I Have Extreme OCD, Need Help

[flyingspatula]

Hey,

Ive had OCD my whole life ( 19 years old ), and I always thought I was just weird and never knew what it was until I was in High School when my teacher described her daughters problems with OCD and quickly realized that was what was wrong with me. I have always had terrible stress, on the outside I look fine and careless but I am really worrying about everything all the time, even things that make no sense or have any relevance to me or panic obsessively about the simplest of things.

I also do these really aggravating rituals I guess is what you call them and there are so many its nearly endless and very stressful for me. Some examples are completely stupid things like I for some reason dont like odd numbers and I can not ever write, type, or say the number 3, without typing 4 right after it. ( yes I did it just now too ) and I have no clue why. I also can not touch or use anything that is red, nor do I like writing the word as well as at the end of every sentence I constantly have to retype the last word or two over and over and its very frustrating. This sounds really ridiculously silly which is why I never mention it to anyone but I cant live like this much longer.

More things is this winding effect I have where if I turn one direction or do a whole 360, I have to turn all the way around the other way again. I also have a problem where I will repeat things I do A LOT. Kind of the same way I retype words over and over I will sometimes step backward a few steps when I am going somewhere or walking up a stairs. Or if I bump into an object, I have to bump into it again or it will terrorize me the rest of the day until I do it. Flipping lights on and off too I find myself doing and have been questioned by friends and family over doing that one. /sigh On a more obvious note, I have the need to wash my hands quite often, or fear eating something someone else had touched like its contaminated. I know nothing is there, but I keep thinking it and it will keep going through my head.

I used to have this really bad problem where I would constantly clear my throat all the time for many years and I was taken to the doctor a few times to see what was wrong but never figured it out. I dont do it quite as much now but there was always small things that really bothered me and having to constantly clear my throat was one as well as socks being torture always bugging me for some unknown reason. Its just as bad nowunfortunatelyy with everything else. Its hard to even sleep alot of the times because I am alwaysuncomfortablee like the sheet touching my leg, or the pillow touching my neck somewhere or just even my arm touching the bed a certain way. I dont know what the deal is but its a pain when I am trying to fall asleep. Shirts really bug me as well. Shirts really bother me so bad that I have to wear at least two shirts so itdoesn'tt bug me as much but I just simply can not stand the way it touches my neck, shoulder, chest, whatever. Its like my touch sensory is all whack.

I really dont want to talk about this next part but it was brought to my attention this is possibly a symptom of severe OCD instead of thinking what I thought I was... going crazy, and being a complete nut job. I find myself from time to time, more often than I like, I get completely random and uncontrollable thoughts and images in my head. I dont know why or where they come from but I get really freaky or scary things like the sudden thought of killing someone like shooting a family member or beating someone or thoughts like jumping out of my car while driving. I obviously do not want to harm anyone nor myself so I cant fathom why I have these thoughts. I guess I could be considered depressed due to all the stress and what I have to deal with and how much it is and always has ruined my life but suicidal is something I would never consider or murdering someone, yet the thoughts and sometimes images like it happening in my head just completely run through my head and I have to just try to blank them out.

There are so many more things that OCD causes me to due in terms of rituals ( literally could list about 100 or 200 more things ) but I just can not handle the stress anymore of dealing with all this and the endless panic, fear, and worrying about things that people normally dont worry about. Not many know about this, I have always tried my best to hide it as much as I could and sometimes people notice and I just try to cover it up, but I dont know what I should do. I obviously cant just do nothing anymore but I dont have any idea where I would even go or how I would even approach a doctor or calling to set up an appointment. I mean once you enter the room with the doctor do I just tell him I have OCD and its very bad I need help? I really dont want to talk to a total stranger, even if hes a doctor because all the problems I have from this OCD make me sound like a geniuine nut job. Not even my family members really know about this. I have mentioned about OCD but they never really akwnowledged it.

I just really need some help here, if I go to a doctor what do I say or do?

