t have to agree with you, right?”, he got even more furious and insist me to explain why I disagree. I said I don't think my ex was trying to convert me or anything, we were just having a normal and ‘straight’ relationship. His respond was “You call it straight?? Having sex everyday?”. He continued trying to make me feel that my ex was such a bad guy or I don’t know what, I was so confused seeing his anger. I kept asking, what does he expect to get out of this all? He said, he’s trying to make me realized how I was “blinded” by my ex.
Other things he said :
- When I said “Why do you have to always bring up my past relationship? You know I never compare you with any of my exes.”. He said “If you do that, I would’ve left you!”.
- When he asked “Do you think your ex was being sincere in your relationship?”, and I said “I think he was..”, he got angrier and said “I’m feeling like throwing this mug!” (talking about the mug he was holding).
- He kept saying my ex was just trying to manipulate me, that he was just “screwing around” with me.
- When I asked him "Why are you trying to make me feel that my past is all garbage? I never do that with your past relationship..", he responded "All my exes are just garbage! They're all whores! Useless, such a waste of time!".
I don’t know how to explain it completely here. But the thing is, I’m so scared after hearing all his yelling & cursing that time. And now I’m afraid, could he be doing “mental-bullying” on me? Do you think what he was doing/saying shows signs of violence/bullying? I love him so much & I want to make this relationship work but I’m afraid what if he turns out to be a bully. But on the other side, I’m also afraid of making a false judgement about him. Could it be it’s just because he was trying to maintain his ego, that it’s because he feels he has been doing the best he can and I’m being too demanding and he want to make me see that he’s the best (compared to my exes). Afterall, all this time he’s a nice guy & he shows respect to me. And he never curses on me, the worst word that he ever said was calling my ex "Bastard". But then again, whatever his reasons, is his behavior acceptable? Could somebody tell me how to identify whether it’s bullying or not, whether he was showing signs of violence or not. Thank you..
What’s bothering me is the last time we had a fight, the same thing happened, only his language & behavior got worse. He bring up this one ex of mine, I was with him for 6 years (he and I have different religions). My boyfriend said “I know your ex was just trying to convert you! That’s what he was doing spending 6 years with you! What else do you think his reason was? He was a bastard, low life!”. When I said “I don’t have to agree with you, right?”, he got even more furious and insist me to explain why I disagree. I said I don't think my ex was trying to convert me or anything, we were just having a normal and ‘straight’ relationship. His respond was “You call it straight?? Having sex everyday?”. He continued trying to make me feel that my ex was such a bad guy or I don’t know what, I was so confused seeing his anger. I kept asking, what does he expect to get out of this all? He said, he’s trying to make me realized how I was “blinded” by my ex.
Other things he said :
- When I said “Why do you have to always bring up my past relationship? You know I never compare you with any of my exes.”. He said “If you do that, I would’ve left you!”.
- When he asked “Do you think your ex was being sincere in your relationship?”, and I said “I think he was..”, he got angrier and said “I’m feeling like throwing this mug!” (talking about the mug he was holding).
- He kept saying my ex was just trying to manipulate me, that he was just “screwing around” with me.
- When I asked him "Why are you trying to make me feel that my past is all garbage? I never do that with your past relationship..", he responded "All my exes are just garbage! They're all whores! Useless, such a waste of time!".
I don’t know how to explain it completely here. But the thing is, I’m so scared after hearing all his yelling & cursing that time. And now I’m afraid, could he be doing “mental-bullying” on me? Do you think what he was doing/saying shows signs of violence/bullying? I love him so much & I want to make this relationship work but I’m afraid what if he turns out to be a bully. But on the other side, I’m also afraid of making a false judgement about him. Could it be it’s just because he was trying to maintain his ego, that it’s because he feels he has been doing the best he can and I’m being too demanding and he want to make me see that he’s the best (compared to my exes). Afterall, all this time he’s a nice guy & he shows respect to me. And he never curses on me, the worst word that he ever said was calling my ex "Bastard". But then again, whatever his reasons, is his behavior acceptable? Could somebody tell me how to identify whether it’s bullying or not, whether he was showing signs of violence or not. Thank you..