Co-Dependency and "Put Yourself First"

[IrmaJean]

Originally Posted by roamer2

i am willing to give up almost anything for them.

I read an article once about giving. It illustrated the point that allowing yourself to receive from others actually invites them to care for you. People often feel good about themselves when they give to others. But if you were doing all of the giving in these relationships perhaps you didn't allow your partners the gift of giving. I believe one very important aspect in any relationship is balance. Just a thought...

[roamer2]

true 50/50 is how it is supposed to work. maybe i do do that. makes since.

[GingerSnap]

Are you looking for a long term commitment? Seems like there have been several partners? Maybe you give yourself "completely" too soon. There is something kind of undesirable about someone that seems desperate, just is. I think you are investing too much in these women and should hold off until you have someone that is a potential mate - long term, someone you know well enough to be vulnerable with and I would not think that would be several women. There will be someone who won't take advantage of you out there and a whole bunch of somebodies that can't wait for someone to take advantage of. I would slow down on "giving" myself away, maybe make them work a little, be giving of themselves before getting so invested in a relationship that allows them to rip your heart out. Very, very few people follow the Golden Rule anymore. Irma Jean has a good point and good insight - I always like her posts.

[roamer2]

there have been very few women that i have been "involved with" i have only been with 9 sexually in my life and 4 were long term so to speak. I havent been looking for anything honestly. The last 2 just kinda fell into place and out also. I actually hesitated for a time before investing in the last 1. we had become friends over several months very good friends. she had invested into me a wile before i finally said yes to a relationship. we knew more about each other than anyone else knows. everything in the beginning was done right from what counselors and books and friends and family say. she had a very emotional situation come up for her and things went sour. Because she was experiencing pain i did give more a lot more than she did. thats probably the problem. the first several months were great then the bump came. Was it too soon? i dont know. Did i give completely? yes. I do know this woman and her actions were not like her at all. I guess it wasent ment to be is all i can think of. i have only given that deeply 1 other time and know that before the bump she had given just as deeply. I do know addictive behavior very well. i firmly believe that is what happened to her.

[GingerSnap]

What about a permanent situation? Is it possible that some of the women expected a permanent situation with you and when it didn't happen, they drifted away? If you aren't looking for something permanent, then wouldn't you expect them to drift away? What do you see for your future as far as relationships? Ok, looking for a wife or not?

[roamer2]

with these women when i committed it was for hopes of a permanent situation by both. it was talked about in detail. no rush to marriage but working to a point of considering that. everything was mutually agreed upon as the goal of the relationship. the plans and what was wanted and needed were very clear to both.

[GingerSnap]

OK, have you read this article on the main part of this website:http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/center...?id=289&cn=289 and you might look over "Relationship Rescue" by Dr. Phil (yes, I like Dr. Phil) just to get some ideas. Somewhere it is just breaking down I am thinking with expectations of the relationship. My best