Seeking Stories from Clients in Love with Their Therapists

[Lauren0722]

I am currently in therapy for almost a year and in love with my therapist. I have been seeking support, literature, anything to try and cope with what can be a very lonely and heartbreaking place.

A friend of mine and I are working on co-authoring a book that I think could help countless numbers of men and women feel less alone in feelings of transference or simply deep engagement and attraction.

We are looking for your stories, anonymously of course, but the stories must be real and brutally honest.

We can be reached at either lauren0722@yahoo.com or suzette0929@yahoo.com or further, through our contact form on our website at www.inlovewithyourtherapist.com

I want to be clear that we are not looking to blast or condemn or put down these men or women who have genuinely helped us thru some tough issues - we love them as they love us - but it is a hard place to be in when you ride the wave of extreme elation the day you know you will see them to such sadness when your time with them is up.

Our promise is that this book is to help, to let others know they are not alone as we all have stories, even our therapists, who also struggle with feelings for their clients.

We know it takes great courage to reach out to strangers essentially and share something so deeply personal – this is exactly how my friend and I felt when we met each other but we took the chance and the support has been something that is truly priceless.

Please consider emailing us with a way to reach you in person or using our form from our website and telling us your story.

You will not find judgment from us or advice, rather an understanding set of ears from two women who have probably felt and gone thru all the things you have been thru as well.

[IrmaJean]

I would be glad to offer you any support in your experience with this.

I've been through it myself and though very painful at times, I wouldn't trade a moment of it away. It has been a very positive experience for me, one that has taught me a great deal about myself and one that has propelled me forward in life in my desire to give others the love I have to offer. I find the entire thing very fascinating. It has awakened some part of mind and sparked an interest in me for psychology. It's been both enlightening and rewarding despite its moments of anguish. Sometimes to find the best in oneself, one must also be willing to walk through pain.

In saying all of that, I still hold that relationship very close to my heart as ours. I enjoy talking about it but I also see it as privately held in the room. I wouldn't ever want to disrespect that in any way.

[JulianP]

Lauren,

I am feeling a bit protective of those who may be compelled to share their personal stories so that they can be published - anonymously or otherwise - in your book. I suppose if it were me, I would want to have some sense that "my story" (which I don't have, sorry) would contribute something positive and that somehow sheds light on why this might happen or offers insights and tools in ways which lead toward a deeper understanding and a resolution. I would want to be assured that this is not a collection of stories written and read by those who have been "in love" with their therapists only to heighten or intensify their "love sickness" or provide a means to further indulge in any "fantasy" a person has about his therapist. As is always the case, I am sure that people's interpretation and response of being in love with a therapist has individual components, dynamics, and circumstances. I think it is important for someone who is willing to share his or her story to know that your (and your co-author's) presentation will offer enlightenment, peace, fulfillment or something which positively serves your readers.

I am not assuming anything at all about your motives. I am simply pointing out that perhaps being more specific about your motives and the "theme" of your book might instill more confidence in those who you are asking for stories from.

JP

[Cheylissa]

From what you said, I'm curious - I've had this situation almost the entire I've been with my therapist, though I've discussed it openly with her and still do and will continue to and know that I won't be able to move passed it till I cease working with her. However when I go into therapy I don't take advantage of my feelings, I'm there to work and I don't look at her even once with the eyes of the person who loves her or look forward to an appointment to see her for personal reasons like that. So if those are the only types of stories you're after, I guess I couldn't contribute.

I do understand the agnosing suffering of it though. After all, what do you want most in someone, a partner, but someone who understands you, which a long time therapist does. And if they fit the bill in many other categories you would normally hold someone to, how the heck is anyone else ever going to compare. Such a horrible situation and can only hope the more I do talk it through with my therapist, it will change one day - maybe. Maybe how I deal with it, doubt the attraction will.

