http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php The Mental Help Net Community is a place where people can offer and receive support for a variety of mental health/illness, and life issues including Major Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety Disorders (Panic, Social Anxiety, OCD, PTSD, Phobia), ADHD, Schizophrenia and Psychotic disorders, Personality Disorders, Dissociative Disorders and difficult life issues including Grief and Bereavement, Relationship Difficulties, Self-Esteem problems, and similar concerns en Fri, 19 Mar 2010 05:51:31 GMT vBulletin 60 http://community.mentalhelp.net/images/misc/rss.jpg http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1691 Thu, 18 Mar 2010 19:12:27 GMT Pretty much feeling the same as yesterday but with a extra helping of sad and "OUCH" - wow, arent I the lucky one :rolleyes:
Suppose it could be worse, it could of been an extra helping of frigging slow, stupid or tired. :rolleyes:
WHERE THE HECK IS WANDA - I NEED HER :( ]]> SweetSue http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1691 http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1686 Wed, 17 Mar 2010 22:05:08 GMT well today sucked. it was the worst st. patricks day i've ever had in my whole life. i don't even feel like talking about why. i spent most of today crying in the house on my own. well that's no surprise is it????? it sucked. and it was all because of 2 of my housemates. they are probably the most fake people i have ever met. ]]> Blossom http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1686 http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1685 Wed, 17 Mar 2010 20:37:10 GMT Really, what's the point of this anyway?

I survive today just to suffer through tomorrow. I want to disappear into the floor and just escape. I don't want to deal with ANY of this bullshit any longer.

I'm tired of being the 'strong' one. I'm tired of being the one that's expected to do the dishes, the laundry, babysit the psycho, pat grandma on the hand, make dinner and lunch, AND get good grades in college.

That's a, excuse my French but, a motherfucking joke.

I HATE THIS!!! :eek:

I want to just crawl out the window and jump and run like hell as fast as I can as far as I can.


This cannot possibly be where I'm supposed to be right now in my life. Cannot be. No deity is that friggin' cruel.


I can't heal through yet another storm. I'm still trying to heal from the last one. And the one before that. And... so on. It's like I'm one, big, walking, talking wound that's still bleeding.

And these people keep picking at me and picking and picking and picking.

They have to do ONE fucking thing for themselves and everybody LOSES their MINDS. They have the balls to cop an attitude when I'm not completely and CHEERFULLY filling my 'role' in this family they think it's okay to cop a fucking attitude like 'how DARE you have a frickin' life?!'

Le gasp! What shall I think of next, I don't like being able to piss on my own fucking schedule maybe.

Shoot me, stuff me, mount me. I'd prefer the left wall though.



I'm nineteen damn years old but I'm still having my life run by my family and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. And they'd prefer it stayed that way.



They have me and I have nothing. No one, no thing. God forbid, peace or happiness.


I want to die. And everybody acts like it's some new revelation or cop out or excuse or anything but reality. Heavens to Besty what on earth is going on here? Oh my god, the depressed chick is omg omg omg dealing poorly with the filthy, grimy stress she's drowning in and like SAD!

I can't go on like this. I don't WANT to go on like this.

I'm not allowed to have emotions because they might take precedence over le gasp! another person who's feelings, wants and needs have came before mine for 19 years.

They found out I like to cook and bake, now I'm doing lunch and dinner and my services are being lent out. I liked to walk to get away from these nutjobs (imagine that) and I'm the one always being told to walk our dog. I'm afraid to like to do anything else.


I want to get a treadmill so I can le gasp! get in better shape. That package shows up on our doorstep and grandma's gonna spaz. I don't know why, there is no logical explanation. She just will and I know it.


