So confused

[texasgirl]

I'm not sure why I'm even here in this forum. I don't understand why I'm hurting myself, I mean I know why and what brought me to this. It disgusts me that I do could do this. I hate it yet it doesn't stop, I don't know how to make it stop. People look at you like your a freak, maybe there are right. :confused:

[Kalima]

You don't self harm because your a freak, you do it because you haven't a better way with coping with whatever you are going through. Your not alone. I think the best way to deal with pain is to express it. If you can't do it verbally (I'm finding that way hard) try writing it?

[Mark]

TexasGirl,

Self-injury is really a method of coping with internal emotional pain - a way of trying to survive; just not one that is all that functional or something to aspire to since it is so damaging and dangerous and scaring. It has addictive-like or compulsive qualities to it becuase it is so primal and visceral. Kalima is right that one way out is to find alternative means of expressing yourself that meet your emotional needs. Talking (carefully) about what is disturbing you with people who you are confident will not shame or judge you can be very helpful. Some of the pressure to self-injure for some people can come from a need to self-punish, and if you can get into your head that you are not a bad person in need of punishment (which is what other people who accept you even though they know your secrets can offer you) then you will have that much less need to self-harm.

I wrote an essay about shame (http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=14990&cn=353) the other day that I just posted. You might find it helpful.

Mark