Thanks

[Mikayla]

Hi:

It sounds like your life is unbearable and let me just say I am sorry you are going through this.
I don't see how your situation can improve without the help of a qualified doctor. I don't know where you are (I'm in Canada) but here, If I were you I would need a referrel from my family doctor to see a psychiatrist, preferably one who specializes in OCD.
Why not print your post and give it to the doctor so you don't initially have to expain. I'm sure the doctor will then have questions for you.
There must be support groups out there for people with OCD and they would have alot of information to share as well. Perhaps a web search?
I think it's important that you don't keep your feelings bottled up and that you continue to reach out for support.
Please seriously consider making an appt. with your family doctor or community health clinic.
In Canada we have CMHA, Canadian Mental Health Association. Perhaps there is an equivelant where you are. They would be very helpful and you can refer yourself. Let them know you are in crisis. Be honest.
I hope this is helpful information for you. Take what you can use and leave the rest if it's not for you.
Be patient and kind to yourself.

Mikayla

[ASchwartz]

Hi Flyingspatula and Mikyla,

Let me assure you, Flyingspatual, that you are not going crazy. One of the characteristics of OCD is that the individual is aware of how silly the rituals are but can do nothing to stop them. OCD is an anxiety disorder and, when anxiety and stress increase, so do the rituals.

I agree with Mikyla that you need to enter psychotherapy. My recommendation is that you find a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. That type of treatment has worked well for those with OCD. In addition, he might (or might not) recommend medication for you if you are not benefitting from the treatment. In any case, this is treatable.

I suggest that you look up this topic (OCD) on this site and also look into self help techiques which will help your psychotherapy along.

Let us know how you are doing.

Allan:)

[Pseudonym]

I agree with the rest, Psychotherapy would be a good course of action. Visiting a Psychologist and well as a Psychiatrist would be advantageous. One to help you with phobias and anxiety, and the other which can put you one a medical regimen to help manage your OCD.

I understand how stressful it is to have a disorder that you cannot control. I have a Plethora of disorders including but not limited to: ADD, ADHD, ODD, and Asperger's Syndrome. All of make life very difficult. Because of my ADD and ADHD I find it hard to pay attention to people and sit still when talking. Because of my ODD I have issues obeying authority and doing what I am told to do. And Because of my Asperger's Syndrome I constantly repeat myself when I am speaking, I speak endlessly and bore people, I spend hours obsessing over Social Science (my area of interest) and fall behind on the things I need to focus on.

When I recieved the diagnosis for these, I was distraught. With my ADD and ADHD (Which are learning disorders) I questioned myself, being an intelligent person. I wondered if I was just an idiot who though he was a genius. With my ODD I disturbed me that compulsively disobeyed rules JUST because they were there, and with my Asperger's Syndrome I was concerned because maybe I was just brain damaged, and I obsess, maybe I'm just not smart...

However as I came to terms with this I realized that all of these disorders had advantages. Because I have ADD and ADHD I am easily distracted, also meaning I notice things other people don't notice because they distract me, I can multitask better than I could without it, I can hyper-focus, meaning I can push out any sensory information if I need to, and I can seamlessly switch tasks. Because of my ODD I have no regard for rules and authority, because of that I am able to do things that are needed but go against the rules. And with Asperger's I obsess over things, I have no regard for social norms, and I repeat myself. Meaning I am not restricted by my society in the ways I think, allowing my mind to go beyond my peers and ask questions they do not. I repeat myself, therefor I will store the information better. I obsess over certain things, therefor I know more and become an expert on those couple subjects I've obsessed over my entire life.

The point is, that in most disordered, barring emotional, addictive and sexual disorders, there are upsides. There are things that you that other people simply cannot. I suggest you Identify them and make them work for you. Ask yourself would you be you without OCD? And then ask yourself could other people do what you do? I will even give you a start off. Because you are OCD, you pay attention to details that most people fail to. Therefor you can notice when something is out of order.

I also suggest you watch the show: Monk. A very good show about a detective with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Trust me, you'll enjoy it. Remember, look at the upside, and you will learn to live with it.

- Anonymous.