I cannot win for losing. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I'm not screwed --- I'm the categorically fucked. :mad: ]]> genesis http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1685 http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1684 Wed, 17 Mar 2010 18:25:11 GMT feeling blurgh :(
blurgh and stupid.
and "ouch"
todays finished - wonder if i will/can sleep soon, hope so. - hey hum. ]]> SweetSue http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1684 http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1677 Tue, 16 Mar 2010 20:45:19 GMT Todays blog a little late. but here it is, so now I can tick it off the damn list as done :p Now Im gonna try roll over and hopefully just pass... Todays blog a little late. but here it is, so now I can tick it off the damn list as done :p

Now Im gonna try roll over and hopefully just pass out till the morning - screw it, wayyy too much like hard work just breathing today. :( ]]> SweetSue http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1677 http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1670 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 18:26:59 GMT Thats kinda how my day has been. Couldnt face doing any of the things I should of done - like I gaf. Well I do a little but mostly dont. Phoned in... Thats kinda how my day has been. Couldnt face doing any of the things I should of done - like I gaf. Well I do a little but mostly dont.
Phoned in sick, so that got me out of therapy and seeing the p/doc. YAY. kinda ironic really phoning the hospital coz im too sick to go in. Poor receptionist, how she didnt laugh at me down the phone god only knows. It wasnt till I hung up that the funny side of things hit me. OK, it still amuses me. Never said I was a grown up did I ?
Still, never mind. DMA. Spent a little time over the weekend attempting to weed the garden, Killer worms and massive insects put me off in the end. But I guess atleast I tried. That reminds me, I still havnt cleared up the mess I made. Ah - well. Too dark now, well if I wait long enough it will be :rolleyes:
Got a load of potential houses to rent through the post today, from various estate agents, maybe if I move quick enough, I wont have to do anymore gardening - bonus.
Part of me knows I need to move, that and with all the letters from the H/A, (subtly telling me to get out or they will take court action) I suppose I really should try a little harder, but I really dont want to or am not ready to say goodbye to this house. I know its full of memories of my babies, and yeah it can be upsetting, but I kinda feel closer to them here. So this final step is gonna really really CUT, but reality is I dont have any choice to move. Wonder how long it will take the H/A to kick me out legally. The mood Im in, Im not so sure I mind playing that game, it will make a change to be taken to court for actually doing something wrong. Guess Im still feeling bitchy - but on that score I truely DONT gaf :rolleyes:
Not sure if its the day that is wierd or just me. probably both, in there own ways. Oh the Joys of wierdness - Im still just a freak - hey hum :mad:

]]> SweetSue http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1670 http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1660 Sat, 13 Mar 2010 10:11:30 GMT Sad, reality is just plan old fashioned sad. Its not depression, not PTSD, BPD, SPDD or anything else that they have decided to label me with. Its... Sad, reality is just plan old fashioned sad. Its not depression, not PTSD, BPD, SPDD or anything else that they have decided to label me with. Its just sadness. Pure and simple good old fashioned sadness.
It does not require pills. nor therapy, cbt, counceling, art, or meditation. Foolishness has gotten me into the mess. Listening to the so called experts has made things worse. Possitiveness has just created confusion, and trying to be someoone has just made myself want to dissapear, coz the reality of trying to be a person that I just am not able to be, brings with it the realisation of just how different I am.
Difference is NOT a bad thing. It hurts only myself, does not inpact on anyone, coz well lets face it, there is not anyone, anymore. People dont accept those who are so obviously different and make it perfectly apparent. And thats ok, if I dont make it - who really is it going to bother ? Not a damn person, and lets face it, failing for that one last time, is hardly gonna bother me. Pretty hard to be bothered by anything when I no longer exist. And if, shock horror I somehow actually manage to find existance again, (which at this point in time I truely doubt) I know Im going to be different, and Im not so sure thats going to bother anybody what so ever. Either way what ever happens, aslong as I keep away, just keep me and all aspects of me to me, it actually does not matter. Coz reality is I dont matter in any shape, form, or description. I am nothing. And as long as nothing stays out of sight and out of mind, then it does not interfere with anything or any one at all.

AND THAT SUE IS JUST HOW IT IS. THE WAY THIS PLANET TURNS, THE WAY THE SUN COMES UP EACH MORNING AND DISSAPEARS WHEN THE MOON RISES. AND THAT DEAR STUPID GIRL HAPPENS WHETHER YOU EXIST OR NOT. ]]> SweetSue http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1660 http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1657 Fri, 12 Mar 2010 18:25:54 GMT The last thing left to do on my (some what edited version) on my things to do list. Was up all frigging niight hurriedly packing away most of my... The last thing left to do on my (some what edited version) on my things to do list.
Was up all frigging niight hurriedly packing away most of my childrens possesions, as like the IDIOT I am I thought it was Wednesday yesterday but apparently it was Thursday :rolleyes:
Finished the last box at around 8(ish) this morning. Thats it done, all there life in boxes. SAD. The storage people were meant to come at 10 but didnt get here till noon, by which time I was admitidly a wreck, much to the storage guys embarassment. :(
Just a real heart wrenching day, and thankgod its over now. Atleast my babies can have there belongings, kept safe now. If they ever want them. SHIT it just sucks :mad:
Thats it, thats my wonderfully fabulous day, and I am oh so frigging grateful that I get another one tomorrow - Lucky me HA

