Taking things to heart

[jessicajane1925]

Hi IrmaJean,

"Its the little things in life that mean so much"......

Well i have a few......

Firstly my Children, that is what my signiture, actually represents. Im no longer with them, and at times i struggle a heck of a lot, as to why i should keep fighting so damn hard to keep breathing. Its there as a constant reminder of what my fight is actually for. The four smilies, well one for each of my adorable babies. Our Hope, Our Future, Our Family, Our Fairy Tale.
They are my little things in life, and they do mean so very, very musch to me, they are my everything.

Kinda silly i realise this, but it kinda helps to keep me focused on the road ahead, rather than whats behind. Hope you guys can understand, not sure if it makes sense.

[IrmaJean]

That's sweet that the smilies represent each of your children. So you have four then? That's awesome. Children really are the beacon of hope, aren't they? And, yes, they do help us focus on the path ahead. That makes perfect sense and I understand what you mean. I have 3 myself. Imagine all of the future graduations, weddings and grandbabies that you have to look forward to. I hope you feel better very soon!

[jessicajane1925]

Hi IrmaJean,

Yes, i have 4 children, I have 3 girls and a boy. My eldest is 5 and my youngest is 18 months, they are little monkeys, great fun, and a great way of keeping fit !!!
I hadnt even thought about their graduation, marriages, grandkiddies..... Oh my word i do have a lot to save up for. Guess i had better start saving !!!

Thanks IrmaJean
Take care
Jj

[jessicajane1925]

"Taking things to heart"

Back on this one again (sorry folks)

You know Ive been giving this some thought on and off for a while now.

And this is what I have come up with so far.

When peoples actions are, negative towards me, oh I dont know, if they say something hurtful, or they act in an unkind way.

Rightly or wrongly, I take there words to heart, accept their actions, I think its coz, well, I feel that, its cause they are just reacting, to something that I have done, reacting to my own attitude or behaviour.

When people act kind toward me, It is hard (ok sometimes impossible to believe)

Think this is down to the fact that, well, Im not nice to myself, (I dont think I deserve, to be,). and it feels awkward, un natural when I try, I cant believe me when I try. why should people be nice to me when I cant be nice to myself. Think that maybe, I need to learn to be nice to me, then maybe I will find it easier to accept when people say something nice about me.

So maybe, this isnt a irrational fear after all, maybe it is a perfectly justified feeling.

Maybe cognitive reframing, just isnt possible, and cant help me with this issue.

[mscat]

Howdy Sue,
I was thinking about this ....
Perhaps I may help? firstly . Theirs this old saying. "talk is cheap" really it is. Meaning, anybody can say say anything, blurt out all kinds of crap they want to without thinking at all > A lot of people do it , most people in todays worild do so, talk , first without thinking > I call it diarreah of the mouth Anther joke. Hey the list goes on.
It is difficult though, if it is a friend or loved one who says it. This is where it can be hurtful. Even so, what I have learned to do is to tune it out, and remember if it is someone I do not know , I don't give a crap. I guess I am thick skinned. Lately I have had a sharp tounge though. Amazingly, I have fired back. I get angry enough , I will . I have been snappy , and have even "scarred" some away from the gas pump after they tried to cut me off from the gas pump. YEP , thats me, I did not even have to leave my car.
I think what someone was trying to say was it is by the behavior of others that really matters most of all. Than by what somebody says.
Actions speak louder than words . I use to be extrememly sensitive aboiut what others said. NOT anymore. I could care less . I do not know what has changed. Some kind of switch has turned on . I am not so sensitive to that anymore.
But, action of people is what matters more. People say what is on their mind, and then can apolgise three seconds later, for saying it. Or say it to see what kind of reaction they get out of you. They do it on purpose or really do not care who they hurt. Their are people out there like that. I am not. I try not to hurt others, but if they start in on me, well YES, then it's on.
You are not a bad person, Sue. You are a kind, sweet person. And a sensitive person. That is who you are. It is not bad that your like that. You will be ok.