confused teenager?

[mscat]

My son, at the age12 was molested by anther kid a little older then him. My son has autism and is developmentally delayed though. He knew that what was done to him, was wrong and he came home telling me. He told me in great detail . :eek:
The police was called too, and it was a big deal. However, since it was kids not much was done about it.
that was three yrs ago. now, my son is always saying things like how cute boys are.... And also says he never wants to grow up, ever. I know that the kid had told him that this is what grown ups do and it means love. The kid made him , do Oral copulation , and forced him . It is still very traumatic to deal with.
Now, since my son has autism it is difficult to figure out why he says boys are so cute... is it from what happend to him? Now he will be gay ? Or is it from the delays?
It is embarrassing when he says that . But, he says it about everyone. Being he mom i think it has to do more with his developmental delays thenthe awful experience that happened to him.
He is in counseling too, and he says anything to anybody. this kid is not one to hold back on his feelings. He does not know better. He is open with what is going on. The counselor is trying to get him to stop saying to everyone that they are so cute. He says that to the counselor too.
I wish that this never happened to him, and feel so badly still. I worry about him and how confused it must have made him feel.
I do not know what to do or say to him anymore , at 15 and disabled. I listen to him though, and try to support how he feels. I scariest thing about all of this is that i do not want him repeating the behavior. I do not think he will because I know how it has traumatised him.

[finding my way]

We have this in common mscat, we both love someone with autism:). I don't know if this helps, but sometimes autism causes you to get stuck in thought loops that just repeat and repeat. It is important to climb in there and offer some interaction and hope for redirection. I'm so glad he has a counselor, because that's alot for you to do on your own. My friend is no longer seeing a therapist, and well, you can imagine the load his close friends are carrying! Anyway, does offering an alternative or two for him to choose from help? Instead of "you're cute," have him pick out something concrete to compliment the person on, or just say, "nice to see you." As for the sexual abuse, that is awful and I'm so sorry that happened.:( Knowing autism, he will never forget it. However, also knowing autism, I doubt he will jump into a habit of instigating that behavior, because wouldn't he rather have himself to himself? Autism doesn't stop you from having sexual feelings, but the point where you involve yourself with another person doesn't necessarily happen. I'm no expert, but I'd be more concerned that he get exposed to healthy ideas about sexuality and body boundaries to offset the event that happened and examples of things to say to protect yourself next time than I would be concerned about him being a perpetrator.

[mscat]

you wrote that beautifully.. Thank u so much ! This has been rbothering me for yrs, and it is so hard to put into words about my feelings of what happened to my child. YES, you are correct he does not forget, and people with autism do not lie. YES, i do need to teach him right words to say to people, because i feel like I have to protect him at all costs. Teach him to protect himself.
For me, right now , I struggle with my own personal issues and then his as A parent. I have to set aside all of that and focus on his needs and what is best for my child.
He is a big kid... Other kids do not bother him anymore. We live in a tiny town, but I have my son go out of town for school. After that happened he was not exposed to the neighborhood kids anmore or the school kids here. It has made a huge differece.
It is a ongoing battle to teach him to be aproiate, and what to say to others. His therapist is good, because he has had experience with the developmentally disabled. He is good with my son, and supportive. YEs he is the same counselor I see, which is fine because The counselor will tell me what i need to know to help my child. I have my son talk to him on his own so he can have that confidenitaly. After all my son is 15 . I respect that , as his mother. Even though he is 15 yrs old, he is more like a 6 yr old. But, still he is growing up fast and he is a teenager. I figure that he does not need to me to be in there to talk to a counselor, the same one I see. I just feel lucky that the counselor has experience with this population! .
People with autism have different needs , and I have learned that throughout the yrs. I have modified the way I deal with my child . It can be hard though, more in dealing with others and their judgement about my son. This is what is difficult. Especially when it is other family members. Other family members who do not understand my son. Or what autism is all about.

[scared]

I dont know anything about autism, but I think that its normal to recognise that another guy is cute looking, if even on a subconcious level, but its just that most wouldnt say it out of homophobia.

I think maybe he could be taught to say things like this at appropriate times, like in a joke perhaps, so others dont feel uncomfortable and think hes coming on to them whilst mutually acnowladging that we all think these things and its really "ok".

When you think about it literally its just the same as recognising a squirell is cute, with its little fluffy tail and shiny eyes, theres nothing strange about saying a squirell is cute because it dosent have the stigma of sex associated to it.

Im sure it would be weirder if all of a sudden he started saying that he thinks that dog poo is cute, maybe then theres something to worry about.

Sorry if this is just a ramble...

[mscat]

That was funny, thank u. You are right, I would worry more if he thought the dogs poo was cute, lol.