]]> SweetSue http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1657 http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1652 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 18:27:52 GMT Same ol' shite. Same ol' crap, oh and great thursday tomorrow, I get to do it all over again - great :mad:

hmm, maybe i might even be able to kick my ass into gear, but I aint holding out any hope of that happening, screw it :(

]]> SweetSue http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1652 http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1651 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 05:42:49 GMT Well I got to see my brother today. He quit eating and drinking so they had him hooked up to an IV for fluids and were going to tube him so he would... Well I got to see my brother today. He quit eating and drinking so they had him hooked up to an IV for fluids and were going to tube him so he would eat but he made a deal with the doc if I came in he would eat and drink when he saw me. So they called me and let me stop somewhere and bring him in food. We had a good talk hopefully he'll be more on track and able to get out sooner. They told us that he still isn't allowed visitors for about 2 more months and if he tries this crap again then they will double it. I think the doc wanted to see how we interacted more than anyhting. I mean why else give in and let him see me when he's not supposed to be seeing people. Still hurt still tired took a lot out of me to be positive for him. I still say there is no point to any of this. Just want not to be any more curl up in a ball and just go away. ]]> Amanda http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1651 http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1649 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 00:37:30 GMT decisions, decisions too many STUPID decisions.
i hate them.
i'm putting one of the decisions i have made into action tomorrow. i'm quitting therapy.
so wish me luck!!! i know she will try talk me out of it like the last time.
oh great. fight right outside my house. ]]> Blossom http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1649 http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1643 Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:49:57 GMT OK, I have like wayyyy to much to do today, and yet here I am bum firmly glued on my sofa, keep saying to myself, yeah Im gonna start moving, "in a minute", "any minute NOW!!!" Yet I cant make myself stand up, let alone showered dressed and out the damn house :rolleyes:

So instaed of doing the things I should be doing, Im findiing things to do, like real important things like ohh looking at my drawn curtains willing them to open on there own, (as yet this hasnt worked, but practice makes perfect - I guess) :rolleyes:

Its like 9(ish) and Ive been awake since ridiculous o'clock, but still havnt moved, Im supposed to be somewhere by 10, yep thats sooo gonna happen. Well done Sue !!!

Im meant to be really busy today, if I can just move my lazy self of this frigging sofa, which is really comfy, but now Im contemplating making a move, oh not to the bathroom that would be way too much in the right direction, nope Im looking at my rocking chair, thinking how nice it would be just to sit in it all day. Hmmm, reckon Im gonna miss my appointments - hey hum. :o

]]> SweetSue http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1643 http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1638 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 07:53:26 GMT Im 36 today, and Im gonna fight my birthday blues, even if it kills me. :eek: A lot has happened this past year, and I should be happy that I... Im 36 today, and Im gonna fight my birthday blues, even if it kills me. :eek:

A lot has happened this past year, and I should be happy that I managed to get through it all still breathing - despite at times my best efforts :rolleyes:

So even though I had planned to be completely commatozed throughout - obviously that tactic didnt work - go figure. Today Im gonna damn well enjoy myself whether I want to or not - so there :p

]]> SweetSue http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1638 http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1630 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:27:56 GMT i got my fashion handed up on time and i picked print in the end. i'm so sleepy today... i kept falling asleep in college so i came home just now so that i can try catch up on my sleep.
it's sunny again today!
i CAN'T WAIIIIIIIIIIT for rag week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hope it stays sunny !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ]]> Blossom http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1630 http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1629 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 09:07:16 GMT Ive flumped and crashed, fighting urges to give in. hit burnout :( Image:... Ive flumped and crashed, fighting urges to give in. hit burnout :(

]]> SweetSue http://community.mentalhelp.net/blog.php?b=1629