[IrmaJean]

After thinking about this at greater length, I also am curious about your motivations in this. Discussion is helpful when it moves you toward more understanding of the meaning behind your feelings and acceptance of the relationship as it is. It is helpful to discover what the feelings are telling you about yourself, but this would be something that should be discussed with your therapist. From a purely psychological standpoint, I find the client-therapist relationship (and transference reactions within it) extremely interesting, but the dynamics of that would be for general discussion and nothing of a personal nature. I would have some concern about something such as this being exploitive in any way for anyone involved. Most of the time anyone in the middle of this type of reaction is very vulnerable and gentle care should be taken to not take advantage of this vulnerability. Hopefully you are doing that. Taking all of that into consideration, I won't be contributing my "story". I would be willing, though, to offer anyone support in their struggles with this.

[Lauren0722]

Our motivation is not at all one from an exploitive perspective - both of us (the authors) come from abuse in our pasts and are the most sensitive of women you would ever encounter.

We have found that transference, the only time love is called anything else, happens and when it does it leaves the client with strong and powerful feelings that they do not know what to do with - I have searched high and low for books of actual stories to simply take comfort that I am not alone and ones written with brutal honesty as my story is one where the line has been blurred quite severly but not crossed.

We find it also interesting and hard for our T's as people in this profession to not feel things back for their clients - we are all human, our T's though are bound by rules but still, they feel.

We do NOT condone blatant abuse in therapy where a client is seduced for their gain but what happens when client and therapist fall in love? It can and does happen...........what if one or the other falls in love?.............how is this handled?..............how does it resolve..........the first chapter of the book Love's Executioner was an interesting one indeed on just this topic..........

My therapist and I speak at great length reg this and his viewpoint at least with us is that what we have is simply attraction, that there are things we can and cannot do but we have a very close and ferociously honest relationship. For us, he and I, our therapy does not work without brutal honesty and we do many unconventional things b/c the conventional ones won;t work for me - we've tried - I am just a different patient and one that fascinates the heck out of him despite my abusive past and how I can still function.

We have found stats of some clients actually marrying their T's and it successsfully working, some with disastrous results and many are the stories that fall in between, where so many non verbal things are happening that the client starts to fall for their T and then the feelings start to grow large and fast.

My therapist put it to me this way - there is a paradox - love must happen in therapy for it to work, to heal the issue, the wound, the problem that brought you there but once it does, and powerful feelings develop and exist, what happens with the therapy? To the client? To the therapist at times? Where does it leave them?

Some people have terrible stories of T's running for the hillls, referring them out immediately, abandoning them - we do seek all stories with good and bad outcomes but we are almost reverant when we are contacted with the stories b/c we are living them, the feelings, loving our T's and not having anyone to talk to about it other then our T assuming they are open to it.

I could tell you columes of my T and the things that have transpired but my chapter will be in the book and will be there for anyone to read once it is published - we have placed ads in many prominent psych publications and many prominent women publications.

We simply want people, men and women, to know they are not alone and that maybe by reading other stories from other clients they will feel less alone, maybe they will find traces of their own experiences in the stories and maybe resolution to some questions they had reg their own situations - at least this is our hope.

All we know for sure at this point is that this issue needs a strong and loud voice - it is almost taboo - transference is talked about to death by the professionals but to hear real stories from actual clients, from our end, what we go thru, clients who may or may not have crossed boundaries, that needs to be heard if only to know people are not alone in this, to know that it is hard to go in and do work (I had a terribly hard session this past Friday - all work) and yet love the person holding you thru it as you try to heal your issue.

I hope this answers some of the questions and concerns in reply to my posting. We are not simply seeking to be provocative to sell a book - we truly believe this needs a voice in the utmost and most respectful of ways.

We have even secured the forward of the book to be written by a prominent Ph.D. from a top Ivy League school reg this issue that he believes also needs a voice and perhaps a chapter of his own reg a client he fell in love with and how he handled it himself.